Confused by this

VforVendetta

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 19, 2016
Messages
28
Reaction score
1
Age
27
Hi, i'm 20 and attending University. This is legitimately confusing and i want to know why it may have happened for future references.
So i've been stepping up my game, cold approaching in bars and on the street recently and it's been going great.
Suddenly, a girl from my Uni group,that i was just playful with between classes occasionally, starts to get direct with me.
I sent her a message on Facebook to see if she can check up a grade for me since i won't be there that day. Out of the blue she asks if i'll call her that morning to wake her up so she can go do it. Bam, we exchange numbers and it ends on a fun note.
I call her that morning, she hangs up, texts ''I'm awake :D'' and we text a bit after that. The convo ends with me alluding to us going out together, in a playful way, and she was up for it. Cool.

After 2 days i shoot her a text ''Yo -insert teasing nickname i gave her- , me and you tomorrow night?''
She replies ''Hey, you're on. We'll see about the exact time. By the way you won't believe what happened to me today'' I think to myself alright, great (since it's exam week so she's probably busy as i am so i don't have to push for the exact time right away) and we continue talking about the thing that happened.
Turns out it was something school related, so a few texts later i decide to tease a little so it's not so formal and boring, and get this - she disappears mid conversation. Like what the hell?
After her reply to that tease (didn't matter what she'd say) i was about to give a time to meet up and end it there, to leave as much as possible for a 1 on 1 conversation, but she just vanishes for the rest of that day, and the whole day yesterday, which was the day we were supposed to meet up. Day 3 now and still nothing and i can see her Facebook is constantly on.

The hell did i do wrong? This was literally the smoothest i've been with girls in my entire life and she seemed really into it too. Who the hell agrees on a date and then vanishes mid conversation...
Any insight would be helpful, thanks in advance!
 

fastlife

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 3, 2015
Messages
1,132
Reaction score
2,161
This post definitely brought me back to when I was in my late teens/early 20's. What you're feeling now, get used to it--it'll happen all the time, no matter how good you get with women. Your time and attention (the two most valuable qualities you have) will be much better spent meeting new girls than trying to figure this one out.

You didn't necessarily 'do anything wrong'--you can't control other people, only your own actions. She might show back up, she might not--but I've found waiting a couple weeks and hitting them up again can be a pretty high percentage play.
 

EyeBRollin

Master Don Juan
Joined
Oct 18, 2015
Messages
10,721
Reaction score
8,644
Age
35
After 2 days i shoot her a text
''Yo -insert teasing nickname i gave her- , me and you tomorrow night?''

She replies ''Hey, you're on. We'll see about the exact time. By the way you won't believe what happened to me today''
Gents, this is subtle but a mistake.

When she says "we'll see about the exact time" you must be firm and get to the ****ing point.

"I'm available at <time>, does that work for you?"

Don't even engage her little story, because you don't care. The only reason to be communicating with her is to set up a date. If she responds with anything other than compliance, you withdraw the offer and try again after another 5-9 days.

This is all you have to do.

Bottom line, guy:

You let her have her way with you. You gave into her frame. It happens quick, and subtly. You have to be ruthless and vigilant with these women.
 

JJMcLure

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 15, 2002
Messages
840
Reaction score
11
She could have taken your last 'teasing' message badly. Maybe the content or the fact you inserted it at that point. There's always a risk of misinterpretation with teasing/jokes/sarcasm in writing versus in person (there are no verbal/body language cues etc). Likewise, lack of those cues impacts your ability to interpret her reaction.

As she had already agreed to the idea of a date in principle (although as no time was set there wasn't strictly a date arranged) further teasing at that point pretty much had more risk than benefit attached anyway. Instead of teasing you could have just proposed a time.
 

VforVendetta

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 19, 2016
Messages
28
Reaction score
1
Age
27
Damn this is some solid insight right here. Much appreciated, i'll take heed of your advice.
By the way we have an exam in a few days so i'll more than likely see her there.
Would it be wise to act as though nothing happened and talk, to wait and see if she reinitiates on the date thing by herself? Or should i just be cold and like ''yeah, hi, whatever..'' if she comes up to talk?
I'm itching to do the second thing since i hate having my time wasted but that tight ass attitude hasn't served me very well in the past so i'm open to new perspectives.

