Cute face, great personality, but...

[thirdtimescharm]

...her body is a complete turn off.

What do you tell her?

 

[DJDamage]

...her body is a complete turn off.

What do you tell her?

"sorry I already have a girlfriend"

 

[Duffdog]

You are not my type. I'm into (whatever you are into)

 

[Mr. Me]

Duffdog, why must you tell her what you're into? That's none of her business.

thirdtimecharm, are you needing a response for something she specifically said? Or what? Is she asking you out? Ask her if her girlfriends are coming along, you'd like to meet them.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Nothing specific. We actually went out a couple of times, and the third time I let things go a little farther and we made out a bit. So now I feel like I'm going to hurt her due to the line we crossed, and I can feel my old "caretaker" gene kicking in and not wanting to be a bad guy.

 

[Mr. Me]

Oh, become distant, just don't call her. If she asks, say you're busy. She'll get the hint. You only went out three times, it's not like you owe her an explanation. Guess third time's not so charmed after all...

Telling her specific reasons will likely raise her defenses and just make her make a case for her side. Who needs that?

This is also why I just don't bother with women that don't meet that physical criteria of mine. I figure what's the point if their body is a turn off for me? The upside of that is that I only go out with women with nice bodies.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

I keep telling myself to stop responding to women who don't fit my physical criteria too. I know I should do it, but I like the company of women too much to cut myself down that way.

I definitely can't get into giving her specific reasons...that would just be unpleasant, even though I am sure she has heard it before. The tough thing is I can see her as a friend, but now that I've messed around with her, it's difficult to imagine going backwards.

 

[Charm&Style]

You dont need to tell her anything and if you do you're not cool. Its like you pulling down your pants and her saying "sorry your penis doesnt match my criteria...nexxt". Ignore her, shell get the point that your not interested.

 

[Colossus]

The proper thing to do is to just create some distance and dont give her anything that may be construed as interest on your part. You can still be polite, but brief if you do talk.

I run into this a lot. I meet these nice girls who want to date me but I'm just not feeling their looks. A part of me feels bad because I know what it's like to get rejected...but it's life. I've had a few though who just push and push and push for an explanation, and finally I just have to tell them. Never ends well. They turn it around on you like you are the world's biggest pr!ck.

 

[Duffdog]

Duffdog, why must you tell her what you're into? That's none of her business.

thirdtimecharm, are you needing a response for something she specifically said? Or what? Is she asking you out? Ask her if her girlfriends are coming along, you'd like to meet them.

I would respect the person enough to just say why I am not into them. Simply hoping that "they get the hint" is a very female way of thinking and is a form of hiding. A male would say: "I'm sorry, but I am into athletic girls" if the girl is not athletic and that is what the male wants. A female would just not say anything and sit there and hope that the guy goes away without her having to put forth any effort.

 

[Mr. Me]

I keep telling myself to stop responding to women who don't fit my physical criteria too. I know I should do it, but I like the company of women too much to cut myself down that way.

Or is it that you don't care for being alone and would rather put time in with a woman you don't find that attractive rather then be alone?

The tough thing is I can see her as a friend, but now that I've messed around with her, it's difficult to imagine going backwards.

Again, so, you'd rather be in the company of a woman you don't find that attractive, and get involved to the point where it becomes awkward to go backwards, then have to post about it here - rather then be alone?

Sounds to me like choosing to not go out with the unattractive woman in the first place is FAR less effort and trouble then all that, no?

I'll tell you the secret: maybe the first time trying to get out of these things may be awkward, but after a few times, you'll find it gets easier to do.

Here's what you can say, word for word, to pre-empt her:

"Hey... about the other night... I just didn't feel we really clicked. We probably make better friends then anything else. And I think you feel the same way. So let's keep it to being friends."

That "And I think you feel the same way" is something I came up with some years ago, and it really works because it gives them a way to save face and agree with you so they don't argue with you about your decision.

I would respect the person enough to just say why I am not into them. Simply hoping that "they get the hint" is a very female way of thinking and is a form of hiding. A male would say: "I'm sorry, but I am into athletic girls" if the girl is not athletic and that is what the male wants. A female would just not say anything and sit there and hope that the guy goes away without her having to put forth any effort.

That's an interesting take. See, I'd think saying anything that touches on her physical appearance is going to have a sting to it. She won't feel respected if you say you don't like her appearance. So maybe it would be even better to make it about something neutral and say, "I'm more into girls that actively participate in sports, because that's what my lifestyle's all about. We're too different."?

I can just hear the girl reacting to "I'm into athletic girls" with "What the F%CK? Then WHY did you kiss me last night if you're into athletic girls?" or "But I go the gym three times a week" or "You're sooo superficial!" blah blah. That's why I don't see the point in telling her much. I can't say it's unmanly to use distance as a tool to discourage someone.

 

[Duffdog]

See, I'd think saying anything that touches on her physical appearance is going to have a sting to it.

Absolutely, but as a male, you should not fear the ramblings of any female or her emotional problems.

She won't feel respected if you say you don't like her appearance.

If some chic attempting to date me wieghed like 240, I would assume that she knows she isn't attractive. I would think that she would feel less respected if you hated her appearance and never told her, yet found some way of weaseling out of talking to her directly about it. Would you feel respected if a chic did that to you?

