Beginning of the end? Or just normal LTR turmoil

[AM349]

Looking for grounded, objective feedback.

I’ve been dating this girl since November 2024, I ended things in Januari 2025 but we reconnected in August 2025 and have been dating ever since. Strong attraction from the beginning. High sexual chemistry, high emotional investment from her side. She was first to say she’s in love. She future-projects a lot (vacations, logistics, living arrangements, kids etc.).

She’s emotionally intense and values symbolism (special moments, dates, gestures). I’m more calm, steady, less ceremonial. I value substance over packaging.

Context – Feb 7 to now (vibe progression)

Feb 7–8 (Weekend – Deep bonding)

We spent a full weekend together. Gym, coffee, city, movie night, sleeping over. Very domestic energy. She had family stress + bad news about her dog, so she was softer and quieter than usual. At night she had a nightmare, I reassured her and she melted into that safety.

Sunday she opened up deeply about her exes (control, cheating, stalking). Later we had sex but at the end she got overwhelmed emotionally and cried partly because I’d be leaving to go home again. She said she feels emotions intensely with me and loves me.

Overall vibe:
Very attached, very bonded, very emotionally open.

The next week she was innitiating most of the texting. Sending couple memes on IG. Reaching out and stuff.

Feb 14 (Valentine’s date – First “off” energy)

I was more in my head that day. Quieter. She picked up on it immediately and kept asking what was wrong.

Conversation felt lower energy and slightly forced. Physical contact was there but less intense. Sex happened but felt awkward/passive compared to usual.

She still held my arm on the way home and leaned into me. So not rejection, but noticeable state mismatch.

This felt like the first shift from “charged” to slightly off-balance.

Feb 15 (Reset attempt – My place)
She was sending couple memes via instgram.

This date was actually good again.

Snowball fight when I picked her up. Playful energy. Cooking together. I met her in a lighter mood. She met my brother for the first time. She was affectionate and comfortable.

Because she was on her period, sexual escalation was lighter. It didn’t feel super intense, but there was still warmth and closeness. She talked about how much she likes being around me and how compatible we are.

But at the same time I could feel that something was off and that she was in her head. Also kissing etc. felt less passionate. And we didn't have sex. She said she was on her period en that was true, but useally we just have sex either way.

Vibe: playful, domestic, comfortable, but less sexual tension than earlier weeks and a bit off.

The next days she texted a bit less. Send a couple memes.

I’ve been leading logistically, but emotionally I’ve been more calm/contained. Maybe too neutral at times.

Feb 19 – The “Official” Conversation Surfaces

Wednesday she texted me but it felt kind of off and irritated and distanced in some way. Eventually she told me she needed kisses and hugs.

She came over and admitted she had been irritated earlier in the week because she felt like she’s the one chasing. She was soft en we had fun again and sex. But still something felt off.

Then the real thing surfaced clearly:

She had built up the idea of me officially asking her to be my girlfriend in a special way, with a clear anniversary date. And that she has been waiting for a long time.

From my perspective, we were already in a relationship. I told her essentially: “What we have is already a relationship. You’re my girlfriend.” For me, solid and grounded.

For her, not the special moment she imagined. She was relieved

She later texted that she felt hurt. Not blaming me. But that the accumulation of waiting and hope made the way it happened disappointing.

Feb 21 – Emotional Crash Date

We went to a comedy show + dinner.

I was quieter again. Lower energy. She picked up on it immediately and kept pressing what was wrong.

Eventually everything spilled out:

• The waiting for the official moment
• Me saying the exact date doesn’t matter
• Her valuing symbolic gestures
• Questioning whether we align on important emotional things
• Wanting to feel celebrated

She suddenly became really cold, distant, started focussing only on negative things. She even said that useally she really liked to be with me, but that today she doesn't feel sure about it. She eventually cried.

I kept calm told her I understand why she feels that way and just grabbed and hugged her. But nothing seemed to help.

Eventually after some time I decided to bring her home.

We didn't have sex.

In the car she was distant at first. But eventually she suddenly hugged my arm tightly and said: “I really love you a lot''. It felt sincere.

