Cautionary tale playing out publicly in the NFL for men

[BackInTheGame78]

A tale as old as time...

A woman who decides to settle down with a man that she isn't "that in to" and start a family because he is the "safe option"...stable, nice, financially secure...

She thinks, "It doesn't matter if I don't really love him in that way. I'll be able to manage and just no longer access that part of me."

And it works for a while. But there is always a little part of her that knows she has "settled" for what she really didn't want. And she eventually finds herself feeling more and more regret about it until finally her shadow self engulfs her and she is no longer able to control it and either goes out and cheats on him with a man she DOES desire, starts an affair with such a man or divorces him to find that man, realizing she never should have "settled" in that way and that she never could truly be happy even if she thought she would be able to when she did it.

Men...this is the risk you run when you get into a LTR or marry a woman who doesn't actually desire YOU, but rather desires what you provide to her.

This just recently played out very publicly in the NFL between a well known national NFL reporter, Diana Russini, and the New England Patriots Head Coach, Mike Vrabel who apparently have been carrying on a long-standing affair going back to at least 2020 where pictures are surfacing of them kissing in a random NYC bar where nobody knew them and continuing with multiple other photos coming to daylight of them together over the years including the final one that broke the camel's back, a few weeks ago at a resort in Arizona where they both claimed they were hanging out with a larger group of 6 other people, even tho nobody else saw them with anyone but each other.


It all sounded like BS and it was exposed as such once the earlier photos started coming out. Russini resigned ahead of that after she was going to be fired by The Athletic, her employer for inappropriate workplace relationships, and Vrabel denied it until he had to face the music and come clean that he is taking a leave of absence from the team, going to counseling and being with his family after saying he made some "bad decisions".

Unfortunately, both are married to other people, with Russini married to Kevin Goldschmidt, a very wealthy executive and she even "jokes" that he was just average and that she only married him because he was "loaded". Doesn't seem like a joke now does it? In fact, this is a common thing where someone will say something as a "joke" but secretly mean it because they just have to tell someone, even if it's said supposedly as a joke.

"I think we all do weird things when we are in love. We overshare and over-post. I'm married to someone average. I don't post a lot about him. If I was married to someone beautiful, I'd over-post too."

So now Kevin not only very publicly has been getting played since before his marriage started (the first pictures in 2020 were taken a few weeks before she married him and clearly weren't the first time they got together), but also has to live with the fact that she actually DID mean what she said and that feeling in the pit of his stomach where he knew that she wasn't that into him were actually real.

No word yet on if either are getting divorced yet or not.

https://thespun.com/nfl/dianna-russini-husband-kevin-public-move-social-media

 

[Gamisch]

Yes it is.

The rule is ; she is either 100000% in to you or none at all

No shortcurts. No if but or maybe. Ain't no such thing as " convincing her over time with gifts and flowers" and believing she will " slowly grow on to you". Especially with longer term relationships.

sometimes it can be confusing, as some women will somewhat entertain you while they're not into you 100%. But again, anything lees than all in = no go.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Infidelity is also a non-factor in divorce settlements. Cheaters still get half.

 

[Hal9000]

Women know they can cheat, then leave with at least half of everything with huge amounts of child support/alimony almost guaranteed if they're with a rich guy, and then immediately have their choice of men who will line up to get cheated on next. This is the primary reason women, instead of men initiate most divorces. Not a whole lot of downside for them in that scenario is there.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@BackInTheGame78 "And she eventually finds herself feeling more and more regret about it until finally her shadow self engulfs her and she is no longer able to control it and either goes out and cheats on him with a man she DOES desire, starts an affair with such a man or divorces him to find that man, realizing she never should have "settled" in that way and that she never could truly be happy even if she thought she would be able to when she did it"

That's the result of her boredom, not a "shadow self" of any kind... Those who initially designed formal marriage, and those who later on decided to invite the government into it, didn't anticipate

-A time in which folks would begin marrying for alleged romantic love

-A world in which the average life span would be nearly a century, and soon may exceed that

Both those developments torpedoed marriage, faster than Chipotle's rise demolished Baja Fresh

 

[BillyPilgrim]

It's also a cautionary tale of allowing women into men's spaces. The reporter is a ditz who got her all-important "access" by using her feminine charms to regurgitate fluff. Good thing that never happens here on this forum. LOL.

 

[Clockwerk50]

In the @SW15 thread about the Astronomer CEO and the employee who were caught having an affair at the Coldplay concert last year, I mentioned something my mom once told me: “A man is always forgiven for everything”. Men get sent to the doghouse and then welcomed back multiple times while women get kicked to the curb faster, especially when it comes to cheating. As it stands, the ex-CEO is still married, while the woman involved in the "kiss-cam" incident is already divorced.

I am not sure what is going to happen in this incident, but I wouldn't be surprised if Vrabel stays married while Russini gets separated.

Prominent Software Company CEO Caught Having Affair with Human Resource Director | SoSuave Discussion Forum

 

[RangerMIke]

That's the result of her boredom, not a "shadow self" of any kind... Those who initially designed formal marriage, and those who later on decided to invite the government into it, didn't anticipate

In my experience, with countless friends, over several decades, most married women cheat because they are bored and/or their wants and needs are not being met. Financial stability is just one aspect of need... once this 'need' is being met, emotional need becomes more important.

But the OP does have a point. Women who 'settle' for a man will always have in the back of her mind doubt about her decision and can sow the seeds of dissatisfaction. It's like starting a race carrying an extra 50 pounds, you are going to have to put in more effort to stay in the race. However, even if a woman in head over heels for a man, will start affairs. Like everything that goes sideways the formula for how infidelity happens follows a similar pattern, even when men cheat on their wives.

