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Cold Approach in Grocery Store

pipeman84

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And you're right about IOIs. They are nice when you get them, but all they do is tell you a girl thinks you're hot. I have been eye-fvcked and even FOLLOWED by women who, when I stopped to talk to them, mumbled a one word response and kept walking. Ironically one example of this was in a grocery store. I was walking in the opposite direction of this super hot mid-20's girl in workout gear looking like she just came from the gym and we stared at each other as our paths crossed. I was in a hurry and kept walking, deciding not to approach her, but after about 7 seconds of walking I decided to look back and when I did she had stopped right where she passed me and had turned around 180 to stare at me. I kept going and turned left down an isle to get my toothpaste. 15 seconds later who comes walking by the area outside of the isle but her. She saw me and stopped, then turned down the isle and walked toward me. As she approached I said, "I'm all turned around since they re-arranged the store last week" and she mumbled something and just kept walking - not stopping to get anything in that isle.
Firstly, one has to know to read IOIs...I'm getting the distinct impression you might be confusing a woman looking at you as she passes you with an IOI and if she looks twice in your direction you take it as an eye-fvck.

Secondly, in your example you play the role of the little boy lost in the grocery store and you assign a random woman the role of the mom....please mommy, help me find the aisle where the sweets are....that's what you basically conveyed to her. But in your imagination you're this bold macho guy (unlike that pipeman84 wimp who's afraid of cold approaching :p ) who received plenty IOIs that didn't materialize into anything concrete. The reality is she didn't even acknowledged your existence as a man, yet in your imagination, this happened VV
I am not trying to entertain her or "get her to like me". That's the wrong frame. The frame is: I am choosing to evaluate her and if she impresses me then I will give her the opportunity to get to know me better by going on a date.
 

SW15

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1. Day game
2. Night game
3. Online dating
4. Cold approaching
5. Social circle

Which of these games will give you the best ROI (return on investment), in your opinion?

You are one of those social circle guys, correct?
Number 4 (cold approaching) is done as a part of day game and night game. I'm not sure why this is listed separately.

If the ROI choice is between approaching strangers in non-bar settings, approaching strangers in bars/nightclubs, online dating (both swipe apps and DMing), and social circle, the best ROI will come from social circle if the circle is already built and if the circle isn't pissed at you for previous short term failed relationships.

If your social circle isn't viable, approaching strangers is a better ROI option than swipe apps. It is likely a better ROI option than sending DMs on Instagram, unless there's something great about your Instagram. On Instagram, you'd need more Followers than Following and your Follower count needs to be somewhere in the thousands. A lot of men aren't going a good enough Instagram to actually get results with DMs.

The reality is that for the introverted, sober cold approach is taxing and unenjoyable....day game in particular resembles cold calling or even panhandling. There's something fundamentally degrading about the process, whether many of you want to admit it or not.

That said, at this point in life, I'm about out of cards to play. The quality I get from OLD and bars is mostly unacceptable. So I intend to try it anyway.
You're not wrong about approaching strangers in non-bar settings. It's not fun to not be able to get attention. When you actually do get attention, it's not fun to have most conversations fizzle out prior to getting someone to agree to a future interaction and give you her number.

It would be interesting to find out why you're having issues in bar approaching. I hope you've already deleted the swipe apps.

Since you have to make the first move with women in any scenario, cold approach is simply making the first move while also cutting down vast amounts of time and effort to find out who is interested in dating you and who isn't, and it gives you an endless pool of women to select from. You are not limited by the number of women in your social circle nor constrained by any social dynamics in the social circle.
it gives you an endless pool of unavailable women to select from. There, you missed the key word, I fixed it for you. ;)
99/100 20-30yo women will have a polite conversation with you if you are socially calibrated and don't look like a fvcking freak.
The most difficult thing in approaching women in non-bar settings is getting their attention. I think it is valid to say that a large part of this has to do with unavailability, though few women flat out say that they are unavailable. The most common ways that women express unavailability in non-bar settings is wearing earbuds (more common in gyms, parks, and paths than grocery stores) or being essentially uncommunicative and contributing to a conversation fizzling out in 30-60 seconds.

A 60 second or less polite conversation without a result is still not a fun outcome. I get way more soft nexts/conversations that go nowhere vs. harsh blowouts.

