becoming a different person

[justaroundthecorner]

Do you feel like you are not really the person you were before having children or several years ago? I feel like that for sure, I also feel quite detached from my own needs or feelings as my baby girl is almost 1 year old.

Not sure if it is only about feeling tired of taking care of job, child after job and trying to kickstart my business activity past my standard working hours or is it also connected with mid-life crisis - I have noticed that I lost most of my interest into my old hobbies and I often think about future of my family, my wife, mine and my daughter. I feel that my desires are of secondary importance now but I do not really care that much - I am recently thinking a lot about that I'm probably past 50% of my life on this planet (if not 80% or 99,9%) and I try to manage my family interest accordingly (I have already gathered some sum for my daughter to secure her needs in the future and I am putting some money on separate account for her each month even if I have other financial needs I need to take care of) I am also planning to spend even more time in job to make everyday count.

I do not regret anything as it lead me to the path and person I am today and I am content with it, however I sometimes wonder if I will ever reach a peace of mind - I feel that everything I do is not enough and even if reach some milestone (good position in a company I work in - checked, good salary - checked, cool, pretty wife - checked, beatiful baby girl - checked, family pet - checked, more than 1 real estate - checked, standard poster family image - checked) yet I feel sad that life is so short, that we need to let some things go in order to pursue the other - I am rarely feeling happy person even if when compared to some individuals I do well, but I still feel like a loser because I am not rich at this age, because I will not experience things I wanted to experience when I was 20-something guy, because even if I look young, I feel incredibly old inside - I have this "been there, done that, I know what he/she will do next" mentality all the time and the worst thing is I am usually right about my predictions about situations or people which increases my anxiety about life that human life stopped being mystery to me. Simultaneously great mysteries I wonder about from time to time - who created us, are we alone in this world, great chances like space exploration, whether there's any life after death - I will not obtain answers or experience these during my lifetime. I am too old to experience tech evolution that will considerably prolong my life and quality of it on this planet (augmentations are not really here and won't reach us in the next 20 years).

I also do not think I want to be an old man, I still look young but for how long? How long before I will in worse physical condition? This idea terrifies me - I had 68 year old colleague I smoked cigarettes with from time to time when I met him in the neighbourhood, talked about politics, family matters, hobbies. Guy died few months ago. He was not my best friend, not even a close acquaintance but seeing how insignificant his death was to any person on this planet (including - to some extent - his wife and children and grandchildren) I have started to doubt my purpose in life, which increased my overall anxiety. It's like mix of stress, low amount of sleep and midlife crisis (?) that kick me out of my orbit further and further from my old self-identity - I feel detached, like I was endlessly freefalling or flying in vast dark space forever. Yet I do not feel doubt, I do not feel lonely, I just stopped giving a fck about some of my old dreams, they are gone now. I have chosen my game and I need to play it until the end. There's no retreat and there's no point to run or hide from it as the consequences will be more painful than going further - but is it all there is here for us in this reality? Eat, sleep, work, reproduce, eventually die and decay. I feel in spite of anything I have achieved or may still achieve, that I do not really matter. That my worth is purely subjective to several persons in this world and aside of that, I am just a meatbag - whether I will get hit by a bus or crash my car and die or not - I am just a statistic and I can be described as a person belonging to some group of equally uninteresting persons if one will read only dry facts about me.

Perhaps trying to leave something for others (like a community, doing some pro bono job, giving money each month to animal shelters, nursing home or orphanage) will heal my soul? Do you often feel similar? How to get back this feeling that your own life is at least somewhat meaningful? That you are not another slowly-dying consumer of this world?

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I wouldn't say I'm a different person, I would say I am a more evolved person.

I think at the end of the day, humans either are evolving to become better or devolving to become worse versions of themselves.

There is really no such thing as standing still. If you think you are standing still, you are likely actually devolving.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

Yes, it is very important to actually improve as a person - in overall sense, not just "hard skills"/ professional competences only. I think this is something that can make me going.

