Cluster B and "normal" people.

Bonhomme

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I feel positively strange for not having such dramatic relationship experiences. I tend to repel those who are bad for me... and even did when I was pretty fucked up (before discovering food allergies that messed me up).

Not to say I ain't attracted to some of 'em, however foolish that may be.
 

Bonhomme

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iqqi said:
I'm a hobbit now.

AND it doesn't help that he is insanely gorgeous... and persistent (4 years!?...)
Hobbits have been known to fall for the insanely gorgeous. That's usually what it really comes down to when one falls for a psycho, jerk, or whatever.
 

iqqi

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Bonhomme said:
Hobbits have been known to fall for the insanely gorgeous. That's usually what it really comes down to when one falls for a psycho, jerk, or whatever.
Get it right, Bonpapi. He fell for me.

He won't go away! But I like it.

And I'm not a hobbit. :(
 

reset

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Not much to add to what Kontroller said, yes I have said I was not right in the head. I hadn't been with a girl for quite a while, had very low self esteem and all of the sudden out of the blue this sexy chick is completely revolving her world around me and I thought it was a once in a life-time experience and never would get a girl as attractive and "funny/charming/intelligent" as her so when she started acting cruel I held onto her for dear life, until I had had enough.

I was the perfect mark.
 

Bonhomme

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iqqi said:
Get it right, Bonpapi. He fell for me.

He won't go away! But I like it.

And I'm not a hobbit. :(
lol. Cute little hobbit ...
 

KontrollerX

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Hobbit iqqi nice and sweet.

Hobbit iqqi hairy feet.

Ahahahhahaha!!!
 

iqqi

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KontrollerX said:
Hobbit iqqi nice and sweet.

Hobbit iqqi hairy feet.

Ahahahhahaha!!!
You must be drunk.

MODS! I think KX is trying to entice me into a flame war!!! SEE! He started it.

JK. I like how he tried to wax poetic. HOT.
 

KontrollerX

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The great thing about this forum is, is that it has always had a poster on it I believe since its inception to warn guys about the dangers of Cluster B women.

In the past RKtec was the go to guy to learn about them.

Then came, pimpcicle, jophil, reset, mike_the_man and the legend Blue Phoenix himself right here.

And now me.

I believe there will always be a guy that emerges from the shadows and onto the Sosuave scene whenever a knowledgeable poster on Cluster B leaves.

If I ever abandon this forum entirely I am confident someone will eventually come along and carry on the work of informing posters about these people just like has always happened in the past here.
 

reset

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It wasn't this forum, but another forum (and the one you used to moderate Kontroller) that actually showed me what she was about, and guys broke it down for me and I was totally dumbfounded. Otherwise I would have no clue. And the stuff I was told to do, worked. (basically ignore her completely, as if she were a ghost) and it was tough but it worked and while it was happening I had these same posters pumping me up and telling me to stick with it.

I don't believe most dudes who will get involved with chicks like this have any clue. They might think "yeah she's bipolar and crazy chicks are good in the sack!" as if it's funny, but they are in for some interesting experiences.

We're on this forum talking about it so assume others know, but I bet most guys have no clue about this stuff, other than the term "AW", which even then, they probably don't really understand.

I believe I know now, in advance. It's funny. Since my experience, I am extremely guarded. I don't open up to chicks really until they work for it. They seem to enjoy earning it. I am now inbetween jerk and not really caring. All I know is I would never intentionally hurt another person. Other than that, I'm choosing arrogance and ****iness. As long as I'm not harming another, I'm giving myself free reign to act however the fvck I want. She beat the lovey dovey out of me more or less. I also admit that some of the manipulation tactics she used on me I have learned to use in my favor when girls act up. So in a way, hate to say it, it toughened me up.

But I don't recommend it.
 

KontrollerX

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"I don't believe most dudes who will get involved with chicks like this have any clue. They might think "yeah she's bipolar and crazy chicks are good in the sack!" as if it's funny, but they are in for some interesting experiences."

Exactly. Also the guys who come on here still wanting to get with one after reading all that we and others have said about them amaze me. Its like they are so desperate for pvssy they will invite their own emotional destruction because even if you intend to keep your feelings cold to these women they have a way of getting you attached to them ever so subtley over time. You think you are in control but you are not.

Logic on this forum concerning them often goes "well someone's got to be fvcking her and why not me?" and I think for christ sakes man you should be here not just to learn how to get chicks in the sack but to weed out the crazies, to have options and demand nothing but the best, to be a DJ basically but so many of the guys on here short change themselves and go after what they view as "easy pickens" rather than putting in work to attract some true quality.

Another problem is a lot of posters who want to go after these chicks do not "Know Thyself" as the wise old phrase goes. They don't know how much emotional manipulation they will be able to stave off before a crazy they are using for sex gets a hold of their feelings. They think they can handle it and not get attached so they ask us for advice on how to land one of these "babes" but then they get damaged after months go by and learn their fvcking lesson the hard way. Just absolute stupidity on their part.

The poster Bible Belt is the type of guy who can go for them if he so wishes without anything to worry about as he clearly knows himself and has succeeded at getting what he's wanted from several BPD's without falling for any one of them over time. His knowing himself fully and his limitations is critical to avoid his being damaged by them but many of the posters that want to follow in his footsteps do not know themselves as well as he does and so proceed at their peril.

"We're on this forum talking about it so assume others know, but I bet most guys have no clue about this stuff, other than the term "AW", which even then, they probably don't really understand."

Yeah most people really have no clue how emotionally destructive these people are. Not just to guys like us that were unhealthy mentally to begin with but even mentally healthy well adjusted guys at the top of their game can be emotionally turned inside out by one of these crazies if they've never been schooled that such women are out there and to avoid them at all costs and to recognize the signs you are dealing with one.

