But... She never dreamed about being a Wife

[Augustus_McCrae]

A woman I know (who was married and now divorced for a while) made a very interesting statement the other day.

She said that when she was a little girl, she dreamed about having a wedding and having children. But.. she never dreamed about being a wife.

She went on to say she knew that in order to have those things (a wedding and children), she would have to marry a man. But the way she stated it clearly communicated that getting a husband was just a means to an end to get what she wanted. She said that as a little girl, she played "wedding" and she played "Mommy", but she never played wife. That wasn't on the radar.

I was amazed she actually stated that.

Whereas many men (Including myself at one time in the past), think like this: I want to marry this woman. I will be her husband and she will be my wife. And I want to be a good husband to her and I expect that she will be a good wife to me.

This difference in perspective potentially helps explain some things:

Why roughly 70% of divorces are initiated by women

The "I'm not haaaapppy" frivorce phenomenon.

Why, over time, in a marriage, the man gives more and the woman gives less.

Thoughts?

-Augustus-

 

[sazc]

Our mothers don't coach us on how to be a good wife, and there isn't generally literature we can peruse while waiting for an appointment, etc.
Cosmopolitan, check, good housekeeping, several. How to be a good wife, communicate calmly and clearly in a relationship, find the value in making your man feel respected and valued, nope, nada.
(One of the many reasons I am here, I now have an edge)

Child rearing is also sold to girl children, by females, as if it was a fairy tale - another huge lie. But not a b1tch topic for this particular forum.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

LARaiders85,

I'm not sure how long it took her to realize this.

I did not detect any remorse, it was more like a matter of fact realization.

"My thoughts are also that if rational women believed that 99% of men went into marriage purely on delusions of infinite sex(male equivalent of the delusion you mentioned), none of them would ever marry." Not sure what your point is here. What is the point you're making?

Sazc,

Your response, albeit a miniscule sampling of the Female population, goes along with my speculation.

-Augustus-

 

[sazc]

Lol, sample set of ONE

Its something I've only realized in the past five years, during the breakup of my own marriage.
I tend to be introspective. I contemplate why I behave, and do things, the way I do. Most females simply live without contemplation. Or they expect to feel Disney princess special, without effort on their part. They wont ever realize that no one teaches us how to be successful in marriage. They will just blame someone else for their state.

 

[The Duke]

Augustus- I think women as a whole are rarely completely satisfied. It doesn't matter with what either. They call them naggers/complainers/old hags for a reason. They also make emotional/irrational decisions they later regret. They also have a tendency to lose sight of the big picture. They rarely self-reflect. Its always somebody elses fault. You combine these characteristics and it has a tendency to produce the results you speak of. I don't want to sound like I hate women, but they are what they are.

Ever wonder why there is not a female version of sosuave for female self improvement?

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

sazc,

If you don't mind my asking, are you saying that you went into your marriage without the expectation that you should be a good wife to your husband, or perhaps not even realizing that you should?

-Augustus

 

[marmel75]

If you fvck a woman good enough you won't need to worry about a divorce...that golden d!ck is not replaceable very easily, especially with how many dudes can't even get it up these days, let alone the ones who haven't spent time learning how to actually perform properly...

 

[sazc]

sazc,

If you don't mind my asking, are you saying that you went into your marriage without the expectation that you should be a good wife to your husband, or perhaps not even realizing that you should?

-Augustus

No, not at all. I went into my marriage with the intent of being an excellent wife, all the way around. What I am saying that, my well intended intentions sprung from my understanding of what being happily married required. Unlike learning math, or learning how to tie my shoes, no one ever sat me down and said "here are some general guidelines as to being married, here is what men generally need" And no one ever say my ex down and said "here is what women generally need".

Looking back, I was an excellent wife. He and I failed for reasons other than the relationship issues that are discussed on these boards.

 

[The Duke]

If you fvck a woman good enough you won't need to worry about a divorce...that golden d!ck is not replaceable very easily, especially with how many dudes can't even get it up these days, let alone the ones who haven't spent time learning how to actually perform properly...

If only women and relationships were that simple. Out of all the divorced couples I know, not getting fuhked good enough was never a reason given for divorce.

 

[sazc]

If only women and relationships were that simple. Out of all the divorced couples I know, not getting fuhked good enough was never a reason given for divorce.

getting fvcked good enough doesn't cure/alleviate the issues that occur between a man and a woman outside the bedroom

 

[skinnyguy]

getting fvcked good enough doesn't cure/alleviate the issues that occur between a man and a woman outside the bedroom

Fvcking has nothing to do with marriage. Fvcking gets old after a while what makes a marriage solid is effort and time together and communication.

I think a lot of women my age get married to show off to their friends and keep up with everyone else. If a woman is unmarried after 30 she's socially unacceptable and every woman on earth wants to be socially accepted.

 

[marmel75]

Fvcking has nothing to do with marriage. Fvcking gets old after a while what makes a marriage solid is effort and time together and communication.

I think a lot of women my age get married to show off to their friends and keep up with everyone else. If a woman is unmarried after 30 she's socially unacceptable and every woman on earth wants to be socially accepted.

