Being physically attractive but internally the opposite

[Dalewine]

People find my appearance tough and even when I'm not angry I can be seen as angry.
But inside I am sensitive and submissive as a male while i was born. And i hate it too much.
Being sensitive and not being able to take control (in relationships, friendships, and other things) feels disgusting.
Because of my appearance, people expect dominance etc. from me and the girls who come to meet me approach me with this hope. But when they get to know the real me, they move away.
What should I do to not be so sensitive?

 

[TheGrindEqualsHappiness]

There are two aspects here:

First one is Game/Attraction aspect:

If you are properly calibrated socially, have dangerous/tough/masculine looks, but are just emphatic person I see that as strength, not a weakness.
Just put that tough side forward and after initial attraction is established let that sensitive side shine trough just enough.
In my personal experience being quite masculine looking guy, for mentally healthy chicks, in properly calibrated way, it's a huge attraction booster to present a glimpse of the softer side of you. That's when you get those eyes sparkling.
It's about self control.


The other aspect is living a life as a sensitive man:

This is actually the really tough one.
In my opinion you need to actually create the mentally tough version of you that you can use when needed. Lift heavy weights, get big and strong.(who's surprised about his one )
Join also MMA gym. Learn to get punched to the face and still keep going. Learn how to keep getting out of mount when you already almost puking of lactic acid buildup.
Set strong boundaries for your interactions with other people and learn to keep them no matter what you feel in the moment.

This demands much, much more self discipline and self control than the attraction part.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

That's tough because your appearance and internal dispotion are not congruent so it's almost impossible to be congruent to a woman.

 

[Robert28]

You and I have the same problem. I can’t tell you how many times men, grown ass men, will walk by me and nod their head but the way they do it it’s like they’re looking at the ground like I’m about to scare them or something. It’s the opposite with women. I’m not an arguer or anything and I let things slide that I probably shouldn’t and it erodes away at me internally and makes me insecure. But with a guy, it’s like they somehow sense “dude might body slam me if I look at him cross” but I actually wouldn’t unless provoked. It’s weird.

 

[Manure Spherian]

What should I do to not be so sensitive?

I actually am a sensitive person, and was a sensitive kid, more than most. It’s likely why, although I indulged in some promiscuous sex before marriage, I couldn’t be a “player”.

I don’t think what tamed or blunted my own sensitivity as I grew older can be done by one’s own volition. I simply realized how the world works, what people are like, and yes, developed dislike or disgust for much of the people inhabiting it.

What sets off my sensitivity is seeing innocent people harmed, misfortune of people, mistreatment, and children. I have near unlimited patience for old and disabled people and children.

When I was younger I’d care if people disliked me or said mean things to or about me or if a woman rejected me. Now, in nearly all cases of that, I couldn’t care less.

Can you share what sets off your sensitivity?

 

[anonymous12345]

I agree that regulating these things are difficult. My problem hasn't been softness on the inside, but to regulate between softness and toughness, and therefore yielded instability instead. With my latest girl I was too tough, I should have been soft too, lost her. The demands are high, you should be "alpha"/tough in bed and all that, but also emotionally available, as it's called.

One peril of being soft/insecure on the inside is that the outer becomes giggly or too glad. I have that problem to some degree, I'm too agreeable and upbeat with girls, as if I need to suck up to them. It's true partly, also it's a complex in me where I think I need to be tough in order to be appreciated. And that is also true..

 

[Dalewine]

I actually am a sensitive person, and was a sensitive kid, more than most. It’s likely why, although I indulged in some promiscuous sex before marriage, I couldn’t be a “player”.

I don’t think what tamed or blunted my own sensitivity as I grew older can be done by one’s own volition. I simply realized how the world works, what people are like, and yes, developed dislike or disgust for much of the people inhabiting it.

What sets off my sensitivity is seeing innocent people harmed, misfortune of people, mistreatment, and children. I have near unlimited patience for old and disabled people and children.

When I was younger I’d care if people disliked me or said mean things to or about me or if a woman rejected me. Now, in nearly all cases of that, I couldn’t care less.

Can you share what sets off your sensitivity?

My childish trauma. My dad was a masclunie man but at the same time he was prone to violence. He beats me (also other family members too)

 

[Manure Spherian]

My childish trauma. My dad was a masclunie man but at the same time he was prone to violence. He beats me (also other family members too)

I’m sorry to hear that.

 

[TheGrindEqualsHappiness]

That's tough because your appearance and internal dispotion are not congruent so it's almost impossible to be congruent to a woman.

You are right in a sense that in longer term this is pretty impossible.
Strong frame and polished game with good control of your internal state(I should comment to thread about canned routines about this) and it shouldn't be problem to F-close them though.
The real problem is in the long term. And a living a life of submissive man, which really, really sucks.

My childish trauma. My dad was a masclunie man but at the same time he was prone to violence. He beats me (also other family members too)

First the responsible advice:
If you still live in the same house as him, move out ASAP and seek professional help.

Then less responsible advice:
My father didn't beat me, but I can still relate from my personal experiences of being bullied in school.
My personal solution from teenage years ago was to toughen myself up.
So go lift weights and join MMA-gym(or boxing/thaiboxing/bjj/sw) then when you are ready, kick his ass.

I promise that once you have capability to break the effin neck of each and every person like your father, that you meet in your life,it gets much easier.

 

[Gamisch]

People find my appearance tough and even when I'm not angry I can be seen as angry.
But inside I am sensitive and submissive as a male while i was born. And i hate it too much.
Being sensitive and not being able to take control (in relationships, friendships, and other things) feels disgusting.
Because of my appearance, people expect dominance etc. from me and the girls who come to meet me approach me with this hope. But when they get to know the real me, they move away.
What should I do to not be so sensitive?

I find it difficult to grasp how your physical attractiveness and " rough appearance " are connected like you say they are.

I mean, you're saying that you are attractive from the outside but not from the inside? If that's the case : dont worry. You dont even have to have a " beautiful mind" be able to attract women. Most women are as superficial as it gets.

But i sense you mean you're physically somewhat.."oke" ,but your personality isn't congruent with your image.

This is where you "simply " adopt a philosophy and take it from there. Who are you? What do you read? Follow? Visit? Listen to? Watch? Wear? Eat? Cook? Store/ collect? The list goes on and on. These attributes will decide who you are.

And yes ,the more risks you take the more you'll stand out. The average dude goes to work(desktop job) comes home and MAYBE hits the gym before watching "the walking dead " and going to bed.

That's it bruh...these h0es want "Tupac with a degree" but that non existent. You ,however, might "Tupac-ify" yourself by ..i dont know..learning martial arts and get a fight(sanctioned ofcourse) take risks , take no bs, get NON comforting clothes.

The midlife crisis thing is invited for a reason..