Date, really nervous

[christoff522]

Got a date in 15 minutes, about to set off, really nervous.
Gonna have steak, it's gonna be fun im sure, but still feeling nervous.
I keep feeling like something is going to go wrong.

 

[christoff522]

Got a date in 15 minutes, about to set off, really nervous.
Gonna have steak, it's gonna be fun im sure, but still feeling nervous.
I keep feeling like something is going to go wrong.

Okay, went, ate food and talked for two hours, definitely interested in me. I was nervous for nothing..in fact had I been less nervous things may even have gone better.

Tip: Be courageous and you will succeed even if you fail

 

[marmel75]

I would personally never take a women out to eat on the first date, but that's just me. Drinks is all they would be getting...

 

[Hmm]

Exactly. Well done. You had a fun time and she likes you.

Dinner doesn't necessarily mean fancy expensive restaurant..

 

[TheCWord]

Yeah man, like the boys are saying, we are all at different stages and maybe you don't date a lot so you still got those nerves and a case of "I hope his goes well!" But soon you'll have so many plates spinning that you won't put so much emphasis on a date going well. It could go bad and you'd be fine.

But yes, maybe watch the dinner first dates and go for something low key. There are always more women, so no need to be nervous about any dates. You want a girl that is nervous about seeing you cause she loves you so much, you don't want to be with someone who makes you feel nervous/has the power.

 

[christoff522]

Thanks, the only reason we went there was to have steak. I had a massive urge to have steak and she likes steak so we went for steak. We then talked for like 2 hours, had a good time, next we're gonna go watch turtles.

I do kinda feel like I'm breaking all the rules haha, but it seems to be going okay. I was nervous but only because I've literally just gone NC on my BPDx. She fakked my head up man.

I'm just out there enjoying myself, I may take her bowling or something, or things may not work out and I'll spin other plates. The nervousness I felt was totally irrational. But I am glad I experienced it, soldiered on through and am now in a better place than I was 2 days ago.

Also it wasn't some posh restaurant, it was just a pub with comfy seats. I didn't sit in front of her like an interview, I sat next to her. I agree perhaps an action date would have been better, its definitely pinned for future reference.

 

[christoff522]

Yeah man, like the boys are saying, we are all at different stages and maybe you don't date a lot so you still got those nerves and a case of "I hope his goes well!" But soon you'll have so many plates spinning that you won't put so much emphasis on a date going well. It could go bad and you'd be fine.

Thank you, I am new to this, I've been an AFC since High School. Honestly though I think the nerves was something else. Something irrational. I've always been like this, like I actually don't want to go on the date. Who knows.

But yes, maybe watch the dinner first dates and go for something low key. There are always more women, so no need to be nervous about any dates. You want a girl that is nervous about seeing you cause she loves you so much, you don't want to be with someone who makes you feel nervous/has the power.

It definitely wasn't her, she was lovely and she even said she considered not coming cos she was so nervous. I was also definitely in control as well, I was open and friendly about stuff but I decided where we sat, she paid for her food, she even deferred to me for what she ate. Went very very well.

 

[Electro67]

Being nervous, over-thinking things and TRYING to make a good impression doesn't do any good. Take it from someone who's made that mistake too many times.

The key is to be as uninvested as possible in the outcome of the date. I realize that can be difficult if you really like the girl, but that's the mindset you need to have. You must be relaxed and natural and just allow yourself to have a good time and not worry.

I'm glad your date went well.

 

[IBreatheSpears]

There's nothing wrong with nervousness or any other emotion, and you really shouldn't try to avoid or numb motional responses, even if they are so strong that they prevent you from functioning. Instead you need to change your mindset about emotions. Having a negative mindset about negative emotions is what hurts you, not the emotions themselves. Thinking "I shouldn't be nervous/unhappy/etc. because a DJ is never nervous/unhappy/whatever!" hurts you because you tie your self-worth to this idea of being a Don Juan who doesn't feel those emotions that it's impossible for a healthy person not to feel. Then, you fail to live up to your idealised self, and that leads to a spiral of hurt self-esteem and the descent to depression, especially if you have narcissistic tendencies. I used to have these episodes regularly and it's only by changing my mindset about things and re-integrating the various aspects of my personality that I've gotten past them. Not everyone will be able to relate, but if you can, take a look at Dabrowski's theory of positive disintegration.

The mindset I've developed about emotions is that emotions are one of two things: (1) a message from your sub-conscious, or (2) a tool, a way of motivating yourself or altering your psyche in a useful and temporary way.

1. Emotions as messages. Your brain is constantly and sub-consciously processing everything in the environment and to do that quickly it has to sacrifice accuracy. The conscious part of the brain is more accurate but slower, so when the sub-conscious thinks it has something important, it sends a message in the form of an emotion to the conscious brain for re-assessment. Your job, as the conscious, is to perform this re-assessment. There's an article in (I think) the DJ Bible which mentions assessing your feelings instead of following them blindly or suppressing them altogether.

2. Emotions as tools. I've noticed that I'm at my most productive when I'm angry and I've realised that there are two reasons for this: one is that anger increases psychological arousal and motivation, and another is that I am trying to displace or take my mind off of my anger by doing something else. I've also learned that I can make myself more or less angry, so if I really want to get sh­it done, I get angry. If I wanted to beat someone up for money, I'd make myself angry at them.

Sometimes strong emotions can be unpleasant but you have to learn to endure them. The best way to learn this is to read Stoic philosophy, like the Enchiridion of Epictetus or the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius. Epicurean philosophy has some good things to say but the Epicurean's overall aim is the avoidance, rather than the endurance, of emotional pain, which is wrong - you can only avoid for so long, but endurance is forever.

These days, I enjoy strong emotions, sometimes even sadness. All this is mindset.

Mindset is everything.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I used to be the same way bro, now I just lean back and relax and don't worry about things...women sense that you are relaxed and not nervous and feel a lot more comfortable...

 

[pyros]

this thread has no point...

 

[mangotot]

How was your date bro? Did you fvck her?