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LuksSkywalker

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Befriend the thought that this will not happen and you will never hear from her ever again. I know these kinds of thoughts gives one lots of motivation because it gives one hope. There's light at the end of the tunnel.
Hope is a b*tch in this scenario.
It's good to use whatever works for you as motivation to work on yourself (as you have) and to stay away from wallowing in misery, but i suspect you still have hope that "something" will happen if and when she reaches out because of the kids. That means that your happiness will depend on someone else's actions, instead of cutting her off in your mind and come to peace with it. Which means not caring if she reaches out, not counting days, investing no thoughts in the past anymore, because you realise it's dead.
I'm not saying it's easy, but it's the place to strive for.
Word!
I was in 5 relationships in my life, dumpped from 4, being dumpee in 1. Only 1 girl reached out to me after a certain period of time, and with that one I had the shortest and least good relationship with. We're freinds now. We hang out with same people so I don't see her as anything more than she really is - a friend. No feelings towards her whatsoever.
The one I dumped never contacted me, nor have I seen her after that.
As far as my experience, ex (basically) never reach back. So I don't hold any hopes.
It does take time to leave them mentally (physically is easy) but in the end you just get tired of constant thinking and contemplating and you just move on.
It takes sometimes longer, sometimes shorter but in the end you move on without the luggage.
 

RicBoy

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Well I'm not gonna lie I have some hope inside me. I guess it's not just about getting her back. It's the fact I was unemployed when I was with her and lived with a roomate. In August when she shows up to pick up my son for play dates with her daughter, she will be driving to my new place, see 2 cars parked in front of my house, knowing I moved my son to from abroad to live with me and that I have 2 jobs, I'm sure it will eat her inside to see all the changes even if she doesn't want me back or even admit that I have improved.

I guess I do feel still guilt that in pushed her during an argument. And was worse than that. Not only in pushed her to the bed and tried to rip of her panties. I was drunk. We had home dinner with lots of wine. In my mind angry make up sex would be hot and settle things. She saw it as aggression. She kept saying for months that I attacked her. Of course she was already pulling back before that argument, telling me she was feeling smothered, sleeping together 6 times a week, cooking together, working together, the fight was just all she needed to have a reason to leave me
 

Mauser96

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Time to write it off, learn from your mistakes, and move on. Keeping hope will eat you alive.
 

oldmanofthesea

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I'm sure it will eat her inside to see all the changes even if she doesn't want me back or even admit that I have improved.
Once a girl has moved on, it won't eat her up inside. The only thing that eats a girl inside is seeing you with a younger, hotter girl. Even then, it won't make her truly want you, it will just make her jealous and feel insecure about herself. When women reach out for an ex due to that jealous insecurity they experience when they see their ex with a hotter woman, the men will mistake that contact as a sign of interest. Wrong. It has nothing to do with him. She just wants to re-validate her sexual market value. If she reaches out and the guy responds and shows interest, she received all the validation she needs and will not take it further with him. Don't give her that satisfaction. It doesn't work this way all the time, but 98% of the time it does, which is close enough to consider it a hard-fast rule. It's not about attraction or desire for you, it's about her own validation and insecurity.
 

RicBoy

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Once a girl has moved on, it won't eat her up inside. The only thing that eats a girl inside is seeing you with a younger, hotter girl. Even then, it won't make her truly want you, it will just make her jealous and feel insecure about herself. When women reach out for an ex due to that jealous insecurity they experience when they see their ex with a hotter woman, the men will mistake that contact as a sign of interest. Wrong. It has nothing to do with him. She just wants to re-validate her sexual market value. If she reaches out and the guy responds and shows interest, she received all the validation she needs and will not take it further with him. Don't give her that satisfaction. It doesn't work this way all the time, but 98% of the time it does, which is close enough to consider it a hard-fast rule. It's not about attraction or desire for you, it's about her own validation and insecurity.
I guess I need advice how to deal with her when she reaches out. Because I garantee she will in August when my son moves here. She picked him up 2 times when he was here with me in holiday during our break up.

Should I just keep it light, indifferent, don't ask anything about her life and just focus on the kids...? Here is the kid hi and bye?And of course not ask her out for any coffees or anything because she already rejected me a million times.

I'm guessing if after a few play dates she doesn't feel like I'm making moves on her during the kids exchange, I think one of the times I'm dropping him at her doorstep she will ask me inside for coffee or something.
 

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RicBoy

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One thing that really bothers me about my ex is that she has 4 boyfriends (ltr) then 2 **** buddies and a couple of flings between. She left all the guys. Isn't she capable to attach? Isn't she capable to fall in love? She seems afraid of commitment... She isn't very feminine woman and she is a very strong single mother
 

mrgoodstuff

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One thing that really bothers me about my ex is that she has 4 boyfriends (ltr) then 2 **** buddies and a couple of flings between. She left all the guys. Isn't she capable to attach? Isn't she capable to fall in love? She seems afraid of commitment... She isn't very feminine woman and she is a very strong single mother
I think you should be worried about the puzzy your currently fvcking and stop playing FBI agent on her and you guys past.
 