 

[Plinco]

I do not regret anything as it lead me to the path and person I am today and I am content with it, however I sometimes wonder if I will ever reach a peace of mind - I feel that everything I do is not enough and even if reach some milestone (good position in a company I work in - checked, good salary - checked, cool, pretty wife - checked, beatiful baby girl - checked, family pet - checked, more than 1 real estate - checked, standard poster family image - checked) yet I feel sad that life is so short, that we need to let some things go in order to pursue the other - I am rarely feeling happy person even if when compared to some individuals I do well, but I still feel like a loser because I am not rich at this age, because I will not experience things I wanted to experience when I was 20-something guy, because even if I look young, I feel incredibly old inside -

You are the only person who has access to your consciousness, the sum of your experiences and thoughts. So if you're talking about evolving, it's necessary to know fully who you are and why you do what you do. With you being a different person, why on earth would you care what others think? As long as what you do is constructive, more specifically in accordance with your nature, then you have no reason to feel any shame or guilt for it.

I have this "been there, done that, I know what he/she will do next" mentality all the time and the worst thing is I am usually right about my predictions about situations or people which increases my anxiety about life that human life stopped being mystery to me.

1. Self fulfilling prophesy
2. Don't be too concerned about that which is not your responsibility. Shift your focus accordingly.
3. The universe is plenty mysterious enough. There's issues and problems out there, and if you're looking for them, and challenge yourself a little, you'll find what you're looking for.

Simultaneously great mysteries I wonder about from time to time - who created us, are we alone in this world, great chances like space exploration, whether there's any life after death - I will not obtain answers or experience these during my lifetime. I am too old to experience tech evolution that will considerably prolong my life and quality of it on this planet (augmentations are not really here and won't reach us in the next 20 years).

The future is not set in stone. We humans have free will, never forget that.

I also do not think I want to be an old man, I still look young but for how long? How long before I will in worse physical condition? This idea terrifies me - I had 68 year old colleague I smoked cigarettes with from time to time when I met him in the neighbourhood, talked about politics, family matters, hobbies. Guy died few months ago. He was not my best friend, not even a close acquaintance but seeing how insignificant his death was to any person on this planet (including - to some extent - his wife and children and grandchildren) I have started to doubt my purpose in life, which increased my overall anxiety.

Self fulfilling prophesy. Your future goes in the direction of your mind, and you 100% control the direction of your mind. As far as the biological aging process, the technology isn't quite there yet to stop or reverse it, but there are ways to slow it down. Don't underestimate healthy habits and mindsets.

It's like mix of stress, low amount of sleep and midlife crisis (?) that kick me out of my orbit further and further from my old self-identity - I feel detached, like I was endlessly freefalling or flying in vast dark space forever.

Think about it rationally, not emotionally. Your emotions are automatic perceptions, and are not the basis for action.

Yet I do not feel doubt, I do not feel lonely, I just stopped giving a fck about some of my old dreams, they are gone now. I have chosen my game and I need to play it until the end. There's no retreat and there's no point to run or hide from it as the consequences will be more painful than going further - but is it all there is here for us in this reality? Eat, sleep, work, reproduce, eventually die and decay. I feel in spite of anything I have achieved or may still achieve, that I do not really matter. That my worth is purely subjective to several persons in this world and aside of that, I am just a meatbag - whether I will get hit by a bus or crash my car and die or not - I am just a statistic and I can be described as a person belonging to some group of equally uninteresting persons if one will read only dry facts about me.

Perhaps trying to leave something for others (like a community, doing some pro bono job, giving money each month to animal shelters, nursing home or orphanage) will heal my soul? Do you often feel similar? How to get back this feeling that your own life is at least somewhat meaningful? That you are not another slowly-dying consumer of this world?

