You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.
And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.
Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.
The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Sometimes it is hard to get through a whole day without a rationalization ot two.Mr. Me said:Realize, MNIN, that whatever rationalization you offer up to explain why you'd reply is going to be just that: a mere rationalization.
yeah she respondediqqi said:Man, you guys act like she hates him. She just told him that she didn't think there was any potential. He isn't asking her to change her mind, or begging for another chance. He is merely responding in a light hearted way. This says the opposite of "piss off" with the most impact, which I don't see why he'd say that in the first place.
The date went fine. She doesn't think there is any future. That happens sometimes. She was honest and nice about it. He doesn't have to be mad, and I think it is good karma to be cool about it. Keeping an open door policy here so to speak could lead to other opportunities, whereas implying that she should "piss off" is definately coming across as bitter and burning a bridge.
MNIN did just fine in this whole thing. I thought she may have been looking for something else from the beginning, and am not surprised she did this at all. MNIN did nothing wrong. His virgin comment may have went over her head, who knows. She may be some psycho phone thrasher, who knows. No first date is perfect.
MNIN, did she ever respond? How do you feel about the fact that you ended it on a light hearted note?
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
I think you are over reacting.Mr. Me said:She said she doesn't want to see you, and you're going to contact her?
She's an attorney. You want her to file that you're stalking or harassing her?
Why do you have to reply to her, anyway? What is it inside you that makes you feel you so need to do that?
She sounds pretty mature to me. You did fine MNIN, just wasn't a match. No biggie and just move on and you'll find one.My Name is Nobody said:yeah she responded
"I knew you would think that! It actually has nothing to do with it. I am SO glad we didn't have sex. It would have been absolutely a BAD idea. I'm sorry I gave you the impression that I'm easy like that. It's not true; I don't know what I was thinking....
You are ridiculously funny and cute. But I think we are both looking for a soul mate, and I am pretty sure, even though you are really cool, you're not it. So I just figured we'd nip this in the bud before we actually did "hit it" and then we'd both be regretful."
Interesting...My Name is Nobody said:yeah she responded
"I knew you would think that! It actually has nothing to do with it. I am SO glad we didn't have sex. It would have been absolutely a BAD idea. I'm sorry I gave you the impression that I'm easy like that. It's not true; I don't know what I was thinking....
You are ridiculously funny and cute. But I think we are both looking for a soul mate, and I am pretty sure, even though you are really cool, you're not it. So I just figured we'd nip this in the bud before we actually did "hit it" and then we'd both be regretful."
My Name is Nobody said:yeah she responded
"I knew you would think that! It actually has nothing to do with it. I am SO glad we didn't have sex. It would have been absolutely a BAD idea. I'm sorry I gave you the impression that I'm easy like that. It's not true; I don't know what I was thinking....
You are ridiculously funny and cute. But I think we are both looking for a soul mate, and I am pretty sure, even though you are really cool, you're not it. So I just figured we'd nip this in the bud before we actually did "hit it" and then we'd both be regretful."
Nah, I'm just going to leave it alone.iqqi said:Interesting...
It is too bad that she can't just have fun with you. Instead she would rather sit at home alone with her Haagen Daas and Sex in the City reruns!
If you follow that up, just say something along the lines of if she ever DOESN'T want to sit at home with her Haagen Daas and SITC reruns, to give you a buzz and you will think of some bad ideas for the two of you to get into. And say "I bet you have a dirty mind and just took that out of context".
Or don't follow it up, its all up to you. Right now you guys are both on good standing with each other. She is older, and is looking for something serious, and she doesn't think its you. I suspected that would be the case!
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.
I think at this point he should just let it alone and let things stand where they may.iqqi said:Interesting...
It is too bad that she can't just have fun with you. Instead she would rather sit at home alone with her Haagen Daas and Sex in the City reruns!
If you follow that up, just say something along the lines of if she ever DOESN'T want to sit at home with her Haagen Daas and SITC reruns, to give you a buzz and you will think of some bad ideas for the two of you to get into. And say "I bet you have a dirty mind and just took that out of context".
Or don't follow it up, its all up to you. Right now you guys are both on good standing with each other. She is older, and is looking for something serious, and she doesn't think its you. I suspected that would be the case!
Not my idea of a fine date. What would make it a great date? Catching her going though my wallet while she flirts with the entire wait staff?The date went fine.
One day, years down the road, MNIN, you'll remember this message and maybe finally it will dawn you how it's just BS. And you'll be able to easily figure out why it is too.You are ridiculously funny and cute. But I think we are both looking for a soul mate, and I am pretty sure, even though you are really cool, you're not it.
She doesn't think there's any "present" either. And the "past" ain't so hot to boot.She doesn't think there is any future.
Actually, the opposite of "piss off" would be more like, "Get your a$$ here".This says the opposite of "piss off"
Well no need to respond to everything you said since you first line illustrates how ludicrous your thinking is! Lol. His wallet, and the entire wait staff.Mr. Me said:Not my idea of a fine date. What would make it a great date? Catching her going though my wallet while she flirts with the entire wait staff?
Mr. Me said:Not my idea of a fine date. What would make it a great date? Catching her going though my wallet while she flirts with the entire wait staff?
One day, years down the road, MNIN, you'll remember this message and maybe finally it will dawn you how it's just BS. And you'll be able to easily figure out why it is too.
She doesn't think there's any "present" either. And the "past" ain't so hot to boot.
I think it's more like, "this whole thing is awkward, but I wasn't that interested to begin with, which is why I can blow him off. Especially since he knows I'm a paranoid snoop."
Actually, the opposite of "piss off" would be more like, "Get your a$$ here".
What she told him was a gentle variation of "piss off", not its opposite.
It's so cute watching you kids reinvent the wheel.
Iqqy, you and MNIN should have a date together and then both post threads. That would be a v-e-r-y entertaining thread!
I too think he could take her if he wanted her. In this case a little confident persistence, and she would be all his. IMO.cordoncordon said:Again, I think you are overreacting and over analyzing.
She just wasn't that into him. And to be honest I think MNIN could take her or leave her as well if he really thinks about it. Not much more to be said.
You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.
Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.
She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.
Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.
This is true.cordoncordon said:I just gotta tell you from my experience in doing the same, or in hearing it from woman that have had that happen to them, turning down a woman for sex on the first date will 99.999999999999999% of the time increase her interest level in you.
People want what they can't have. People respect people that don't follow the status quo. You were different. You weren't just a guy wanting to hit it. I'm not saying that you should have turned her down if she really wanted it, imo you should have just gone with the flow, but I also don't believe that your lack of sexing had anything to do with her not wanting a second date.
Well I am assuming that he said it in such a way as to make her feel she is desirable and that he is going to tap that in the very near future because lawyer girl is so hot right now, (lawyer girl) instead of just telling her no and walking away.iqqi said:This is true.
UNLESS she felt rejected, and her only recourse was to reject back.
Which I pointed out in the beginning could be what happened. Some women are so insecure that they take that as an outright rejection, and they take it badly.
Most guys accidentally kill attraction before they even speak. They assume they need a bigger bank account, a better physique, or smoother lines. They miss the point.
Female desire operates on a specific set of psychological triggers. Break them, and you're invisible. Follow them, and you become magnetic.
I learned this the hard way. Years of freezing up. Getting friend-zoned. Watching other guys walk away with the girl I wanted. Then I discovered a set of 22 simple rules that rewired my entire approach.