I'm fine with handing a woman a free compliment. I'm strongly against simping, but a single polite compliment costs you nothing. At the same time, I get where guys are coming from who feel that women should NEVER be complimented for free, especially given how many simps are out there in the world today blowing up women's egos and fvcking things up for all men in the process. But my position is that one compliment to a girl isn't putting out bad energy into the world and causing harm. If someone disagrees with me on this, I totally respect that position.
A free compliment in a non-bar setting approach is very mild on the scale of simping. Simping is sending money on OnlyFans without getting sex. Simping is constantly validating on Instagram.

The woman from the thread below has an army of simps in her life.


you're right about IOIs. They are nice when you get them, but all they do is tell you a girl thinks you're hot. I have been eye-fvcked and even FOLLOWED by women who, when I stopped to talk to them, mumbled a one word response and kept walking.
I've had the false IOI symptom before. It's rare, but it's happened. It is quite annoying when it has happened.
 
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We_ArE_VeNOM

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Number 4 (cold approaching) is done as a part of day game and night game. I'm not sure why this is listed separately.
.

You are correct, sir.

I fuked that up lol.

If the ROI choice is between approaching strangers in non-bar settings, approaching strangers in bars/nightclubs, online dating (both swipe apps and DMing), and social circle, the best ROI will come from social circle if the circle is already built and if the circle isn't pissed at you for previous short term failed relationships.
Social circles are limited. Only a small pot.

If anything, you have to utilize ALL those tools (settings), but cold approaching gives you a larger playing field and will give you the best results as far as the amount of fish in the sea.

Since it is a numbers game anyway, the larger the number is, the greater your chances are.

If your social circle isn't viable, approaching strangers is a better ROI option than swipe apps.
I agree.
 

SW15

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one of his typical openers was "Excuse me, I just noticed you walking past, and I thought you looked really nice'.
I have used this exact sentence, and many variations of it hundreds of times. I use it when the girl and I aren't sharing any mutual experience that I can talk to her about and especially if I have to actually stop a girl who is walking. In those situations, being direct is best. Somewhere between 97 and 99% of women are flattered.
@oldmanofthesea and PUAs such as A.G. Hayden and Austen Summers use this line.

I think there is a difference between outdoor game (parks, paths, the street) vs. retail game (including grocery stores). Outdoors, it seems to be advantageous to go more direct like the line being discussed above. With indoor retail game, going more indirect about her outfit, a book she's holding (bookstore), or something in her grocery basket/some grocery item in the store (grocery store) is probably the stronger approach.

It is well-known red-pill 101 that a man's SMV peaks in his mid 40's. There are gigabytes worth of posts here on SS over the years demonstrating how older men routinely meet, sleep with, and get into relationships with much younger women. You choose to ignore that and make excuses instead.
I have seen the famous SMV chart over time where Rollo Tomassi illustrates male SMV peak around late 30s. There are various red pill influencers who place peak male SMV somewhere between 35-45.

The problem with the idea that peak male SMV falls somewhere between 35-45 is that it is only applicable for a small subset of men. Before I go on, I will acknowledge that there are some men 35-45 who can date women 10+ years younger. Let's think about the actual experience in the mating marketplace for a 35-45 year old man. The typical man in the 35-45 range is a pusssy beggar who ends up settling for some mediocre or subpar woman close to his own age (at most 3-4 years younger). He's usually swiping profusely through every woman in his area in order to get that mediocre match. That doesn't seem like a peak SMV experience to me.

In general, it's better to be 24-28 and get women close to your own age, like 22-27.

Women don't ideally want to meet a man on a dating app or at a night club - they would rather meet him by accident - at a park, on an airplane, in the grocery store or at garden store.
I think this is true. However, from the perspective of an approacher, it's super difficult to do a lot of those non-bar setting approaches. The main advantage of doing approaches in bars/nightclubs or running swipe app game is that it is known that the woman is seeking new penis. With approaching strangers in non-bar settings, chances are that a man is approaching a woman who isn't looking for a new penis. Women both in relationships and women looking for new penis are in parks, on paths, on airplanes, and in the grocery store.

