Confession of a cheater.....it's not worth it

[JimmyBizzle]

So this post is more or less me just venting and fessing up about my current situation.

I had started a thread a month ago having to do with me getting into some REALLY bad drunk fights with my gf at the time. I did some major AFC things and lost all frame, and I know that. You can read the grim details contained within the link if you dare(or just save me the embarrassment and not to do it:trouble: :

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=205530

So here's where I'm at now, since I know several members were showing interest in the above thread.

Several days after this drunk fighting episode was going on, my then gf found out that I had cheated on her several months prior. A friend of mine spilled the beans to her when she was grilling him when he was really drunk.

It gets worse, because she confronted me with it and I just kept denying it and lying to her face about it over and over again, and I was ready to take it to the grave(as I've always heard on here you should). If my friend would've ****ing said something to me about telling her I could've saved SOME face in this situation, but alas, that didn't happen. This was all a month ago.

Now my ex gf and I have quite the complicated history, were together for over 2 years, at the VERY beginning of the relationship she cheated on me, confessed it to me a while later cause she claims "the guilt was too much after all that time"(still sketchy reason to confess after that much time had passed if you ask me), but I forgave her and we moved on.

Since then I've busted her for emailing a naked picture to a guy out of town, and talking dirty on her ipad to a guy from out of town. She's also lied to me in various ways about where she's going and what she's doing at various times, but I won't go into too many more details. We could be here a while.

Now in mirroring her behavior, I often times rationalized and found it acceptable to talk and flirt and pursue other women when I wanted to, cause the the feeling she was giving me was that she was finding it acceptable to do the same things. And this escalated to me cheating on her, and then getting busted for it.

So where are we at now?

At first, she was telling a friend of ours that she really misses me and doesn't want anyone else...
But now she tells me all she can think of is me being in someone else's arms.

She has been INCREDIBLY sad and distraught this whole past month. but now on facebook she is starting to "claim" that she is very happy now and doing much better, which I can almost guarantee is a front. In the bit of interaction that we do have through texting at this point is that she is still just pretty angry and bitter and she doesn't think she wants to be with me. At least not anytime soon.

So that's where I am. I have apologized IMMENSELY. Promised it would never happen again, I don't want to lose her, etc. But I think I should be done with all that cause she still hasn't accepted my apology or forgiven me, and God only knows when that might be. She had said "maybe" to the idea of us getting back together sometime down the road, with a fresh start where we forget about all the lying and deceit on both of our parts, or in the future, but for now, I just can't see it happening anytime soon sadly

***THE IMPORTANT PART***

WHAT I'VE LEARNED:
Cheating in a commited relationship is something I will NEVER do, EVER again. PERIOD. The emotional toil that I have gone through from knowing that she cheated on me once, coinciding with me knowing how sad I made her over this last month just sickens me. Some nights I can't sleep cause I just lay there thinking of how upset I've made her.

So don't cheat men. If you want something outside of your current relationship, then get out of it, you're not ready for one. You don't want to be in the state I am right now. Trust me.

I've also learned a lot about my personal integrity and character through all of this, mainly on how to control my drinking and how to act better in a relationship in general.

I leave in 2 days to go to Vegas for the weekend for my friend's "Dirty 30", so hopefully this will get my mind off all this.

Thanks to those who took the time to read this. Any and all input, comments, or especially realworld similar life experiences are definitely welcomed.

Thanks men

 

[Kailex]

I think you learned the wrong lesson...

You should have learned that the relationship should have been over as soon as you found out she cheated on you... SPECIALLY if it was in the very beginning of the relationship.

Looks like you are just dodging a bullet right now more than anything. This chick sounds like nothing more than an emotional mess.

 

[JimmyBizzle]

I think you learned the wrong lesson...

You should have learned that the relationship should have been over as soon as you found out she cheated on you... SPECIALLY if it was in the very beginning of the relationship.

Looks like you are just dodging a bullet right now more than anything. This chick sounds like nothing more than an emotional mess.

I agree with you 100%. That was something I meant to put in there, but I was really tired when I wrote this.

