Best friend - give me your advice

[Teejay]

I'm new to this forum but have read the infamous book of pook etc & I know this is a typical scenario of the average guy bla bla bla. but just humour me.

So I will paint out the picture and I just want to see other peoples opinions of what they would do in this situation.

So I've known this girl for 3-4 years now, she has always had a boyfriend & I was never initially sexually attracted to her although she is very pretty. We have always done hangout type stuff e.g. dinners,zoos etc. We go through stages where we see each other every day a week to where we won't see each other for a couple weeks. She tells me about her guy problems & I told her about my girl problems.

She split up with her boyfriend a few months ago and at a similar time i was having some girl issues.
We started hanging out a bit more etc and have a holiday booked together in a couple weeks. Around this point I just had a sudden realisation that she is a girl and we have a lot in common,gel really well together, trust each other & became sexually attracted to her, I have not told her of this or anything yet. She then called me one of her best friends pretty much around the same time i started to develop this attraction. (Ouch lol).

I was about to try and get closer but her ex from a long time ago reached back out to her although she stated she wasn't prepared to give him what he wanted, she did admit some feelings did return to her & is just a bit confused.

I currently don't smother her and just reply to her when she reaches out to me/ wants to meet up/ organise our holiday. I do hint some vague flirty stuff via text when its related to something she has said just to test the waters and she just sends laugh emojis lol. I have recently started to flirt with her physically a little bit but more of the friendly kind, ie touching arm sometimes the thigh etc just again to see if i got any reaction, she doesn't pull away or anything but she hasn't touched me back. Although I've only done this 2-3 times so far.

Just as a side note, I do really value her friendship & also consider her a best friend but I am just curious as to where I think this could go as I do believe it could potentially be a great LTR in the future.

This is what I plan to do: just enjoy her company. Do fun things & enjoy our holiday and try to flirt with her a bit more & see what happens.

I am curious as to what you guys would do in this situation and would appreciate any input TIA.

p.s. a bit more about me. I'm not super experienced with girls, Ive always been absorbed in my sports and now currently absorbed in the gym. I have always just been addicted to making myself better. So have not really given women the time of day until a year or so ago. So any tips/advice if there are people who used to be in a similar position/mindset to me would be appreciated

thanks again for giving the time to read this I know it is long winded but wanted to give as much detail as possible.

 

[Spaz]

1. I don't believe a man can be in a platonic relationship with a woman, unless she's fat and ugly.

2. So go ahead and make your moves on her.

3. If she rejects you then refer to No.1 and next.

 

[RangerMIke]

Alright. First, she knows exactly what you are thinking. Chicks can pick up on this stuff much better than we do. She knows you are interested, and if she was interested back, she would let you know. You are a friend... that's it.

Make a date... push for something romantic, and if she doesn't respond, or flat out tells you you are her gay male girlfriend, then you need to WALK THE FVCK AWAY. Don't be a @ss, but just tell her it wouldn't be fair to her or you to hang around when being 'friends' is not what you want. Then tell her if she changes her mind to let you know. Then you are gone for good.

 

[Teddy_Beer]

You are way too deep in the friend zone to change anything now.

In this game, a woman's most valuable asset is her pūssy and a man's is his time.
When a woman gives her pūssy away for free, that makes her a ho. A man turns into a ho when he gives his time away for free, which is what you've done with this girl.

What I'd suggest is letting this one go and use this experience as a life lesson for the next time you court a girl.

 

[lizardking82]

You are her gay friend who listens to her problems with the guy who ****s her brains out.

You don't need to bang this chick, you need to change your attitude. Women value time and attention, men value *****. She was getting your time and attention and you were getting no *****. Bad business, you lost time.

 

[Teejay]

You're very deep in the friend zone and subtleties in flirting won't be effective.

I would just propose the idea of taking her out on an actual date, as in, tell her specifically it would be a date.

She'll tell you everything you need to know in her response, in which case you either go for it or just move on to other women and just maintain that friendship with her.

I think this is a sensible approach and will try it, but I've had this happen a couple times before and telling a girl that you like her usually ends in rejection. I think I'll wait until after our holiday to avoid awkwardness, and just focus on having fun while leaving hints that i'm interested to see if she responds. then afterwards if nothing I'll try asking her out. Thanks for your input!