I think it is easy for men to get discouraged in failing to capture attention in non-bar settings. Part of this problem is related to the fact that the women out in non-bar settings often aren't in the market for new penis. That leads to a lot of short conversations that go nowhere and even an inability to approach, such as earbuds in the parks, on the paths, and on the general gym floors. I was even seeing earbuds in the grocery store in the late 2010s, something I haven't seen since indoor masking became a thing at the onset of the pandemic. I think women were starting to wear earbuds in the grocery store in my area as a means to actively discourage grocery store approaching. While few men actually have the guts to grocery store approach, there are enough men out there who will do it and will probably not do it well, leading to some women getting annoyed and deciding to use earbuds. I do think that bougie/yuppie Millennial women being more socially inept is also a factor in why I saw this.

I got into approaching in non-bar settings simply because I didn't want to stay up late and drink alcohol to meet women. I had interest in doing so as early as 22 when I first heard about guys meeting women in yoga classes, but didn't start doing it until my late 20s when I read Roosh's "Day Bang" when it first came out.

I have had women text me after the fact that they enjoyed meeting me in an unexpected way after a non-bar approach when I got their number. This has happened in instances where I was doing a planned outdoor approach session.

I met my ex wife at a veterinarians office. We were both there with our dogs so I asked her a question about her dog and we got to talking about dogs and that got us talking about hiking and that got us talking about where we like to hike and that we like to camp and that we like to listen to music while we camp and that we like to listen to the same type of music. She was 23 when we met. I was 33. After my appointment was over I told her we should meet up and take the dogs for a hike soon and she immediately handed me a piece of paper with her phone number already written down on it - in hopes that I would ask her.
That's solid non-bar approaching. Women do like this, as evidenced by what I said about women texting me after I set a date/got their numbers through a non-bar approach.

It'd be impossible to plan out an attractive 23 year old being at a veterinarian's office at the same time that you are there. It's impossible to linger in a vet's office, unlike indoor retail game or doing outdoor approach sessions. You saw an opportunity, demonstrated at least adequate social skills, and set a date leading to an extended relationship. Even though you were a blue pilled beta male at that time, you still could recognize opportunity, demonstrate social skill, and have enough courage to initiate. Fewer and fewer men seem to be able to do this now as even compared to 15 years ago.

Man, I found the book online, read the grocery store chapter and had a good laugh followed by an exclamation of Jesus Christ! :lol: No wonder the guy went insane....I mean, the whole behaviour of lingering in the grocery store, stalking girls and examining their shopping carts reeks. And to use those lines with a serious face would take a pretty low self esteem/retarded guy to begin with. He was 32 when the book was published...I don't know, maybe a clueless teen early 20s guy might be excused if he falls for it, tries it a bit and realizes the absurdity.
But to advocate 40+ yrs old guys do this shyt is basically trolling.
The incident that caused Roosh's emotional breakdown was when his sister died of breast cancer at age 31. I believe Roosh was 38 (nearly 39) when that happened. You're correct that Roosh published "Day Bang" at age 32 in 2011.

That advice was written for men of all ages, but likely men 22-35 were the ones buying his book in the 2011-2016 era.

I will say that multiple hours lingering in grocery stores is quite challenging. My own personal practice in grocery store was to cap my grocery store time at one hour. I would do something like 1 hour in one grocery store on a Saturday, and then 1 hour on Sunday/a weeknight in the same week. In my experience, it is impossible to approach enough volume of women in grocery stores and other retail venues (malls, bookstores) without some amount of lingering for an extended period.

Asking out what's in someone's grocery basket and using the GALNUC framework is a decent approach to grocery store game. GALNUC is a good framework for early stage-intermediate level approachers. Some of the best approachers can move beyond GALNUC in sequencing an indoor retail conversation, but it would take years of approaching to be able to strongly free style an approach.
 
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pipeman84

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If the ROI choice is between approaching strangers in non-bar settings, approaching strangers in bars/nightclubs, online dating (both swipe apps and DMing), and social circle, the best ROI will come from social circle if the circle is already built and if the circle isn't pissed at you for previous short term failed relationships.
I propose a paradigm shift: how about strangers (females) approaching YOU? BAM. Ever thought of that one? ;)
There's this beggar vibe combined with FOMO flowing throughout this thread...approach with this line, no, this one it's more macho, let's play the bumbling guy role at the fruit counter or the lost little boy in the middle of aisle no.3. That's feminine energy....women are supposed to be asking silly questions in order to attract attention from a man, not the other way around.

