Best friends ex-wife

[jophil28]

Jophil's TinFoil Rule #3457-

Never got involved in a triangle.

 

[hithard]

I have a problem that you are taking your friends scraps and about to fuk them. Is this your best option??

Now if this guy is only an acquaintance then I would say fuk away. But still you should have other options on your plate. You sound like a ****roach looking for scraps and leftovers otherwise. I’m guessing it’s because you already have a foot in the door with this woman as that comfort zone has been established through her hubby knowing you.
Would I be correct in assuming you are lazy when it comes to meeting women?

 

[Latinoman]

I've been a bit of an emotional tampon with her, as i used to do a lot of counselling, and made sure she wasn't going to just sink in a pit of depression.

Over the last 6 weeks, we have been seeing more and more of each other, and i am starting to have feelings for her.

Captain Save _____ to the rescue! And an emotional tampon (by his own words). Making sure she does not just sink in a pit of depression (what are you...his girlfriend? her sister?)

And he is developing FEELINGS for her too!!!

What an AFC. I don't care what anyone has to say...I stand by my original post ("Sir, you are an AFC").

 

[decades]

Jophil's TinFoil Rule #3457-

Never got involved in a triangle.

wise beyond his years, I say.

 

[Ballie]

The point is that she's still married. I have done the Fvcking married women story once and never again. Far too many hassles and a real ball ache to end the relationship without the chance of getting beated up by your now very pissed off ex friend

 

[WestCoaster]

She's not married, her husband has left her for another woman.

While if I was the guy here, she wouldn't be my first choice, here's the deal: In society -- and oddly on this board -- men have their nuts in a vice and most people here are agreeing with it.

According to this board and society, here's the drill:

1. Men can't date co-workers: B.S., I've dated some nice women from work.

2. Men shouldn't date off the internet: B.S., I've dated some nice women off the net.

3. Men shouldn't meet women in bars: B.S., I've met some nice women in bars.

4. Men shouldn't date friend's EX-wives or EX-gf's: B.S., they're no longer the "property" of that man. It wouldn't be my first choice, but my point is all these f--king rules that have men's nuts in a vice. I think Rollo Tomassi calls them socially operative conventions, or something like that.

So this leaves us with the hit and miss style of dating, and the dreaded "set up" by a friend (my friends have bad taste in women, I don't want to get set up by them).

After awhile you're stuck with hardly any venues to meet or date women because society -- and this board, oddly, which has adopted these rules -- has demanded that men can't do anything. Can't date women from work, school, an ex- from a friend and so forth. Jeeeeesus, man, can't we get out of our own way?

I would venture to guess there are thousands of marriages in this country of guys who married their friend's ex-gf or ex-wife, and it worked out well for both parties.

Can we quit with the "bro's before ho's" and "triangles" and never do this, that, this that, go by the rules.

Part of being a DJ is not listening to society and forging your own path.

 

[hithard]

4. Men shouldn't date friend's EX-wives or EX-gf's: B.S., they're no longer the "property" of that man. It wouldn't be my first choice, but my point is all these f--king rules that have men's nuts in a vice. I think Rollo Tomassi calls them socially operative conventions, or something like that.

A friend you only kinda know fair enough root away. But a best friend as the title of the thread states, I don't think so. You are basically saying a root is worth more then the potential to ruin or taint the friendship. Not only that but you would have to have a scarcity mindset to do it in the first place. I’m sure everyone has been put in this position once or twice. I would have loved to have banged on a few mates ex's but I have plenty of other options and so should you. And the potential for the woman to use you as a weapon against your best friend is also a major issue.
Your nuts would already be in a vice if you choose a lay over a good friend. Doing anything for a root smacks of desperation.

 

[Latinoman]

According to this board and society, here's the drill:

1. Men can't date co-workers: B.S., I've dated some nice women from work.

There is WAY too much to lose in this scenario. And if a man comes to this board and ask for advice on this issue...then that man is not prepare to take that chance.

2. Men shouldn't date off the internet: B.S., I've dated some nice women off the net.

There might be nice women out of the net. But men with options don't need the internet.

3. Men shouldn't meet women in bars: B.S., I've met some nice women in bars.

Bars is for people to drink. The likelihood of finding "wife" material in a bar are very low.

4. Men shouldn't date friend's EX-wives or EX-gf's: B.S., they're no longer the "property" of that man. It wouldn't be my first choice, but my point is all these f--king rules that have men's nuts in a vice. I think Rollo Tomassi calls them socially operative conventions, or something like that.

I call it...having CHARACTER and OPTIONS.

Part of being a DJ is not listening to society and forging your own path.

True. Keeping in mind about the "likelihood" and "probabilities" of certain consequences based on our choices. My advice is always based on likelihoods.

 

[WestCoaster]

I respectively disagree with everything you wrote Latinoman, but that's OK, I like your stuff most of the time.

Work: The only thing you have to lose in work is if you're dating the boss -- I wouldn't do that. I've dated women at work, never had a problem, never lost a job because of it.

Bars: People go there to drink or have fun, or to converse. I went to a bar last week. Why? To hang out with friends. If I'd met a gal there, then what the heck, I met a gal there. Nuts in a vice stereotype that only bad people are in bars.

Internet: Perhaps my options are limited, so be it. I've dated and had success off the internet. It's not my first choice, nor is it my last. To put it into a stereotypical bubble is wrong. Many people don't have options, so they go the internet route. That provides an option. Of late, I've gone this route, it's worked out well, so I don't dismiss it, or hang my head because society or the internet is saying my options are limited.

Friends ex-gf's and ex-wives, unless it was terribly painful for the friend, I wouldn't do it, and in most cases I wouldn't. Usually the guy is glad to have dumped the gal. In most instances I wouldn't do it. If the stars lined up and it wasn't cheating or deceiving towards anyone, I wouldn't dismiss it either.

