Do I have anger issues?

[member160761]

This is a good thread.

I will say this. From personal experience, I have the hardest time with women when I go in angry or easily annoyed by them. And I have definitely been in that mindset.

The mindset that works best for me is one where I hold just a happy, grateful disposition because I am loving my life. Not faking it, but authentic. It really, really attracts women. Because when I achieve that mindset, I genuinely don't care what women do or say. Any outcome with them is fine, because if they start misbehaving, I politely hit the eject button and keep it moving because I have other things I'd rather be doing. I try my best not to allow a woman to get under my skin. Admittely, that is easier said than done. But, it is the best approach. I believe I am in control of my emotions and mindset at all times. I have complete agency over that. You might want to work on developing a religious practice of any respectable kind and implementing it in your life. Almost any of them will make you a better person.

I have studied Christianity and Buddhism and both have made me in to a better person. You don't believe every bit of it, but just engage in the practices. Also, look at Stoicism. This is a philosophy only and not a religion and so that may be easier for you and others on these forums to adopt.

Best of luck OP.

Thanks for your insight. Lately I go deeper into Catholicism and the fruits are showing. When I am detached life goes on autopilot and don't get caught up with particulars or signs of how a woman acts or if I should like XYZ. The negativity is receding and women can tell, and strangers overall have been friendlier to me than usual. The more I take God seriously, the more I have a peace of mind and for some strange reason I delay dedicating myself completely to Catholic dogma and Church teachings and think I can compromize XYZ areas of life.

My fundamental beliefs are Catholic but I draw wisdom from Eastern mysticism as well. There are not many men who take the Godpill as solution and as formula to become a better and overall virtuous man.

You are 12 months of online dating (tinder/bumble/hinge) rejection away from a rape and/or murder charge.

The way you baulked at therapy isn't a good sign.

You are too much into the matrix. Therapy is a hoax and a way to talk about problems and never provide a solution. You talk about your problems instead of dealing with them. Therapy is schizophrenic since it disconnects the mind entirely from the body, something unheard of until modern times.

 

[Murk]

You are too much into the matrix. Therapy is a hoax and a way to talk about problems and never provide a solution. You talk about your problems instead of dealing with them. Therapy is schizophrenic since it disconnects the mind entirely from the body, something unheard of until modern times.

I'm speaking as someone who has had therapy/therapists (one for bereavement and one for life in general) and turned their life around. I was a complete mess, unless you have a good childhood with both parents in a loving home, chances are you are going to be fvcked up somehow. The sooner you self-evaluate and correct your mind/behaviours the better. The issue is you don't think anything is wrong with you, but your OP clearly says otherwise.

 

[member160761]

I was a complete mess, unless you have a good childhood with both parents in a loving home, chances are you are going to be fvcked up somehow.

This is how they sell you their snake oil. Newsflash, nobody grows up with perfect parents at any point in history, save Jesus Christ, and nobody complained and moved on with their lives. Good that it worked on you but there are significantly better ways to do so. A good friend and contemplation can do a lot, moreso the aid of God's Hand.

The issue is you don't think anything is wrong with you, but your OP clearly says otherwise.

I dunno why you see it so black while it is clear that I reflect on my problem and can see that something is not right.

 

[Murk]

This is how they sell you their snake oil. Newsflash, nobody grows up with perfect parents at any point in history, save Jesus Christ, and nobody complained and moved on with their lives. Good that it worked on you but there are significantly better ways to do so. A good friend and contemplation can do a lot, moreso the aid of God's Hand.

I dunno why you see it so black while it is clear that I reflect on my problem and can see that something is not right.

You're not hearing me. You don't need perfect parents, just a stable home with both mum and dad that love you. These days this is becoming rare but it used to be the norm. Just look at the girls who are happily married in their 20s, the men who are seemingly well adjusted with fulfilled lives with their wife and kids by 30. Most of them had good upbringing and both parents. At least this is what I observe through my own social circles and life so far.

Now, psychological issues are mostly created in childhood, when our brains are developing, any disruption has a knock-on effect. Plenty of stats and analysis are available to you online if for some reason this glaringly obvious fact doesn't seem obvious to you.

I'm saying therapy is good (experience), you're saying it's bad (conjecture). Let's agree to disagree.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Wholeheartedly agree, however psychological issues can be genetic as well,

You're not hearing me. You don't need perfect parents, just a stable home with both mum and dad that love you. These days this is becoming rare but it used to be the norm. Just look at the girls who are happily married in their 20s, the men who are seemingly well adjusted with fulfilled lives with their wife and kids by 30. Most of them had good upbringing and both parents. At least this is what I observe through my own social circles and life so far.

