Discomfort Zone

[ZeQ]

In accordance to the topic, I think this would help

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=57417

 

[Mr.Style]

OK, since I last reported I've fallen back into my comfort zone although to be fair I have had the flu lately. It's gone now though. Ways I fell back into my comfort zone:

- watched too much tv
- used net too much
- haven't studied at all (my exams start Tuesday - I'm f*cked)
- haven't left my house since Thursday (I was supposed to go to college but I just couldn't be arsed)


Objectives for Monday in Discomfort Zone:

- avoid tv
- avoid using net too much
- avoid beer
- cram as much as I can for Tuesday although I need a miracle to pass at this stage

There should be plenty of moments of discomfort ahead of me though hopefully it will help to reveal the strength of my character.

"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage." - Anais Nin

 

[Mr.Style]

Had my first college exam today. Today was pretty uncomfortable it's fair to say! I didn't fall into my comfort zone much today as I was placed into situations that took me out of it. Some things I did which took me out of my comfort zone:

- Had my exam which I had not studied for. Thankkfully I didn't panic and I did better than I thought I would.

- Talked to some people today that I largely ignored during lectures and had a decent conversation with them on exam stuff.

- Got myself lost as I got the wrong bus by mistake! This meant I had to figure out my way home which I was able to do and I didn't panic about my predicament.

Ways I fell back into my comfort zone:

- didn't talk to any of the very beautiful girls that were around me. It wouldn't have been difficult since we're all in the same boat doing our exams. There was confusion at one point as no one knew what bus to take to get into the city centre (I took the wrong one in the end) and there was an opportunity to talk to a HB8 about this which I passed up. Bah! I'll put that down to exam stress.

It was a good day overall though and I am alot more confident than I have been in the past.

"Ten people who speak make more noise than ten thousand who are silent" - Napoleon Bonaparte

 

[Dublinsfinest]

Exam time is great for talking to women. Me personally, I don't ever chat up women in college. I take a whole different approach. If I DO talk to them I wait for them to give me indicators of interest before I turn on the charm.

If you have problems approaching women, it's usually because you are thinking of the goal. Like, you're probably thinking, "I'm gonna get rejected" or "I'm not gonna get her number", but that's what holds people back. In college I usually just think, "This HB is just going to be practise for the perfect HB that will come around when I've had enough practise." In other words, taking to women about the exams is SIMPLE. But talking to women about the exams while trying to get her number etc is not so simple. For me anyway.

I usually only approach girs in groups and use a big smile and happy/curious attitude,

"You look confident/happy, did you just ace that exam? or

"My mother always said exams were evil, I tend to agree with her. What do you think?

"I hate exams... so much pressure, so little time. Well maybe if I had of studyed instead of travelling to America I'd be a bit more prepared. Ever been to America? Oh it's great, but the people there are SO weird, so different to here. Like, the first night I was there, I was waking down the street with my girlfriend and this girl comes right up to me and says, "Oh my god, you're SOO cute, can I have your number? And I was like, "Errr, girlfriend just here" but she was like, "That's fine, I like women too" etc.

Well, I'm waffling big time now. I'm pretty drunk. But another big mistake guys make is that they dont realise that you have to provide about 80% of the conversation when you first approach a girl. Like, I have this natural friend. He's class with the ladies. His whole approach is just be charming and TALK like fu*K. He taks and talks and he always pulls a chick on a night out.

Ok, this reply is way too long. I'm going to drink more dutch gold. Fu*king cheap dutch gold. Aways the same. You're always there when I need you!

As Ric Flair would say

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[DJDamage]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=68900

This one is a good article!

 

[Huno]

I love this thread; I think this really is the core of many people's problems, I know it definitely is mine. Keep up the good work, Mr. Style. I hope to try something like this someday.

 

[flyinshark]

Originally posted by Huno
[...]I hope to try something like this someday.

AARGH! How about starting TODAY, Huno?! I know u didnt think of that, but allow me to push you instead. Get a paper and pen (or open a new text file in Notepad) and write your goals.

Maybe u can compete with Mr. Style. Competition has many advantages, and both of you could achieve results faster this way. Try to do better than the other one, and see what happens. Let me know...

 

[Dublinsfinest]

yeah it's funny.

Whenever people post approach journals or something like this, there are always some that post saying, "Maybe I'll do it someday"... lol. True keyboard jockies. They'll never grab their balls and do it.

 

[Mr.Style]

Originally posted by Huno
I love this thread; I think this really is the core of many people's problems, I know it definitely is mine. Keep up the good work, Mr. Style. I hope to try something like this someday.