She got out of the car, and gave me only a hug before. Useally she also gives a kiss.

Today (Feb 22) we’ve had no contact.

My read

The past 2–3 weeks feel like a transition:

At first she was very soft, playful, and affectionate. We were spending more time together, sleeping over more, and the dynamic became more domestic and stable. She kept initiating and investing.

During that time, I started feeling slightly off internally. Sometimes I felt a bit suffocated by the intensity and closeness, which affected my energy. I became quieter and more in my head around her.

She immediately noticed and became worried about my mood. She kept initiating, but there was a subtle irritation underneath, like she felt something was off and didn’t know why. That tension slowly built over a few dates. Not dramatic, just lower energy and slightly misaligned.

We then had a fun reset date at my place. Playful again, good connection, sex. That’s when I told her she was my girlfriend.

After that, things felt off again, and that’s when her disappointment about how I made it official really surfaced.

My question

Is this simply a woman who is genuinely hurt because her romantic expectation didn’t match my style?

Or is this the beginning of rescinding interest, where she’s stacking small mismatches as rationalization to eventually leave me?

Or is it something else?

And strategically:

Is it stronger to pull back and let her move toward me?

Or lean in calmly (without chasing) and re-anchor safety?

What is the correct course of action to remain attraction and go back to having fun?

Thanks in advance.

 

[BaronOfHair]

@AM349 "She’s emotionally intense and values symbolism"

Despite everything else you've shared about this gal and what you all have been doing, it must be noted:

A modern who possesses even a rudimentary comprehension of subjects like "symbolism" is more rare than a 13th Century Genoese who WASN'T rotted out with plague

On that count alone, it may be worth "leaning in", so as to keep her in your orbit

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You cannot ever fix anything by chasing. All you can do is stay emotionally and mentally stable day to day regardless of the way she is acting.

That's what eventually will pull her back, if that's the actual issue, is your stability regarding her ups and downs emotionally.

But from what she is saying, the issue is more that she doesn't feel like you care "enough" about her and that you don't make her feel special in the way that she wants to feel special with a person who she loves as much as she loves you. And if that's the case, then that's on you to fix. Or don't, and she will end up fixing it for you, but not the way you seem to want.

I think at this point you need to sit her down and have an adult conversation with her and let her know where you stand, that you do view her as important, that you didn't realize how important those other things really were to her and that you will make sure to do better regarding that.

And at some point if a person tells you "these things are important to me" and you believe that person is important to you, then by default, those things have to become important to you as well. That's life and how interpersonal relationships work. You don't always only get to take, sometimes you have to give.

That's where the disconnect is coming from. You claim they are important but your actions are not telling her that.

Essentially own the part you need to own. Don't take responsibility for the parts you don't own tho, this isn't a dump-fest on you.

 

[Bible_Belt]

It reads like a diary of her menstrual cycle. She's just a very emotional person, ups and downs. There are moody stabilizer drugs to even a person out. The bad times are not as bad, but the good ones are probably not as good, either.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Partly her cycle. BUT......

Listen very very carefully in the context of what @BackInTheGame78 just stated.

She feels, because you are too passive, that you don't care about her. She does not feel love from you.

You say she initiates all the time & sends memes all the time. Not good.

You are expecting her to have the pursuit energy (masculine), while you have the receptive/passive (feminine) energy. This is NOT natural and this is the real reason things are off. It will get worse and she will pull further away until things break off and she finds a man who she feels is choosing her.

Not chasing but choosing.

You are not leading this relationship. You are expecting her to lead, and this is confusing to her.

This is the kind of dynamic you get when you as the man sit back and "be the prize". You guys always want the girl chasing you and then you wonder why you end up in a backwards dynamic.

A boss bytch would lead in this situation, which would create a different set of problems.

This girl wants to be responsive, soft and feminine, but OP gives her very little to respond to. No wonder there is growing uneasiness. You are the man. You initiate. You lead. When you expect her to do the man job, she feels confused and unappreciated. How can she be the feminine woman in this case?

