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Been seperated for 30 days..next step

RickTheToad

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I understand but people don’t go get relationship for themselves. They go with their partner. I have not ever met a couple that didn’t end it within two years.

If she’s not feeling desire...that’s hell on earth for a woman.
Not everyone, dude or lady, wants to be a lone 4 life. This isn't the nWo; and this isn't kayfabe wrestling.
 

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Glassguy

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Counseling will center on the woman. The validation of her grievances which all stem from her undisclosed covert actions and low desire for you.
This.

Counseling is a joke.
 

Danger

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I know this isn't true of all women, but all of the women I've dated would have fvcked many dudes during those 30 days lol, they are attractive and opportunistic.
I was going to say the same.

As soon as a hitl breaks up she is the highest probability lay of anyone.

She desperately needs to feel desired and she WILL fvck someone asap to get it.
 

Epimanes

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25yrs in my marriage..... went to counseling for 2yrs at the end.. we used a psychologist... he basicly said we were not gunna make it ... i ended up on anti depressants as i coped with the end of my marriage... and ill tell you now.. it didnt help a fkn thing... all that money ... all that time... everything was redirected to me.. everything was my fault. The day he said we were not gunna make it was the day i never went back... within a year from then my wife had gone to mexico 2x... and she decided on her 40th bday i was to be out by the end of the month as a trial separation.. she claimed it may help her miss me and help clear her feelings up... i was out April 1st 2019... (what a fkn joke pun intended) ... and 1 month later ... the day after my bday (my bday is may 7th) .. she took me out with the kids for dinner on my bday... then the next day texted me and said it was permanent
... and i should take steps to figure out what i wana do with the rest of my life.... happy fkn bday to me. Thankfully my kids are older...15 and 21. Theres a **** ton of back story but nothing worth gettin into...

Counselling has a 99% chance to enable divorce or a break up. Likely she has someone in the wing... and her feelings are all mixed up and shes not sure what to do... her guilt says go to counselling where you will lose the battle again for 150$ an hour....

Give it a shot tho ... counseling will not help your sex life... or your wifes libido .. and it wont build respect either.... more times than not it facilitates the end... its a trap..

Sorry your going through this... im coming up to 1yr seperated soon myself.

Epi
 
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Desdinova

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Counselling is just a way to drag out the ending of a relationship. In most cases, the couple doesn't stay together. It's not often that I hear counselling has helped someone's relationship. Just like in divorces where the lawyers are the true winners, counsellors are the ones who win in the end. They're profiting from your 5hitty relationship decisions.
 

Mauser96

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25yrs in my marriage..... went to counseling for 2yrs at the end.. we used a psychologist... he basicly said we were not gunna make it ... i ended up on anti depressants as i coped with the end of my marriage... and ill tell you now.. it didnt help a fkn thing... all that money ... all that time... everything was redirected to me.. everything was my fault. The day he said we were not gunna make it was the day i never went back... within a year from then my wife had gone to mexico 2x... and she decided on her 40th bday i was to be out by the end of the month as a trial separation.. she claimed it may help her miss me and help clear her feelings up... i was out April 1st 2019... (what a fkn joke pun intended) ... and 1 month later ... the day after my bday (my bday is may 7th) .. she took me out with the kids for dinner on my bday... then the next day texted me and said it was permanent
... and i should take steps to figure out what i wana do with the rest of my life.... happy fkn bday to me. Thankfully my kids are older...15 and 21. Theres a **** ton of back story but nothing worth gettin into...

Counselling has a 99% chance to enable divorce or a break up. Likely she has someone in the wing... and her feelings are all mixed up and shes not sure what to do... her guilt says go to counselling where you will lose the battle again for 150$ an hour....

Give it a shot tho ... counseling will not help your sex life... or your wifes libido .. and it wont build respect either.... more times than not it facilitates the end... its a trap..

Sorry your going through this... im coming up to 1yr seperated soon myself.

Epi

Date but don't marry again or move in with a woman
in 2 years she will matter far less
in 10 years she will be a distant memory.
 

jaymbrs

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This dude never even came back to his own thread.
 

Shortstreet

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This dude never even came back to his own thread.
Just taking it all in..reading and listening...guess I will call it growing with what everyone is stating..reason they are stating as they learnt the hard..just the way I am learning!!
 

GT40

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Go in with an open mind.
Allow her to talk.
Keep the conversation balanced.
Make your points without the blame game.

if it’s them two against one. Call them on it
 
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Shortstreet

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Go in with an open mind.
Allow her to talk.
Keep the conversation balanced.
Make your points without the blame game.

if it’s them two against one. Call them on it

Ok so went for our first session, basically did exactly what GT40 advised. I let her do most of the talking. And it was not a blame game as we both am tired of that. We both admitted we want this to work out and be a couple again. Next appointment is today and I am thinking it will be more my turn to talk but, again no blame game.. just more of a discussion. We decided to go with a Relationship therapist instead of a counselor. If your not sure of the difference google search it.
 

Dash Riprock

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Ok so went for our first session, basically did exactly what GT40 advised. I let her do most of the talking. And it was not a blame game as we both am tired of that. We both admitted we want this to work out and be a couple again. Next appointment is today and I am thinking it will be more my turn to talk but, again no blame game.. just more of a discussion. We decided to go with a Relationship therapist instead of a counselor. If your not sure of the difference google search it.
I just don't get this.

Unless you have kids, WHY in hell do you want to go through all the heavy lifting, negotiations, walking on eggshells, measuring every word, the tension in the house, the counseling sessions, etc ,etc? You could have your FREEDOM to do what ever you want with the rest of your life without the boat anchor down (her) as you try to live a happy life.

Damn, there are SO MANY men out there that think they HAVE TO be in a relationship to be happy. Beta, follower, weak mentality.

Once you break the lock and chains, you would kick yourself in the ass for not doing it sooner. And you have the key to unlock them!

I fear my words will fall on deaf ears or eyes, however.

Good luck to you.
 

Glassguy

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Next appointment is today and I am thinking it will be more my turn to talk
Doubtful. Counseling seems very much one sided. Ultimately you will end up on her terms and later wish you had put your foot down or you will end up calling it quits.

Based on OP's first post- he tries to talk and act sensible and she leaves mad. He never did say what caused the separation....that would be important information to have before really digging into this situation.

Unless you have kids, WHY in hell do you want to go through all the heavy lifting, negotiations, walking on eggshells, measuring every word, the tension in the house, the counseling sessions, etc ,etc?
This ^^^^^^.

+1
 

Cesare Cardinali

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Sunk cost. no kids, time to move on. I would ghost on the next counseling session.
 
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Mauser96

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Keep us posted - this is a great learning thread no matter how it turns out
 
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