These women attracted you and I so deeply because of our saviour complex and general AFC scarcity mentality but the whole soulmate thing to you and I was more of an icing on the cake kind of thing.

To succesful healthy DJ type guys that don't know what they are dealing with I'd argue that to them the whole soulmate thing about these women and not any kind of saviour complex that we had is the main reason they fall head over heels for the crazies in their situation.

"I also admit that some of the manipulation tactics she used on me I have learned to use in my favor when girls act up"

Yeah I picked up some of that too.

Hard to know exactly how to feel about it too after that behaviour having harmed you so badly but eh I guess to turn it to your advantage can be considered turning a negative into a positive.

I mean because after all we won't misuse the knowledge and harm women with it like they do men.
 

reset

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KontrollerX said:
I mean because after all we won't misuse the knowledge and harm women with it like they do men.
Of course not. You only pull it out when the chick misbehaves, so you can correct her behavior. It works on them because they use it against you, they do to you what they can't stand, so what are you going to do? I learned it from the best. :crazy:

Good point about savior versus soul-mate. They become who they think you want them to be so a guy with his act together may think "I've never met a chick who is so hot and fun AND likes all the same things I do AND has the same attitudes as me! It's almost too good to be true!" Whereas you and I probably had that but also had to play therapist.
 

jophil28

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Great post KontrollerX -
Cluster B women ARE destructive and always will be to anyone who gets in an LTR with them. Perhaps some men can remain detached and just enjoy the sex for a short while, but the risk of being drawn into her emotional cesspool is too great IMO.
I have been in a recent "relationship" with a Cluster B woman and it was a rollercoaster from the first weekend. The warnings signs were there from the first and second date - I just had NO clue what these signs meant, and there is the rub. Redflags are only RED if their significance is understood.
NOw I do know thanks to this forum and a great therapist friend who understands BPD and NPD .
THis experience changed me permanently and only those men who have also been though a similar experience with a women with this mental illness can understand or comment. I still struggle to accept that what happened , actually happened to ME. I always had leadership and control in my relationships. It always came easy . Most women treated me well. I can relate to Latinoman on this. I was always a big deal to most of my ladies. They made me the 'main event' in their lives. I was the PRIZE to women and to MYSELF ..and then I met HER in late 2005. SHe immediately became what I wanted in a woman ....I can see now that she went to work on me at once and I was drawn into her frame at high speed. SHe was gorgeous and looked so sweet -a real life china doll..She turned on the best sex in the first two weeks , I was hooked like a clever and wily old fish who had survived the harshness of his environment only to be eventually hooked by a smarter hunter who had wrapped a steel hook with an enticing bait..

She also portrayed herself as a sad victim who needed a Knight in Shining Armor. This activated my saviour mentality and I was her "protector" from the first week onwards. The hook was set deeper.
Little did I know who I was dealing with or what I was up against.
I know now and it will never happen again because I have the psych defenses and the filtering knowledge that I did not have three years ago.
 

reset

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I'm glad you got through it jophil, sounds like you're strong. Yours was probably more intense than mine and I barely made it.
 

iqqi

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Blue Phoenix said:
WTF is that????

My post was DELETED!

Sh1t man. That´s why I don´t come here often.

You aren't allowed to be timeless, if you want to post in the MM forum.

Change your age in your profile... or jump ship!

A life raft is coming by soon...
 

iqqi

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Blue Phoenix said:
Ok so let me put my age to 89 years!
What, are you trying to get banned!? :whistle:

Anyways, I could be wrong about why your post was deleted, it may have nothing to do with your age not being posted. We aren't too sure anymore why things get deleted around here. So do not take my word for it! It is just the first thing that came to mind. Sorry, I know how much that sucks, to write some sh!t out, and then it disappear. Your post was really good too.
 

Blue Phoenix

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Mods, delete my complaints!

Going back to the topic. If you always find yourself involved with NPD people, there´s a reason!

If you're reading this because of problems with someone you know now, the chances are excellent that one or both of your parents was a narcissist. Narcissists are so much trouble that only people with special prior training (i.e., who were raised by narcissists) get seriously involved with them. Sometimes narcissists' children become narcissists, too, but this is by no means inevitable, provided stable love was given by someone, such as the non-narcissist parent or grandparents. Beyond that, a happy marriage will heal many old wounds for the narcissist's child. But, even though children of narcissists don't automatically become narcissists themselves and can survive with enough intact psychically to lead happy and productive lives away from their narcissistic parents, because we all love our parents whether they can love us back or not, children of narcissists are kind of bent -- "You can't get blood out of a stone," but children of narcissists keep trying, as if by bonding with new narcissists we could somehow cure our narcissistic parents by finding the key to their heart. Thus, we've been trained to keep loving people who can't love us back, and we will often tolerate or actively work to maintain connections with narcissistic individuals whom others, lacking our special training, find alienating and repellent from first contact, setting ourselves up to be hurt yet again in the same old way.
 

Blue Phoenix

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Once narcissists know that you care for them, they'll suck you dry -- demand all your time, be more work than a newborn babe -- and they'll test your love by outrageous demands and power moves. In their world, love is a weakness and saying "I love you" is asking to be hurt, so be careful: they'll hurt you out of a sort of sacred duty. They can't or won't trust, so they will test your total devotion. If you won't submit to their tyranny, then you will be discarded as "no good," "a waste of time," "you don't really love me or you'd do whatever I ask," "I give up on you." If you've had a narcissist for a parent, you are probably not afraid of dying and going to hell -- you have lived hell on Earth. Narcissists cannot be satisfied and do a tremendous amount of damage to their children and partners in their relentless demand for a perfect outer appearance to reflect the perfect inner image that obsesses them.
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/howto.html
 
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