DJ Boot Camp Journal

[Arete]

Hi everyone,

In the weeks to come, I will be giving it my all to complete the Don Juan Bootcamp. This thread will be a motivation for me as well as hopefully for others starting out.


About myself:

I'm a 28-year-old guy who has never even had a girlfriend in his life. Talking to women triggers my fight-or-flight response harder than a situation of actual danger.

So how come someone of my age can end up this pathetic, you may ask. The reasons for that are numerous (sob story incoming)

As a kid, I was severely overweight, got bullied, hit by my dad if he was in a bad mood, and gaslighted by a feminist mom into acting like a girl. Eventually I got all depressed and stopped going to school. I locked myself in my room and started becoming a NEET, wanking to anime all day every day for years. I still had a good friend and my brother. They went out of their way to play online games with me, but unfortunately that friend had an accident and died, and I was heartbroken and close to suicide. Ironically, that was the spark for me to change, and I hit the gym hard. Some years later, my brother also had an accident, and again, I was heartbroken. Soon after, I myself had an accident; both my feet got messed up, and I had to get surgery on one, which didn't go particularly well, but at this point I lost too much to give up, so I tried anyway. Eventually I could walk, run, and even sprint again. As for income, despite my lack of any education and qualifications, I was also able to get a decent net worth along the way.

This whole experience made me realize that most walls can be broken by smashing your head against them; most of the time the wall will break instead of you. Therefore, I figured, how are women and social interaction any different? All I needed was a clear path or target to forge ahead, so this guide was exactly what I hoped for.

I can confidently say if climbing Mount Everest would solve my problems, I would put my life on the line, be it with money or physical strength, eventually I will succeed. The same goes for this boot camp, I'm determined to see this through. If even this is not enough, I will do plastic surgery and roids, as well as go all out to get rich, even if it means ruining my health. I will succeed no matter what.



My starting point:

- Physically in alright shape, but far from athlete level yet

- Enough money to at least be confident in most everyday situations

- My looks, I say default 6/10, if I went all out, perhaps 7-8/10

- Social skills-wise, I genuinely think it's as bad as it gets



I have a backlog of 1 week in my private notes, which I will post here retrospectively. English isn't my native language, but I will try my best to make future posts nice to read. I originally didn't plan to make this public, but the guide does recommend it for the reasons I mentioned at the start. So I figured I might as well do it, since I intend to follow it to the letter.

 

[BPH]

Welcome.

This is what I did all the way back in high school. If you have questions for the board, it would certainly help to provide more detail rather than less; such as your height, your weight, your ethnicity, roughly where you're located, etc.

That said, do you have any questions?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I'm going to be honest here. All of these notes mean absolutely nothing until you put them into practice.

Knowing something without action is meaningless.

The first thing is you need to work on rewiring your brain and stop treating social interactions as a life or death thing and work on desensitizing yourself by doing a little each day and then once you are comfortable with talking with 1 person a day, make it two people. Then three.

Start with people or women you have no interest in. Even old people, they love talking. Then work up from there.

 

[Arete]

Thanks a lot for the welcome. As for the details, I can see how these things might help, so I will provide that. Perhaps this makes this thread more useful in the future.

My height is about 185cm(6'1"); my ID says more, but I'm pretty sure this was either with shoes on or a bit generous.

My weight fluctuates between 72kg(159lbs) and 93kg(205lbs), depending on if I cut or bulk. As I mentioned, I'm coming from severe overweight, and I mean like 140kg(309lbs). You can't go from this point to athlete without doing huge cut and bulking cycles, as your body refuses to build the physique you want otherwise.
In any case, at the point of this writing, I'm at 86kg(190lb) and going upwards.

My home country is Germany; I live in a small town close to some bigger towns and major cities, and my ethnicity is white.


Thanks for any advice and offers to answer questions; I appreciate it a lot. It's just that, to be honest, I'm at a level you would most likely waste your time with, as I'm still at the absolute basics. I will of course read it, but it would probably be like giving a craftsman in training stuff like a chainsaw and a laser cutter while currently I'm still figuring out how to get a light bulb in.



DJ Week 1

Day 1 (Thursday)

20:30-21:20 next biggest town in the inner parts: Went out way too late; lots of couples, people that are in a rush, or people that are eating. Also, as I was walking, I did see myself in a big mirror. I noticed my M-sized t-shirt looked like I found my old clothes from elementary school or something. Suddenly I got really self-aware and felt like everyone was staring. It was probably just my mind; I knew that even at the time, but that didn't really help. So I went back soon after, as I got too nervous to even walk normally.

21:30-22:00 Gym: Everyone was in a rush as they closed soon, which I should have expected. It was a rest day for me, so I wasn't doing any serious sets, but somehow I forgot that this was just me doing a rest day.



Things I learned

1. Try to pick times and places where people have some time or at least aren't in a rush
2. Pick locations with enough people; the guide recommends parks and shopping malls.
3. make at least a quick check to see how you look in a big enough mirror

Results: 2-5 times made eye contact, smiled, and said, "hello" depending on what you would let count. End of the day I mentally spiraled downwards; thankfully, I stumbled across Walden's Bootcamp Journal, which increased my mood dramatically before sleeping.

 

[BPH]

Thanks a lot for the welcome. As for the details, I can see how these things might help, so I will provide that. Perhaps this makes this thread more useful in the future.

My height is about 185cm(6'1"); my ID says more, but I'm pretty sure this was either with shoes on or a bit generous.

My weight fluctuates between 72kg(159lbs) and 93kg(205lbs), depending on if I cut or bulk. As I mentioned, I'm coming from severe overweight, and I mean like 140kg(309lbs). You can't go from this point to athlete without doing huge cut and bulking cycles, as your body refuses to build the physique you want otherwise.
In any case, at the point of this writing, I'm at 86kg(190lb) and going upwards.

