"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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DJ's, AFC's and The Lord Of The Rings

5string

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Let's analyze the characters....

Frodo...An AFC but learning to be a DJ. Ultimately completes his quest and rids himself of the One Ring.

Samwise...Good guy. AFC but also on the right path. He's a "bro's before ho's" kinda guy. In spare time, he reads the DJ Bible.

Gandalf...Definate alpha male. All seeing and all knowing. Reminds me of jophil

Legolas...Another alpha male. Don't F with him.

The One Ring...Has Borderline Personality Disorder. Those with whom it comes into contact with become immediately attached to it's euphoric aura, then have their souls completely ripped out and are ultimately destroyed by it. Only Frodo can completely free himself of it's enchantment.

Gollum...Chump. He'd steal your last nickel and f close his own mother if he could pull it off. The dude wears a thong in public. What's up with that?

Aragorn...DJ for sure. He does end up with the HB elf babe (Arwen).

Pippin and Merry...They could be wingmen. More of a couple orbiters probably.

Galadriel the elf witch...AW for sure. Knows she's hot. Always seeking the attention of males.

Grima Wormtoungue...Chump. He's the dude that would try to steal your woman. Can't trust him. I think he got beat up in school alot when he was younger. Wears skinny jeans to the club.

Arwen...The only quality HB in the movie. She's got it all. Every man's dream.

Gimli...the little hairy dwarf dude. Wingman for sure.

Orks...Dumb azz orbiters that have nothing going for them. They're the guys at the club trying to look down yer girl's top for a cheap thrill. They also dress poorly and have bad breath.

Hobbits...Masturbate with their feet somehow. That's why they're hairy.

Fvck it. Can't think of any more..........:D
 
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"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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Mr.Positive

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5string, I don't have anything to add, other than to say that this was an entertaining read. I had a good laugh, thanks for that.

:D :up: I should watch these movies again.
 

CaptainJ

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Treebeard: Chump who is plugged into the matrix and is ignorant to the DJs Merry and Pippin trying to unplug him. Only when he gets friendzoned by his oneitis Saruman does he unplug and turn into a bitter jerk.

That's all I've got.
 

^__^

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Random background elf: DJ, f*cking all the women while boyfriends are off on some quest

I don't know.
 

teagan

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The Witch-king...the ultimate AMOGer but is proven to be a real chump when he is beaten by a chick
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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5string

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Mr.Positive said:
5string, I don't have anything to add, other than to say that this was an entertaining read. I had a good laugh, thanks for that.

:D :up: I should watch these movies again.
Thanks. I don't know what made me think of this sh!t. Guess I was bored. Might watch the movies this weekend as I havent seen them in a long time. :D
 

WhitePimp

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The Ents are like the old guidos who retire down to Florida but you KNOW can still pull young, hot ass.
 
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