Now, psychological issues are mostly created in childhood, when our brains are developing, any disruption has a knock-on effect. Plenty of stats and analysis are available to you online if for some reason this glaringly obvious fact doesn't seem obvious to you.

I'm saying therapy is good (experience), you're saying it's bad (conjecture). Let's agree to disagree.

 

[member160761]

You're not hearing me. You don't need perfect parents, just a stable home with both mum and dad that love you. These days this is becoming rare but it used to be the norm. Just look at the girls who are happily married in their 20s, the men who are seemingly well adjusted with fulfilled lives with their wife and kids by 30. Most of them had good upbringing and both parents. At least this is what I observe through my own social circles and life so far.

Now, psychological issues are mostly created in childhood, when our brains are developing, any disruption has a knock-on effect. Plenty of stats and analysis are available to you online if for some reason this glaringly obvious fact doesn't seem obvious to you.

I'm saying therapy is good (experience), you're saying it's bad (conjecture). Let's agree to disagree.

My friend, it was an exaggeration and flew over your head. I am perfectly aware of how trauma in childhood shapes you early on but you should not get hung up on and derive your identity from it. Psychotherapy is a sham and ironically psychological literature formed that opinion. You seem way too argumentative and defensive for somebody who derived good treatment from therapy, or I scratched the validity of your holy grail.

All in all, it is not the thread topic and leave it like that. If you want to understand my gist you can look up the works of Alexander Lowen, a phenomenal psychiatrist of his time.

 

[Murk]

Wholeheartedly agree, however psychological issues can be genetic as well,

Yes true, I'm talking more anxiety, depression, daddy/abandonment issues, poverty, fear, shame, guilt.

Children absorb from their parents.

If you grow up and your mother is in constant fear, anxiety of bills/debts etc you will absorb that emotion and feeling. Because you're a child and can't actually change your situation, we run. Mentally, we check out. I have ADHD and I've been researching the links to childhood and it's staggering. Running away from problems, mentally checking out and avoiding tough decisions is a byproduct of exposure to the above during childhood.

I'm getting sidetracked with my own issues here, my point is to identify any weaknesses in ourselves, find out what caused them, then find the solution. You can't do that if you think you're perfect or don't have a willingness to accept things haven't gone to plan so far in your life and maybe YOU (WE/I) is the issue.

My friend, it was an exaggeration and flew over your head. I am perfectly aware of how trauma in childhood shapes you early on but you should not get hung up on and derive your identity from it. Psychotherapy is a sham and ironically psychological literature formed that opinion. You seem way too argumentative and defensive for somebody who derived good treatment from therapy, or I scratched the validity of your holy grail.

All in all, it is not the thread topic and leave it like that. If you want to understand my gist you can look up the works of Alexander Lowen, a phenomenal psychiatrist of his time.

I just got defensive over your disregard and misinformation of therapy. Therapy can just be talking to someone about your problems, it's also free in some circumstances you don't need to pay for it (unless you live in the U.S.)

 

[member160761]

I just got defensive over your disregard and misinformation of therapy. Therapy can just be talking to someone about your problems, it's also free in some circumstances you don't need to pay for it (unless you live in the U.S.)

It can be helpful but in exceptional cases, not as a rule. Moreso that it is a way to sell you psychopharmaceuticals to keep you lobotomized and dependent. I disregard therapy as a whole but there can be nuggets of truth and wisdom there.

 

[Stoic]

Been to therapy myself and it was extremely helpful. Received incredible insight in to myself and my life, destructive patterns that were unraveled and helped me to lead a better life. A good counselor/therapist is a God send. The key is being patient and finding a good counselor.

 

[Murk]

Been to therapy myself and it was extremely helpful. Received incredible insight in to myself and my life, destructive patterns that were unraveled and helped me to lead a better life. A good counselor/therapist is a God send. The key is being patient and finding a good counselor.

Exactly, I'm also against medication so I've never taken antidepressants or ADHD medication.

I also pray to God to help me and have my whole life. Sometimes you need to do more than pray.

 

[AttackFormation]

Women like a man who has a IDGAF attitude. Women (most women that is) don't like a man who is awkwardly aggressive or hyper-opinionated - contrary to what some men seem to think. Showing dominance actually requires you to act like you don't care. Having strong reactions (re: strong emotion) to anything they say is actually going to be looked at as weakness. This happens subconsciously for them.