 

[Bokanovsky]

I am not going to take a moral stance on whether cheating is wrong. Everyone has their own views on this. However, I note that you did not get "busted" for cheating; you got busted for having a big mouth and spilling the beans to your friend, who in turn spilled the beans to your ex. In other words, you are paying the price for being stupid. Why on earth would you let your buddy in on something like that?

 

[JimmyBizzle]

Cause he was on the trip with me when it happened, so he knew.

 

[LiveFreeX]

Cheating is wrong period.

Nothing good ever comes of cheating on your spouse/gf and it means you have no integrity or credibility outside of a relationship.

 

[JimmyBizzle]

Cheating wasnt wrong here, she did it first.

Yea, that's kinda what got engrained in the back of my mind throughout the relationship. I really never felt remorse for going out and hangin out, flirting, and even messing around with other girls while in my relationship, cause I knew she had done it to me in the past, so it just didn't feel all that wrong. Plus, I knew she was still doing other deceitful/wrong stuff with other guys online, so I was just like f it.

Our trust was just really jacked up all around, and it finally came to a breaking point. Sucks when 2 people love each other, but they both f it all up.

Finding common ground to start over and forgive each other and be better to each other would be nice, but I know that's not something that could or SHOULD happen anytime soon, despite what my gut wants to have happen SO bad.

On the bright side, I have an awesome career, awesome close friends, and at least 4 prospective hotties lined up for dates.

I just gotta keep my head up.

 

[JimmyBizzle]

So the only belongings of my ex that I still have stashed away in a box somewhere are some lingerie/night gowns that I had bought as gifts for her that just stayed at my place.

She's been asking for them back, but I just feel conflicted about giving them back to her cause I cringe at the thought of her wearing them for someone else, even though they were gifts I had gotten her.

What would you do?

 

[PlayHer Man]

Committing to one women is for fags. Always has been.. always will be.

If I have the chance to smash a woman I'm attracted to.. I'm doing it. If I'm the best my gf can do at the time.. she will tolerate it (and should).

Its a double standard but for good reason --> Men need game and women don't.

So women should not cheat sexually. Men should not cheat emotionally. The reverse is fine.

 

[samspade]

So the only belongings of my ex that I still have stashed away in a box somewhere are some lingerie/night gowns that I had bought as gifts for her that just stayed at my place.

She's been asking for them back, but I just feel conflicted about giving them back to her cause I cringe at the thought of her wearing them for someone else, even though they were gifts I had gotten her.

What would you do?

Tell her someone else is using them.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Jimmy,
You are such a nice bloke,but carry on like this and you will get hurt in life....As for the lingerie Sams Idea "Tell her someone else is using them." sounds good to me!

 

[speed dawg]

And I would NEVER spill the beans to anyone that I cheated on them...it's selfish. It's a way of discharging your own burden onto the victim.

This.

I don't know why so many guys have a problem with keeping quiet. Just don't talk. Just an ego and a power thing, I suppose.

 

[Scormus]

With friends like the guy who spilled the beans, who needs enemies?

 

[son]

Committing to one women is for fags. Always has been.. always will be.

If I have the chance to smash a woman I'm attracted to.. I'm doing it. If I'm the best my gf can do at the time.. she will tolerate it (and should).

Its a double standard but for good reason --> Men need game and women don't.

So women should not cheat sexually. Men should not cheat emotionally. The reverse is fine.[/QUOTE

This x10.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Committing to one women is for fags. Always has been.. always will be.

If I have the chance to smash a woman I'm attracted to.. I'm doing it. If I'm the best my gf can do at the time.. she will tolerate it (and should).

Its a double standard but for good reason --> Men need game and women don't.

So women should not cheat sexually. Men should not cheat emotionally. The reverse is fine.[/QUOTE

This x10.

son, put your age in your public profile. Required in MM forum.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Committing to one women is for fags. Always has been.. always will be.

If I have the chance to smash a woman I'm attracted to.. I'm doing it. If I'm the best my gf can do at the time.. she will tolerate it (and should).

No, fu<king other men is for fags.