My home country is Germany; I live in a small town close to some bigger towns and major cities, and my ethnicity is white.


Thanks for any advice and offers to answer questions; I appreciate it a lot. It's just that, to be honest, I'm at a level you would most likely waste your time with, as I'm still at the absolute basics. I will of course read it, but it would probably be like giving a craftsman in training stuff like a chainsaw and a laser cutter while currently I'm still figuring out how to get a light bulb in.



DJ Week 1

Day 1 (Thursday)

20:30-21:20 next biggest town in the inner parts: Went out way too late; lots of couples, people that are in a rush, or people that are eating. Also, as I was walking, I did see myself in a big mirror. I noticed my M-sized t-shirt looked like I found my old clothes from elementary school or something. Suddenly I got really self-aware and felt like everyone was staring. It was probably just my mind; I knew that even at the time, but that didn't really help. So I went back soon after, as I got too nervous to even walk normally.

21:30-22:00 Gym: Everyone was in a rush as they closed soon, which I should have expected. It was a rest day for me, so I wasn't doing any serious sets, but somehow I forgot that this was just me doing a rest day.



Things I learned

1. Try to pick times and places where people have some time or at least aren't in a rush
2. Pick locations with enough people; the guide recommends parks and shopping malls.
3. make at least a quick check to see how you look in a big enough mirror

Results: 2-5 times made eye contact, smiled, and said, "hello" depending on what you would let count. End of the day I mentally spiraled downwards; thankfully, I stumbled across Walden's Bootcamp Journal, which increased my mood dramatically before sleeping.

Alright, so assuming you're brand new to EVERYTHING, I'll drop my 2 cents...

1. Go to the gym. Getting in shape will have a massive return on investment for you in terms of women, not to mention the obvious health benefits. You're tall and at a good weight, so you're at a great starting point.
2. Go out to bars later at night if you want to meet women. Approaching during the day is fine and all, but you're much more likely to meet a receptive woman at a place where singles will be drinking and dressing up to attract the opposite sex. I emphasize LATER at night, because while places might be busier earlier, the women who are there 1-2 hours before close are usually staying there and open to meeting men - rather than having a drink with the girls, taking a picture for Instagram, then going home to watch Netflix.
3. Nobody really cares about you. This is in reference to your comment about how you looked in your M shirt. I'm 6ft around 220lbs and I wear L, but I can still fit into certain M shirts of mine. My point is, you're 30lbs lighter than me...I'm sure you look fine in a Medium shirt. Nobody's looking at you because everybody is thinking the way you do: worrying about themselves.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

I really like your HONEST assessment of yourself. That's going to be your greatest asset. Accepting reality means you can take ownership of the real causes of your situation and where you need to improve. You DON'T want to have cr@ppy social skills, but know you do. So you're SOCIALIZING. This is a win and you should thank yourself for doing it. Didn't make eye contact/smile/wave with 50 people in one day? SO WHAT?! Did you do it at all? The whole point of any exercise is to develop something.

Like physical exercise and going to the gym, everyone who goes and looks like they're successful NEVER do exactly the same thing. It doesn't happen that way. Your path is NO ONE ELSE's. How fast or slow you progress has jack-all to do with whether or not you will meet your goals. Even if it doesn't take you 3 weeks to see noticeable improvement and takes you 3 YEARS, wouldn't you love to see the version of yourself after those three years of really trying to improve? Wouldn't going on one date each month with one girl you thought was pretty until you could develop a relationship with one be worth 3 years of obsessively making yourself better?

It's no different than what we do in other areas of life. We accept reality, we honestly determine if we can thrive in reality or not. If we can't, what do we need to thrive? If thriving isn't possible, sometimes you have to survive first. Sounds like you've got a great foundation. Good job, steady income, that's important. Continue to work on your physical appearance and take a look at what successful people wear and find a look that YOU like. Not some stud or alpha chad mr king of doosh canoes. Don't memorize 'lines', jokes, or copy. Women spot that cr@p a mile away. DEVELOP your character. Become who you like. Imagine yourself being cool. Being successful. Saying witty things. Imagine yourself capturing the attention of three girls in a group who smile and look you in the eye when you talk to them.

What were you wearing in what you imagined? How were you standing? Where were you talking to these women? What time of day was it? Was it hot/cold outside or were you inside somewhere? What kind of shape were you in? Did you have a beard? Were you shaven? Did you style your hair a certain way? Were you wearing something a bit edgy? Did you look like you were a "type?" Most important of all, did you LIKE what you saw? If you did, make every effort to make yourself like the person you imagine.

You never want to imagine yourself a loser, even if you feel like one. ESPECIALLY if you feel like one. Someone who can't talk to women, doesn't have any style, feels like crap and lets himself get too fat. Think about it. If you really WERE pathetic would you have looked yourself in the mirror like you said you did and tell yourself "That shirt isn't the look." "My social skills are not great." You've answered it yourself and you've got it in you. Keep on going. I'd say you're off to a great start.

You've got to remind yourself that you actually achieved something and it's going to be easier to keep doing it. Even if you spend only 15 minutes in the gym instead of an hour, that's 15 minutes 40/100 people (wide estimate) did NOT spend in the gym at all. You trying to look women in the eye and make them smile at you while most men are pvssies and think women keep flame throwers in their purses and will claim you assaulted them or you're a creep. (You have to almost be a true social idiot {YOU AREN'T, I CAN TELL} to make women THIS bothered by you.) Unless you're wobbling or stammering or slobbering drunk, high, or both, usually there's not much to worry about. If she seems uninterested, don't worry about it and talk to a different one. That's not creepy, that's not failure, that's you TRYING to understand women. Most men never do that at all and wonder why they can't ever 'find' anyone.

