Didn’t escalate...

[RickPound]

Had a day date doing an outdoor activity with a smoking hot personal trainer. This was our second time - the first date was 2 months ago doing the same activity and she declined anything after where I could escalate. This time she reached out, suggested we go again, but added "or get drinks sometime" to it. The activity was something I’m an expert at, in fact part of what I do for a living, and she’s getting into the sport, so I have good frame there...
Towards the end of the day I suggested a few drinks and a hot tub session at a local resort. She was very compliant and enthusiastic about it. Spent about 2 hours there and this was where I envisioned escalating but didn’t do it. Then I suggested we get take out food and go back to my place and she said “maybe, I’m waiting to hear from a client if I have to train early in the morning”. I asked again as we were leaving and she said she was going to play it safe and go to bed early. I got a hug and went home kicking myself because she made everything else that day easy and there were lots of signs of interest.

Tips for escalation besides just growing a pair. Also, any way to recover going into a third date? She said to let her know this week if I’m free.

 

[TheProspect]

You may have blown it with her already because you didn't escalate.

If you were thinking about escalation in your head because the moment seemed right, but you didn't, she was definitely expecting you to do something and probably has doubts about you now.

She said to let her know when you're free so I would just set up a third date and escalate. Don't overthink it, don't plan it. Don't second guess yourself. You've kissed girls before.

Escalation requires boldness. Be bold here. Don't worry about perfect timing, worry instead about proving you're a man who can make a move. And that just takes one decision in your head to escalate and then immediately follow through with action.

In your case, for the next date I'd make it a goal to either escalate or get rejected trying.

If you don't make a move, someone else will.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Had a day date doing an outdoor activity with a smoking hot personal trainer. This was our second time - the first date was 2 months ago doing the same activity and she declined anything after where I could escalate. This time, she time she reached out and basically asked me. The activity was something I’m an expert at, in fact part of what I do for a living, and she’s getting into the sport, so I have good frame there.
Towards the end of the day I suggested a few drinks and a hot tub session at a local resort. She was very compliant and enthusiastic about it. Spent about 2 hours there and this was where I envisioned escalating but didn’t do it. Then I suggested we get take out food and go back to my place and she said “maybe, I’m waiting to hear from a client if I have to train early in the morning”. I asked again as we were leaving and she said she was going to play it safe and go to bed early. I got a hug and went home kicking myself because she made everything else that day easy and there were lots of signs of interest.

Tips for escalation besides just growing a pair. Also, any way to recover going into a third date? She said to let her know this week if I’m free.

Invite her to your place to cook dinner together. If she agrees it is a green light to bang her. But to do that you have to escalate. Understand this women would not keep seeing you if she wasn't interested in something happening. She literally WANTS you to do something...do not disappoint her again or it will likely be over.

The fact she gave you a bunch of green lights, you did nothing and she is even considering a 3rd date with you shows she must have pretty high interest in you.

 

[EyeBRollin]

the first date was 2 months ago doing the same activity and she declined anything after where I could escalate.

You were dead right there.

Tips for escalation besides just growing a pair. Also, any way to recover going into a third date? She said to let her know this week if I’m free.

There is no escalation with this girl because she has low interest level. If you were pre-selected by her it wouldn’t take two months for a second date. She’s wasting your time. Move on.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

This time, she time she reached out and basically asked me. The activity was something I’m an expert at, in fact part of what I do for a living, and she’s getting into the sport, so I have good frame there.

Whatever you plan on doing, insist on something else then then your "activity". Maybe she just did the 2nd date to get you into teaching her about this "activity" out of yours.

Cooking at your place would be fine, so she knows that this isnt about some fancy "activity" but about you interested in her.

If she doesnt agree -> delete her number, she is only wasting your time.

 

[samspade]

Invite her to your place to cook dinner together. If she agrees it is a green light to bang her. But to do that you have to escalate. Understand this women would not keep seeing you if she wasn't interested in something happening. She literally WANTS you to do something...do not disappoint her again or it will likely be over.

The fact she gave you a bunch of green lights, you did nothing and she is even considering a 3rd date with you shows she must have pretty high interest in you.

Good advice. As someone told me, don't stop at a green light, and don't go backwards in a seduction.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You were dead right there.



There is no escalation with this girl because she has low interest level. If you were pre-selected by her it wouldn’t take two months for a second date. She’s wasting your time. Move on.

Not necessarily. She could have started dating someone else and wanted to see where it went and it's possible things didn't work out and she actually was interested in OP but just not as much as the guy she was dating.

 

[RickPound]

Invite her to your place to cook dinner together. If she agrees it is a green light to bang her. But to do that you have to escalate. Understand this women would not keep seeing you if she wasn't interested in something happening. She literally WANTS you to do something...do not disappoint her again or it will likely be over.

The fact she gave you a bunch of green lights, you did nothing and she is even considering a 3rd date with you shows she must have pretty high interest in you.

I think I have enough interest to get the 3rd date, but it will be do or die for sure.

You were dead right there.



There is no escalation with this girl because she has low interest level. If you were pre-selected by her it wouldn’t take two months for a second date. She’s wasting your time. Move on.

