If you've been with a girl for a few years and you may even live together, and she did something like violate a boundary eg hanging 1 on 1 with a male "friend" (behind your back..she doesn't know that I know) and being disrespectful.. Would you tell her why you're dumping her or just say it isn't working out and give her no reasons.
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Do you give her reasons why you're dumping her?
- Thread starter Technics
- Start date
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
dustmuffin
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2015
- Messages
- 2,495
- Reaction score
- 1,423
- Age
- 63
Just say it's not working out. You don't need to give reasons. It will be drama. Are you moving out or is she?
amazingswayze
Master Don Juan
Dustmuffin is right. If you justify the break up and tell her you've been snooping around she'll never forgive you. nothing but drama.
Me, I have backup plans in place though
dustmuffin
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2015
- Messages
- 2,495
- Reaction score
- 1,423
- Age
- 63
Good luck buddy. Hope you don't have a lot of crap to move.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
El Payaso
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2014
- Messages
- 3,621
- Reaction score
- 2,624
Move out when she's not at home. When she gets home and asks you where you are. Tell her you've enjoyed your time with her but you don't see a future with her and you wish her the best. That should go thermonuclear on her hamster.
Break up via phone? Looks like an escape, not very brave, not manly. I wouldn't do that.
She doesn't know you know. So just tell her face to face it isn't working out. Then pack your stuff together, wish her a wonderful life and move on.
dustmuffin
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2015
- Messages
- 2,495
- Reaction score
- 1,423
- Age
- 63
No it saves you a lot of mental anguish to eject first. If the signs are there why wait around like a pig to be slaughtered? Yes it does work. I felt much better dumping than getting dumped. I don't give a s hit about her feelings either. Just dump and move on with as little drama as possible. That would equal leaving on good terms.
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
What do you "may" live together bro? Either you live together or you don't.
Bro there are so many unknowns in your question.
How did you know she hung out with him? Did you follow her like a detective and wait for her to come out of a restaurant and take pictures? If you are doing that type of thing it's good to know your relationship is based on trust and honesty.
How do you know they didn't talk about your birthday party?
How do you know they slept together?
How do you know she is not trying see how jealous you are?
It's unlikely but before you start ripping her to shreds and telling her to go to hell, find out the whole story. You are living together so you obviously trusted her on some level.
Never tell them why you are dumping them. Only that it is over and your decision is final. When you give them a reason they try to negotiate. If you truly want it to be over then never give a reason.
RangerMIke
Master Don Juan
Okay you are making a couple of assumptions here that are inaccurate. Trust me, she knows you know about her hanging out with another dude. The other thing is that you are assuming that she would not know why she is being dumped.
Having said that telling a women why, is a waste of time, because (1) She already knows why, and (2) You stating this will not change anything. If she asks you why, humor her, but she already knows. She is only trying to leverage post break-up division of assets. Once your usefulness is exhausted, trust me she will hate you. If she gets mad at you right from the start that is a VERY good sign, it's means the break is going to be clean. I could never understand why men get afraid that the girl the are splitting up with will get angry... the ones you have to watch out for are the ones that don't seam to care or who are being 'nice' about it.... because the next thing you know all your stuff that happens to be at her place becomes hers, and all her stuff that happens to be at yours you will have to bring back to her.
I wouldn't tell her why, like mike said she already know, and if she ask why, its more she is fishing for the reason, she did more then one thing and want to know what you did find out, with will just settle on her trying to spin that thing around, or to blame you for that thing. so not don't humor her, best way is like dust muffin said take your things when she is not around (if you live together, and learn from this never life together with a girl unless you are willing to marry her in the next 6 months max) pack your things to prevent anything breaking or be used as a thing to fight over, wait for her then drop the bomb and leave the drop zone.
@Tamura
also he never said break over the phone he said pack your things when she is not around and then tell her, you would be surprised the number of girls I know do the same
@Tamura
also he never said break over the phone he said pack your things when she is not around and then tell her, you would be surprised the number of girls I know do the same
@Alvafe
I must have misinterpreted this. My bad. Just because some girls break up this way does not necessarily justify to do it yourself. I never experienced such break-ups. Lucky me I guess.
“The 22 Psychological Triggers That Make Women Chase You… Starting Tonight”
Forget the cash, the cars, and the chiseled jawlines. Female desire operates on a completely different frequency. Primal. Subconscious. Triggers that bypass her logic and hit her on a gut level. Most guys are totally blind to them.
I know because I was one of them. The overthinking. The paralysis. The silent drive home kicking yourself for freezing up. Watching average guys walk away with the girl while you stood there stuck in your own head.
Then I decoded the psychology behind what actually makes women tick. 22 hard rules. Subtle behavioral shifts that rewired my entire reality. The anxiety evaporated. Women started leaning in. Investing. Chasing.
Atom Smasher
Master Don Juan
You should absolutely tell her why. When are we men going to realize that the reason things are so screwed up is that for decades we have not held them accountable?
Women need to learn that there are consequences to their actions. You guys who say "she knows why you are breaking up" are dead-wrong.
If you do not tell her, she will falsely rationalize, making it YOUR FAULT in her mind. You need to make absolutely sure that she knows that you are leaving because of her behavior.
What you don't want to do is engage in a conversation with her. She will turn that around on you every time. Simply tell her the decision is made, this is why you made the decision, and absolutely have no more conversation about it.
Hold women accountable.
Women need to learn that there are consequences to their actions. You guys who say "she knows why you are breaking up" are dead-wrong.
If you do not tell her, she will falsely rationalize, making it YOUR FAULT in her mind. You need to make absolutely sure that she knows that you are leaving because of her behavior.
What you don't want to do is engage in a conversation with her. She will turn that around on you every time. Simply tell her the decision is made, this is why you made the decision, and absolutely have no more conversation about it.
Hold women accountable.
@Atom Smasher
the problem is you trying to make sure its her fault does not make her belive on it, she can still deny saying it not a big deal and your are the problem, and in the end is always your fault in her mind.
the problem is you trying to make sure its her fault does not make her belive on it, she can still deny saying it not a big deal and your are the problem, and in the end is always your fault in her mind.