Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
Vagrant, come on man, look at yourself.. your stressing for NOTHING. Things you should stress on is paying the rent, your mom being sick, not being able to find employment... Girls.. Nothing to stress over because there are billions of them out there and your stressing one out of a billion. relax man.vagrant said:
Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.
She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.
Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.
So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.
The words come later. The impression comes first.
i know what you're saying but the thing is i know she will not tell me the truth...she loves me i know and doesn't want to ruin us...but like every relationship we had out ups and DOWNS...lately it's been hard for both of us...honestly i don't have a job and i don't have a lot of friends but i'm a good looking guy...i mean i wouldn't have any problems getting chicks cuz everyday i'm getting offered in every corner...the thing is my sister's in cali and i'm in new york...i'm babysitting my sister's son and i go to school...i just never had the time to go out to keep friends or even have a part time job...now school just ended and i'm pretty much home all day babysitting...skating in the afternoon or working out a little...everytime we talk on the phone i don't have anything to tell her...everytime she calls i'd pick up within seconds...i have nothing to do...i can't get myself busy...i don't have money...i don't even have a car...i know all that will change this june when i move to cali with my whole family...i'm ready to experience what the world has to offer...but right now...yeah you can say i will bore you to death with the life i have right now though i can keep you on your toes with my skating tricks hehe!~In2theGame said:
well it would be stupid on my part to end a good relationship which i think it is besides the fact that she might be seeing someone else...i just need to see them together both on the same spot...believe me...she is hot, sexy, and just one incredible chick but i can move on and i will move on if everything is true...though it would hunt me for days having thought of other guys doing her like there's no tomorrow...makes me sick to my stomach btw...damn...having nothing to do makes you think a lot of stupid stuff...ugh!~In2theGame said:
That explains it. You don't show any market value. This other guy does. Simply by taking the SAT with her shows her he has more market value. You don't seem to have any goals, and she feels above you.
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
New York? Cool. What Borough? I Live here. IF she seems like shes getting distant, from experience, its a bad sign all the way.vagrant said:
Why do you need to see them together? she wont let that happen. U wanna talk about hurt? My EX did me so dirty, i was crying alone in my room for months! and on top of it.. While i was in my bed alone at 3am crying i knew she was sucking another guys D*ck at that very moment. I felt like my heart was gonna explode. it didnt just hurt, I was Painful. I was with her for 4 years and out of the blue, she tells me she needs some time alone. i later found out she was F--cking this guy every night. Then she had the NERVE!! 3 months later to ask me if we can be together again.vagrant said:
i do have A LOT of goals...but it's not happening right now that i'm here in new york with a 5 yr kid wherever i go...i try to keep myself busy skating and working out in the house...lately i got back playing video games and just trying to read a lot of good stuff from the internet just cuz i don't have anything to do...our house is so clean...my mom's car's so clean...which she left me cuz she's in another country with my bro...i even cleaned the engine...i've been watching a lot of boxing fights on tv...but yeah, you're right...right now i don't have that market value...LOOKS definitely is NOT enough!...you gotta have the PERSONALITY...the LIFE...that other girls will chase you for and that will make the girl you have right now fight for!~tmpgstx said:
Bad idea!!!tmpgstx said:
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
tmpgstx, That was an excellent post and a very true one. I myself have been through such heartache and such saddness that if it werent for my friends, i would have gone crazy but i am so happy it happened to me. You cant understand unless you pass through the fire and once you go through the hell that a girl puts you through, Then you can look back and say "Yes, now i understand what was going on". Every guy must go through that hard time in order to know women.tmpgstx said:
I didn't say come right out and ask .. said get her to admit by first saying that you have been interested in other girls. You never want to appear desparate, but sorry to say LMS, looking for clues is to late for Vagrant.
aaaah sh!t...i feel you man...that's some hard sh!t you've been through...real HARD!...something that can get you really bad specially if you're weak like my bro who started using drugs cuz of the girl that just used her...you can say i'm pretty weak too when it comes to sh!t like this but i'm blessed that i was born with a little hot badass look to compensate for the little game i have...experience really killed me...i just lack a lot of it...you know when they say education is something no one else can take away from you and not like money where you can loose it...well basically it all comes down to EXPERIENCE...it's the only thing that everyone of us will take wherever we go...to cali or to heaven that no one else can take...it's HER lost though... a big one too...cuz right now i'm full of energy and goals...no way i'll be a loser...no way i'm wasting my life...the present is a gift...it's a gift...btw i just want to end it in person...just to be sure too that i'm not just smokin crack!~In2theGame said:
Forget the cash, the cars, and the chiseled jawlines. Female desire operates on a completely different frequency. Primal. Subconscious. Triggers that bypass her logic and hit her on a gut level. Most guys are totally blind to them.
I know because I was one of them. The overthinking. The paralysis. The silent drive home kicking yourself for freezing up. Watching average guys walk away with the girl while you stood there stuck in your own head.
Then I decoded the psychology behind what actually makes women tick. 22 hard rules. Subtle behavioral shifts that rewired my entire reality. The anxiety evaporated. Women started leaning in. Investing. Chasing.
that's exactly it...she might even feel that her boyfriend is a looser with no job and no car who stays home all day babysitting...she must be thinking she's missin a whole lot of guys out there...i know what you're saying though...i understand completely...i just hate the fact that i keep thinking that i can't find another girl better than her cuz if i look at it she was a GREAT girlfriend...well not exactly for her grand finale!~tmpgstx said:
i told her good luck on her SATs...she didn't say anything as if she was feeling guilty...wouldn't you say...THANKS BABY and sh!t like that?...dude...ugh...i don't know i'm still hoping i'm wrong cuz i definitely have oneitis for this girl but i can feel it...i can feel it!~Last Man Standing said:
Good Point but Saddly, sometimes the obvious wont be so obvious until the end.Last Man Standing said:
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.