If you're in the mature men's forum then you should know that one of the most important traits a man needs to be a man is his word. Telling a woman you're committed and happily cheating behind her back is cowardly. Disloyalty is a female trait. Besides, there are plenty of woman you can smash who don't care who else you fu<k. Girls have fun at other people's expense because they have no accountability.

You're not a girl, are you?

Its a double standard but for good reason --> Men need game and women don't.

Of course. If you're a man you'd realize that men need to constantly game their woman in a relationship too.

So women should not cheat sexually. Men should not cheat emotionally. The reverse is fine.

This is a really immature way to look at it. Why not just, I dunno, NOT be in a relationship? As a man, are you really that insecure that you need to have your cake and eat it too?

 

[bugsquish]

This is exactly why I don't get into committed relationships any more. I don't think I've ever managed to be faithful. Seems to me that people mostly get into relationships because the're scared of being single. Like they need that other person to be there to validate them and give them sex without any special effort.

Monogamy is not a natural human condidion.

 

[PlayHer Man]

This is exactly why I don't get into committed relationships any more. I don't think I've ever managed to be faithful. Seems to me that people mostly get into relationships because the're scared of being single. Like they need that other person to be there to validate them and give them sex without any special effort.

Monogamy is not a natural human condidion.

Agree 100%.

And to the posters calling me "immature".. kill the white knight sh!t. Oh you're mad that I would cheat on some woman you don't even know? Suddenly you're out to protect women? :crackup:

There are two types of men:

1. Men who see a woman's true value (Reproduction / F*cking)

2. Men who still chase the Disney movie soul mate BS. (Female Pedestalizers)

Telling a woman you're committed and happily cheating behind her back is cowardly. Disloyalty is a female trait.

You're not a girl, are you?

:crackup: :crackup:

The only "girl" here right now is YOU my man. Crying over how I treat WOMEN. Really dude? What do you care?

"Disloyalty is a female trait"? So you admit women are not loyal.. YET you want to be loyal to them? Doesn't that make you a sucker? :crackup:

Kill the white knight crap immediately. It makes me sick.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

:crackup:: :crackup::

The only "girl" here right now is YOU my man. Crying over how I treat WOMEN. Really dude? What do you care?

"Disloyalty is a female trait"? So you admit women are not loyal.. YET you want to be loyal to them? Doesn't that make you a sucker? :crackup:

Kill the white knight crap immediately. It makes me sick.

"white night"? Because in a healthy relationship it's faggy to be loyal? Do you know how healthy relationships work? Are you that much of a kid? There's no point in giving a woman your time when you're lying about wanting more. I don't see any "Alpha" or virtue in that. You seem to think I'm talking about being loyal to EVERY type of woman out there. You're mistaken.

Don't be in a relationship if you can't be loyal. There's not point.

I admit that I generalized when i said disloyalty is a female trait. I meant to say disloyalty is a trait for stupid women.

You're not a stupid woman, are you?

 

[PlayHer Man]

"white night"? Because in a healthy relationship it's faggy to be loyal? Do you know how healthy relationships work? Are you that much of a kid? There's no point in giving a woman your time when you're lying about wanting more. I don't see any "Alpha" or virtue in that. You seem to think I'm talking about being loyal to EVERY type of woman out there. You're mistaken.

Don't be in a relationship if you can't be loyal. There's not point.

I admit that I generalized when i said disloyalty is a female trait. I meant to say disloyalty is a trait for stupid women.

You're not a stupid woman, are you?

Rrr... ummm.. wait.. what? "Healthy Relationship".. please use a more vaginal term. I feel like I'm talking to a teenage girl. :crackup: :crackup:

There is no golden p*ssy bro. Men who believe in the golden p*ssy pedestalize certain women because they believe "she is special". I guess you need more schooling on hypergamy.

Romantic relationships are the female domain. F*cking is the male domain. When you commit to one woman, you are a whipped chump. Why? --> Because there is no advantage gained by giving up all your sexual alternatives to make ONE woman happy (the golden p*ssy). Why? Because there is no golden p*ssy --> there is no irreplaceable female. And why would you want a woman you can't replace? So you can get oneitis and be her b!tch? Make her your only source of sex? Genius.

Never pedestalize the female. Never, ever, ever.