Truth is, you don't have to really look. They're everywhere WANTING a confident man to meet them! That's going to be you as long as you don't stop wanting it.

 

[Arete]

Thanks for the input, RoadKing_Rabbit and BPH, highly appreciated. I will read it multiple times in an attempt to put it to practical use soon.


Week 1 Day 2 (Friday)

In the morning, I woke up from a really vivid nightmare, the somewhat realistic type, but I felt no inner discord at all. Rather, I was deeply convinced of being capable of taking everything head-on, kind of upbeat. Definitely the first time in my life I felt this refreshed and well-rested from a ****ty dream. I actually slept 12 hours straight even.

Start of the day had been the best in a long time, but now I had to rush a bit. I still had to buy some food and get a workout in before work starts, so there was no time for parks and shopping malls. Instead, I did try my best to get it done at the locations I will be at anyway.

Gym: The first thing that caught my eye from a distance was a HB learning to do handstands. As I'm currently trying to make the jump from bodybuilding to calisthenics, she gets extra points for attractiveness from me. I considered walking over to make eye contact and say hi, but my first exercise is in the other direction of the gym, so I was thinking, “Should I switch out the order? ”. But I remembered the guy named Pook in the guide saying something like “A man focuses on his dreams", so I stopped thinking and focused on my workout, making eye contact and saying "hi" only to people in proximity. I didn't see her again later, but I still think it was the correct mindset?

Later, as I was about to leave, a woman, maybe HB6, said “bye” to me, but I wasn't really sure if she meant me. This was actually my first day in this gym, since my old gym lacked some equipment. I think we trained next to each other on the Hyrox part of the gym. I probably did say hi, but I don't really remember as I was kind of really locked-in. Anyway, I ignored the chance to look dumb and just said something back in her general direction, which I normally might not have done. But it still felt pretty all right, since it's probably better to look like a fool than to be rude.

Overall, I feel like the reactions I got by doing what the guide says seemed far more positive than I expected. Even women seem to react very well to this, sometimes even with a bit of a smile. This kind of blows my mind a bit, because in my mind I've thought I'm a complete creep since I can remember. For me, this felt like a huge leap of progression.

Some pondering of mine: Perhaps women notice how I don't look away from "alpha" males, so they assume I'm not lower by much? I think I read somewhere that women are way more perceptive than most men would imagine? I also noticed many men did lower their eyes almost instantly as I was trying to say hi. Even someone like me feels like they are "beta", so I think I understand now what I did wrong by purposefully staring at the ground at all times.



Things I learned

1. The biggest difference was that I seem to normally assume everyone is a potential enemy, it's kind of my instinct subconsciously. The exercise of Week 1 seems to reverse this, and everyone is a potential friend.
2. Sleeping well might also help a great amount.

Results: 4-12 times, depending on how you count. I'm still not sure if I should count a perfect execution (getting smiles back) or if the mere act of me doing this. Most of the times I say hi, I don't manage to get eye contact, and even if I do, I don't do the smiling naturally. There is also the issue that most guys just won't say anything and nod instead, which I'm admittedly also doing by habit sometimes. I'm not entirely sure what the correct way to handle that is.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

Things I learned

1. The biggest difference was that I seem to normally assume everyone is a potential enemy, it's kind of my instinct subconsciously. The exercise of Week 1 seems to reverse this, and everyone is a potential friend.
2. Sleeping well might also help a great amount.

Results: 4-12 times, depending on how you count. I'm still not sure if I should count a perfect execution (getting smiles back) or if the mere act of me doing this. Most of the times I say hi, I don't manage to get eye contact, and even if I do, I don't do the smiling naturally. There is also the issue that most guys just won't say anything and nod instead, which I'm admittedly also doing by habit sometimes. I'm not entirely sure what the correct way to handle that is.

This is AWESOME! Another thing you'll notice is some perceived "alphas" who look like they bench press buicks, squat airplanes and curl harley davidsons sometimes try NOT to make eye contact with you or some people will even look away! That alone builds confidence and makes you also wonder, "Why was I so afraid to look at people before?" You may also notice that you tend to be more trustworthy of people who look you in the eye more and less if they don't.

 

[Arete]

Week 1 Day 6

The last couple of days had been stressful, and this day was supposed to be better, but I ran into some difficulties with work, and I'm stressed today too. However, I will try my best today as well.

18:15, Shopping Mall in a big city: It got later than I planned, as I had things to do first. At the time I arrived, I ran into some more problems. The crowd was mostly lovey-dovey 30+ yo couples and underage girls/boys in small groups. Both felt inappropriate to greet. Men that did walk around alone did avoid eye contact with me almost completely. Women 20-30yo that walk alone or in small groups have been close to nonexistent. Most of what upped my “hi” count at this location was old folks and kids. Yet another issue I had with this place was the demographic, which consisted almost completely of the Middle East. It felt like I was an oddity in my own country.

19:30 walking back to the car, not sure if it was the hot weather or maybe because it was a Tuesday, but this was basically a waste of time. The gym would have been far better under the same conditions, I think. Also, at the shopping mall, I had absolutely no idea what I should do there. I have a very strict diet, so eating fast food is out of the question. As for buying anything, I usually order stuff online with better quality and, most of the time, cheaper too. I don't get the appeal at all ... even for the sake of sightseeing if one is so inclined, at least 10 better places come to mind.

