She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
Sometimes it is hard to get through a whole day without a rationalization ot two.Mr. Me said:Realize, MNIN, that whatever rationalization you offer up to explain why you'd reply is going to be just that: a mere rationalization.
yeah she respondediqqi said:Man, you guys act like she hates him. She just told him that she didn't think there was any potential. He isn't asking her to change her mind, or begging for another chance. He is merely responding in a light hearted way. This says the opposite of "piss off" with the most impact, which I don't see why he'd say that in the first place.
The date went fine. She doesn't think there is any future. That happens sometimes. She was honest and nice about it. He doesn't have to be mad, and I think it is good karma to be cool about it. Keeping an open door policy here so to speak could lead to other opportunities, whereas implying that she should "piss off" is definately coming across as bitter and burning a bridge.
MNIN did just fine in this whole thing. I thought she may have been looking for something else from the beginning, and am not surprised she did this at all. MNIN did nothing wrong. His virgin comment may have went over her head, who knows. She may be some psycho phone thrasher, who knows. No first date is perfect.
MNIN, did she ever respond? How do you feel about the fact that you ended it on a light hearted note?
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
I think you are over reacting.Mr. Me said:She said she doesn't want to see you, and you're going to contact her?
She's an attorney. You want her to file that you're stalking or harassing her?
Why do you have to reply to her, anyway? What is it inside you that makes you feel you so need to do that?
She sounds pretty mature to me. You did fine MNIN, just wasn't a match. No biggie and just move on and you'll find one.My Name is Nobody said:yeah she responded
"I knew you would think that! It actually has nothing to do with it. I am SO glad we didn't have sex. It would have been absolutely a BAD idea. I'm sorry I gave you the impression that I'm easy like that. It's not true; I don't know what I was thinking....
You are ridiculously funny and cute. But I think we are both looking for a soul mate, and I am pretty sure, even though you are really cool, you're not it. So I just figured we'd nip this in the bud before we actually did "hit it" and then we'd both be regretful."
Interesting...My Name is Nobody said:yeah she responded
"I knew you would think that! It actually has nothing to do with it. I am SO glad we didn't have sex. It would have been absolutely a BAD idea. I'm sorry I gave you the impression that I'm easy like that. It's not true; I don't know what I was thinking....
You are ridiculously funny and cute. But I think we are both looking for a soul mate, and I am pretty sure, even though you are really cool, you're not it. So I just figured we'd nip this in the bud before we actually did "hit it" and then we'd both be regretful."
My Name is Nobody said:yeah she responded
"I knew you would think that! It actually has nothing to do with it. I am SO glad we didn't have sex. It would have been absolutely a BAD idea. I'm sorry I gave you the impression that I'm easy like that. It's not true; I don't know what I was thinking....
You are ridiculously funny and cute. But I think we are both looking for a soul mate, and I am pretty sure, even though you are really cool, you're not it. So I just figured we'd nip this in the bud before we actually did "hit it" and then we'd both be regretful."
Nah, I'm just going to leave it alone.iqqi said:Interesting...
It is too bad that she can't just have fun with you. Instead she would rather sit at home alone with her Haagen Daas and Sex in the City reruns!
If you follow that up, just say something along the lines of if she ever DOESN'T want to sit at home with her Haagen Daas and SITC reruns, to give you a buzz and you will think of some bad ideas for the two of you to get into. And say "I bet you have a dirty mind and just took that out of context".
Or don't follow it up, its all up to you. Right now you guys are both on good standing with each other. She is older, and is looking for something serious, and she doesn't think its you. I suspected that would be the case!
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
I think at this point he should just let it alone and let things stand where they may.iqqi said:Interesting...
It is too bad that she can't just have fun with you. Instead she would rather sit at home alone with her Haagen Daas and Sex in the City reruns!
If you follow that up, just say something along the lines of if she ever DOESN'T want to sit at home with her Haagen Daas and SITC reruns, to give you a buzz and you will think of some bad ideas for the two of you to get into. And say "I bet you have a dirty mind and just took that out of context".
Or don't follow it up, its all up to you. Right now you guys are both on good standing with each other. She is older, and is looking for something serious, and she doesn't think its you. I suspected that would be the case!
Not my idea of a fine date. What would make it a great date? Catching her going though my wallet while she flirts with the entire wait staff?The date went fine.
One day, years down the road, MNIN, you'll remember this message and maybe finally it will dawn you how it's just BS. And you'll be able to easily figure out why it is too.You are ridiculously funny and cute. But I think we are both looking for a soul mate, and I am pretty sure, even though you are really cool, you're not it.
She doesn't think there's any "present" either. And the "past" ain't so hot to boot.She doesn't think there is any future.
Actually, the opposite of "piss off" would be more like, "Get your a$$ here".This says the opposite of "piss off"
Well no need to respond to everything you said since you first line illustrates how ludicrous your thinking is! Lol. His wallet, and the entire wait staff.Mr. Me said:Not my idea of a fine date. What would make it a great date? Catching her going though my wallet while she flirts with the entire wait staff?
Mr. Me said:Not my idea of a fine date. What would make it a great date? Catching her going though my wallet while she flirts with the entire wait staff?
One day, years down the road, MNIN, you'll remember this message and maybe finally it will dawn you how it's just BS. And you'll be able to easily figure out why it is too.
She doesn't think there's any "present" either. And the "past" ain't so hot to boot.
I think it's more like, "this whole thing is awkward, but I wasn't that interested to begin with, which is why I can blow him off. Especially since he knows I'm a paranoid snoop."
Actually, the opposite of "piss off" would be more like, "Get your a$$ here".
What she told him was a gentle variation of "piss off", not its opposite.
It's so cute watching you kids reinvent the wheel.
Iqqy, you and MNIN should have a date together and then both post threads. That would be a v-e-r-y entertaining thread!
I too think he could take her if he wanted her. In this case a little confident persistence, and she would be all his. IMO.cordoncordon said:Again, I think you are overreacting and over analyzing.
She just wasn't that into him. And to be honest I think MNIN could take her or leave her as well if he really thinks about it. Not much more to be said.
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
This is true.cordoncordon said:I just gotta tell you from my experience in doing the same, or in hearing it from woman that have had that happen to them, turning down a woman for sex on the first date will 99.999999999999999% of the time increase her interest level in you.
People want what they can't have. People respect people that don't follow the status quo. You were different. You weren't just a guy wanting to hit it. I'm not saying that you should have turned her down if she really wanted it, imo you should have just gone with the flow, but I also don't believe that your lack of sexing had anything to do with her not wanting a second date.
Well I am assuming that he said it in such a way as to make her feel she is desirable and that he is going to tap that in the very near future because lawyer girl is so hot right now, (lawyer girl) instead of just telling her no and walking away.iqqi said:This is true.
UNLESS she felt rejected, and her only recourse was to reject back.
Which I pointed out in the beginning could be what happened. Some women are so insecure that they take that as an outright rejection, and they take it badly.
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.