Two months ago, doing the same day activity/sport I offered dinner and/or drinks afterwards. She said she was "kinda seeing somebody", declined, so I stopped contacting her. Didn't talk between then and now. This time, she offered "activity" OR "get a drink sometime". Something changed and she's reaching out. I have to make the move though.

The only option is dinner at my place this week and escalate.

 

[RickPound]

Also, is the fact that I didn't escalate in the hot tub the reason she declined coming back to my place after with the excuse of having to work early?

I can rationalize that I would've definitely escalated once back at my place for a night cap - the public hot tub wasn't ideal. That's probably the only benefit of the doubt I'll get in her mind for not going for it, and hence one more chance.

 

[samspade]

Also, is the fact that I didn't escalate in the hot tub the reason she declined coming back to my place after with the excuse of having to work early?

I can rationalize that I would've definitely escalated once back at my place for a night cap - the public hot tub wasn't ideal. That's probably the only benefit of the doubt I'll get in her mind for not going for it, and hence one more chance.

OP, you only need to know this:

1. You wanted to escalate
2. Situation wasn't ideal
3. You didn't
4. You might have another chance
5. You may encounter another situation that's not ideal - so you have to coach yourself up and go for it when it's not ideal

The rest is academic.

 

[samspade]

FWIW, I have plenty of experiences I could relate to you. I've had women in my apartment, and even in my bed (in my wuss years, long ago lol) and failed to kiss. So don't beat yourself up over it.

Even in more recent situations, I've felt that dissonance where "things aren't quite right" to make a move. What that is is my inner dialogue, and it does me no good at all. Luckily more often than not, I just kind of go in no matter how "awkward" it might seem. I mean, it's just a kiss.

The key is to be 100% in the moment - neither past nor future but here and now.

 

[RickPound]

OP, you only need to know this:

1. You wanted to escalate
2. Situation wasn't ideal
3. You didn't
4. You might have another chance
5. You may encounter another situation that's not ideal - so you have to coach yourself up and go for it when it's not ideal

The rest is academic.

Great way to break it down, thank you.

 

[RickPound]

I'm going to wait a day or two and set up dinner. Eye on the prize and in the moment...

This one would be a good confidence booster.

The other girl some of you have read about is a complete mind f**k and I think it caused be to falter on some basics with this one.

UPDATE: She just reached out

 

[samspade]

This one would be a good confidence booster.

Yeah, for her. She'll be lucky if you let her fukk you.

 

[Glassguy]

In a hot tub.....drinking......for 2 hours and didnt escalate? Ouch.

I agree with others......invite her to your place to make dinner asap. Once you are settled in with her, start escalating. If you dont, she will start to see you as a gay friend.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Not necessarily. She could have started dating someone else and wanted to see where it went and it's possible things didn't work out and she actually was interested in OP but just not as much as the guy she was dating.

Sounds like that is exactly what happened. That is still low interest level. OP is the backup plan. Doesn’t mean he did anything wrong, but that’s where he stands. And if her #1 calls up, she will flake on OP.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Sounds like that is exactly what happened. That is still low interest level. OP is the backup plan. Doesn’t mean he did anything wrong, but that’s where he stands. And if her #1 calls up, she will flake on OP.

If things always fit in the nice, neat little boxes you try and put them in, women would be so much easier.

 

[EyeBRollin]

If things always fit in the nice, neat little boxes you try and put them in, women would be so much easier.

Women are easy. They choose you. It’s obvious when they do. If you’re “unsure” it’s because she isn’t all that interested.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Women are easy. They choose you. It’s obvious when they do. If you’re “unsure” it’s because she isn’t all that interested.

Just because she didn't choose you at first doesn't mean she wasn't interested. You can't be every woman's high score after 1 date. Clearly she is interested as she keeps reaching out to OP even after his failed escalation post 2nd date.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

My advice:

In my opinion you are DEFINITELY on this chick's radar: she reached out to YOU for a second meetup, and she asked YOU to arrange a third meetup. In my opinion this one is DTF.

You TWICE invited her on date #2 to come back to your place. This was your worst mistake, in my opinion.
Your other mistake is your mindset that you have to "recover" from date #2. This shows a lack of confidence.

Don't allow yourself to "recover" from anything. Choose instead to see yourself as improving, learning, succeeding. She is lucky to get a second shot at you.

Right now, I would text her (you did say she reached out a few minutes ago) and re-invite her to the hot tub resort, on a specific day and time. Keep the texting and witty remarks to a minimum, and set the 3rd date for WEDS evening at the latest.

Offer to pick her up at her place.

Do NOT bend over backwards planning the date, and do not bend over backwards kino-ing your way into her panties.

A few drinks at the resort, followed by the hot tub, is absolutely fine. Listen 80% speak 20%. Do NOT make any moves. If she wants to fvuck, she will clearly let you know. Don't force anything. Listening and showing a little restraint are actually good things. If she makes moves on you, reciprocate, but even then, you should show a little restraint.

If she refuses your invite to pick her up: your odds for sex are greatly diminished, in my opinion.
If she accepts your invite to pick her up, bring a condom.

Why waste time going back to an outside place to attempt to get her to your place when you can just get her there from the beginning?

Waste of time. Cook dinner, drink some wine, flirt and have fun and the panties will come off afterwards guaranteed.