20:00, trying out indoor climbing. As Tuesday was my rest day, I wanted to try out something new. Unexpectedly, I did see some HBs there. The guy in charge gave me a quick tour and explained things to me. Right at the start I did see a HB6, and I did the “eye contact, smile, hi” exercise, and it was very smooth. She first looked away, then she looked at me again and seemed to genuinely smile back. As we finished the tour, I did start with the bouldering beginner course, and I can't even start to emphasize how much I underestimated this sport. My forearms felt like exploding within minutes, so I was there maybe for 20 minutes before I had to call it a day. The guy that gave me a tour had a real smug expression, and even I felt like a silly stereotype since I was pretty confident about this initially. We talked a bit, and he interestingly mentioned that normally, if it isn't as hot as today, there are way more people, and supposedly, it's a very social sport. This kind of got my hopes up. I can already tell I completely overdid it, so it will probably take a while to fully recover, but I will definitely come back.

20:45, supermarket in hometown, had to buy food. I was doing my thing again, “eye contact, smile, hi,” to everyone. Men again did avoid me almost completely. As for women my age range, none at all, but that part was expected around this time of the day. As I got to the cashier, I did see a tall muscular guy. In my mind I thought, “There is no way this scary guy will look away,” so I did my thing again, and he really didn't look away. Turns out we know each other from the gym. Guy turns out to be a politician of a small town. Meanwhile, I dislike politics in general, left-wing and right-wing alike. We started by talking weights, and I called his pull-downs weak, and he took it personal. Now I had all this attention of that “high value” guy, and we continued to disagree about pretty much everything. I was trying to leave multiple times, but he kind of stopped me every time. We kept this going all the way till they closed. I guess it was an exercise of doing conversation, even if it wasn't particularly enjoyable.

Things I learned:

1. "Neg-hits," or however the pros here call it, seem to work incredibly well. If this works even on guys and with a profession that requires high levels of rhetoric at that, it probably works on absolutely everyone. But I feel like this should be done "intellectually" so that the other person feels a need to correct you. I didn't do it on purpose, so it was very natural. But this is something I will definitely not try doing actively. It feels kind of like something you do after you have the basics of social stuff down.
2. The exercise of Week 1 seems to be far more effective than expected. If done properly, I feel like this is basically like hitting a home run, and any future interaction will be significantly smoother.

Results 5-16. I probably need to re-read the week 1 part of the guide to figure out what the author intended to let count and what not. I might be too hard on myself if I only count getting smiles back or might not be hard enough if I count everything.

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

As far as the neg hits go, you'll find out how far too far is very quick. These are basic a$$ skills that people don't really seem to develop much or place importance on nowadays. People dread even speaking on the phone. Let alone face to face. You can't control a conversation. People see interactions that they can control as some sort of "safe space." Well, ok. Ask the sun for a safe space. Tell water that you're uncomfortable that it is wet. See how well it listens.

People are the same way. I can't control you, you can't control me. But interacting with someone in real time, face to face is what provides a true stimulus that you won't feel from even a positive interaction behind a screen. A positive interaction in person comes with a connected feeling, not an isolated one. Anything that assures you that others aren't so radically different from you or that you aren't some shunned outcast just because you are who you choose to be. If you don't show yourself to others, no one can know you or tell others who you really are.

Speaking of which, it seems you've found a great place and way to meet people while having fun. All good! Sounds to me you're starting to develop a social poof of sorts!

 

[Arete]

Week 1 Day 7

Started out sleeping poorly. There's a lot left to be done with little time. Ngnl, the stress from this bootcamp combined with issues at work is kind of getting to me.

First i went to 5 different local supermarkets, all of them relatively small, so I couldn't stay long and had to buy stuff. At the end I had fruit for days but barely any "hi" for the counting.

Then I went to the small park in my town. It went actually better than expected. I felt more "at the right place", in my mind it was similar enough to a gym to not feel too much out of place.

Later on, I went to the park at the next bigger town. It was pretty alright, but I got there kind of late. I walked A LOT, definitely over 10 000 steps for sure. Aside from the park, I went to multiple other locations close to it. I think most of the "hi"s were from that, but considering how much time I spent in that location, it was probably very inefficient and slow.

At about 21:20 I went to the gym, and honestly, this leg workout after all this walking was just the worst. But I also needed to up my count to finish up. Despite the short time I spent there, it went well.

Finally, the day has concluded. I'm completely done, physically and mentally ... I'm just wrecked. The guide mentioned spending “1 hour in 2 separate outings …” I, however, spent at the very least 6 hours in total. Mixed feelings about that.


Lessons learned

• The guide gives the option between continuing the eye contact and greetings separately or together to "save time." Counting it together might have been a mistake. It is vastly more difficult than expected to do this combination in a natural way. This in turn adds uncertainty about what exactly to count and what not to. I should have defined this for myself more precisely from the start.
• Once the physical or mental exhaustion reaches a certain threshold, there just won't be anyone that will smile back at you anymore, almost like a curse. But if you turn it around, if you're bursting with energy, a lot of people will smile back, even if you barely try.

Results 6 - 21



Week total 17 - 54

The guide doesn't specify on what to count. As things are, the lowest number is getting smiles back, while the highest is just doing the exercise and having the other person notice, regardless of reaction.

After this week I did a break to recover from the stress and also to take care of some personal circumstances. I will continue to do week 1 exercises while on the break to not lose too much momentum.

Despite the wacky number count I ended up with, I feel like I learned most of what could be learned by doing the exercise at this early stage. So I will keep going with Week 2

 

[Arete]

Week 2 Day 1

From this point on, the posts will be up-to-date. Had some serious problems at work, tax investigation and stuff, talking about six figures and a possible sentence even. Things aren't over, far from it, but I already took a break, and it's about time to keep going.

On the bright side, my mind is so occupied with avoiding getting my life completely ruined. Now Week 2 seems like a breeze.

I was planning to go climbing, but the feet I had surgery on did feel weird from also trying out plyometrics, pushed it too far … so I will just do a regular gym day, maybe some Hyrox stuff … Not taking any risks by getting my foot seriously injured again.