Thanks for the kind words, Huno. As for me, the discomfort just keeps on coming. What a day today already!

- I was concerned I would be late for my exams so I got a cab and the guy charged me close to 20 euro! Now I know why he took that "short-cut"(cough)!

- Luckily I made it into my exam on time and I did pretty well. 3 hours it was and I'm fairly tired to put it mildly.

- Had a stop and chat with a girl I recognised from my lectures before the exam got underway. We talked about exams and she wished me luck. Nothing major really.

- Then I decide to walk into the city centre after my bad experience with the buses the last day. Wouldn't you know it, two buses go by as I'm walking along and in the end, I end up getting myself lost YET AGAIN. I really don't know my way around Dublin at all. Ah well, at least I know a bit more than I did. Even though it's not a nice feeling to be lost, I found my way home eventually and at least it's something to laugh about now.

- A few minutes ago I got a call from my mates asking me to go out for snooker and a few drinks. I really wanted to go but I did the sensible thing and decided to stay home as I wouldn't get any study done if I went out. I'm proud of my decision as the old me probably would have just went along. That would be slipping back into the comfort zone though.

As for me I'm set to do plenty of study today and I hope to learn all about the American Revolution in one night! God Bless Wikipedia I say! The discomfort continues but I can feel my character improving day by day.

"Character is the sum and total of a person's choices." - P.B. Fitzwater

 

[Mr.Style]

I learned an important lesson today. Permit me to share it. Today was perhaps the most important day I went through in the 'Discomfort Zone'. Here's a recap on the events:

- I had another exam today. I woke up late and as a result came close to missing it but thankfully I think I got through it OK.

- Spotted the girl I fancied before my exam started and said hello to her. She smiled and I quickly had to dispel her for my mind for I had other things to be thinking about.

- OK, the important part - the exam ends and I slowly head out in the hope I'll run into the girl in question. I do not and as I go outside to get my bag I see her standing there with two of her friends. What to do? Go over of course which I did although the old me would've thought twice about it. I head over and we have some chit chat about the exam with me and her two mates standing there. Then a lull comes in the conversation and we all talk about how we are to get home and stuff. That annoying arsehole of a voice in my head keeps telling me to eject as it was pretty uncomfortable since I felt like a third wheel. I ignore this arsehole and stay even though it is uncomfortable. Anyway we head outside to go home and her two friends go off in a different direction leaving me and her alone. If I'd ejected I would never have gotten this opportunity! Anyway we have a chat and it turns out she has to take the same bus as I do. We talk and I actually remember alot of the stuff that I've learned on this site such as keeping the convo focused on her. An impressive feat seeing as I only seem to pull this off well when I'm drunk! As we talked I discovered she had a boyfriend. I'm disappointed obviously but at the time I didn't make out it was a big deal and we had a good chat. It really brightened up my day and I felt pretty good. This was an opportunity I HAD CREATED. If I'd listened to my negative thoughts and walked home, alone, I would never have had the chance to speak with her. I think I've made a friend if nothing else and since I'm short of friends in college, that's not the worst scenario in the world. I understand that phrase that I believe I have quoted on this thread already - "Opportunity doesn't knock. You knock, opportunity answers". In other words, we are the ones who must make things happen rather than sit around waiting for things to happen. A lesson I certainly learned today.

- My discomfort didn't stop there. I got locked out of my house since no one was home and I'd forgotten my keys! I had to go next door to get a spare key. I don't usually get on with my neighbours but I was on such a high from my earlier conversation that I was smiling and cracking jokes and I think I came off well.

Overall, a pretty good day for me today. The discomfort continues as I've an exam tomorrow. ON A SATURDAY. Oh well. I'm doing more in my life now though then a few weeks ago when I was stuck at home with a chest infection. Life's to be lived. And opportunities are waiting to be found. So what are you waiting for? Go do it. It might not be comfortable but it's damn sure rewarding.

 

[Impact]

Hey Mr. Style, you're on the right path.
I have a tip for you thugh. Try to reward yourself everytime you come out of your comfort zone. ie. buy yourself an ice-cream I recently quit smoking, but still ENJOY smoking a cigarette once in a while, but only after I do something uncomfortable (walk up to a girl, study for an exam).

 

[Mr.Style]

Originally posted by Impact
Hey Mr. Style, you're on the right path.
I have a tip for you thugh. Try to reward yourself everytime you come out of your comfort zone. ie. buy yourself an ice-cream I recently quit smoking, but still ENJOY smoking a cigarette once in a while, but only after I do something uncomfortable (walk up to a girl, study for an exam).