You do not need to get all mushy or start sending memes or things. You can say "Good morning sexy" from work or something appropriate to your personality that initiates contact & tells her you care.

She is radio silent becase she is tired of doing your job and is observing whether you will "man up."

You gotta lead or this will continue to fall apart.

 

[RangerMIke]

If the OP wants this to last he needs to give her what she needs. Clearly, she needs him to be more engaged and act in ways she expects a relationship to progress. If you can't do this then fine, move on... there is nothing wrong with both of you finding someone that fits like puzzle pieces.

But I do have a question, why did the OP break things off, then why did they get back together after 6 months? If the reasons were the same as what the OP is seeing now, they are just in a do loop and this couple is just wasting time better spent trying to find someone that is happy to receive what each are willing to give.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Not chasing but choosing.

Important distinction!

Great post BE (the entire post) as per usual.

That said @RangerMIke has a point too. No sense in trying to fit a round peg into a square hole...

But to the OP if you do truly care, don't be afraid of displaying at least some level of vulnerability. She certainly has.

Show her through your actions and your words (emotionally and sexually).

Both are important.

 

[CornbreadFed]

I’ve been dating this girl since November 2024, I ended things in Januari 2025 but we reconnected in August 2025 and have been dating ever since

Why?

 

[BeExcellent]

Why?

My money says it went this same way previously.

OP needs to refer to the definition of insanity.......

 

[Sega Genesis]

My money says it went this same way previously.

OP needs to refer to the definition of insanity.......

Fear of commitment... fear of vulnerability? It can become a vicious cycle (with same woman or among several women) if not resolved.

Something to consider?

P.S. @AM349 what's your dating history? Any successful long term relationships? 2+ years? By successful I mean minimal push/pulls, starts and stops, highs/lows, incompatibility.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

OP outside of the sexual chemistry you're not very compatible with this girl.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

@AM349 "She’s emotionally intense and values symbolism"

Despite everything else you've shared about this gal and what you all have been doing, it must be noted:

A modern who possesses even a rudimentary comprehension of subjects like "symbolism" is more rare than a 13th Century Genoese who WASN'T rotted out with plague

On that count alone, it may be worth "leaning in", so as to keep her in your orbit

Maybe she can chain him to the basement piping on every holiday, birthday, anniversary and V-day.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I must have read the word "emotionally" 15-20 times

She is not a child she's an adult woman , yes they can struggle to get hold of their emotional regulation but Some of the stuff you're talking about is over dramatic and on the borderline of immaturity

She needs to pull herself together and grow up the world isn't all sunshine and rainbows and life doesn't follow a romcom plot

Tell her you're tired of the constant mood swings and melodrama and withdraw ,she will have a tantrum but hopefully might grow up a bit from it

 

[Prepostereax]

is this that same woman from ?last year, who you wanted as a plate, but she wants something deeper?

The one who said she loves you, and you didn't reply in kind?

If so, then at a base level, you aren't compatible

 

[Sega Genesis]

is this that same woman from ?last year, who you wanted as a plate, but she wants something deeper?

The one who said she loves you, and you didn't reply in kind?

If so, then at a base level, you aren't compatible

Since he began dating her in November 2024, I am going to presume it's same girl.

I just re-read his previous thread and it appears I wasn't the only one who mentioned his fear of/inability to be vulnerable being a problem, at least in part (see below post from @Divorced w 3 ).

It's disheartening that nothing has changed since that thread.

I disagree. If he does have feelings for her he can just say that he’s got a hard time being vulnerable and he loves her also.

if he doesn’t then he shouldn’t do that and , he should address it head on anyway, talk to her, people should be treated with decency. She’s probably hurting.

I agree she may be hurting which is where all this emotionality is coming from.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Since he began dating her in November 2024, I am going to presume it's same girl.

I just re-read his previous thread and it appears I wasn't the only one who mentioned his fear of/inability to be vulnerable being a problem, at least in part (see below post from @Divorced w 3 ).

It's disheartening that nothing has changed since that thread.