 

[Jitterbug]

...her body is a complete turn off.

What do you tell her?

Let's Just Be Friends.

It's exactly what women tell guys they're not really into, even after they let the guy fool around with them a bit.

 

[trd323]

How about being a MAN and telling her that you think she is cute and would like to continue to be "friends". That simple. She is a grown ass woman and your a grown ass man. Act like it. Sorry if that was blunt, but all these guys are being little boys.

 

[Mr. Me]

I'd think saying anything that touches on her physical appearance is going to have a sting to it.

Absolutely, but as a male, you should not fear the ramblings of any female or her emotional problems.

You wouldn't. You would deal it with it in an stand-up way. Yet you wouldn't also invite it to happen nor escalate events to that degree.

And knowing you're delivering a sting, why slap her face when this can be handled a different way?

yet found some way of weaseling out of talking to her directly about it. Would you feel respected if a chic did that to you?

I wouldn't call it "weaseling". It's not about avoiding the topic of her appearance out of fear of some kind, which is what "weaseling" implies. It's more about being tactful, graceful for the purpose of not coming off as insulting her by my being blunt about her appearance, and letting her down gently. Talk about being respectful, I think coming off as putting anyone down, whether it's based on fact or not, would be part of having that respect.

So, if I was heavy and some chick didn't date overweight men, and she found a tactful way to let me down rather then just blurt directly out that she doesn't date fat men, I'd think she's a class act.

 

[thirdtimescharm]

Mr. Me, you are right on target. I will freely admit that I am having issues being alone right now. I've just moved to a new city and don't really know anyone. I've totally got myself on a path being a serial dater, and it is a hard roller coaster to get off. And trd, you too, except if I tell her she is "cute" she's going to really wonder why I don't want to sleep with her. But I can play the "let's be friends" card and I think that will suffice.

 

[NewMan]

Get the fork out of your mouth.

 

[jophil28]

I run into this a lot. I meet these nice girls who want to date me but I'm just not feeling their looks. A part of me feels bad because I know what it's like to get rejected...but it's life. I've had a few though who just push and push and push for an explanation, and finally I just have to tell them. Never ends well. They turn it around on you like you are the world's biggest pr!ck.

Two comments here ... telling a woman that she is not physically attractive is a dagger in her heart. She believes that her physical attractiveness is the only quality which a woman can rely on to guarantee male attention and now you have told her (in her mind ) that probably she is going to die alone.

Secondly, women believe that they are entitled to do the rejecting. Mate selection is THEIR perogative. When you dump a woman, her belief system is tossed for a loop. THis is why they will often stalk you, and chase you until they feel you returning to them, and then THEY dump you.
The world has just righted itself.

 

[Duffdog]

You wouldn't. You would deal it with it in an stand-up way. Yet you wouldn't also invite it to happen nor escalate events to that degree.

And knowing you're delivering a sting, why slap her face when this can be handled a different way?



I wouldn't call it "weaseling". It's not about avoiding the topic of her appearance out of fear of some kind, which is what "weaseling" implies. It's more about being tactful, graceful for the purpose of not coming off as insulting her by my being blunt about her appearance, and letting her down gently. Talk about being respectful, I think coming off as putting anyone down, whether it's based on fact or not, would be part of having that respect.

So, if I was heavy and some chick didn't date overweight men, and she found a tactful way to let me down rather then just blurt directly out that she doesn't date fat men, I'd think she's a class act.

I guess we are going to have to agree to disagree. I think that "gently letting her down" is a form of fear. So is worrying about what potentially could happen as a result of something that hasn't even been said yet. And again you demonstrate another form of fear when worrying about "escalating"-- forget escalating, go all the way to the top with one sentence and be done with it.

Both of those reactions are inherently passive/feminine to me. An actively thinking person would believe that by slapping her, she would cry and hate herself more than anything and wake up the next day determined to change. As to your question of why slap her in the face... people who are not aware of reality should be slapped in the face as a message to WAKE UP!


And yes, when I was a fat, disgusting slob (I actually was when I was younger) The only thing that caused me to change was a massive blow to my self esteem. If I had never received that slap, I would still be fat and wondering why females don't want to date me because nobody ever broke it down in black and white. By being another link in the chain of people who never told her what was really going on, you are simply passing the responsibility on to another person to do that. If you don't do it, someone down the line who thinks like me will.

 

[jophil28]

And yes, when I was a fat, disgusting slob (I actually was when I was younger) The only thing that caused me to change was a massive blow to my self esteem. If I had never received that slap, I would still be fat and wondering why females don't want to date me because nobody ever broke it down in black and white. By being another link in the chain of people who never told her what was really going on, you are simply passing the responsibility on to another person to do that. If you don't do it, someone down the line who thinks like me will.

I agree that telling a guy DIRECTLY what he NEEDS to hear is the body blow that is required to trigger change.
However this rarely works with women. They spend considerable amount of energy constructing 'defenses' rather' that pursuing solutions.
Fattie chicks will tell you how they have a sluggish metabolism, or they have thyroid problems , or she has a large "frame" .
My favorite BS is , "..all my family are large.." as if obesity is genetic in some simplistic way like blue eyes.
More likely that all the family are gluttons.

One of the reasons that women love sympathy and do not want to hear solutions, is that they are fiercely averse to accepting responsibility to implement change in their own life.