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Dating a model - next steps

RealHawkeye

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Here's the situation. Got divorced last year, after that started seeing a professional model that I'd known for a number of years. She and I had a working relationship when I was married, and while that has continued it has progressed to more than that. (She is not the reason for the divorce!!)

When I say she's a model, I'm not making it up. She very much looks the part and has men drooling over her everywhere. Problem is while she spends lots of time with me, it's not exclusive to me. She will go out on "dates" (though she doesn't look at it that way) with other guys. She said she has no romantic interest in them and considers it professional opportunities / entertainment industry stuff. I have objected to this, but she hasn't heeded them. So I decided to force her hand on it, so to speak -- I've started restricting my available time and attention with her, and she has immediately noticed it. She asked why I'm suddenly so "distant." I'm making myself scarce with her, and she's not liking it. But the goal is to get her to buy in 100% with me, or move on.

Question -- Do I tell her why I'm backing off time with her, or or not, or (give her an ultimatum), or do something else?
 

biggoal

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Here's the situation. Got divorced last year, after that started seeing a professional model that I'd known for a number of years. She and I had a working relationship when I was married, and while that has continued it has progressed to more than that. (She is not the reason for the divorce!!)

When I say she's a model, I'm not making it up. She very much looks the part and has men drooling over her everywhere. Problem is while she spends lots of time with me, it's not exclusive to me. She will go out on "dates" (though she doesn't look at it that way) with other guys. She said she has no romantic interest in them and considers it professional opportunities / entertainment industry stuff. I have objected to this, but she hasn't heeded them. So I decided to force her hand on it, so to speak -- I've started restricting my available time and attention with her, and she has immediately noticed it. She asked why I'm suddenly so "distant." I'm making myself scarce with her, and she's not liking it. But the goal is to get her to buy in 100% with me, or move on.

Question -- Do I tell her why I'm backing off time with her, or or not, or (give her an ultimatum), or do something else?
What HB does she rank?
 

flowtheory

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What HB does she rank?
What a retarddd question. Smh

OP; keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t tell her you’re backing off. Let her hamster spin. She will piece it together. You old her you didn’t like the friend dates and she persisted, because she’s used to getting her way in this regard because she’s beautiful. That’s her power.
Just occupy your time and become more scarce. you can also mirror her by going on some friend dates too, right? you aren’t exclusive. It’s not game playing. You need her to invest more in you than you are in her. Scarcity creates value.

She’s keeping her options open. Let’s not be silly and beat around that bush..

have you two had s3x?

also never use ultimatums. Never once has that ever worked in romance. Because an ultimatum is coming from a need and desperation.

also. Is it possible you’re being insecure? Do you have any reason not to trust that she is telling you she’s not romantically interested in other men than you?
 

MountainSlide

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What a retarddd question. Smh

OP; keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t tell her you’re backing off. Let her hamster spin. She will piece it together. You old her you didn’t like the friend dates and she persisted, because she’s used to getting her way in this regard because she’s beautiful. That’s her power.
Just occupy your time and become more scarce. you can also mirror her by going on some friend dates too, right? you aren’t exclusive. It’s not game playing. You need her to invest more in you than you are in her. Scarcity creates value.

She’s keeping her options open. Let’s not be silly and beat around that bush..

have you two had s3x?

also never use ultimatums. Never once has that ever worked in romance. Because an ultimatum is coming from a need and desperation.

also. Is it possible you’re being insecure? Do you have any reason not to trust that she is telling you she’s not romantically interested in other men than you?
This is good advice.

I’ve been in similar situations and have made mistakes that ruined it. I think the best strategy is that you don’t worry about all that relationship stuff. When you get together it should just be a fun romantic evening that ends in sex. If you start to get possessive, jealous, and acting desperate. Then she’ll dump you. Let her worry about locking you down not the other way around. You just enjoy her and get laid :up:. And if it doesn’t work out, who cares? There’re plenty of other fish in the sea
 

Dash Riprock

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Play it cool. It's only a woman. She takes a s*hit everyday like you and has fatal flaws like you. Don't put her on some sort of faux pedestal. Being a "model" is no big deal anymore unless it's Cindy Crawford as I see you're 49. You're acting like she's the be all end all with the ultimatum--really bad move, btw. It shows insecurity and desperation. Good move on the S&D though so you regained some points. She's going on a date? Cool. Have fun. I'm heading out with the boys or Jane or Sally or whatever. You're not too mature to be reminded of the Abundance Mentality and IDGAF.

Good luck.
 

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RealHawkeye

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OP; keep doing what you’re doing. Don’t tell her you’re backing off. Let her hamster spin. She will piece it together. You old her you didn’t like the friend dates and she persisted, because she’s used to getting her way in this regard because she’s beautiful. That’s her power.
Right. Her beauty + personality (very friendly, outgoing and positive) = she gets most anybody to do what she wants.

Just occupy your time and become more scarce. you can also mirror her by going on some friend dates too, right? you aren’t exclusive. It’s not game playing. You need her to invest more in you than you are in her. Scarcity creates value.