It sounds like you're just giving up on life. I noticed that you liked @BackInTheGame78 comments towards me about the stages of life concept. I've given it some thought. Initially I dismissed the concept as pseudo-psychology. I gave it some more thought while I was at work a few days ago, and I think what's going on is that older people get lazier, and people rationalize that laziness. Think about managers not doing as much work as employees do in just about every company, or how people get mentally lazy after graduating from college. For anyone to be happy, it takes work, especially on yourself. The happy younger people you see are those who work on their dreams (at least that's what they are thinking) and haven't given up on themselves, at least not yet.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

You are the only person who has access to your consciousness, the sum of your experiences and thoughts. So if you're talking about evolving, it's necessary to know fully who you are and why you do what you do. With you being a different person, why on earth would you care what others think? As long as what you do is constructive, more specifically in accordance with your nature, then you have no reason to feel any shame or guilt for it.



1. Self fulfilling prophesy
2. Don't be too concerned about that which is not your responsibility. Shift your focus accordingly.
3. The universe is plenty mysterious enough. There's issues and problems out there, and if you're looking for them, and challenge yourself a little, you'll find what you're looking for.



The future is not set in stone. We humans have free will, never forget that.



Self fulfilling prophesy. Your future goes in the direction of your mind, and you 100% control the direction of your mind. As far as the biological aging process, the technology isn't quite there yet to stop or reverse it, but there are ways to slow it down. Don't underestimate healthy habits and mindsets.



Think about it rationally, not emotionally. Your emotions are automatic perceptions, and are not the basis for action.




It sounds like you're just giving up on life. I noticed that you liked @BackInTheGame78 comments towards me about the stages of life concept. I've given it some thought. Initially I dismissed the concept as pseudo-psychology. I gave it some more thought while I was at work a few days ago, and I think what's going on is that older people get lazier, and people rationalize that laziness. Think about managers not doing as much work as employees do in just about every company, or how people get mentally lazy after graduating from college. For anyone to be happy, it takes work, especially on yourself. The happy younger people you see are those who work on their dreams (at least that's what they are thinking) and haven't given up on themselves, at least not yet.

That makes little sense regarding managers and employees.

The managers job isn't to do, it's to make sure it gets done.

Bad managers try to do work themselves. Good managers delegate the work to the employees who are responsible for getting that work done and then follow up with them to make sure it is.

That has nothing to with laziness, it has to do with being effective in your role.

 

[Plinco]

That makes little sense regarding managers and employees.

The managers job isn't to do, it's to make sure it gets done.

Bad managers try to do work themselves. Good managers delegate the work to the employees who are responsible for getting that work done and then follow up with them to make sure it is.

That has nothing to with laziness, it has to do with being effective in your role.

Most managers hold companies back, not improving them.

 

[Bible_Belt]

slowly-dying consumer of this world?

Holy Depressing Metaphors, Batman. At a minimum, you have a gift for the written word.

Consumers may only choose from what is offered. It implies that you have no power in making the world what you want it to be. Instead of just consuming this world, you can also create your own reality. You mentioned a few worthy endeavors, but they only work if you believe in what you're doing.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Most managers hold companies back, not improving them.

If you work for a bad company then sure. Seems like that's what your experience has been.

 

[zekko]

I also do not think I want to be an old man, I still look young but for how long? How long before I will in worse physical condition? This idea terrifies me - I had 68 year old colleague I smoked cigarettes with from time to time when I met him in the neighbourhood, talked about politics, family matters, hobbies. Guy died few months ago. He was not my best friend, not even a close acquaintance but seeing how insignificant his death was to any person on this planet (including - to some extent - his wife and children and grandchildren) I have started to doubt my purpose in life, which increased my overall anxiety.

Since I am an old man, I thought I might chip in on this point. You are right that life is short, and as time goes on you know more and more people who have passed away, and is becomes so common that it is sad that their lives and deaths seem so insignificant. Most likely most of them are being mourned by someone though, and that someone has noticed their passing. As a Christian though, I find meaning to be mostly outside of myself, I have no illusions about my own importance. I guess that's something everyone has to answer for themselves.