If no woman approaches you (meaning IOIs or chit chat) then probably it's YOU...either your looks/vibe or you're not exposed for long enough time to available women. Either seek to indentify and fix the real issues or use brute force cold approaching. I'll let the reader decide which option is more manly and desirable.
 

oldmanofthesea

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@We_ArE_VeNOM - We are both advocates of talking to women we don't know and we both have great success doing it. My comments were not meant as a criticism of the differences between the way you do it and the way I do it; I was simply breaking down why I do some specific things differently than you - exactly the same way you did when you explained why you don't like saying what I sometimes say, "Excuse me miss, I just noticed you walking past, and I thought you looked really nice" and instead you prefer asking, "Are you single?"

So you feel it's ok for you to explain how you do things differently and why, but if I do the same in response, you get defensive and angry? If you can't have a friendly discussion about the specific nuances of what we both agree is an overall working technique, then there is no point in discussion at all so I will leave you alone to say whatever you want as the final and official word.

A 60 second or less polite conversation without a result is still not a fun outcome.
That is a mindset thing. If you reframe things in your mind to see interacting with strangers as enjoyable, then it's fun. When you talk to a guy you don't know, you are doing it to make conversation and you enjoy that so the same can be true for conversations with women. If you view a 60 second conversation with a woman who ultimately doesn't give you sex as a failure, then you are being outcome dependent. I understand the default-nature of people will be to want something specific and if they don't get it they become disappointed, but it comes back to the whole power of positive thinking.

The typical man in the 35-45 range is a pusssy beggar who ends up settling for some mediocre or subpar woman close to his own age (at most 3-4 years younger). He's usually swiping profusely through every woman in his area in order to get that mediocre match. That doesn't seem like a peak SMV experience to me.

In general, it's better to be 24-28 and get women close to your own age, like 22-27.
No argument from me on ay of that. But any 35-45yo man who is on this forum has the information they need to step out of that category and enjoy success. It doesn't matter if he won't do as well as a 25yo guy because it's not a competition. If a 45yo guy can still have regular success with women in their 20's then it's a win.

The main advantage of doing approaches in bars/nightclubs or running swipe app game is that it is known that the woman is seeking new penis.
I'm going to disagree with you on this because I have seen first-hand that many women in bars and on swipe apps are not looking for new penis at all. Many women on swipe apps are looking only for attention and a recent survey even showed that something like 70% of women on swipe apps say they aren't serious about meeting someone and are just there out of boredom and want attention/validation. Women go to bars for many different reasons. I've approached many women in bars only to find they aren't single. They are out with friends. I find the single/taken rate to be the same in bars as on the street or in the grocery store, personally. Plus I quit drinking a while ago so I just can't stand being in bars.


I have had women text me after the fact that they enjoyed meeting me in an unexpected way after a non-bar approach when I got their number. This has happened in instances where I was doing a planned outdoor approach session.
Yes same here and this is just proof that women enjoy being approached and meeting strangers. I once met a girl while waiting for the train. Super skinny little red head - probably about 22. She was reading a book so I asked her what it was about. I expanded the conversation out from the book to how it related to her real life, where she worked, what she liked about it, what she ultimately wanted to do in life, etc. This conversation continued to the train coming, our sitting next to each other on the train talking for the duration of the 30 minute trip, and my asking for her contact info so we could "go walk our dogs sometime." She gave it to me and without my reaching out to her, she reached out to me to say, "It was great talking to you. Thanks for saying hi, it made my morning!"

It'd be impossible to plan out an attractive 23 year old being at a veterinarian's office at the same time that you are there. It's impossible to linger in a vet's office, unlike indoor retail game or doing outdoor approach sessions. You saw an opportunity, demonstrated at least adequate social skills, and set a date leading to an extended relationship. Even though you were a blue pilled beta male at that time, you still could recognize opportunity, demonstrate social skill, and have enough courage to initiate. Fewer and fewer men seem to be able to do this now as even compared to 15 years ago.
Yeah man, it's pretty funny because even today I have NO idea what gave me the courage to do that while I was blue pilled. I had almost never talked to a hot stranger prior to that. In the moment I saw her, I was in awe. She was seriously among the cutest girls I'd ever seen. Totally my type. Teeny tiny with incredible legs and azz. Something just came over me in the moment and told me, "Nothing is ever going to happen if you just sit and wait for it. What do you have to lose?" So I talked to her and the rest is history. I never got the courage to do that again after my divorce until I found red pill and spent some years learning and working on myself.