It does have a lot to do with that, but I can guarantee you your life will be a lot easier if you are fvcking them right...if not, well...better hope they don't find someone who can...

sex is very important to most women, much more than they will let you know.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It does have a lot to do with that, but I can guarantee you your life will be a lot easier if you are fvcking them right...if not, well...better hope they don't find someone who can...

sex is very important to most women, much more than they will let you know.

So if she's cumming and falling asleep right away every night after you hit it, that would be considered good?

 

[Serenity]

She wants this, she wants that. Being a wife didn't cross her mind because that means giving something, but she only wants something.

It's like dreaming about getting a job and money, but not even think about being a worker.

She is selfish, she wants but will not pay the price.

 

[ubercat]

Unfortunately it normally takes a few failed relationships to have a clue. In my blue pill days I analysed what went wrong and it was mainly centred around things I should have done. I didn't understand what she should be doing and things I should never do. And that's why relationship counselling often fails because it starts from the assumption that men and women are the same not complementary to each other. Now the main problem I have is being too much of an azzhole works just fine but I don't like to do it.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Ubercat,

"I didn't understand what she should be doing and things I should never do." So very true. And once you realize this, it's so simple, so obvious, that you are almost embarrassed that your younger self never came to this realization.

You realize that you were so indoctrinated by the feminine imperative that you were absolutely blinded to the truth that was in plain view, all around you all the time. You just couldn't see it.

-Augustus-

 

[ubercat]

It's that reflective time of the year so ramble warning.

Yeah it is kind of embarrassing. Really depressing thing is that I had come across sosuave years earlier and just wasn't able to process it. Along the lines of when the student is ready the teacher will appear.

Still working out the ltr game. I think the book practical female psychology for the practical man is a great guide. Some of the other married guys have recommended the Athol Kay books will get around to that one day.

Of course when u reach our age what women generally bring to the table is of far lesser value. So it's easier to have the appropriate mindframe.

A lot of guys here say there are no cultural differences women are women where ever you get them from.

I side with @Scaramouche on this 1 at least with respect to Asian ladies. Yes they still get jealous run agendas and s*** test. However they do seem to understand how to work with a man as a team. And when you are nice to them you seem to get some credit rather than it being taken as a sign of weakness. Of course with any brownie points spend them quick that's standard.

 

[Roober]

This really boils down to the fundamental flaws in our education system. Life is about relationships, everything in life is about building and maintaining relationships. Very few people are taught how to build relationships as they grow up. Our education system is focused around crap you will never use, and really lacks the psychological depth necessary to develop balanced individuals. One can argue that should come from the parents, which is true, but there needs to be more "life skills" taught in school, the place where they spend 1/2 of their hours till they are 18...

The worst part? The inclusion of devices and lazy parents are only propagating a systemic problem...

 

[sazc]

This really boils down to the fundamental flaws in our education system. Life is about relationships, everything in life is about building and maintaining relationships. Very few people are taught how to build relationships as they grow up. Our education system is focused around crap you will never use, and really lacks the psychological depth necessary to develop balanced individuals. One can argue that should come from the parents, which is true, but there needs to be more "life skills" taught in school, the place where they spend 1/2 of their hours till they are 18...

The worst part? The inclusion of devices and lazy parents are only propagating a systemic problem...

I've always said it's ironic that we are taught to tie our shoes, use a microwave, etc, but how to interact, connect, relate, empathize, partner, etc with people isn't really addressed

 

[highSpeed]

This is so typical and I don't think this is a modern thing, as much as we all might like to think. I think it has accelerated in a modern setting but it has always been there. Princess this, queen that and all of the other literature has not only taught men to be white knights but also taught women to behave badly. It never really gained much traction until the right to vote for women and the wonderful hippy generation, which has essentially ruined not only the western world but women in general. Add in the fact that the law can now be the strong arm or the husband of the woman and you have a recipe for disaster. You have rape culture, misogyny and all other manner of buzz words that the current generation is piling on top of all of the foundational women pc culture that we have allowed to be created by too many whimpy men that have been beat down on for generations by women and you have what you have now, a spoiled, entitled, self centered, "I have the golden ticket between my legs" evil shrew of womanhood.

Anyone here, please tell me, in a rational and unbiased manner, how the hell would a man ever have a meaningful marriage or even long term relationship with a woman? She can leave at a moments notice. If you are stupid enough to get married without a contract in place (many men do unfortunately), you can lose half of your income, your relationship with your children and maybe even your freedom. Who would want to risk that? Once no fault divorce came into the picture, which is warranted and necessary in some extreme cases, it was over for marriage. Forget about gay marriage, whether you agree or not, the no fault divorce was the nail in the coffin of marriage.

I genuinely think that most men look at marriage as a permanent thing, except in extreme cases. Say she is banging the mailman or some other type of sh*tty behavior, that would be a great example of an extreme case. But for the most part, when the man digs in, he's ready to put the work in. However, now, you have the man digging in and the woman having one foot out the door in most cases. Yes, a DJ can leave and spin some other plates but for the most part, guys have to work for it to some degree. All a woman has to do to get laid or to find a new man is show up some place with tight dress/pants, makeup and pushing up the cans and she can find a man. If she is discerning enough, she can hold out for some other idiot slug who will take care of her. Modern women have it pretty sweet, let's just admit it and move on. I'm sure some will disagree with me on the women have it pretty sweet but it's true. Until a woman gets past their mid 40s, they can continue this entitled, childlike behavior.