At the gym, there was a buff older man around 50yo, doing calisthenics. I watched him a bit, and eventually he noticed (took a while because of earplugs). I asked him for advice, which surprisingly he was happy to give and was even useful. He made the jump from bodybuilding to calisthenics himself not too long ago. The topic was mostly of how to convert bodybuilding OHP to a calisthenics HSPU progression. After we talked a bit, he gave me some hands-on coaching (lol) which I appreciate. The best practical way according to him is apparently doing pike pushups to gain muscle memory combined with whatever OHP you're already doing, for example, barbell overhead press. I will do that for a while and see how it goes.
Talking time: 5-10 minutes


Next was an endurance type 30yo black guy, he was doing some HIIT style sprinting on the curved treadmill. I went right next to him, as I just so happen to do a similar workout regularly. Somehow he seemed like he thought I was challenging him, pushing himself harder from that point on, showing off. After the regular running, I did the same amount but backwards. I'm that kind of weirdo that walks backwards on a treadmill with max incline/resistance. Except the black guy did it too (lol). We kind of stared at each other, and I couldn't help but laugh. As it turns out, he also once had his ankle messed up, in a similar way to me even. He does this as a rehab exercise regularly. We talked a lot about other rehab exercises for this type of injury, and again, I actually learned something, which I didn't really expect.
Talking time: 5-10 Minutes


The last one was an aesthetic type 20yo guy, he seemed like he was a bit obsessed with the six-pack as he did a lot of core workouts for abs. He made an offhand but polite comment, “Are you new here?” so I didn't have to start the conversation myself. Maybe he did see me talking with the other two, showing me some stuff, I'm not sure. Anyway, we talked a bit too. The conversation flow started out pretty well till he asked about my age. He assumed I was 19, so I replied,“No, I'm 28, but thanks haha” to which he kind of went silent and his attitude changed. This situation happens every once in a while to me. My age is estimated around 20-24, sometimes even all the way down to 18-19. And every single time, once they stand close, they seem to take another hard look and ask like, “Btw, how old are you?” and I feel like I somehow “deceived” others. I should get used to it, as aging is inevitable. After that, i did try to to get him into a high energy discussion about sports like the other two, but he seemed a little distant at this point. As i was about to finish my day anyway, i said him bye and left on an slightly upbeat note judging by the voice pitch of his reply.
Talking time: 3-5 minutes (again, definitely more than 2 minutes)



Lessons learned (and mistakes made):

• I noticed myself often interrupting all three of them. This was because I got overly excited. I expected myself to not know what to say, but it was the polar opposite. The thoughts came so fast, I would need a copy of myself to get them all out. I feel like this flaw of mine was significant. I think it stems from solitude and isolation in my past. If I reflect upon the conversations I had, this must have come definitly across as impolite and rude in some ways. The only reason all three of them went pretty well was because of how I said it, which I think got across as "having good intentions", which was enough to be acceptable socially, acting as a counterbalance. However, I definitely need to fix this. I think an option would be to do the reflecting in real time, but this might make me seem overly calculative, so maybe I should just try to stay more calm first and see how it goes next time. The guide explicitly states that one should let other people do the talking, as much as possible, as this will make you seem like a great conversationalist. Considering how I completely failed in this regard, I'm surprised it still went alright. There is a huge amount of improvement to be made.
• Some people use headphones or earplugs, which act kind of like a wall. However, you can still start a conversation smoothly if you do the exercise from Week 1 properly. Not every time, but surprisingly often. I always had assumed earplugs/headphones meant “don't bother me,” but that might have been my own use case projecting to others.
• The guide says, “3c) *Don’t say hi *Comment / compliment on something…" Having experienced that firsthand, it's way more natural in real life than I expected. Most interestingly, before this bootcamp I would have looked at it as a provocation, while now it seems like an invitation to talk. Maybe it's also that "everything looks like a nail if you're a hammer" kind of thing ... hard to tell. But the results remain the same.

Total 3 times. Oddly, I, as a total introvert, felt recharged mentally at the end of the day. I really didn't expect this.

 

[Arete]

Week 2 Day 3 (Saturday)

Started the day feeling overly calm. Happens sometimes due to a very low-carb diet. It makes me feel empty, so normally I just want to be alone on these days. But today it kind of hit me: if I get social in this state, things might be easier instead.

The start was at the park of my hometown. I did see two HBs from a distance, but I ended up not talking to them. It kind of felt like it would be bad if somehow weird rumors came up. Realizing I wouldn't act freely here, I moved on to the next location.

In the supermarket at the next bigger town: I did see one woman, but my gut feeling didn't like it. Sure enough, as she got to her car, her boyfriend or whatever told her something, and she started to get loud like she was assaulted or something. She also was looking at me while doing it. Her boyfriend or whatever looked at me and some other people nearby nervously (poor guy). Sigh … obviously bad news in any case; for once I was glad it was a choke.

Park at the next bigger town: at this point I figured I should decrease the difficulty and do what the guide and BPS said. Talking to some elderly people. I eventually found one 70yo man walking around aimlessly. I talked to him about health-related stuff, like how he should quit smoking and about how the youth are really lazy haha. At the start he was a little closed off, but it really was easy mode after that.
Talking Time: 30-50 Minutes

After that small success, I have no idea what came over me, but I decided to go to the big city. I went to 5 clubs in a row. For a complete noob like me, this was a bloodbath.

Warm-up time: Before any clubs, I walked through the city to get accustomed to that amount of people and to avoid getting overwhelmed later. I walked for about an hour. Barely even any HB6s; quality-wise, it was VERY underwhelming. Two HB7, however, have been noteworthy.