Alright. First, she knows exactly what you are thinking. Chicks can pick up on this stuff much better than we do. She knows you are interested, and if she was interested back, she would let you know. You are a friend... that's it.

Make a date... push for something romantic, and if she doesn't respond, or flat out tells you you are her gay male girlfriend, then you need to WALK THE FVCK AWAY. Don't be a @ss, but just tell her it wouldn't be fair to her or you to hang around when being 'friends' is not what you want. Then tell her if she changes her mind to let you know. Then you are gone for good.

I'm just thinking maybe she didn't want to risk rejection she is quite emotional. I'm not sure she would pickup on what I'm doing, I was really subtle and reserved as I wasn't sure what I wanted. she was the one that suggested going on holiday etc etc. But I agree with what you're saying; if she's not interested in anything more then I have to withdraw the time and effort that I spend with her.

 

[RangerMIke]

I'm just thinking maybe she didn't want to risk rejection she is quite emotional. I'm not sure she would pickup on what I'm doing, I was really subtle and reserved as I wasn't sure what I wanted. she was the one that suggested going on holiday etc etc. But I agree with what you're saying; if she's not interested in anything more then I have to withdraw the time and effort that I spend with her.

It is always safe to assume she knows you want her, because she probability does. If she likes you and is a normal well adjusted chick, she will make things easy. If she doesn't she either doesn't like you or shes just too structured, damaged, or there is another dude in the picture. If this chick really likes you and is holding back for some reason you don't want her anyway, because she is being too much of a pain in the @ss. You will have to work harder to get her and harder to keep her, and since she will not be investing enough in you, she will quickly lose interest in you. She has to be willing to chase you a bit otherwise she will not value you, no value = no respect, no-respect = no love.

 

[marmel75]

Dont talk about your "feelings" show her...make a move...look into her eyes and kiss her.

Basically act like a man. Be prepared things could get weird if she doesnt feel it tho

 

[ohrein]

1. I don't believe a man can be in a platonic relationship with a woman, unless she's fat and ugly.

I want to address this and see what other people think. I think this is false. If you mean strictly that you wouldn't sleep with a woman then that's probably true. But I have had many female friends over the years that have enhanced my life a great deal. They're also an incredible asset into how women think, practicing, improving your confidence, and most importantly, access to their social circle. A good chunk of my hook ups and a couple of relationships were through female friends!

I've also ended up hooking up with female friends after years of friendship and it has never worked out for me, so make of that what you will.

 

[Teddy_Beer]

I want to address this and see what other people think. I think this is false. If you mean strictly that you wouldn't sleep with a woman then that's probably true. But I have had many female friends over the years that have enhanced my life a great deal. They're also an incredible asset into how women think, practicing, improving your confidence, and most importantly, access to their social circle. A good chunk of my hook ups and a couple of relationships were through female friends!

I've also ended up hooking up with female friends after years of friendship and it has never worked out for me, so make of that what you will.

I've tried doing this platonic female friend thing and its either been:

A) It eventually ended up in bed which resulted in one-sided love and things ended badly.

Or

B) I dropped the friendship because the woman was boring me to tears or I realised she was treating me like a plush toy.

I dunno about other guys but I see no benifit whatsoever in beginning fake friendships with women.

 

[ohrein]

I've tried doing this platonic female friend thing and its either been:

A) It eventually ended up in bed which resulted in one-sided love and things ended badly.

Or

B) I dropped the friendship because the woman was boring me to tears or I realised she was treating me like a plush toy.

I dunno about other guys but I see no benifit whatsoever in beginning fake friendships with women.

Interesting. I don't consider my friendships "fake". I think that tells me something about how you approach the situation. I think if you are satisfied with the women in your romantic life, there's no issues having female friends. If the women are boring you then they're not really a friend. I don't spend time with anyone boring by choice, male or female.

 

[Roober]

Women have two types of friends
1. Girlfriends
2. Boyfriends

If your not fvcking her, your her girlfriend.

Make your intentions known, ask her on a date, and create an opportunity for sex to happen. That will tell you everything you need to know.

