"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Caught Sarging

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dirtyvibe

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I was reading some funny stuff about guys getting caught sarging with canned openers, or just being caught. It's funny stuff. Share your stories here.
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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ethnomethodologist

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*shrug*

"hey, you got a staring problem?"

*HAHAHAHA* "What are you looking at?"

"Up yours dinglenuts! Gimme a sec, gotta find a good one"

"Whatever! Let me see!"

"Aright hold up, here's a good one"

"Think of a number between one and five, this is the ESP numbers game, see if you can beat me. Are you thinking of the number?"

"Okay, yeah"

"three"

"haha I knew you were going to pick that, I picked 1, I saw this on ebaums world"

"okay scratch that than, how about this one, say orange 10 times fast, than pick a vegetable"

"it's not a carrot is it?"

"damnit!"

"Alright, I've got a story for you than, tell me if this isn't funny"

"blah blajh blah, little cool kid, blah blah blah, ridin on his bike, blah blah, gave us the finger!!!"

"lame, why are you even reading that"

"I dunno"

That's how they usually go, I've got to spice it up next time. Gonna chill at the library tomorrow and see if somebody notices.

Where are you reading your stories from?
 
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