Common Sence Game 101: Positive reframing.

[Luke Skywalker]

Today's lesson that I've learned for effective stigma-management is to make an inventory of all stigmas that you have and reframe them into something positive. It's a bit of game of being honest about a situation, but yet portraying it as a positive rather than a negative.

For example, I talked to a girl on the phone, and told her I'm still in a slump I had when I talked to her earlier, while she's doing well. Here the stall warning alert going on of the plane falling out of the sky. So, I DLVed big time. I don't understand why I did that.

However, if you look at any given situation, there is always something positive about it -- or seeing the glass as half full rather than half empty, and you have to communicate the positive, otherwise people wonder what's wrong with you and they stay away from you.

Therefore, common sence dictates that you have to have the best spins on all the negatives on your life when people ask you common questions, such as HOW IS YOUR BUSINESS GOING, whatever questions they are asking.

The funny thing is, most of the time people really don't care and are just fluffing to keep a conversation - you just need a connection, which does not mean that you to bare you whole soul, and tell the truth and nothing but the truth, to get one -- and if you do say something bad they are may empathise for the moment or even for a short time, then they run away from you.

*************

I'm going to do a personal stigma inventory and write a spin on how I'm going to make a positive spin on it on questions that may likely come up on a living situation:

- Living with parents and being 32 y/o -- Could be taking care of them as they are
seniors and/or saving money for something
I want/need to do.

- Business on a slump, no deals -- Trying out a new program offered by the
office that I would not have tried if
everything was going well. Have a few
things on the go. Things are looking up.
Taking it easy right as I can afford to.

- No life or friends -- Enjoy spending time with myself in
creative activities and if I have the
time I may touch base with people I
know.

 

[I'm Charming]

Seems like a bit of a waste of time to me, of course you should always be positive with people, I always say I'm good even if my day has been ****, but if you see something as being inherently negative, you shouldnt try to look at it in a different way, no, you should try to change it. Screw my glass being half empty or half full, I want the damn thing filled to the brim.

 

[oakraiderz2]

Being positive is one thing, but dont justify bullsh*t. For example, you cant make the idea of having no life or friends positive, IMO. It merely seems like justification and ego protection. You should always be improving, not being complacent.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

There is nothing on that tip concept that discourages approaching a girl. But if you are going to cry yourself down or have a pity-party on an approach, or even someone that you know as an acquaintence, then all you will accomplish is to get the other person to feel sorry for you as you DLV.

But if people feel they should DLV is going to work, and you are going to put someone on a pedistle, or look like you are blighted, then that sounds more wierd than my tip. How can you convert that into a seduction? Are you going to cry and say how bad things are then ask for a pity-fvck out of the blue so you'll feel better?

Seriously, if there is a better tip concept than what I've written on here I'm all ears. Some things you can change, other things you cant and you have to put a positive spin.
For example, if you are lucking up in terms not making a deal, then there is nothing you can do to change it because some things are really out of your control. Other situations I've put on there, you may not be able to change it immediately, but it takes a long-term working progress, but it may not be totally in your control either. The idea is you don't tell anyone your business, or you put a postive spin on it if you have to, or hide behind it and put on another front.

 

[DismantleRepair]

Screw my glass being half empty or half full, I want the damn thing filled to the brim.

Awesome.

 

[SinJester]

I agree with the tip but I agree sometimes you have to be negative and get angry if you want to change something. Sometimes negitivity is bad. However positive people are happy and attractive people. As long as it's not ego protection.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

I agree with the tip but I agree sometimes you have to be negative and get angry if you want to change something. Sometimes negitivity is bad. However positive people are happy and attractive people. As long as it's not ego protection.

Where do you draw the line between having a positive spin and ego protection?

 

[Bible_Belt]

Seriously, if there is a better tip concept than what I've written on here I'm all ears. Some things you can change, other things you cant

It is not impossible for you to move out, to work harder, and to go do things you enjoy with other people who enjoy the same thing and thus get a life and friends?

I married a woman from the Caribbean. She told me the men tended to be lazy. Are you just too lazy to make a life for yourself?