First HB7: I did see her sitting outside a restaurant with 3 other girls. Did week 1 exercise on her, eye contact established, and… choke. Failure.

Second HB7: Hit me only as an HB7 as I got close enough, very nice facial structures. Also, I think minimal makeup, if any. She was kneeling on the side of the street and asking for money… A beggar (wtf), this is obviously super suspicious, so I didn't make any attempts. I still gave her and another beggar (older guy in a wheelchair) some money because I'm a naive softie.

Club 1: I started straight with the most high-end club in the city. They randomly send some people away to be "muh exclusive," so I felt the need to do the week 1 exercise at the door guy, which worked incredibly; he acted like I was a regular. Now in the club, i was a little lost. I kind of expected HB7 and upwards and Master DJ-type guys everywhere, but instead I did see mostly guys staring at HB5-6 women (the heck?). I waited like 40 minutes until I did see a HB7; she was with her HB6 friend. To my own surprise, I walked straight to both of them and started talking (ngnl, I'm seriously proud of myself). As I got close, I noticed she was kind of tall, but wait! “Ah, there is a stair! She had the high ground!” So I got to the stairs up too … and “Ah ****, she is like 1,82m(6'0) and wearing boots with heels.” To make things worse, she screwed up her makeup under the eyes badly; it would have looked good for Halloween, though. I have to admit, I'm intimidated now, so by reflex I redirect my attention to the HB6. She studies law, and we talked about mostly related stuff. Surprisingly we kind of hit it off a bit, and HB7 got increasingly annoyed for not getting part in it. She tried like two or three times. I did act like I couldn't care less, but not on purpose. I just was immersed in the conversation with HB6. Soon she did pull her away, and there was nothing I could do at this point, so I just told her it was fun talking to her, which is true, honestly. Another thing I'd like to mention is I could not concentrate at all due to the loud music. I tried to remember “Article 3 - Pimpology 101: The Conversation - Part I” and was drawing a complete blank. So I just skipped the name and introduction and winged it, while week 1 exercise did the heavy lifting. Somehow it wasn't a complete failure, but under other circumstances I would have done better, I think.
Talking time: 7-10 minutes

Club 2: Next was a low-end club, and **** my life, it was even louder. This sucked worse. No HBs, not even HB5. This really was way worse. At least I got to talk to a decent guy. He was kind of striking among the braindead crowd as he seemed oddly sharp. He singled me out by continuing to stare as I passed him. Maybe I was just as weird as him in this place, I don't know. We talked about what this club was about. Apparently some kind of afterparty to an earlier open-air event.
Talking time: ~2 Minutes

Club 3: Wannabe mid-range club, again way too loud. Complete ****show; the people there are acting like some kind of NPCs in a game too. No HBs, and even if there had been, most have been in groups with the same number of guys.

Club 4: Small mid-range club, age range mostly 20yo. I was at the entrance; some guy, probably the alpha dog, said, “It's techno today, very good mood too". (He did see me hesitating and meant well.) I entered and walked around. I ended up behind an alright-looking girl, and of course, one black dude standing next to her had to grope her right at this time. She spun around, and I was the first to catch her eyes. Luckily I'm a pro at putting on an innocent expression; otherwise I feel like this could have been very ugly, especially since a police patrol car was conveniently already right in front. My move worked. So now black guy had to deal with his own mess; he acted like, “I not speak language, very very sorry” and she dropped it (lol). I waited a bit to try again and searched for her after (mistake, I know, but I was already invested now). As I found her, I was about to approach, and some gay dude blocked me. After that, her phone blocked me not once but twice … I now was increasingly invested. Like, for the love of god, just let me say hi to her, and she can tell me to **** off or whatever. I don't even care anymore. After her phone call, one fat alcoholic 50yo blocked me. This got me irritated. She noticed me probably 10 times over by now and thought I was some random trash. But really, I didn't care, I just refused to accept this as a choke. Finally, after this fat loser was done, a guy that seemed to be her boyfriend showed up, who was the "alpha dog." At this point I accepted defeat. The fat old guy noticed, and he gave me a lecture on how to get girls. Normally I would not listen to this nonsense, but I remembered my original goal was just to talk with 10 strangers for at least 2 minutes each. So I did talk with him anyway. A win is a win; I don't care if trash talks down on me.
What I don't understand is, in everyone's view, she was a 9 or even 10/10. To me, she was the HB6 AT MOST. If I hadn't bumped into her like that, I wouldn't have even noticed her. Just how low are standards?? She was dressed like a total slut and severely underweight. And especially her face was more like HB5. Can't believe people are fighting over her. Some orbiter even gave her a hand kiss, which just left me speechless. I don't understand in any way how this kind of social dynamic could even have developed with a HB5-6. This is messed up.
Talking time: 10-25 minutes

Club5: Big mid-range club; I didn't get in, as it got too late. However, I did the Week 1 exercise, and I could tell this worked very well again; he seemed like he considered it. Before he might make an exception, I just thanked him and left. Because honestly, I was relieved for this day to be over.



Stuff I learned

• Clubs seem to be overrated; I went to all except one. Mostly HB5 and way too many use copious amounts of makeup. The gym or any similar location for sports seems far better to me so far. To be fair, I should at some point try out another big city. Perhaps it's a geographical issue.
• If you talk to more than one woman, you must interact with all of them … somehow. Otherwise, you get blocked by the one you ignored.
• Identify the value of women and act accordingly. Why was I so stupid and got invested with an HB5-6 that was already saturated? I must not make this annoying mistake again. If an average woman is already surrounded by multiple average guys, one must not participate in this farce.
• Loud places can only teach you to start conversations, but not how to continue and lead them. There is no such thing as "shouting calmly," at least for a beginner
• It's not entirely clear to me if I was heading toward the friendzone or if I was right on track. She was studying law; meanwhile, I said with true confidence that I have worked physical labor since 18yo. We both kind of thought that was funny. Maybe I was interesting for being different, or maybe I was just comedic relief. At this stage I lack the experience to tell the difference.
• What RoadKing_Rabbit was talking about, “They're everywhere WANTING a confident man to meet them!” I'm still learning, so this is mostly me pondering, but anyway: The act of walking up to women seems to be proof of courage, which already gives you points before you even open your mouth. It's the only way I can explain how I didn't get shot down brutally like I imagined it in my mind.