Also,there's a possibility that i'm blowing this out of proportion since we're both packed with exams. She might just not have time to deal with this **** right now.
To be honest, thinking about it now, i have no idea why i asked her to meet up yesterday since i'm literally studying day and night...
So would it be a smart thing to hit her up in a few days again to set up the date, when the schedule clears a bit, or would that be me chasing her like a tool?
 

JJMcLure

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 15, 2002
Messages
840
Reaction score
11
Keep in mind this general rule with chicks: Don't be reactive. Something particularly important with drama or sh1t tests. You can act normal when you see her.

In any case, you said yourself that your original timing wasn't great and it might not have been for her either. It's not worth risking compromising exams for one date. You can't wait for a girl to "re-initiate a date", that's the man's job. You can ask her again (what do you have to lose?) but have a day, time and activity to propose. She needs to say yes or give a firm counter offer.
 

VforVendetta

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 19, 2016
Messages
28
Reaction score
1
Age
27
Keep in mind this general rule with chicks: Don't be reactive. Something particularly important with drama or sh1t tests. You can act normal when you see her.

In any case, you said yourself that your original timing wasn't great and it might not have been for her either. It's not worth risking compromising exams for one date. You can't wait for a girl to "re-initiate a date", that's the man's job. You can ask her again (what do you have to lose?) but have a day, time and activity to propose. She needs to say yes or give a firm counter offer.
Right. Noted.
I'm really glad i asked here since there's people with more experience in this field. I tripped myself up and ruined open opportunities wayy to many times over things like these, without learning anything from it. That has changed now. Thanks a lot!
 

TheMonkeyKing

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 20, 2014
Messages
2,337
Reaction score
1,426
You need to keep up with the approaching. You need to demonstrate your worth to women by being seen with other women. This will happen over and over again. Best get used to it. You can't control others, only how your react to them. You're getting hung up on one girl after a few texts. Also, stop texting so much. Three texts, set a date (time and place to meet), done. None of this chit-chat BS.

When I was your age, I had a serious reputation. I was sleeping with different women who were best friends for goodness sake. I was with three or four different women at a time within the same social circle. The only reason I was able to do this is because I wasn't attached nor invested in a single one of them. THIS is what makes a man most attractive. Understand that your need for attachment and investment is just your blue pill conditioning at work. When you care less, results will come, honestly. A relaxed, undemanding vibe

I wouldn't be making plans for real dates at your age either. It's either drinks then back to your place, or straight 'netfilx and chill'. Twenty year old girls don't want romance; they want drink, fun and fcking. Make the most of it while it's still this easy to please them.
 

VforVendetta

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 19, 2016
Messages
28
Reaction score
1
Age
27
You need to keep up with the approaching. You need to demonstrate your worth to women by being seen with other women. This will happen over and over again. Best get used to it. You can't control others, only how your react to them. You're getting hung up on one girl after a few texts. Also, stop texting so much. Three texts, set a date (time and place to meet), done. None of this chit-chat BS.

When I was your age, I had a serious reputation. I was sleeping with different women who were best friends for goodness sake. I was with three or four different women at a time within the same social circle. The only reason I was able to do this is because I wasn't attached nor invested in a single one of them. THIS is what makes a man most attractive. Understand that your need for attachment and investment is just your blue pill conditioning at work. When you care less, results will come, honestly. A relaxed, undemanding vibe

I wouldn't be making plans for real dates at your age either. It's either drinks then back to your place, or straight 'netfilx and chill'. Twenty year old girls don't want romance; they want drink, fun and fcking. Make the most of it while it's still this easy to please them.
Right. Noted. I lost sight of the bigger picture since i'm in a cram with exams so i stopped approaching. Feels good to get slapped back into reality.
I'll keep it clean and simple. Thanks a bunch mate, you guys rock.
 

Slime93

Don Juan
Joined
May 8, 2016
Messages
17
Reaction score
1
Age
29
When you see her just say hey, weren't we supposed to hangout? In a non confrontational way. Don't make her feel bad just put it right out there. Ask if she wants to set something up for later but be more firm. Make a "joke" about how she should call if she's gonna stand you up again.