I'm greatly enjoying being an old man. Which is not to say there aren't drawbacks, there certainly are. But I know people younger than I who have died, and my overwhelming feeling is that I am grateful that I am still around to see each beautiful day, because a lot of people haven't made it as long as I have. And I know too many people around me who have received devastating health news. So yeah, I am definitely counting my blessings and trying to enjoy the time that I am here, while I still am. Maybe that sounds like a bad existence to you, but it's not, I am quite happy. I just hope that when my time comes, I can face it with dignity and positivity.

 

[BaronOfHair]

Do you feel like you are not really the person you were before having children or several years ago? I feel like that for sure, I also feel quite detached from my own needs or feelings as my baby girl is almost 1 year old.

Not sure if it is only about feeling tired of taking care of job, child after job and trying to kickstart my business activity past my standard working hours or is it also connected with mid-life crisis - I have noticed that I lost most of my interest into my old hobbies and I often think about future of my family, my wife, mine and my daughter. I feel that my desires are of secondary importance now but I do not really care that much - I am recently thinking a lot about that I'm probably past 50% of my life on this planet (if not 80% or 99,9%) and I try to manage my family interest accordingly (I have already gathered some sum for my daughter to secure her needs in the future and I am putting some money on separate account for her each month even if I have other financial needs I need to take care of) I am also planning to spend even more time in job to make everyday count.

I do not regret anything as it lead me to the path and person I am today and I am content with it, however I sometimes wonder if I will ever reach a peace of mind - I feel that everything I do is not enough and even if reach some milestone (good position in a company I work in - checked, good salary - checked, cool, pretty wife - checked, beatiful baby girl - checked, family pet - checked, more than 1 real estate - checked, standard poster family image - checked) yet I feel sad that life is so short, that we need to let some things go in order to pursue the other - I am rarely feeling happy person even if when compared to some individuals I do well, but I still feel like a loser because I am not rich at this age, because I will not experience things I wanted to experience when I was 20-something guy, because even if I look young, I feel incredibly old inside - I have this "been there, done that, I know what he/she will do next" mentality all the time and the worst thing is I am usually right about my predictions about situations or people which increases my anxiety about life that human life stopped being mystery to me. Simultaneously great mysteries I wonder about from time to time - who created us, are we alone in this world, great chances like space exploration, whether there's any life after death - I will not obtain answers or experience these during my lifetime. I am too old to experience tech evolution that will considerably prolong my life and quality of it on this planet (augmentations are not really here and won't reach us in the next 20 years).

I also do not think I want to be an old man, I still look young but for how long? How long before I will in worse physical condition? This idea terrifies me - I had 68 year old colleague I smoked cigarettes with from time to time when I met him in the neighbourhood, talked about politics, family matters, hobbies. Guy died few months ago. He was not my best friend, not even a close acquaintance but seeing how insignificant his death was to any person on this planet (including - to some extent - his wife and children and grandchildren) I have started to doubt my purpose in life, which increased my overall anxiety. It's like mix of stress, low amount of sleep and midlife crisis (?) that kick me out of my orbit further and further from my old self-identity - I feel detached, like I was endlessly freefalling or flying in vast dark space forever. Yet I do not feel doubt, I do not feel lonely, I just stopped giving a fck about some of my old dreams, they are gone now. I have chosen my game and I need to play it until the end. There's no retreat and there's no point to run or hide from it as the consequences will be more painful than going further - but is it all there is here for us in this reality? Eat, sleep, work, reproduce, eventually die and decay. I feel in spite of anything I have achieved or may still achieve, that I do not really matter. That my worth is purely subjective to several persons in this world and aside of that, I am just a meatbag - whether I will get hit by a bus or crash my car and die or not - I am just a statistic and I can be described as a person belonging to some group of equally uninteresting persons if one will read only dry facts about me.