I will say that multiple hours lingering in grocery stores is quite challenging. My own personal practice in grocery store was to cap my grocery store time at one hour. I would do something like 1 hour in one grocery store on a Saturday, and then 1 hour on Sunday/a weeknight in the same week. In my experience, it is impossible to approach enough volume of women in grocery stores and other retail venues (malls, bookstores) without some amount of lingering for an extended period.
That's why I never go out with the specific intention of approaching anymore. I tried it and the juice isn't worth the squeeze, for me anyway. If in a busy city with tons of slender hot women walking around, like NYC for example, I have, and would linger somewhere to meet women and it has paid off in spades. That is how I met the 23yo ballerina I ended up dating. But it's not good enough where I live so I just do it as I go about my daily life.
 

SW15

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I will say that multiple hours lingering in grocery stores is quite challenging. In my experience, it is impossible to approach enough volume of women in grocery stores and other retail venues (malls, bookstores) without some amount of lingering for an extended period.
That's why I never go out with the specific intention of approaching anymore. I tried it and the juice isn't worth the squeeze, for me anyway. If in a busy city with tons of slender hot women walking around, like NYC for example, I have, and would linger somewhere to meet women and it has paid off in spades.
@DreamAgain had a good post about meeting women organically in Dallas below.


In order to do non-bar venue approaching in Dallas, lingering/dedicated approach sessions is a must. Because Dallas isn't very good for organic meetings as @DreamAgain pointed out, lingering becomes necessary in non-bar approaching to make something happen.

I like your feedback that the juice isn't worth the squeeze on dedicated approach sessions/lingering.

The main advantage of doing approaches in bars/nightclubs or running swipe app game is that it is known that the woman is seeking new penis. With approaching strangers in non-bar settings, chances are that a man is approaching a woman who isn't looking for a new penis.
I'm going to disagree with you on this because I have seen first-hand that many women in bars and on swipe apps are not looking for new penis at all. Many women on swipe apps are looking only for attention and a recent survey even showed that something like 70% of women on swipe apps say they aren't serious about meeting someone and are just there out of boredom and want attention/validation. Women go to bars for many different reasons. I've approached many women in bars only to find they aren't single. They are out with friends. I find the single/taken rate to be the same in bars as on the street or in the grocery store, personally. Plus I quit drinking a while ago so I just can't stand being in bars.
My original quote above was likely too theoretical. I don’t run swipe app game anymore and you’re right that a lot of women are doing swipe apps more for the validation than anything else.
You’re also right that bars aren’t exclusively single women either. There have been times over the years I got frustrated at a bar when a woman was there and wasn’t single and wasn’t looking for new penis. She was taking up space that could have been occupied by a woman seeking new penis.

YouTube content creator Wheat Waffles (mainly black pill) put together a good list of why women go to bars/nightclubs. I’ve linked the list below. In a lot of ways, it is a time waster.

Why do you think the single/taken rate in bars is similar to outdoors (park/path/street) and grocery stores?

 

oldmanofthesea

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RE Dallas - I could see that. There are definitely plenty of cities I would not run approaches in or if I did I would not expect much.

Why do you think the single/taken rate in bars is similar to outdoors (park/path/street) and grocery stores?
Just because I think it's a random sampling of the same general population. All my friends who are in their 20's go to bars to hang out and drink and talk and have fun. All of them are in relationships. This applies to both my male and female friends. Now if you are talking about a NIGHT CLUB, that's a bit different - the ratio of single women is going to be higher, even though there are still going to be plenty of taken women there. Lastly, there are bars that are specifically known as meat-markets and those would obviously have a higher ratio of single women too but I can't stand those places nor night clubs. I used to DJ at a massive night club that was open to 4am every Friday and Saturday nights when I was in my 20's. It was fun back in those days at that age, but now the environment makes me cringe and I can't step foot in a club anymore. I'm almost 47 and don't drink and can't tolerate drunk strangers as well as I used to. Beyond that, I find the quality of women in the grocery store or on the sidewalk to be far superior to club/bar girls, on average. Many good girls won't go to a club but are obviously going to the grocery store. Again, not saying no good girls go to bars - I know many who do, but from a numbers perspective, I find a lot more "good" girls on the street or at the grocery store. They are the less promiscuous more down to earth type.
 