She’s keeping her options open. Let’s not be silly and beat around that bush..
Thanks for confirming my gut reaction. I think she's keeping her options open in that she's not being locked down. She came out of a bad relationship about the same time I did. She said she has no interest in this one guy in particular that she went on a "date" (that she would deny was one) with, and if he starts getting "weird" she'll shut it down. She said that's happened lots of times in the past.

also never use ultimatums. Never once has that ever worked in romance. Because an ultimatum is coming from a need and desperation.

also. Is it possible you’re being insecure? Do you have any reason not to trust that she is telling you she’s not romantically interested in other men than you?
No doubt I'm being insecure. Coming out of a divorce I've been out of the dating pool over 10 years, so I have to re-learn some of these things. Having the time, affections and support of a virtual supermodel has been very helpful through the process.
I generally trust that she's not romantically involved with other guys, but that doesn't mean I'm ok with her spending time with them -- especially since they're doing everything they can to woo her.
 

RickTheToad

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What HB does she rank?
Grow up dude. What are you? 16?

@RealHawkeye, assuming this is legit, which I have my doubts, you don't bring anything up. She's "seeing - fvcking" other dudes, you should go out and see other ladies; preferably hotter than this one and she should see you out in public with them. You have a casual relationship; if you are having sex. If you are not having sex, you are just an orbiter. Don't be an orbiter.
 

BackInTheGame78

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Well, I guess the question ends up being is what she doing part of how she gets jobs/opportunities, etc?

If it is then I think you are acting a little insecure in this whole thing. If it isn't then I can see your side.

I guess it's up to you what you want to do or of you are too insecure with yourself to have this happening. If she is going to cheat she will cheat regardless of if she is going on these networking things.
 

RealHawkeye

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Well, I guess the question ends up being is what she doing part of how she gets jobs/opportunities, etc?
She (and I) are in the entertainment biz. Networking and relationship building is part of it. But at some point the lines between business and personal can get blurred. Thing is, even if I ultimately cut off my personal relationship with her, I want to maintain a cordial business relationship as she can and has helped me with my career (though I have or likely can help hers more).
 

Tilex

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Are you trying to impress us or what?
Who cares if she's a model.

I used to date a cheerleader from a professional basketball team, but I never announced her to everyone as "Ultra Famous Cheerleader You've Seen on TV"
It's not necessary to pedestalize her like that.
It makes it seem like you worship her.

You just need to be more bold with these types.
We still don't know if you've had sex with her yet.
You should never take any woman seriously until you've already had sex with them.
 

biggoal

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Are you trying to impress us or what?
Who cares if she's a model.

I used to date a cheerleader from a professional basketball team, but I never announced her to everyone as "Ultra Famous Cheerleader You've Seen on TV"
It's not necessary to pedestalize her like that.
It makes it seem like you worship her.

You just need to be more bold with these types.
We still don't know if you've had sex with her yet.
You should never take any woman seriously until you've already had sex with them.
Pro cheerleader? You know shes seeing and banging the uber rich tyrones from the basketball team right?
 

jaymbrs

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OP is evading the question of having had sex with her. If not, he's just being strung along as a gay bestie and he doesn't even realize it.
 

Glassguy

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She (and I) are in the entertainment biz. Networking and relationship building is part of it. But at some point the lines between business and personal can get blurred. Thing is, even if I ultimately cut off my personal relationship with her, I want to maintain a cordial business relationship as she can and has helped me with my career (though I have or likely can help hers more).
This says it all.

You are not fvcking her. You are just like those other guys she is using (without sex) to move up the ladder. The stuff she says to you about those other guys, she also says to them about you.

You are acquaintances. Nothing more. Until you are fvcking her, expect the same. It does not matter if you pull back, reduce contact, etc. She is still getting what she wants out of this and leaving you THINKING that you will get what you want (sex). But it wont happen.

JMO
 

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LARaiders85

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She isn't going to give you what you're looking for in a woman. The only relative stability she will find is with someone who is as sketchy as she is.
 

oldmanofthesea

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If you want advice, please answer yes or no to the question you’ve been asked about whether or not you are sleeping with her.

Also, when you say you are dating her, what exact do you mean by that? And if you aren’t sleeping with her, why should you have any say at all in who she sees or what she does?

Honestly this sounds like an AFC textbook case to me. Guy has put a girl on a pedestal, has know her a long time yet not slept with her because she friend zoned him and is using him for attention, but he thinks it’s more than that. Now you are trying to figure out how to manipulate her into wanting you as more than a friend. Withdraw all you want. It won’t make her want a romance with you. That ship has sailed LONG ago. Any response you get from her in your withdrawal will be out of concern for losing a friend and source of attention/validation or whatever else it is you are providing for her.
 
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BeExcellent

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Advice from the old lady:

Why won’t you answer the question posed by the forum?

Are you having sex with her? I seriously doubt it.

If you aren’t its a friend zone situation period. You can catch feelings all you want but if she isn’t having sex with you ON THE REGULAR then you are not DATING her.

If you are in the entertainment industry you know very well the hob knob networking that goes on. People’s currency is only as high as their relevance at any given moment.

She is using you just as you are using her. You like being seen with her and the cache it brings you.

But she will do absolutely as she pleases. And why not? You are letting her use you because you like the attention it affords YOU.

Time to get real. It ain’t our first rodeo...cowboy.
 

RealHawkeye

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To everyone asking if we have slept together, the answer is no because we don't believe in that. We often attend church together. But short of that we have been romantic and physical, and go out lots where she is often the one buying.

There, everyone happy?
 
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