I am telling you these things because I want to see you have the things you want to have instead of having to make excuses. Instead of reframing, change what you think you need to reframe.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Seriously, if there is a better tip concept than what I've written on here I'm all ears. Some things you can change, other things you cant

It is not impossible for you to move out, to work harder, and to go do things you enjoy with other people who enjoy the same thing and thus get a life and friends?

Work harder in business could mean you are just wasting more time, and more capital is going down the drain -- if you don't actually make sales that is eactly what happens, plus your energy gets drained in the process leaving you feeling very discouraged. If I could see a link between work and success great -- but if it appears to be factors beyond control -- then that's a huge disincentive to work harder.

Moving out without having a stable or reliable income is a recipy for disaster. I haven't made a sale since February and it doesn't make sence to move out at this time because I cant budget based on what's on my account if I don't know if or when my next deal is.

Most of the things I enjoy is really by myself, but that's another story. I'm like an introvert bent around an introvert lifestyle.

I married a woman from the Caribbean. She told me the men tended to be lazy. Are you just too lazy to make a life for yourself?

How do you figure that? I'm Canadian, I'm not from the Caribbean!

I am telling you these things because I want to see you have the things you want to have instead of having to make excuses. Instead of reframing, change what you think you need to reframe.

I know, but they don't sound like excuses from this side of the fence, now if I'm actually making deals that's another story.

 

[true romance]

reframe and not reframe...mamdo jumbo...

Get your ass out there and action creat reaction..you have not make a sales since Feb? You ****ing fired...

Cold calls, go to church, networking, learn to invest money. I met a lot of interesting people in my investment class, different businesses, their knowledge can help you close a sales.

home work: rent Glengary Glen Ross..watch 10 times.

put yourself out to the world..define you life.

If you said you are introvert then so be it ..no need to make excuse.

If you are negative then you shoould do something about it by ACTION to correct it.

If you life is full then you should not reframe anything...there no need for this post...!!!

It's tough out there but you are a tough mother****er...no excuse..

 

[Luke Skywalker]

reframe and not reframe...mamdo jumbo...

Get your ass out there and action creat reaction..you have not make a sales since Feb? You ****ing fired...

Cold calls, go to church, networking, learn to invest money. I met a lot of interesting people in my investment class, different businesses, their knowledge can help you close a sales.

Alright, there is one up there on me since my philosophy was 100% advertising. It worked well last year ($ 85 000 gross income), but this year has been a disaster. Only one deal could be attributed directly to advertising this time (and even that one came last year).

This particular situation is not too unique. I've heard rumours that another agent in another company made LOTS of money from clients he obtained from advertising, so much so that he even put downpayment to buy a home. This year however, his sales too have been suffering badly and what's worst is he's stuck with a mortgage.

Last year I've been saving all my money and staying home, because, even though I've been making money, I've always had this sinking feeling that it may just be a lucky stroke for that particular time, but when the luck runs out I'll be left scrambling. I saved all the money -- and that's one of the reasons I've been able to weather the storm. However, now despite having bills in business, I'm so pissed, I have defaulted to pay my advertiser until I get fresh money coming in because not only did I have a very frustrating year I have to pay for the disaster through advertising too....arrgh.

Right now, I have a tangible reason to have no-confidence in my business strategy and rightfully am tightly holding on to every penny I can in the interim, and what includes an elimimination of any budget to move out as that is a luxury thought at this time. It's bad as it is right now, at least I can decide not to pay bills and it wont have any tangible effect -- but when you are talking about rent, you could be kicked out if you don't pay.

Now, I understand, even if I had a job, I could get laid off and fired, and there is really no true job stability, and even if someone had $ 10 000 in the bank, they should be reasonably secure at least for the short-term if they wanted to move out....but I'm freaking out right now because I've had some severe terrible financial experiences in the past and know how hard it could be to make money when you are out of synch of the time that money comes in and you are in a desert.

That being said -- I've already adopted a new business strategy starting on July 7, 2008. A positive re-framing would be to say that I'm taking a break until July 7, 2008, to sort out myself, and then start virtually working from scratch on July 7, 2008. This is the Brian Buffini's 100 days to greatness. I'll be intensely on it trying to make it work, but the course starts on that date. Most agents average 6 deals within the three months of that program, if I have a terrible time, maybe I'll make a couple of deals so I'm looking up.