Result: 4 (total 7 out of 10)

 

[Arete]

Week 2 Day 6 (Tuesday)

I really wasn't feeling it today either. Since last Saturday, I have been down a lot, having to fight to even get up from bed. Last Sunday and Monday have been mostly me going through the motions; club hopping for a first-timer was maybe a bit too much. If things continue like this, I won't make it. For that reason, I aimed to finish Week 2 today instead of dragging it out any longer.

Today was a rest day for me, hard sports were out. I planned to do hiking but I didn't expect to much, as there aren't many people to just meet randomly in the forest and talk too.


First person was a middle-aged woman with a dog that looked like maybe the nicest one I have ever seen. I used that chance to start talking. I noticed at this point that I can't get myself to lie without good reason; if there is no topic I can be genuine about, I won't talk to the other person at all. That seems to be the reason why being a DJ resonates with me and many others so much more than a pickup artist. In any case, the talk was nice but finished rather fast. I had to make it to 2 minutes, so I turned to nutrition and sport, which, of course, the average person couldn't care less about. So I went back to dogs. There was some misunderstanding, and she talked about someone at home. I thought she had a second dog, but she actually meant her husband ... well, ****! On the bright side, she wasn't as offended as she had the right to be, and it ended ok, relatively speaking.
Talking Time: 2-4 Minutes

Second person was also still in the forest, and he talked to me first. A man about 35 years old. He claimed to know me and even actually did know what I work as. I don't remember him, but he acted very familiar with me. I'm conflicted about if I should let it count. But anyway, I tried to talk about nutrition, but I could tell he was mentally tuning out. As this wasn't working, we found some common ground, which was gaming. He is playing a lot, making it one of his main parts of his life. I, however, had gaming as the sole purpose of my life at one point, I was a complete addict. In order to connect and make him show how even trash can progress in life, I was doing some real talk, being truthful about my own past. I do this often to make people go think like, “If this guy can do it, so can I.” He seemed unsure of how to react to some stuff I said. He doesn't want to hear it, but it's not like he can tell me, “You don't know anything,” because I know better than pretty much anyone. At the end, he told me his name on Steam and to add him, which I refused. Instead we told each other, “See you in the gym,” as we happen to go to the same one. I think it was a good conversation, and I feel especially good about how it ended. I think the reason for that is that I showed my ambitions. Along those lines, I said I want to be an athlete and some other even more difficult stuff. All my life I thought being overly honest was a flaw of mine. I actually thought I was defective as a human being because I suck at lying so bad, even kids can tell. But ever since I started this bootcamp, I feel like if you have the ability to back it up, it's an incredibly good trait to have.
Talking Time: 25-40 Minutes

Third person was at a park. I changed location as the forest got kind of dark way before sunset. At the park I met an elderly man, he turned out to be a cardiologist. As I heard that, I was more excited than intimidated by his max-level social status. I started talking about nutrition, very controversial stuff like cholesterol and the nature of bacteria. This got his attention fully. I have a lot of health related backstory and insane amounts of trial and error behind me, which I could talk about. He seemed to be very interested in the impact each diet had on me, even if he didn't seem to agree with lots of it. We also talked about a lot of stuff that wasn't about nutrition, where I assumed the listener position. I didn't have much to comment on most, as I have only a basic education. Still, this was pretty fun. My lack of education had always been an insecurity of mine. Where I'm from, cardiologists are incredibly busy, you have to make an appointment many months in advance to speak for barely 20 minutes. To talk academics with someone like that in his free time made me feel acknowledged.
Talking Time: 1-2 hours



The day had concluded. I hit my objective, but I was still disappointed. I did see no HBs! Not in the forest or the park! However, as I was driving home, I did see two HB7-8 on the roadside, jogging. This was somehow very annoying. Medium-distance runs aren't my thing at all. I do either hiking or sprinting. If I continue to see HBs jogging, I will consider trying it out too, even if I currently don't have much interest in the sport itself.



Stuff I learned

• Forests are WAY better than expected (lol). You won't see many people, but ironically it's often easier to talk to people for that very reason. Wearing a small backpack surely helps too. If I weren't clearly identifiable as a hiker, people might have been more guarded. I didn't really need the backpack, but I just put a sports drink and an umbrella in it, otherwise, it would feel silly.
• People might make fun of you, but as they see your ambitions are genuine and you're trying your best to achieve them, they respect you one way or the other. My experience is consistent; a strong enough mindset can become conductive.
• This week wasn't as hard as I assumed at the start. I feel relieved; if it was as hard as the start of Week 1, I would be way more scared of the weeks to come. I might be arrogant, but right now, my biggest concern is where to find HBs. I don't think chokes are the biggest wall anymore … It's unthinkable how I feel so confident about something I expected years to take … Next week will show if my ego is inflated or if I really have such courage.

Result 3 (total 10 out of 10)

 

[RoadKing_Rabbit]

Keep doing this. The importance of the exercises is to improve your conversation SKILLS. You're noticing things. Small things. Key takeaways I noticed are the following: You noticed when someone seemed "put off" or didn't like a certain topic. That didn't mean the conversation was over, nor did it mean that you automatically said to yourself, "they don't like me." The other thing is that you've noticed that certain people really tune in about things. You're bound to get someone to tune in about a topic you have common ground on.

