Being nice

[Jamo]

I just had a revelation. I am currently studying under a yoga master (one of the benefits of living in India I guess), and it just made sense to me why being "nice" is truly a negative thing.

When someone is being nice, it usually means they expect something in return (and thus they are not behaving the way they really are), and that is the source of all misery. You cannot expect another person to reciprocate in a certain way through your actions, and when you do you set yourself up for hurt.

Therefore the only time when someone should be nice is when both the heart and mind are in agreement (when you truly do not expect anything in return). The way I read that is if a person is already behaving in a way that is agreeable to you it is okay to be nice (positive reinforcement). If there is any disagreement between the heart and the mind, you should follow your mind.

 

[Bible_Belt]

If there is any disagreement between the heart and the mind, you should follow your mind.


Your mind, and perhaps your fists as well. Yoga is actually the very ancient martial art of India. The fighting part has dropped away over the years. Now it is mostly stretching and philosophy. Very long ago, when you taught people how to kill other people, it was important to also teach them a set of morals so that they used their new power wisely.

 

[Jamo]

If there is any disagreement between the heart and the mind, you should follow your mind.


Your mind, and perhaps your fists as well. Yoga is actually the very ancient martial art of India. The fighting part has dropped away over the years. Now it is mostly stretching and philosophy. Very long ago, when you taught people how to kill other people, it was important to also teach them a set of morals so that they used their new power wisely.

That is not entirely correct. Certain elements of yoga were incorporated into ancient Indian martial arts but yoga itself was not meant for combat.

 

[Jamo]

Of course. Being nice and expecting something in return isn't being nice, it's being manipulative. A fairly common manipulative technique, actually, and one that comes in various forms.

EDIT: I can see how Tai Chi used to be a fighting style but Yoga is a stretch (heh) for me.

Unfortunately most "nice" guys don't realize this. They genuinely believe that being nice will be reciprocated /appreciated by a woman. If it is being used consciously as a manipulative technique that is another matter.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Jamo,
Nice goes to the back of the Queue......be nice and Western women use you as a doormat.....Many Years ago,I asked a hardened old Outback Barmaid,how I should treat a Woman.....Treat her rough and ride her hard she replied.

 

[Jamo]

Dear Jamo,
Nice goes to the back of the Queue......be nice and Western women use you as a doormat.....Many Years ago,I asked a hardened old Outback Barmaid,how I should treat a Woman.....Treat her rough and ride her hard she replied.

Nice does not work in general. In fact I would venture to say that European women are more receptive to "nice" than Indian women!