Also, many guys might not have as many options as you. Sometimes it's best to not look only through the prism of your own life.

 

[STR8UP]

She's not married, her husband has left her for another woman.

While if I was the guy here, she wouldn't be my first choice, here's the deal: In society -- and oddly on this board -- men have their nuts in a vice and most people here are agreeing with it.

According to this board and society, here's the drill:

1. Men can't date co-workers: B.S., I've dated some nice women from work.

2. Men shouldn't date off the internet: B.S., I've dated some nice women off the net.

3. Men shouldn't meet women in bars: B.S., I've met some nice women in bars.

4. Men shouldn't date friend's EX-wives or EX-gf's: B.S., they're no longer the "property" of that man. It wouldn't be my first choice, but my point is all these f--king rules that have men's nuts in a vice. I think Rollo Tomassi calls them socially operative conventions, or something like that.

So this leaves us with the hit and miss style of dating, and the dreaded "set up" by a friend (my friends have bad taste in women, I don't want to get set up by them).

After awhile you're stuck with hardly any venues to meet or date women because society -- and this board, oddly, which has adopted these rules -- has demanded that men can't do anything. Can't date women from work, school, an ex- from a friend and so forth. Jeeeeesus, man, can't we get out of our own way?

I would venture to guess there are thousands of marriages in this country of guys who married their friend's ex-gf or ex-wife, and it worked out well for both parties.

Can we quit with the "bro's before ho's" and "triangles" and never do this, that, this that, go by the rules.

Part of being a DJ is not listening to society and forging your own path.

Standing ovation, West.

I've been saying this for a long time now.....the kind of stuff you mention is the matrix disguised. Guys who THINK they have made it out are still in because of some of these ridiculous notions they cling to.

 

[jophil28]

Part of being a DJ is not listening to society and forging your own path.

A more important part of being a MAN (forget the DJ fantasy stuff for a moment ) is to respect and protect your own dignity, welfare. wellbeing and reputation, both with your peers, the wider community AND yourself, most importantly.

"Forging your own path " is noble and admirable, however, to do so is NOT free license to plunder, scavenge and bottom feed just because you CAN.

To get involved with a women who is still CONNECTED to the live remains of her previous disaster is usually foolish... the inevitable consequences are usually predictably unpleasant .

Take it from one who has done that and regretted it later..

 

[IronStar]

Men can't date co-workers: B.S., I've dated some nice women from work.

How does the phrase go, 'never get your pink where you get your green'

I cant speak from personal experience, but I've been around long enough to see people make a go of dating their colleagues. If you spend, what, a quarter of your life working, it seems churlish not to consider it, like anything else its common sense, if you are reponsible for or responsible to her in some way, thats not a good idea. If your upstairs in sales, & she's downstairs in accounts, whats the problem?

 

[WestCoaster]

How does the phrase go, 'never get your pink where you get your green'

Good matrix slogan, as is "don't fish off your own dock."

I've dated women from different places I've worked. Good point Iron about one person being in a different department. I worked in the newspaper industry for a long time, quite a grind, to be honest, and low pay (that's why I left). Heck, some of the best parts of working in the job were gawking at the ad sales gals, that's where the hotties were, and since I spent so much freaking time at work and worked weekends (I was in sports), I didn't have a ton of time to be trolling other venues. But I dated quite successfully out of the ad department.

One of my few happily married friends? A guy I hired at this newspaper, he married a gal out of the ad department and are doing quite well.

All kinds of matrix slogans out there to make men hesitate, it's social conditioning. Good job Iron, and thanks STR8UP for the props.

 

[Mr.Positive]

A more important part of being a MAN (forget the DJ fantasy stuff for a monet ) is to respect and protect your own dignity, welfare and wellbeing and reputation, both with your peers, the wider community AND yourself, most importantly.

"Forging your own path " is noble and admirable, however, to do so is NOT free license to plunder, scavenge and bottom feed just because you CAN..

I've found that if you question making a decision on something, often times it's just not worth it. There's a reason behind the questioning, for some reason, it doesn't seem natural. Ie...the right thing to do.

Men can not be happy, and live a full life, justifying poor decisions after the fact. Seeking answers to find a piece of mind for things they've done.

These things can linger, cause regret, inhibit future growth as a person.

Whether this is a poor decision or not, that's up to the OP, and his value system. However, some things you can't take back.

 

[Scaramouche]

Jophils latest post is so much on the money,you just don't bang your mates ex because she is emotionally vulnerable...

 

[backbreaker]

you are ****ing pathetic

 

[backbreaker]

Standing ovation, West.

I've been saying this for a long time now.....the kind of stuff you mention is the matrix disguised. Guys who THINK they have made it out are still in because of some of these ridiculous notions they cling to.

i'm going to tell you why he is pathetic and why this is a huge no go.

let's say my GF and I break up. And 6 months later she is dating my friend.

While it is what it is, the first question I am going to be asking myself is "damn, I wonder just how long he has been eyeing my girl?"

then I take it a step father.. those times when I was venting or asking him for advice (which I don't but you get the point), was he being honest or was he trying to steer our relationship o nthe outs to **** my girl?

the friendship can't be the same aftewards.

there are 3 BILLION women on earth. is your world so small where you have to **** damaged goods that belong to your supposed to be BEST friend?

 

[Latinoman]

Some men don't value friendship.

 

[Royal Ace]

Seriously no.

So many reasons. Plus he's one of your best mates, just don't go there.

 

[Sir Juanalot]

Cheers for the replies all, just got back from a weekend away.

Will post tomorrow when i've had a chance to sleep and digest all that has been said.