Good idea Impact! I'll do just that. As for my day today, it was OK but not great. Ways I ventured into the Discomfort Zone:

- Managed to make it into my exam today on time and did reasonably well in it. Hopefully I'll pass.

- Decided to go out with my friend for a drink after snubbing him several times in the past few days. Had a good time and it was good to take a break from studying.

Ways I fell back into the comfort zone:

- I passed up an opportunity to talk to a HB7 beside me on the bus today after my exam. I wasn't nervous, I just couldn't be bothered to talk to her though the discomfort I would've experienced is pretty much what I'm supposed to be experiencing. I'm still not great when it comes to conversing with people. I hope to improve on this more and more over the next few days.

Objectives for Tuesday in the Discomfort Zone:

- Head to my college and pay a hefty fine on some library books.

- Get some books and study.

- Converse with others no matter how fed up or uncomfortable I feel.

"A scholar who cherishes the love of comfort is not fit to be a scholar." - Lao Tzu

 

[Dublinsfinest]

I like the way you set small little goals for yourself Mr. Style. Keep setting them and yeah rewarding yourself is very important too.

I tried PMing you and emailing you but somethings wrong with that so I'm going to ask you this here... I' deete it out of your thread as soon as you answer it. You can answer by PM if you want. Anyway,

I just want to ask you a few questions. You should have been to Bondi beach or club 92 because it's close to your college? Well me and some friends are thinking of going and I can't seem to get a review of it anywhere so I thought I'd ask you.

So here are the questions...

1. How big are Bondi and Club 92 respectively? I'd like it to b pretty big so I can walk around and approach in different areas.

2. What are the women like? Hot, scangers, D4's etc.

3. What are the best nights to go to bondi or Club 92?

4. Are the bouncers wankers or nice?

5. Which do you think is better/craper?


Thanks man, you'd really be helping me out if you coud answer these! sorry for posting here, it was a last alternative!

 

[Visceral]

What does it mean when everything you do is in your discomfort zone?

I'm dead serious - pretty much everything in my life, even stuff I've done every day for years and decades, is still either painful, scary, or unsatisfying enough to be outside my comfort zone.

And new stuff is all three put together.

 

[Mr.Style]

Originally posted by Visceral
What does it mean when everything you do is in your discomfort zone?

I'm dead serious - pretty much everything in my life, even stuff I've done every day for years and decades, is still either painful, scary, or unsatisfying enough to be outside my comfort zone.

And new stuff is all three put together.

Well Visceral, for me, life has been very comfortable. Perhaps too comfortable. I haven't had to put up with any difficulties or face any real fears. I have spent my adolescence watching TV, playing computer games, staying indoors etc when I should be outside living my life. I think if you feel discomfort on a regular basis then you need to try and correct that as discomfort is not a very fulfilling feeling. I seek discomfort in this "discomfort zone" as a way of strengthening my character as I feel it could be alot stronger. It doesn't mean I want an uncomfortable life, I just want to be confident in myself. Comfort isn't necessarily bad but when it takes over your whole life then it becomes a problem.

As for my day today, I went into college and got some books for studying. Nothing other than that. My night won't be very comfortable though as I'll spend the next few hours cramming as much as I can for not one but two exams tomorrow! After that though I'm a free man. I won't have college for perhaps four months though if I fail my exams and repeat, I'll be back in two months. I'm excited about the end of college. I have made many plans and hope to take up a few hobbies and also get a job as I'm officially broke! There is a real danger I'll descend into my comfort zone after college ends but I hope I can avoid it by getting active in the real world.

Objectives for Thursday in the Discomfort Zone:

- Wake up at a good time and make my exams on time. Hopefully I'll do well in them

- Meet some of the people in my college. I haven't made many friends in my college but I'd enjoy having a drink with one or two people since it's my last day tomorrow and I won't see them for months.

- Write up a CV for my job hunting exploits for Friday.

Thursday should be an interesting day and hopefully it won't prove a day I'll regret.

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

[Visceral]

Originally posted by Mr.Style
Well Visceral, for me, life has been very comfortable. Perhaps too comfortable. I haven't had to put up with any difficulties or face any real fears. I have spent my adolescence watching TV, playing computer games, staying indoors etc when I should be outside living my life. I think if you feel discomfort on a regular basis then you need to try and correct that as discomfort is not a very fulfilling feeling. I seek discomfort in this "discomfort zone" as a way of strengthening my character as I feel it could be alot stronger. It doesn't mean I want an uncomfortable life, I just want to be confident in myself. Comfort isn't necessarily bad but when it takes over your whole life then it becomes a problem.