Move on with life and don't get too hung up on her. Girls talk to multiple guys at a time so they're not bored. Especially girls in their twenties. So its not unusual for them to disappear or become distracted easily. Get used to it.
 

Bingo-Player

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 10, 2014
Messages
3,228
Reaction score
3,583
Location
uk
you have much to learn , and you will with time & experience,

hang around the forum once or twice a week read other peoples stuff and it will help a lot, i came here when i was 21i knew a little about how women worked but nothing compared to what i do now

i don't see women as difficult anymore i see them as little tests thats all they are to me now , i know exactly what i have to do and when i have to do it

you will come to learn that emotional investment in a woman is a recipe for disaster , let her become emotionally attached to you by all means but NEVER let yourself go too deep with her as you have done by here , thats when the games will start because she knows she can get an emotional reaction out of you which to women is better than sex

i tend to find the aeroplane setting on the phone is a good way to stop yourself from being too needy with a woman
 

VforVendetta

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 19, 2016
Messages
28
Reaction score
1
Age
27
So many quality replies here, wow, i was not expecting that honestly.

I tried to set the date up again, short firm text and we'll see where it goes from here. I had a feeling that i needed to do that and now that i have i really don't care if it happens or not. It's like a burden has lifted off of me. Even though i re-initiated when i said i wouldn't i definitely learned for future times, this time i'm just going all out, burn it to the ground if i already ****ed up and i have a feeling i did. But guess what? Zero ****s given now, feels good to not care about the outcome.

Cheers to all of you once again, thanks for the insight.
 

VforVendetta

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 19, 2016
Messages
28
Reaction score
1
Age
27
She's busy, as i suspected, but she counter offered. Since i'm busy then i'll counter offer too so i'll let you know how the ''date'' went and what i learned.
 

pyros

Master Don Juan
Joined
Dec 31, 2011
Messages
1,690
Reaction score
200
.
The thing that you haven't had that date means she has low interest in you, AT THE MOMENT.

What did you do wrong? well, I guess that your teasing could be the problem, or maybe it isnt, but for the next messages dont 'tease' them unless you've fcked them a few times so you know them, they know you, and they know it is just a joke.

Anyway, if you do really want to have a drink with her its ok to text her in a few days, have a fun light convo and ask her out.
If this time you end up with no date (for whatever reason), you dont continue pursuing this girl.

Use the 2 strikes rule: 1 strike is ok, she may reject you for whatever resason that has nothing to do with you, but if she rejects you twice (2 strikes) there is no reason to keep pursuing her cause she's not interested in you.

And dont act butthurt. Be either happy or neutral.
 

3agle 3yes

Master Don Juan
Joined
Aug 22, 2012
Messages
550
Reaction score
268
Age
37
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway (yeah, it's a awful one-liner but I like it).

Seriously though, take it or leave it, this is my advice.

Don't set up dates, the probability of flakes is higher. Why?

1) It puts her in "courting mode", for the uninitiated it means she will play harder to get because she thinks you want something from her.
2) It could be too much pressure or too much effort for her (especially if she barely knows you).
3) It gets her to pick specific times that might not necessarily suit you.
4) Because her expectations might be higher.

So what do I do? When you're free (preferably a weekend) already be doing something, or about to do something (it doesn't have to be fancy) and call her to join you...on that day. Tell her you have other things to do later that day so you won't be around for long, and if you have to, tell her "if we don't get along either of us can walk away". Why do these things?

1) She won't know where she stands. It puts her on her toes, throws her off-guard, therefore less bs.
2) No pressure, not too much effort = less flaking.
3) She meets you at a time that suits you.
4) If there are any awkward moments (and there shouldn't be), you both know the terms (which I mentioned earlier) and either of you can leave.

What if she can't meet? Fine, continue doing what you were doing and call her another time...you are showing, in these instances that you don't mind if she shows up or not, since you are already out.

What if it goes great? I told her I had somewhere else to be? Then change plans, she won't leave either...unless it is something genuinely important.

The only problem I have with this is if I don't have anything to do that I can get her to join me for...however, it's more about what you can do where ever you happen to be rather than the place itself (boring people make interesting places boring, interesting people make boring places interesting and all that...).
 

VforVendetta

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 19, 2016
Messages
28
Reaction score
1
Age
27
.
The thing that you haven't had that date means she has low interest in you, AT THE MOMENT.