 

[Bible_Belt]

How do you figure that? I'm Canadian, I'm not from the Caribbean!

You live in Canada, but your family is from Trinidad, right? You have dark enough skin to pass for a black guy here in the states, and you have talked about going to Trinidad with your family.

Plus, you're lazy. Go get a second job that will provide stable revenue to move out, meet new people including women, and get you out of the house. Being mommy's taxi is not a legit second job - that's why you have all the problems you have.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

How do you figure that? I'm Canadian, I'm not from the Caribbean!

You live in Canada, but your family is from Trinidad, right? You have dark enough skin to pass for a black guy here in the states, and you have talked about going to Trinidad with your family.

I thought you saw my photo shoot. I don't look black and people have confused me from all sorts of places. My dad is Italian so it's a mixed family.

Plus, you're lazy. Go get a second job that will provide stable revenue to move out, meet new people including women, and get you out of the house. Being mommy's taxi is not a legit second job - that's why you have all the problems you have.

How do you figure I'm lazy? You need some degree of luck in life. I just told you I was very busy in Real-Estate, and was so busy I wouldn't be able to hold a second time job. You also need allot of work to find a decent job.
Trust me, you don't walk into a second job, and the quality of work that you'll get if you find one just sucks. I've been there done that and have seen all the crummy jobs that are out there. Here are some examples:

1) Courier work: Used up my automobile to the point that ALL my income was going back into repairs and gas -- that was when gas was at around 60 cents a litre, and back then I thought that was very high.

2) Telemarketing: You can show up every day for work and do everything right -- but if you luck out and don't make enough sales you are fired and the pay is sh1t.

3) Paralegal: They make no money, and often scam people in hidden fees such as referrals for assements and physiotherapy. When the government clamped down on that as insurance premiums were skyrocketing, everyone went out of business overnight since there wasn't enough money going around so that people could get paid under the table. So did I -- went into Real-Estate next.

So, I've been there and done that, and know if you don't land a decent job, you are just chicken-scratching.

 

[guru1000]

I have read everything you have written as I too own a business revolved around sales.

Word of advice, TAKE A RISK.

Do not be afraid to put yourself out there.

No matter how bad the economy or business is at the moment, you WILL ALWAYS find a way to cover your overhead.

When you are FORCED, real production comes in. Real producers FORCE themselves with liquidity; they do not need a catalyst.

You seem to be in the CATCH 22. You will not put away ample LIQUIDITY as you do not need to. You live at home and have minimal expenses.

If we take your expenses and multiply it by 10, I can GUARANTEE you will be able to manage.

To produce in SALES, you must possess big paradigms. These are mental boundaries one sets for himself and MUST meet every month. The problem here is your PARADIGMS are only as big as your overhead when they should be 20 times more.

It is hard for one to mentally set a new paradigm unless he FRAMES the boundary correctly and goes after it. What I suggest you do in the meantime is to move out and keep yourself financially tight. You will produce a great deal more than you do now ONLY because you have to.

The OP you wrote is only damaging in a sales career as it makes you complacent. A complacent salesman is a dead one.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I thought you saw my photo shoot. I don't look black and people have confused me from all sorts of places. My dad is Italian so it's a mixed family.



How do you figure I'm lazy? You need some degree of luck in life. I just told you I was very busy in Real-Estate, and was so busy I wouldn't be able to hold a second time job. You also need allot of work to find a decent job.
Trust me, you don't walk into a second job, and the quality of work that you'll get if you find one just sucks. I've been there done that and have seen all the crummy jobs that are out there. Here are some examples:

1) Courier work: Used up my automobile to the point that ALL my income was going back into repairs and gas -- that was when gas was at around 60 cents a litre, and back then I thought that was very high.

2) Telemarketing: You can show up every day for work and do everything right -- but if you luck out and don't make enough sales you are fired and the pay is sh1t.

3) Paralegal: They make no money, and often scam people in hidden fees such as referrals for assements and physiotherapy. When the government clamped down on that as insurance premiums were skyrocketing, everyone went out of business overnight since there wasn't enough money going around so that people could get paid under the table. So did I -- went into Real-Estate next.

