"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Bill Maher on Feminism

"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"

You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.

She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.

Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.

Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.

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Francisco d'Anconia

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:crackup: Oh I needed that... Someone needs to give him a show again.

LONG LIVE THE STREET CAT!
 

azanon

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Francisco d'Anconia said:
:crackup: Oh I needed that... Someone needs to give him a show again.
He's had one on HBO. The new season/first episode airs August 24.

Long live Bill Maher!
 

"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Bonhomme

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:crackup: :crackup: :crackup:

Right fvcking on, Bill!
 

MrS

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Hahaha, that's pretty good.
I think I play it safe too much.
 

azanon

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Just watched it; the guy's brilliant. This is a must-see everyone.
 

comic_relief

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I love you, Bill Maher.

I watched him for two or three years.

comic_relief
 

"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."

Attraction runs on a clock.

She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.

The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."

One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.

Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.

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Francisco d'Anconia

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Deep Dish

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Francisco d'Anconia said:
I don't know... Gotta wonder whenever they have you use canned laughter.
It's clearly not canned.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Deep Dish said:
It's clearly not canned.
So how do you attribute starting and ending in unision, the perfect timing with the actors, the fact that the jokes weren't really that good?
 

Deep Dish

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While the first wave of laughter (0:05-0:07) is rather symmetrical, the subsequent laughters are asymmetrical (for example, 0:48-0:56 has laughter with applause, 1:03-1:06 is laughter continued from 0:59-1:01, and 1:21-1:26 has two distinct waves of laughter). Throughout the whole routine, laughter begins with different strengths but then asymmetrically fades out, sometimes followed by applause or more laughter. Furthermore, at 2:24 we see it's not a television studio. It's probably not Broadway but it's a full auditorium. It's a full audience with two balconies of people; everyone is animated, clapping, eliminating the possibility of cardboard stick figures. Unlike television studios, there's no red sign above Maher to indicate when to "LAUGH RIGHT NOW".

And perfect timing? That's how these things go.

By way of comparison, there's this video of Lewis Black, far and away the funniest comedian alive today. He, too, is on a stage, verifiably, and the audience laughter shares all the same characteristics. Except the auditorium's interior decorating is far better, of course, and Lewis is far better.
The fact that the jokes weren't really that good?
There we are. You simply didn't find him funny. That's fine, and in fact I would rate Maher medium on the funny scale, but just don't add the bullsh*t.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Deep Dish said:
While the first wave of laughter (0:05-0:07) is rather symmetrical, the subsequent laughters are asymmetrical (for example, 0:48-0:56 has laughter with applause, 1:03-1:06 is laughter continued from 0:59-1:01, and 1:21-1:26 has two distinct waves of laughter). Throughout the whole routine, laughter begins with different strengths but then asymmetrically fades out, sometimes followed by applause or more laughter. Furthermore, at 2:24 we see it's not a television studio. It's probably not Broadway but it's a full auditorium. It's a full audience with two balconies of people; everyone is animated, clapping, eliminating the possibility of cardboard stick figures. Unlike television studios, there's no red sign above Maher to indicate when to "LAUGH RIGHT NOW".

And perfect timing? That's how these things go.

By way of comparison, there's this video of Lewis Black, far and away the funniest comedian alive today. He, too, is on a stage, verifiably, and the audience laughter shares all the same characteristics. Except the auditorium's interior decorating is far better, of course, and Lewis is far better.There we are. You simply didn't find him funny. That's fine, and in fact I would rate Maher medium on the funny scale, but just don't add the bullsh*t.
Though your analysis was thorough and must of been absolutely time consuming, you failed to realize that I was talking about the other video.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

Read more...

Deep Dish

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My bad. Sorry.
 

Nighthawk

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The clip of Ali G (Borat) doesn't use canned laughter. It was broadcast as part of the UKs 11 O'Clock Show and the laughs come from a studio audience watching a pre-edited clip.
 

Francisco d'Anconia

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Nighthawk said:
The clip of Ali G (Borat) doesn't use canned laughter. It was broadcast as part of the UKs 11 O'Clock Show and the laughs come from a studio audience watching a pre-edited clip.
I don't know, it's not typical for a television show to pipe through the audience reaction during a recorded clip. At least they major broadcasters here in the US. How do you know this?
 

Nighthawk

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I used to watch the show, and he used a similar set-up with clips being played to the audience on his own Da Ali G Show.

Uk tv rarely if ever use canned laughter, it's considered tacky and was cut from US imports like MASH. Some audience laughter might possibly be 'augmented' sometimes, I'm not sure, but I wouldn't have thought so in this instance. Ali G was pretty popular by the time this clip aired and wouldn't have found it difficult to raise the recorded level of laughter.

Showing pre-recorded clips to the studio audience and sound-tracking their reaction is pretty standard here. Doesn't The Daily Show do a similar thing with their edited-to-make-the-interviewee-look-dumb reports?
 
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