Exactly this. The worst overreaction was to the girl who said she wanted a video or panorama shot instead, you just blew up like Eustace from Courage the Cowardly Dog and sabotaged that interaction for no good reason. Maybe that was frustration from elsewhere that you carried on to her? Regardless, just stop looking for reasons to get irritated and making mountains out of molehills.

 

[member160761]

Maybe that was frustration from elsewhere that you carried on to her?

As said, this is from the OP two weeks ago. I know this now and updated with the first post here today.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Exactly, I'm also against medication so I've never taken antidepressants or ADHD medication.

you’re missing out on Adderall- it’s situationally useful

 

[Murk]

you’re missing out on Adderall- it’s situationally useful

You can’t get adderall in the Uk however I did manage to source some years ago. I was prescribed an alternative, I still have the pills at home, I realised cutting out sugar and working out really helps me control my adhd/concentration

 

[MtmVaott]

What you wrote resonated with me a lot. I had the same attitude until I started doubting myself, thought that I should act like a player to prove something. Truth is, I was more of a man before I went down the player phase. I lowered myself and therefore I met girls of lower class. Wasting your time, care and seed for a woman you don't love is insane; I always felt that way and only now I realize my fallacy. Your post come to the right time.

I was so free to quote something you wrote in another thread because I want to comment on it and I think this thread is better suited.
I am doing the same thing, acting confident, pretending to be a "player" while I am actually very very insecure.
It's like I put up a facade. I think being just "normal" / myself is not enough. It is very hard for me to acknowledge it, and even harder to keep the facade put down.
If I would be just myself, I would care a lot less about some people. This includes all women who are not interested in understanding me / getting to know me like who I am, or haven't given me a helping hand. For men it's the same.
I'll now try to drop this whole acting sh1t, even if it means I show women directly I'm insecure or if I make it obvious to some people I don't really care about them. Odds are, they know it already.

 

[member160761]

I was so free to quote something you wrote in another thread because I want to comment on it and I think this thread is better suited.
I am doing the same thing, acting confident, pretending to be a "player" while I am actually very very insecure.
It's like I put up a facade. I think being just "normal" / myself is not enough. It is very hard for me to acknowledge it, and even harder to keep the facade put down.
If I would be just myself, I would care a lot less about some people. This includes all women who are not interested in understanding me / getting to know me like who I am, or haven't given me a helping hand. For men it's the same.
I'll now try to drop this whole acting sh1t, even if it means I show women directly I'm insecure or if I make it obvious to some people I don't really care about them. Odds are, they know it already.

It is better to be comfortable in your skin and do mistakes than the other way around where you are slick due to the facade you use. With "being yourself" it does not mean to stay the way you are if you have mostly bad qualities to show for. Instead take "being yourself" as being genuine with the goal and intention of being the best you can be. Be the best virtuous self you can be.

With me it only amounted to my frustration and anger when I put up a facade to bed a girl. Moreso when I did not bed her, and when I succeeded in hindsight I thought: What the **** am I doing? After I realized this I stopped giving a **** and am direct but tactful. I speak my mind freely without aplogizing but show that there is a beauty to what I am saying and not rudeness or being opinionated as some women think.

 

[lost_blackbird]

I'm a person with high functioning autism. I don't really do emotions. When I do it usually
manifests as anger. Joy, happiness, contentment, sadness, empathy are all beyond my reach.
I don't know how to feel those things. I'd love a taste of feeling happy, I'm sure it feels great
but if you don't know how to get to that place, then what chance do you have?

 

[MtmVaott]

It is better to be comfortable in your skin and do mistakes than the other way around where you are slick due to the facade you use. With "being yourself" it does not mean to stay the way you are if you have mostly bad qualities to show for. Instead take "being yourself" as being genuine with the goal and intention of being the best you can be. Be the best virtuous self you can be.

With me it only amounted to my frustration and anger when I put up a facade to bed a girl. Moreso when I did not bed her, and when I succeeded in hindsight I thought: What the **** am I doing? After I realized this I stopped giving a **** and am direct but tactful. I speak my mind freely without aplogizing but show that there is a beauty to what I am saying and not rudeness or being opinionated as some women think.

I'm not so sure if I could get my point along. If you do it already you should be very attractive, and I mean confidence-wise, and not get paralyzed.
I mean that being true to oneself means not to care about people you are neutral about. Every girl who has a pretty face and body but didn't invest one minute to go out of her way to make you like her, doesn't deserve one minute of your time. On the other hand, every girl who is ugly but does things to make you like her, deserves the same amount of time reciprocated, even if you are not interested.
It is natural to act this way if you listen 100% to what the person is worth to you and don't care if you are liked or not.
And again, trying to be liked is pointless because most people sense the incongruency and see right through.
I suspect this understanding is what should get emulated by not replying too soon, not over-investing, seeing multiple women etc.