Mauser96

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I will respond in bold
I guess I need advice how to deal with her when she reaches out. Because I garantee she will in August when my son moves here. She picked him up 2 times when he was here with me in holiday during our break up. Block her number. If she mangaes to get ahold of you somehow tell her you are dealing with a family emergency and to check back in one year

Should I just keep it light, indifferent, don't ask anything about her life and just focus on the kids...? Here is the kid hi and bye?And of course not ask her out for any coffees or anything because she already rejected me a million times. Rejection breeds obsession. Block her on all platforms

I'm guessing if after a few play dates she doesn't feel like I'm making moves on her during the kids exchange, I think one of the times I'm dropping him at her doorstep she will ask me inside for coffee or something. You realize that this hope is keeping you stuck? Mired in misery?
 

RicBoy

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Little update.
Yesterday mothers day, my son called me and asked if I could buy him some coins for the game he plays online with my ex's daughter. So I bought him. He also asked if I could buy to my ex's daughter. So I did.
I sent a text to her daughter with the voucher and asked how she was and said hi basically. She replied immediately with smiles and thanking me. Then she texted again asking when my son is moving here. I told her August.
I thought the kids were both behind computer playing their game.

But they weren't. My son told me he had called my ex's daughter just 5 minutes before and she was with my ex in the car driving home. So probably my ex knows I texted her daughter and good chance it was my ex who told her to ask me when my son moves here..

I have been in no contact for 3 months now.

Bottom of line, my ex will come around in August when my son moves here. It will be 6 months NC by then. It's guaranteed she will reach out to set play dates, either she will come by or ill come over her place. And probably her daughter will stay at my place sometimes and my son at my ex's house. The way the kids interact nearly on daily basis, it's almost for sure there will be playdates twice a month at least from August on.

I really would like some advice how to act when I see my ex, how to talk to her, etc efc during the kid's exchange
 
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Visionist

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Just keep things cool and businesslike. She treated you poorly and you need to move on. Don't go into her house or invite her into yours. Don't ask how she's been or tell her how you've been. Don't say "it's good to see you". Just talk briefly and only about how the children have been playing together, then be on your way.

I can tell you want to mess this up for yourself again. You've been given the best advice you'll ever get in this thread, but until you crash and burn yet again it won't sink in. You won't listen.
 

RicBoy

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Just keep things cool and businesslike. She treated you poorly and you need to move on. Don't go into her house or invite her into yours. Don't ask how she's been or tell her how you've been. Don't say "it's good to see you". Just talk briefly and only about how the children have been playing together, then be on your way.

I can tell you want to mess this up for yourself again. You've been given the best advice you'll ever get in this thread, but until you crash and burn yet again it won't sink in. You won't listen.
Sounds like good advice, thanks a lot. I'll keep it businesslike indeed. I don't wanna sound like a broken record. But I think after a few play dates she is probably going to invite me inside he replace for coffee, she is not gonna let me be at her doorstep forever.. But let's see how things play out
 

Mauser96

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I see you are still stuck in the loop, acting weak, unable to let go.

You will continue to be in pain as long as you are obsessed with her.
 

stringpuller

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Little update.
Yesterday mothers day, my son called me and asked if I could buy him some coins for the game he plays online with my ex's daughter. So I bought him. He also asked if I could buy to my ex's daughter. So I did.
I sent a text to her daughter with the voucher and asked how she was and said hi basically. She replied immediately with smiles and thanking me. Then she texted again asking when my son is moving here. I told her August.
I thought the kids were both behind computer playing their game.

But they weren't. My son told me he had called my ex's daughter just 5 minutes before and she was with my ex in the car driving home. So probably my ex knows I texted her daughter and good chance it was my ex who told her to ask me when my son moves here..

I have been in no contact for 3 months now.

Bottom of line, my ex will come around in August when my son moves here. It will be 6 months NC by then. It's guaranteed she will reach out to set play dates, either she will come by or ill come over her place. And probably her daughter will stay at my place sometimes and my son at my ex's house. The way the kids interact nearly on daily basis, it's almost for sure there will be playdates twice a month at least from August on.

I really would like some advice how to act when I see my ex, how to talk to her, etc efc during the kid's exchange
Bro your mind is way to involved in this. Your better off getting you and your son away from this mess. And it is a mess no matter "how close" the kids are. They are resilient
 

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Mauser96

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You are keeping yourself in pain. Move on, block her on all platforms
 

RicBoy

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3 months no contact today. This chit is getting harder. I'm really tempted to send a text to test the waters. She will come around in 3 months to pick up my son when he moves here. So I'm gonna see her anyways soon.
 

Mauser96

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3 months no contact today. This chit is getting harder. I'm really tempted to send a text to test the waters. She will come around in 3 months to pick up my son when he moves here. So I'm gonna see her anyways soon.

You will continue to be in pain as long as you are obsessed with her.

May as well just text her today, get rejected again. Text her weekly. Get it out of your sytem.
 

RicBoy

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It's been hard. I guess what keeps me going silent is that I know she will come around In August for the kids and there will be more tension if I'm quiet until then. Will be 6 months NC by then
 
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