This is why I became super extroverted after being a RECLUSE. Not introvert, I was PURPOSEFULLY avoiding people. No matter how much you think you'll not like someone or how afraid you are that they won't like you, there's going to be at least one thing that you'll enjoy talking to them about. The BIG MOMENT and transition I can't wait for you to reveal to yourself is....

THE SAME THING CAN HAPPEN WITH WOMEN! Even HBs! This is 1000% going to happen if you keep at it! To hell with the rejection! To hell with the discomfort! Isn't it more comfortable being awkward a few times and seeing people prefer a different topic than it is to just not talk to people, make eye contact, shake hands etc out of fear? How much of the stuff you may have been afraid of has happened? I'll wager almost none of it! I LOVE THIS!

 

[Plinco]

Week 2 Day 6 (Tuesday)

I really wasn't feeling it today either. Since last Saturday, I have been down a lot, having to fight to even get up from bed. Last Sunday and Monday have been mostly me going through the motions; club hopping for a first-timer was maybe a bit too much. If things continue like this, I won't make it. For that reason, I aimed to finish Week 2 today instead of dragging it out any longer.

Today was a rest day for me, hard sports were out. I planned to do hiking but I didn't expect to much, as there aren't many people to just meet randomly in the forest and talk too.


First person was a middle-aged woman with a dog that looked like maybe the nicest one I have ever seen. I used that chance to start talking. I noticed at this point that I can't get myself to lie without good reason; if there is no topic I can be genuine about, I won't talk to the other person at all. That seems to be the reason why being a DJ resonates with me and many others so much more than a pickup artist. In any case, the talk was nice but finished rather fast. I had to make it to 2 minutes, so I turned to nutrition and sport, which, of course, the average person couldn't care less about. So I went back to dogs. There was some misunderstanding, and she talked about someone at home. I thought she had a second dog, but she actually meant her husband ... well, ****! On the bright side, she wasn't as offended as she had the right to be, and it ended ok, relatively speaking.
Talking Time: 2-4 Minutes

Second person was also still in the forest, and he talked to me first. A man about 35 years old. He claimed to know me and even actually did know what I work as. I don't remember him, but he acted very familiar with me. I'm conflicted about if I should let it count. But anyway, I tried to talk about nutrition, but I could tell he was mentally tuning out. As this wasn't working, we found some common ground, which was gaming. He is playing a lot, making it one of his main parts of his life. I, however, had gaming as the sole purpose of my life at one point, I was a complete addict. In order to connect and make him show how even trash can progress in life, I was doing some real talk, being truthful about my own past. I do this often to make people go think like, “If this guy can do it, so can I.” He seemed unsure of how to react to some stuff I said. He doesn't want to hear it, but it's not like he can tell me, “You don't know anything,” because I know better than pretty much anyone. At the end, he told me his name on Steam and to add him, which I refused. Instead we told each other, “See you in the gym,” as we happen to go to the same one. I think it was a good conversation, and I feel especially good about how it ended. I think the reason for that is that I showed my ambitions. Along those lines, I said I want to be an athlete and some other even more difficult stuff. All my life I thought being overly honest was a flaw of mine. I actually thought I was defective as a human being because I suck at lying so bad, even kids can tell. But ever since I started this bootcamp, I feel like if you have the ability to back it up, it's an incredibly good trait to have.
Talking Time: 25-40 Minutes

Third person was at a park. I changed location as the forest got kind of dark way before sunset. At the park I met an elderly man, he turned out to be a cardiologist. As I heard that, I was more excited than intimidated by his max-level social status. I started talking about nutrition, very controversial stuff like cholesterol and the nature of bacteria. This got his attention fully. I have a lot of health related backstory and insane amounts of trial and error behind me, which I could talk about. He seemed to be very interested in the impact each diet had on me, even if he didn't seem to agree with lots of it. We also talked about a lot of stuff that wasn't about nutrition, where I assumed the listener position. I didn't have much to comment on most, as I have only a basic education. Still, this was pretty fun. My lack of education had always been an insecurity of mine. Where I'm from, cardiologists are incredibly busy, you have to make an appointment many months in advance to speak for barely 20 minutes. To talk academics with someone like that in his free time made me feel acknowledged.
Talking Time: 1-2 hours



The day had concluded. I hit my objective, but I was still disappointed. I did see no HBs! Not in the forest or the park! However, as I was driving home, I did see two HB7-8 on the roadside, jogging. This was somehow very annoying. Medium-distance runs aren't my thing at all. I do either hiking or sprinting. If I continue to see HBs jogging, I will consider trying it out too, even if I currently don't have much interest in the sport itself.



Stuff I learned

• Forests are WAY better than expected (lol). You won't see many people, but ironically it's often easier to talk to people for that very reason. Wearing a small backpack surely helps too. If I weren't clearly identifiable as a hiker, people might have been more guarded. I didn't really need the backpack, but I just put a sports drink and an umbrella in it, otherwise, it would feel silly.
• People might make fun of you, but as they see your ambitions are genuine and you're trying your best to achieve them, they respect you one way or the other. My experience is consistent; a strong enough mindset can become conductive.
• This week wasn't as hard as I assumed at the start. I feel relieved; if it was as hard as the start of Week 1, I would be way more scared of the weeks to come. I might be arrogant, but right now, my biggest concern is where to find HBs. I don't think chokes are the biggest wall anymore … It's unthinkable how I feel so confident about something I expected years to take … Next week will show if my ego is inflated or if I really have such courage.

Result 3 (total 10 out of 10)

Do you feel any guilt or shame when you express yourself to other people?

I'm asking because I get the sense that you have an inhibition from self-expression.