"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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Confidence

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I think Im ****ed up or something. I used to be confident leader of the pack all that. Man I was leading so much **** back in the day. I had a whole pack of **** and we beat people up and kicked it all that. I was the leader. I think when I got to middle school my confidence just kinda went down, even in 5th grade.

I have no idea why. It wasnt like I was accomplishing much back in the day. I accomplish so much more now, and I'm always improving all parts of my life.

Nowadays I dont think Im all that confident. If I see people all the time, I dont even get to kno em, even if I see em all the time. I just wait until I meet em through friends or until I meet em outside of where I usually see em. ("hey dont u go to xxxxxx?"). I barely ever talk to people I don't know (cashiers, etc).

I'm sure this is a confidence issue. Cuz there are times I'm a lot more outgoing. This happens when Im happier than usual, but doesn't last long. It could be because of something that happened earlier in the day, or cuz im "in an altered state of mind" as the school people call it. Then I'll be more outgoing talking to people I don't know or don't know that well.
 

"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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djSlvt

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Your parents divorced?

Working out helps a lot, as if when you have a routine. Run, weights, etc..
 

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Nah thankfully my parents arent divorced. It's ok at home now. I used to not get along, but i think that was just a phase. It didnt help that my grandparents were passing away.

Ok I'll try that consistent working out, but in the summer I was biking at least a few miles tuesday thru friday (bmx bike too). It was mostly relaxing but sometimes we would go all out.
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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djSlvt

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Could it be that you're used to your ways so much, that you automatically fall back to what you do. Perhaps the cure is to do what you think is right when you feel like you're not doing what you want.
 

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djSlvt said:
Could it be that you're used to your ways so much, that you automatically fall back to what you do. Perhaps the cure is to do what you think is right when you feel like you're not doing what you want.
Hmm I do what I feel is right but I realize it might not be right later. I know I can't regret what already happened but I feel like I can fix mistakes for the next time. But I don't think it's a matter of "doing what I think is right."
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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