Perhaps trying to leave something for others (like a community, doing some pro bono job, giving money each month to animal shelters, nursing home or orphanage) will heal my soul? Do you often feel similar? How to get back this feeling that your own life is at least somewhat meaningful? That you are not another slowly-dying consumer of this world?

You aren't the same person now that you were 5 f-c-ing minutes ago, hombre... None of us are

 

[Bible_Belt]

As a Christian though, I find meaning to be mostly outside of myself, I have no illusions about my own importance

Your importance is how you treat people.

Spirituality is like when you were a kid and figured out that you could rub a balloon on your head and then make it stick to the wall, because it was charged up with energy. Charge up your world with positive energy through your interactions with other people and it's like having super powers...white magic.

 

[zekko]

Charge up your world with positive energy through your interactions with other people and it's like having super powers...white magic.

I'm an introvert, so I don't always gain energy from interactions, but your point is valid. Even if it isn't from or with people, there are a lot of ways to create positive energy, and that probably varies widely with different people.

 

[justaroundthecorner]

It sounds like you're just giving up on life. I noticed that you liked @BackInTheGame78 comments towards me about the stages of life concept. I've given it some thought. Initially I dismissed the concept as pseudo-psychology. I gave it some more thought while I was at work a few days ago, and I think what's going on is that older people get lazier, and people rationalize that laziness. Think about managers not doing as much work as employees do in just about every company, or how people get mentally lazy after graduating from college. For anyone to be happy, it takes work, especially on yourself. The happy younger people you see are those who work on their dreams (at least that's what they are thinking) and haven't given up on themselves, at least not yet.

I'm not giving up on life, I just often feel very dissilusioned about it. I am still healthy person, I am objectively lucky because I have the tools to somewhat bend my life and what I am doing with it to positive outcome. Some people are not - seeing what we have been offered by chance, God, whatever - is this all? Why some persons received less? Why some persons get sick from the start? Why some persons never get a chance because they die when they are infants, teenagers. I still remember my colleague from high school that hanged himself when he was 16 years old over bad financial decisions made early in life. Looking at stories of life of my family members or friends that are already dead it seems as if we all struggle in life to obtain the best possible outcome, but we often fail and die and still this struggle (however short or long) is our primary purpose. It almost feels as we are all monkeys in circus of higher being to its amusement and we don't comprehend why. Sure our lives have a purpose - but mostly only to us and our close ones. It is irrelevant how powerful or comfy you are in life - you may still end mumbling or drooling like an idiot and ****ting diaper in nursing home. Everything you are, everything you experience or obtain is incredibly subjective - isn't it that trying to positively change your surrounding or lives of others, obtaining positive longterm effects (to affect others, to obtain longterm change for other people) isn't it the only thing that truly matters? Most of us struggle with our own needs and purposes. Even if you have ability to make choices, most of our choices are very limited. Do you remember how happy you were whe you received your first Christmas gift? I was happy like that one year ago when my daughter was born. I like to watch her grow, but I kind of lost my own ability to be happy about myself or material things I acquire - I dreamt about sports car when I was young, I still like to look at them but now IDC if I will have one, I can drive anything. I liked to buy fancy clothes, italian and german coats and jackets. Now they are just clothes, I don't care about buying new ones, my wife recently noticed I stopped caring about that and forces me to buy stuff or buys me it herself. Now I care about attire and look just to not get fired from my job and deal with other people properly on my job level.

Since I am an old man, I thought I might chip in on this point. You are right that life is short, and as time goes on you know more and more people who have passed away, and is becomes so common that it is sad that their lives and deaths seem so insignificant. Most likely most of them are being mourned by someone though, and that someone has noticed their passing. As a Christian though, I find meaning to be mostly outside of myself, I have no illusions about my own importance. I guess that's something everyone has to answer for themselves.

