Did my ex just insult me or am I overthinking things

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

She texts me randomly that she’s nearby with her friend and wants to come visit. Note, she knows what area I live in, but not the address. I’m already booked for the rest of the day, so I tell her that I cannot and maybe next time.

Deep down, I find it insulting because it sees me as a plan B and doesn’t value my time. If she really respected me, I feel like a simple morning text of “Hey, I’m going to be nearby later today, will you be available?” would’ve been sufficient.

Am I just being extra or is this insulting?

 

[StacksHitEmUp]

So extra.

 

[Gamisch]

Depends. You might be in your feelings, and perhaps you just like to be treated a certain way. Wouldn't be surprised if it was her friend who suggested this spontaneously ( although your ex knew damn well she would be there).

Ask yourself this: what would be your response if this was not your ex but a HB9 you've just met? Even then , would you tell the HB9 to never hit you up like this again?

And how did you actually respond to this?

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Depends. You might be in your feelings, and perhaps you just like to be treated a certain way. Wouldn't be surprised if it was her friend who suggested this spontaneously ( although your ex knew damn well she would be there).

Ask yourself this: what would be your response if this was not your ex but a HB9 you've just met? Even then , would you tell the HB9 to never hit you up like this again?

And how did you actually respond to this?

I mean just met is completely different because we don’t know each other yet. If this HB9 was a plate then I would be upset and call her out.

 

[EyeBRollin]

It is not insulting or ill-intended. However, I do agree to tell her another time. Well done.

 

[bario]

If I was genuinely free, I would have accepted it. But I also get what you mean.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

I agree but it's so interesting the double standard. Guys have told me when they ask new girls out last minute, it's to see how compliant (high interest and flexible) she is, and as many of you have said, it's comply or bye.

lol I’m not your typical guy

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Have you considered that you could’ve just overthought yourself out a threesome?

 

[Baibars]

you’re overthinking if you think of your ex or anything that has to do with her for more than a minute

 

[TheKid]

Never reward an ex. Just keep floating away.

 

[Steno]

Does she generally play games? If shes that type of chick she might just be doing that try and get validation but if she isn't the type to play games then she probably just wants to smash.

 

[BuckledWheel]

Maybe you just blew her plan A & could have smashed both of them. If you were busy & couldn’t accommodate it, then fair play. IMO I wouldn’t be insulted, she probably wanted her friend to check you out?

 

[AureliusMaximus]

She texts me randomly that she’s nearby with her friend and wants to come visit.

Why do you even care?
It's your ex and you should cut all contact with her, (long time ago?).

 

[SW15]

She texts me randomly that she’s nearby with her friend and wants to come visit. Note, she knows what area I live in, but not the address. I’m already booked for the rest of the day, so I tell her that I cannot and maybe next time.

Deep down, I find it insulting because it sees me as a plan B and doesn’t value my time. If she really respected me, I feel like a simple morning text of “Hey, I’m going to be nearby later today, will you be available?” would’ve been sufficient.

Am I just being extra or is this insulting?

If you were legitimately busy, then this shouldn't be an issue at all.

Have you considered that you could’ve just overthought yourself out a threesome?

This is the kind of situation that would be better for a phone call than a text message. Millennials have been bad about an overreliance on text. I could see a phone call helping to determine if a threesome was a real possibility. That text message could have been interpreted multiple ways.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Update: We had a fight because I told her I don’t think we should see each other because there’s too many negative things about you that I cannot just forget. She was like you need to get over it and that I have a victim mentality. Nothing has changed, I’m glad I didn’t do it now lol.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

She texts me randomly that she’s nearby with her friend and wants to come visit. Note, she knows what area I live in, but not the address. I’m already booked for the rest of the day, so I tell her that I cannot and maybe next time.

Deep down, I find it insulting because it sees me as a plan B and doesn’t value my time. If she really respected me, I feel like a simple morning text of “Hey, I’m going to be nearby later today, will you be available?” would’ve been sufficient.

Am I just being extra or is this insulting?

Way overthinking it and making assumptions. Maybe she wasn't expecting to be there and when she was she decided to hit you up. Or maybe she didn't think there would be time. Or any other reason.

But beyond any of this, she is an ex, so honestly who cares?

 

[SW15]

But beyond any of this, she is an ex, so honestly who cares?

So true. The only way this would have been relevant was the possible 3way situation.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

She texts me randomly that she’s nearby with her friend and wants to come visit. Note, she knows what area I live in, but not the address. I’m already booked for the rest of the day, so I tell her that I cannot and maybe next time.

Deep down, I find it insulting because it sees me as a plan B and doesn’t value my time. If she really respected me, I feel like a simple morning text of “Hey, I’m going to be nearby later today, will you be available?” would’ve been sufficient.

Am I just being extra or is this insulting?

Extra. You are 100% overthinking a situation that should not be given a second of thought effort.

First, she is with a friend and wants to come visit. She is not telling you she is meeting a friend but if that friend bails then she would like to come visit. You are giving the plan B label to yourself.

Second, she is your ex. Why is she contacting you? Why are you replying? Learn more about No Contact and apply it from now on. There is absolutely no point, reason, purpose, benefit, etc, etc from keeping taps on each other after breaking up. It is only detrimental to you (and maybe her) as proven by your overthinking post.


Modern Man Advice

 

[Barrister]

She texts me randomly that she’s nearby with her friend and wants to come visit. Note, she knows what area I live in, but not the address. I’m already booked for the rest of the day, so I tell her that I cannot and maybe next time.

Deep down, I find it insulting because it sees me as a plan B and doesn’t value my time. If she really respected me, I feel like a simple morning text of “Hey, I’m going to be nearby later today, will you be available?” would’ve been sufficient.

Am I just being extra or is this insulting?

This is your ex we are talking about. She is likely looking for an opportunity to bread-crumb you and in the process make her friend think that you will eat out of the palm of her hand. Not only was it a good move to tell her you weren't available on the day in question, it would be a good policy to extend on a permanent basis. Plenty of pvssy out there that doesn't have the emotional baggage of an ex.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

This is the kind of situation that would be better for a phone call than a text message. Millennials have been bad about an overreliance on text. I could see a phone call helping to determine if a threesome was a real possibility. That text message could have been interpreted multiple ways.

One thing I have learned in life is to assume the sale. 95% of the time it works.