What did you do wrong? well, I guess that your teasing could be the problem, or maybe it isnt, but for the next messages dont 'tease' them unless you've fcked them a few times so you know them, they know you, and they know it is just a joke.

Anyway, if you do really want to have a drink with her its ok to text her in a few days, have a fun light convo and ask her out.
If this time you end up with no date (for whatever reason), you dont continue pursuing this girl.

Use the 2 strikes rule: 1 strike is ok, she may reject you for whatever resason that has nothing to do with you, but if she rejects you twice (2 strikes) there is no reason to keep pursuing her cause she's not interested in you.

And dont act butthurt. Be either happy or neutral.
Got it. Those are actually pretty cool little guidelines to move along in the future. I've been lacking in that department so i'll go ahead and take your advice, try it out. I'm positive it'll be a nice change from all the basically copy paste scenarios i've been getting by sticking to my old views. Many thanks!
 

VforVendetta

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 19, 2016
Messages
28
Reaction score
1
Age
27
Take my advice, I don't use it anyway (yeah, it's a awful one-liner but I like it).

Seriously though, take it or leave it, this is my advice.

Don't set up dates, the probability of flakes is higher. Why?

1) It puts her in "courting mode", for the uninitiated it means she will play harder to get because she thinks you want something from her.
2) It could be too much pressure or too much effort for her (especially if she barely knows you).
3) It gets her to pick specific times that might not necessarily suit you.
4) Because her expectations might be higher.

So what do I do? When you're free (preferably a weekend) already be doing something, or about to do something (it doesn't have to be fancy) and call her to join you...on that day. Tell her you have other things to do later that day so you won't be around for long, and if you have to, tell her "if we don't get along either of us can walk away". Why do these things?

1) She won't know where she stands. It puts her on her toes, throws her off-guard, therefore less bs.
2) No pressure, not too much effort = less flaking.
3) She meets you at a time that suits you.
4) If there are any awkward moments (and there shouldn't be), you both know the terms (which I mentioned earlier) and either of you can leave.

What if she can't meet? Fine, continue doing what you were doing and call her another time...you are showing, in these instances that you don't mind if she shows up or not, since you are already out.

What if it goes great? I told her I had somewhere else to be? Then change plans, she won't leave either...unless it is something genuinely important.

The only problem I have with this is if I don't have anything to do that I can get her to join me for...however, it's more about what you can do where ever you happen to be rather than the place itself (boring people make interesting places boring, interesting people make boring places interesting and all that...).
I actually forgot about this man, thanks for reminding me! I'll let it fly this time since studying for exams doesn't exactly leave room for doing other fun stuff a lot, but now i know what i'll be doing the second time we make plans, if it gets to there.
 

Konada

Master Don Juan
Joined
Mar 28, 2011
Messages
1,235
Reaction score
654
Damn this is some solid insight right here. Much appreciated, i'll take heed of your advice.
By the way we have an exam in a few days so i'll more than likely see her there.
Would it be wise to act as though nothing happened and talk, to wait and see if she reinitiates on the date thing by herself? Or should i just be cold and like ''yeah, hi, whatever..'' if she comes up to talk?
I'm itching to do the second thing since i hate having my time wasted but that tight ass attitude hasn't served me very well in the past so i'm open to new perspectives.

Also,there's a possibility that i'm blowing this out of proportion since we're both packed with exams. She might just not have time to deal with this **** right now.
To be honest, thinking about it now, i have no idea why i asked her to meet up yesterday since i'm literally studying day and night...
So would it be a smart thing to hit her up in a few days again to set up the date, when the schedule clears a bit, or would that be me chasing her like a tool?
You're overanalyzing this. You'll only look like a tool if she doesn't like you. Do what you want, quit worrying how she will perceive you.
 

VforVendetta

Don Juan
Joined
Jan 19, 2016
Messages
28
Reaction score
1
Age
27
You're overanalyzing this. You'll only look like a tool if she doesn't like you. Do what you want, quit worrying how she will perceive you.
Indeed i am. I realised that after a few days. This was just to change a few unresourceful behaviors and ways of thinking that had me tanking mindlessly and getting the same ****ty results over and over.
Thanks for the help guys.
 
Top