 

[Teddy_Beer]

Interesting. I don't consider my friendships "fake". I think that tells me something about how you approach the situation. I think if you are satisfied with the women in your romantic life, there's no issues having female friends. If the women are boring you then they're not really a friend. I don't spend time with anyone boring by choice, male or female.

Hmmmmm....if I have a woman who satisfies me by my side, then There's even less of a need for me to pursue a friendship with another woman.

 

[ohrein]

Hmmmmm....if I have a woman who satisfies me by my side, then There's even less of a need for me to pursue a friendship with another woman.

I think it's even more useful as continued social proof and potential future plates for if your girl turns into a *****. But different strokes I guess.

 

[jaymbrs]

I want to address this and see what other people think. I think this is false. If you mean strictly that you wouldn't sleep with a woman then that's probably true. But I have had many female friends over the years that have enhanced my life a great deal. They're also an incredible asset into how women think, practicing, improving your confidence, and most importantly, access to their social circle. A good chunk of my hook ups and a couple of relationships were through female friends!

I've also ended up hooking up with female friends after years of friendship and it has never worked out for me, so make of that what you will.

I agree with this. I actually have gotten laid by meeting girls through female friends however those friendships didn’t last very long. My only real female friend is my cousin. Her being family keeps everything at bay.

I do have 2 female “friends” at the moment. One who i expect to have sex with at some point and the other who I’m meeting other people through.

 

[devilkingx2]

1. I don't believe a man can be in a platonic relationship with a woman, unless she's fat and ugly.

why not?

I've tried doing this platonic female friend thing and its either been:

A) It eventually ended up in bed which resulted in one-sided love and things ended badly.

Or

B) I dropped the friendship because the woman was boring me to tears or I realised she was treating me like a plush toy.

I dunno about other guys but I see no benifit whatsoever in beginning fake friendships with women.

while 99% of girls are awful friends that would be a total waste of your time to hang out with, there are definitely at least a few that I've had and liked

a girl who shared my passion for video games, a girl who is rather smart so talking to her about things and having discussions is as worthwhile an endeavor as it is with my male friends, a few girls who share my sense of humor so I can make any joke I want and send any meme and they'll have witty responses or their own fair share of hilarious memes, etc.

Have any of you guys ever seen the look on a woman's face when she knows you just walked away from a good time with 2 attractive women to say hello to her?

is that more common or less common than the girls who'll be turned off because they don't want to compete with/be a part of your harem?

 

[devilkingx2]

lol @ harem. It's not like I'm hanging out in the VIP section of a nightclub with a broad on each arm staring at me with loving content, to which I push them off of me by their face so I can approach a hottie with the wind blowing in my hair like Fabio. You're watching too many movies if you have that image in your head.

that's pretty much what I had in mind lmao

but to be fair plenty of people have had less dramatic harems going on irl lol

They are just friends, usually ones that I've know for years, often times women I have already dated before. Usually just a local dive bar, social circle, laughing, conversation, etc. Women I have approached in these circumstances do sometimes wonder what the deal is, and they sometimes ask. But it's no big deal. I have no qualms with introducing them as friends at some point.

ah that makes sense to me then

 

[Spaz]

why not?



while 99% of girls are awful friends that would be a total waste of your time to hang out with, there are definitely at least a few that I've had and liked

a girl who shared my passion for video games, a girl who is rather smart so talking to her about things and having discussions is as worthwhile an endeavor as it is with my male friends, a few girls who share my sense of humor so I can make any joke I want and send any meme and they'll have witty responses or their own fair share of hilarious memes, etc.



is that more common or less common than the girls who'll be turned off because they don't want to compete with/be a part of your harem?

From a woman you can only get a deep and serious acquaintance of sorts, don't be deluded into thinking that their your friends.

A male can only truly bond with another male over time. That's friendship at its core.

 

[devilkingx2]

From a woman you can only get a deep and serious acquaintance of sorts, don't be deluded into thinking that their your friends.

why do you say that?

 

[Spaz]

As a man I would consider myself lucky to even have 4 friends, even having 2 friends makes you considerably luckier then most.

Now having 4 friends is a BIG responsibility and a HUGE strain on myself but it's worth it as you bond through your life etc.

Anyone who says they have more then 7 friends is either a liar or a fool who doesn't know the difference between an acquaintance and a friend.