Sounds exactly like my life.

"Discomfort is not a very fulfilling feeling" - you've hit the nail on the head here. I have never understood how discomfort can be such a positive experience for other guys.

Why does it reward their physical and mental suffering with a sense of power and achievement ... but not mine?

 

[Visceral]

duplicate post

 

[Alpine]

To my mind there are two ways to enter the discomfort zone.


1) To reach a point where it's more painful not to enter it.


2) To have such a clear picture of the pleasure gained by the end result that any discomfort now is overridden.

To those guys who say to people here, 'Just do it, stop analysing and just get on with it', sure if they could 'just do it' they would wouldn't they?

The well known book 'Feel the fear' by Susan Jeffers is still probably the best easily read source to understand and overcome our inertia in any area of life.

 

[Mr.Style]

Originally posted by Alpine
To my mind there are two ways to enter the discomfort zone.


1) To reach a point where it's more painful not to enter it.


2) To have such a clear picture of the pleasure gained by the end result that any discomfort now is overridden.

To those guys who say to people here, 'Just do it, stop analysing and just get on with it', sure if they could 'just do it' they would wouldn't they?

The well known book 'Feel the fear' by Susan Jeffers is still probably the best easily read source to understand and overcome our inertia in any area of life.

Good post, Alpine. I agree with you. I think you have to reach a point where you must choose between a life of comfort that is satisfying in the short-term but lacking in the long-term, or discomfort in the short-term for strength of character in the long-term. I want to strengthen my character as I feel I will become more confident as a result of this. I know I can approach women when I'm drunk but I want to approach women when I'm sober and feel absolutely comfortable (no pun intended) with it.

As for my day today, it was pretty eventful I guess:

- Woke up pretty late but I managed to just make my exams on time by grabbing a taxi. I actually had a decent conversation with the guy when normally I just would sit there without saying anything. The guy even gave me a reduced fare which was pretty good!

- Did well in my first exam. I'm sure the HB8 sitting beside me was giving me eye contact every now and then. Nothing more came of it as I finished my exam before her.

- Headed outside and sat down to take a bit of a break and I got into a chat with two girls though i didn't feel much of an attraction. She seemed more clueless about the next exam than I was.

- I then went for my lunch and I ran into the girl who I've sort of had oneitis over and who I've described in this thread. I did not expect to run into her there and then and I kinda stuttered a little bit as I spoke but I asked her how she got on in her exam and she acted vey friendly. This girl is one sexy lady!

- Headed back from lunch in the hope I'd run into the girl again but I couldn't find her. I end up sitting beside a blonde HB8. As we look at our notes there was some light kino between our shoulders. I decided to open up a convo and it wasn't difficult since she was about to do the same exam I was. She seemed quite friendly but I couldn't exactly progress the conversation much since she and I had study to do for the exam in thirty minutes time. I tried though and I even offered her one of my sweets but she declined. No real interest there I guess.
She left about ten minutes later and wished me luck and I wished her well too. What annoyed me about this was I got a bout of butterflies in my stomach as I talked to this girl. Were the exams a factor? The fact I only had four hours sleep the night before? The fact I had no appetite throughout the day? I didn't like that and it's been many months since I've been THAT bad around somebody. I'll put it down to exam stress.

- Did OK in my final exam. It lasted for three hours and I could have left early but I decided to stay until the end in the hope I'd meet that girl I have a crush on. I didn't. I guess she did leave early. I made my way out of the exams alone just like I had started the year - alone. This depressed me quite a bit. My last day and I had no one to talk to. Oh well. The world didn't end at least.

As I sit here typing this I have mixed emotions. Earlier I turned down the chance to go out with my mates as I am broke which leads me onto another area of my life I need sorting out - a job. I feel somewhat sad about how my college year panned out but at the same time I am also excited about what the next few weeks and months will bring. I'm a free man now! I know if I stay in bed all day tomorrow and watch TV that I will not do myself any good and it will be the start of my return to the comfort zone. I can't let that happen. My objectives for Friday therefore in the Discomfort Zone are:

- Get a haircut (it's badly needed)
- Hand in some CVs in an effort to secure a job for myself
- Return some books to my college library
- Hopefully go out tomorrow and get out of the house

"All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

[Visceral]

Originally posted by Mr.Style
I think you have to reach a point where you must choose between a life of comfort that is satisfying in the short-term but lacking in the long-term, or discomfort in the short-term for strength of character in the long-term.

Hell of a choice :nervous:

How long will reaching that point take? If it hasn't come after 21 years then when will it, because I already feel like it's too late.