We_ArE_VeNOM

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@We_ArE_VeNOM - We are both advocates of talking to women we don't know and we both have great success doing it. My comments were not meant as a criticism of the differences between the way you do it and the way I do it; I was simply breaking down why I do some specific things differently than you - exactly the same way you did when you explained why you don't like saying what I sometimes say, "Excuse me miss, I just noticed you walking past, and I thought you looked really nice" and instead you prefer asking, "Are you single?"
I explained why my approach is better, and if there is any counter-argument to my approach, I haven't heard it yet.

So you feel it's ok for you to explain how you do things differently and why, but if I do the same in response, you get defensive and angry? If you can't have a friendly discussion about the specific nuances of what we both agree is an overall working technique, then there is no point in discussion at all so I will leave you alone to say whatever you want as the final and official word.
Gotcha. See ya in traffice :cool: .
 

SW15

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my friends who are in their 20's go to bars to hang out and drink and talk and have fun. All of them are in relationships. This applies to both my male and female friends. Now if you are talking about a NIGHT CLUB, that's a bit different - the ratio of single women is going to be higher, even though there are still going to be plenty of taken women there. Lastly, there are bars that are specifically known as meat-markets and those would obviously have a higher ratio of single women too but I can't stand those places nor night clubs. I used to DJ at a massive night club that was open to 4am every Friday and Saturday nights when I was in my 20's. It was fun back in those days at that age, but now the environment makes me cringe and I can't step foot in a club anymore. I'm almost 47 and don't drink and can't tolerate drunk strangers as well as I used to. Beyond that, I find the quality of women in the grocery store or on the sidewalk to be far superior to club/bar girls, on average. Many good girls won't go to a club but are obviously going to the grocery store.
That's so cool that you used to DJ at a massive nightclub. You know nightlife too well.

Although I have been aware of the differences between bars and nightclubs, I have often lumped the 2 forms of nightlife together. Ultimately, approaching at either form of night venue is the same. Both venues have women in groups and bullshiit group dynamics that aren't fun for me. I don't like dealing with groups.

Late nights and alcohol aren't ideal. I didn't like the loudness of most venues.

Since I moved to Dallas, I've been to more bars than nightclubs. However, early in my time in Dallas, I decided to be more daygame focused than nightlife venue focused.

RE Dallas - I could see that. There are definitely plenty of cities I would not run approaches in or if I did I would not expect much.
There isn't much unique about daygame in Dallas and it's not the ideal city for daygame. Nevertheless, it is a good option for meeting people.

Dallas is a Sun Belt city that grew more after the automobile and the end of World War II. It's not a very walkable city, save for certain pockets. There's not enough foot traffic to run the Torero-Krauser type street game that they ran in London (London Daygame Model). There's much less street activity than New York City, Boston, or Chicago. Downtown Dallas has a bit of a Manhattan feel with some skyscrapers but there's less foot traffic and less opportunities to stop women on the street there. Additionally, Downtown Dallas (next to Deep Ellum) can feel a bit gritty and unsafe. This happens less during the day. I wouldn't recommend walking in Downtown Dallas at night, though there are more dangerous areas than Downtown in Metro Dallas and in other cities.

Since we're talking about grocery stores as the purpose of this thread, there are lots of grocery stores in Dallas. There's one in particular that I've done better at for getting numbers and dates than others. There's nothing unique about grocery store game in Dallas other than the fact that most women are receptive due to weak social circles. They are receptive in the sense that I haven't experienced harsh blowouts but it doesn't mean that it's a pleasant experience. In many ways, there's a bit of drudgery in grocery store approaching. The lingering element I talked about earlier in a key one.

I didn't discover daygame until moving to Dallas. I wouldn't know how to compare Dallas to other cities for daygame.
 
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