(1) Needs are not being met: Could be lack of effort by the partner... could be physical... emotional... or monetary.

(2) Perceived absence of consequences: The likelihood of getting discovered, or even if detected, the ramifications are something they can live with.

(3) Opportunity: Goes without explanation.

All three have to be present for cheating to occur. The only thing you can actually control is (1). But this requires you to pay attention to what is going on. Make sure your partners needs are being met, this requires communication, being the best version of yourself, and making sure there is reciprocity. Your partner has to be willing to meet your needs as well. If neither is willing to do this, then you best just cut your losses and end things.

 

[Barrister]

Unfortunately, many women are wired this way. In some ways, it is biological and they can't help it. Women are programmed to gather resources for themselves and/or their children and will go for the best "provider" who can do this for them. Our social constructs regarding marriage have tended to handle this with less and less grace as divorce has become more acceptable in this day in age -- especially where women can cut loose with close to zero penalty and take half of the man's financial empire with them.

There is no fool-proof answer except to never get married. Or if you do, have an iron clad prenup.

 

[Divorced w 3]

A woman who is into you will put up with a lot. The key here is not being that into him. I got divorced from a woman that was head over heels for me. But we both had issues and our fights were beyond toxic and we had young children. If one of us could have figured it out sooner we probably would still be together.

 

[Bokanovsky]

Any man who is financially successful runs that risk. I guess the moral of the story is to stay poor.

 

[Westminster]

In the @SW15 thread about the Astronomer CEO and the employee who were caught having an affair at the Coldplay concert last year, I mentioned something my mom once told me: “A man is always forgiven for everything”. Men get sent to the doghouse and then welcomed back multiple times while women get kicked to the curb faster, especially when it comes to cheating. As it stands, the ex-CEO is still married, while the woman involved in the "kiss-cam" incident is already divorced.

I am not sure what is going to happen in this incident, but I wouldn't be surprised if Vrabel stays married while Russini gets separated.

Prominent Software Company CEO Caught Having Affair with Human Resource Director | SoSuave Discussion Forum

Increasingly, I find it's the opposite.

 

[SmoothHendrixPS2]

Any man who is financially successful runs that risk. I guess the moral of the story is to stay poor.

The moral of the story is be good with women without your money

 

[Bokanovsky]

The moral of the story is be good with women without your money

This type of fortune cookie wisdom sounds great in principle. The problem is that once you become successful, you will start attracting women who are after your money whether you like it or not.

 

[SmoothHendrixPS2]

This type of fortune cookie wisdom sounds great in principle. The problem is that once you become successful, you will start attracting women who are after your money whether you like it or not.

A successful man with real Inner game will be better at calibrating how he handles such women.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

This type of fortune cookie wisdom sounds great in principle. The problem is that once you become successful, you will start attracting women who are after your money whether you like it or not.

And that's where a man has to be good at properly screening and to actually pay attention to things they do and not just what they say.

Most men are too blinded by the sex, her hotness or afraid they won't be able to find anyone else like her to see it tho...

Or they don't actually realize they are walking into a trap, even if her intentions are good.

 

[SmoothHendrixPS2]

And that's where a man has to be good at properly screening and to actually pay attention to things they do and not just what they say.

Most men are too blinded by the sex, her hotness or afraid they won't be able to find anyone else like her to see it tho...

Or they don't actually realize they are walking into a trap, even if her intentions are good.

Exactly. These are advanced skillsets that are acquired through actual experience though. Making a bunch of money prior is a recipe for disaster.

 

[Dash Riprock]

Any man who is financially successful runs that risk. I guess the moral of the story is to stay poor.

Moral of the story is do not get married.

You can be in a caring, monogamous, loving relationship without the $20,000 ceremony, $50,000+ divorce, and the man almost always losing 50% of his worth and property plus having to pay her money, sometimes into perpetuity. If it ends, which it will at some point as no one stays married anymore, you just leave unscathed.

Would you jump out of an airplane if there was only a 50% chance your parachute will open? Well that's exactly what you're doing with your finances and other facets of your life when you say, "I do."

Frankly, I cannot think of ONE good reason for any man to get married today given women, even HB5's have 100s or 1000s of options at any given moment. I just cannot get my head around that.

This is a hot take that will ruffle feathers, but I think men that get married today are either really insecure, hate being alone, or have subscribed to the Disney version of a marriage which is just that, a fantasy, and hardly real life.

 

[pipeman84]

Mike Vrabel's wife appears to be the victim in this story and deserves our sympathy. After all, she's been with Vrabel since college. I don't know why you're making Diana Russini the villain here ... Mike Vrabel is the villain, one has to be a real POS to cheat on the woman who's been by your side since she was 19 or so. Kevin Goldschmidt is a sap ... he married Russini when she was 37yrs old and allowed her to wear a white wedding dress.

 

[Barrister]

Mike Vrabel's wife appears to be the victim in this story and deserves our sympathy. After all, she's been with Vrabel since college. I don't know why you're making Diana Russini the villain here ... Mike Vrabel is the villain, one has to be a real POS to cheat on the woman who's been by your side since she was 19 or so. Kevin Goldschmidt is a sap ... he married Russini when she was 37yrs old and allowed her to wear a white wedding dress.

Let's pump the brakes on labeling his wife a "victim." For Vrabel to be carrying on a long-term affair this way, it clearly signals that there were marital problems leading to that. No, Vrabel did not handle it the right way and should have just called it good on his marriage before the cheating began, but there is probably a high chance his wife was engaging in conduct that was unbearable to be around - hence him looking elsewhere for what he was missing.

Maybe you are right, but that is not generally how this type of long-term things occur. I am guessing we haven't heard the last bit of info on this.