I agree she may be hurting which is where all this emotionality is coming from.

OP essentially is continuously rejecting this woman over and over again and doesn't even seem to know it or be aware of it. Yikes.

 

[Sega Genesis]

Feb 14 (Valentine’s date – First “off” energy)

I was more in my head that day. Quieter. She picked up on it immediately and kept asking what was wrong.

Conversation felt lower energy and slightly forced. Physical contact was there but less intense. Sex happened but felt awkward/passive compared to usual.

OP I apologize if it seems like I'm trying to get into your head but what was going on here^^?

Why were you so "in your head" and quieter on this particular day? It's not lost on me that it was Valentine's Day... of all days.

Also you do realize that any lower energy from her was in direct response to your lower energy, quiet demeanor and being in your head. Don't you?

How did you respond when she asked you what was wrong?

Not accusing you of anything but..

I do know a bit about commitment fears and it's not uncommon for those with such fears to sabotage holidays such as V Day, birthdays and Christmas... as such holidays represent closeness, togetherness, commitment between couples which causes anxiety in people with commitment fears.

So they sabotage by either disappearing on those days or shutting down (quiet, being in their heads as you were).

Have you thought about this at all? Has this been a recurring theme in your previous romantic relationships?

In any event... this isn't all on you. She has chosen to stay despite her hurt or unhappiness... that's on her.

 

[Clockwerk50]

I had something similar with a fling that lasted about a year. For certain reasons, we could never make it official, although I would sometimes joke that I’d marry her in 20 years, and her eyes would light up. She often said she was a great planner and threw the best parties, and she hyped up my birthday for months. When it finally came, she went all out, got me a great present, my favorite cake, rode me with a lot of effort like she never had, and made the day really special. But a week later, during one of our weekly meetups, she told me she wanted more effort, reassurance, and she wanted to be on the "same page". I only saw her once a week and never on weekends, and that wasn’t enough for her. Those conversations kept happening every month or two until it ended because she wanted more than I could give. She came back a week later, but by then I had already decided to be done.

Also, I had another girl during my party days that lasted three months. In one of the last times we hung out, we rented a hotel room and went to a bar with her friend, but she got very drunk and threw up, so the night didn’t go as planned. Later, I told her on the phone that I didn’t like how much she drank and that she couldn’t handle her liquor. We ended the conversation on "good terms", but the next day or two, I brought it up again because I still felt weird about it. She got annoyed, and after that she slowly started drifting away.

So OP, from my experience, around the six-month mark is when women usually decide if they want something serious. You’re six months into this second round, so she’s probably asking for more from you. She clearly values symbolism and gestures, so if you want these “tests” to stop, you’ll likely need to ask her properly and give her that clarity. Otherwise, you can keep handling it the same way, but these conversations will probably continue. Also, if you describe yourself as calm and stoic, make sure your actions actually reflect that, especially during emotional conversations. Acting “distant” or “low energy” after these talks shows that you’re still bothered by them, but the reality is you need thicker skin if you want to keep enjoying the relationship without full commitment.

PS: It looks like the story in my first paragraph also appeared in your previous posts.

 

[AM349]

I think at this point you need to sit her down and have an adult conversation with her and let her know where you stand, that you do view her as important, that you didn't realize how important those other things really were to her and that you will make sure to do better regarding that.

And at some point if a person tells you "these things are important to me" and you believe that person is important to you, then by default, those things have to become important to you as well. That's life and how interpersonal relationships work. You don't always only get to take, sometimes you have to give.

That's where the disconnect is coming from. You claim they are important but your actions are not telling her that.

Essentially own the part you need to own. Don't take responsibility for the parts you don't own tho, this isn't a dump-fest on you.

I did tell her that in the moment. I told her that it was also important for me, expecially because I also waited so long. It didn't have an effect on her. She even told me she didn't believe that I cared because my action didn't align.

Would you recommend reaching out? Or give her space and time to settle her emotions?

 

[AM349]

Why?

She was scared to be vulnerable, I thought that she wasn't interested and cut things off. Made a post about it back then.