So, I've been there and done that, and know if you don't land a decent job, you are just chicken-scratching.

http://pics.plentyofsite.com/dating/41/Toronto_personals_15384746.jpg

ok, so you're half black, then? Your Mom is Trini? White Americans can't tell the difference between black and half-black. We all think Barack Obama is black.

And do you think I have never held 2-3 jobs? Never been a courier or a telemarketer? Those were the classy second jobs I've had, delivering pizza at night paid most of the bills while I worked sh!ttty commission sales jobs. When you pick peaches in an orchard as a kid, every job you get after that seems like a step up in life. When I was 16, I thought I had it good working at Wendy's because I got paid to be inside with heat and AC. A couple years later, I got a job at a Quickie Mart and thought that employment surely could not get any sweeter than that. There was even a chair there to sit in when the place was slow. A chair at work!

The reason I don't have any sympathy, Luke, is that I've been where you've been, and I've done the things I'm telling you to do.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

The OP you wrote is only damaging in a sales career as it makes you complacent. A complacent salesman is a dead one.

Like I said, I don't want to be like that other guy that's stuck with a family and a mortgage and is panicing right now because he isn't making enough sales to make ends meet. I'm sure he took lots of risks or boundaries as you call it to make such a commitment, but look at where he is at now. My dad is also a big spender, when his money runs out he comes crying to other people -- when no money is coming in to replace the money that's being spent, that's when you really have problems. If that scenerio can be avoided, then it must.

 

[guru1000]

Like I said, I don't want to be like that other guy that's stuck with a family and a mortgage and is panicing right now because he isn't making enough sales to make ends meet. I'm sure he took lots of risks or boundaries as you call it to make such a commitment, but look at where he is at now. My dad is also a big spender, when his money runs out he comes crying to other people -- when no money is coming in to replace the money that's being spent, that's when you really have problems. If that scenerio can be avoided, then it must.

Panicking is what a PRODUCER does to gross 250k a month. If he falls short on the third week with only 20K in, he PANICS. This is what separates him from the pack. He is WILLING to panick every month to meet his quota, while the small guys are complacent making their ends meet.

At the end of the day, you are still covering your overhead living at home with your parents while the producer is living in multi-million dollar houses making an impact on his significant net worth. And if he lost it all, he would still be ahead of you within the first few months of production because he continues to panic.

You have a CHOICE. Be COMPLACENT living at home with your parents at 32 years of age, or PANIC month by month and live on your own as a PRODUCER.

 

[I'm Charming]

http://pics.plentyofsite.com/dating/41/Toronto_personals_15384746.jpg

Just seen that picture and it surprised me, I was expecting Comic Book Guy off the Simpsons from the attitude.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Just seen that picture and it surprised me

I know. Luke thinks he's fat, too, which is ridiculous. He and Wutang remind me of each other - normal looking guys with a complex about their looks.

 

[Luke Skywalker]

Panicking is what a PRODUCER does to gross 250k a month. If he falls short on the third week with only 20K in, he PANICS. This is what separates him from the pack. He is WILLING to panick every month to meet his quota, while the small guys are complacent making their ends meet.

Well, obviously I'm also panicking, but it has not produced any results, but at least there is no potential for actual damage.

Again, I've seen my dad's lot where he spent up money, is left broke and doesn't know what he's doing and asking for money to pay bills, and there are many cases of forclosures, power of sales and evictions, or people who reposses cars for non-payment of leases, what happened in those cases, I'm sure when they took it out they believed they could pay for the bills. Therefore, if what you were saying was true, there would be no evictions, foreclosures, power of sales, because everyone would be panicking right to ensure that didn't happen? How come that happens?

So you really have to examine if you can afford to carry something, and if you have the confidence that you have a system in place for RELIABLE income to which you can base a budget, then you have the economic stability you need to deal with other aspects in your life.

Now I don't have a reliable system of income because advertising appears to go in waves of lucky strokes or it goes with extreme famines. I'm trying to proceed with a system that is promising for a more reliable income and hopefully help jump start things without having to pay advertisment overhead.