 

[member160761]

I'm not so sure if I could get my point along. If you do it already you should be very attractive, and I mean confidence-wise, and not get paralyzed.
I mean that being true to oneself means not to care about people you are neutral about. Every girl who has a pretty face and body but didn't invest one minute to go out of her way to make you like her, doesn't deserve one minute of your time. On the other hand, every girl who is ugly but does things to make you like her, deserves the same amount of time reciprocated, even if you are not interested.
It is natural to act this way if you listen 100% to what the person is worth to you and don't care if you are liked or not.
And again, trying to be liked is pointless because most people sense the incongruency and see right through.
I suspect this understanding is what should get emulated by not replying too soon, not over-investing, seeing multiple women etc.

As said, you do you to the best of your abilities. There is no set way of how to be, but what should never be lacking is a genuine and loving character. When you are straightforward and charitable your character comes out the most. For example, I generally care about all people and go out of my way to do something good, moreso for people I know, but I cannot listen when somebody tells me anything 95 % of the time. I remember snippets of the conversation which I deem important, but it goes in one ear in and out from another. This is not out of spite, I just filter and pretend I am listening unless it is an important conversation. Cannot help it, and still I have redeeming qualities and most people don't notice I don't listen.

 

[RangerMIke]

Anger is just one emotion. I believe you have a problem with emotional self-control. This is a big turnoff for most sane women.

All negative emotion has it's roots in expectation. You expect something to happen and when it doesn't you do not know how to control your emotional reaction. You can not help what you are feeling, all you can do is control how you respond.

My advice is simple, but exercising this is hard.

First you have to learn to live in the present.... here and now is all that is important. The past is irrelevant because you can not change it, only learn from it and allows your past to dictate what you do in the present. If you ever find yourself wondering what your life would have been if something in your past had been different... well you need to stop doing that. We all have this tendency, that is why time travel fiction is so popular.

Next you have to own the fact that you can not control the future, you can take steps in the present that improves the chance that your plans will yield your goals, but there is no guarantee. Very little in life comes out exactly as planned, so you can not expect that your expectations will be met. This is especially true with women, they are by and large not rational they are emotional, planning is a rational action. A man can do everything right, check all the boxes on a date. But if she just isn't 'feeling it' you are toast. You can't get ticked about this... you can not control her feelings... fvck, sh1t, SHE can't control her feelings.

Now there are some women that are capable of looking past her emotional behavior and RATIONALLY determine that a man is otherwise a great catch, and she 'settles' for him. YOU DO NOT want a woman that is settling for you. She will make your life miserable torturing you because she's just not 'feeling it', she will blame you and the torture commences, the man often tried to figure out how to make her happy... so he starts twisting himself into a knot in this futile attempt.... as he does this the woman loses respect for him and at that point love is impossible.

All the women that the OP mentioned, none of them were feeling love. This happens right away, it's chemistry, there isn't a fvcking thing any man can do to make this happen, it's animal attraction. Rather than trying to make something work with a particular woman, men should be in the present, evaluating what a woman is doing, and figure out on first dates if they woman you are with is really attracted to you.

Another thing the OP needs to understand is that every woman he dates... ALL of them, very quickly, assuming they are sane, have a pretty good idea what you like or don't like. They are by and large very intuitive and they know what turns you on, and what ticks you off. If she is doing something that is ticking you off... trust me... she knows she is ticking you off before she does it. Every woman knows that MOST men like fit attractive women, they like pleasant women who are flexible and pleasant. If she loves you, then she is not going to do anything that might drive you off... she will not pack on the pounds, she will mostly be pleasant had flexible. Sex will be great, because SHE will make it great, she will be wet as hell and do anything you want to do. If sex is mechanical with her just laying there while you are doing all the work, needs lubricant to get her going... she's not that into you.

She will know if her not responding to your text messages in a timely manner will set you off, if she is doing this anyway, take the hint and move on. This is not a mistake, she's not 'busy', she didn't forget, her canary did not die. If she is testing you, and loves you, she will be back and correct her behavior. If not, then she will be glad that you took the hint and have respect for you. You can not control women, period. Setting 'boundaries' and telling her you don't like something is a fvcking waste of time, if she is sane, then she will know. She is either doing this on purpose or she isn't playing with a full deck.... it doesn't matter, if she isn't attracted or she is nuts... you don't want her.