I'm greatly enjoying being an old man. Which is not to say there aren't drawbacks, there certainly are. But I know people younger than I who have died, and my overwhelming feeling is that I am grateful that I am still around to see each beautiful day, because a lot of people haven't made it as long as I have. And I know too many people around me who have received devastating health news. So yeah, I am definitely counting my blessings and trying to enjoy the time that I am here, while I still am. Maybe that sounds like a bad existence to you, but it's not, I am quite happy. I just hope that when my time comes, I can face it with dignity and positivity.

I agree with and understand what you wrote. I think that being able to live until being old is quite an achievement considering all the obstacles, duties and needs to be secured in the process. What do you think about purpose of life taking under consideration your own
experience? What are the things you value the most at your age? What are the things you consider most valuable overall? Do you have any particular expectations about your life or other people at this stage of life?

You aren't the same person now that you were 5 f-c-ing minutes ago, hombre... None of us are

On molecular level, sure, you are right. We are very different beings on molecular level after several years if I remember correctly as our cells get replaced by others. But I am wondering more about having different values or perception of life that surrounds us and our own purpose in it, not necessarily about changes in our bodies.

Your importance is how you treat people.

Spirituality is like when you were a kid and figured out that you could rub a balloon on your head and then make it stick to the wall, because it was charged up with energy. Charge up your world with positive energy through your interactions with other people and it's like having super powers...white magic.

I'm not sure about the spirituality part (if there's anything resembling idea of christian God, it is a cruel being when matched against ideas like compassion or justice) but yes, it seems that helping others, being less egoistical and more caring about others - this may help. I was almost all about self-develooment and my own needs before - now when I finally have a chance to give or support others (whether close family members or just acquaintances), it feels like only thing that brings some significant value into my life.

 

[plumber]

OP, your writing is eloquent.

That mental viewpoint change your describing. Its not about ability, its about desire. Desire covers a wide path, not just women and wealth. Its how we are internally working. I could relate some to a bit of your topic, not all but parts of it for sure.

For me the thing to adjust was my own chemical health. Specifically testosterone and estrogen. This stuff is wild, it controls much of who we are as men. Its not just about what we think, it literally changes how we think in ways that are subtle.

Anyway, its easy to check and if you find that it can be improved and you do it, 100% you will wish you did it before and had not waited. Its not just the things we have heard about, it controls men from head to toe. If its out of balance, fixing that will put the fire back in.

 

[zekko]

I agree with and understand what you wrote. I think that being able to live until being old is quite an achievement considering all the obstacles, duties and needs to be secured in the process. What do you think about purpose of life taking under consideration your own experience? What are the things you value the most at your age? What are the things you consider most valuable overall? Do you have any particular expectations about your life or other people at this stage of life?

We're not supposed to talk religion here, but I can't really separate myself as a person from my beliefs. And when you ask what I think the purpose of life is, to me it's very simple: to give glory to God. You can do that in a large number of ways, like in helping people. Or it can be as simple in giving thanks for each day. This is what works for me.

When younger people ask me for advice (and I appreciate your being respectful, by the way, instead of calling me a Boomer lol), I always tell them it's never too early to plan your retirement, and to put more into it than you think you should, and then put more into it besides. I was able to retire early and I've been thankful for that every day. I'm lucky that I knew some people who were into retiring, and initially I was shocked at how much they were chucking into their retirement accounts, but soon I was doing it myself. It's important because it comes around quicker than you think, and you don't want to be in poverty when you're older.

Of course some people live for working. I know a lot of people who retired from work, and were dead within weeks. If they weren't working, they had nothing to live for. That's not me, I love my freedom, and have a lot of interests that keep me occupied. Like posting on SoSuave lol. But everybody's different. Some people retire and open a shop. If they're set up right, they don't even have to turn a profit. I'm sure there are some tax deductions though. But again, that's not me.

 

[Plinco]

I'm not giving up on life, I just often feel very dissilusioned about it. I am still healthy person, I am objectively lucky because I have the tools to somewhat bend my life and what I am doing with it to positive outcome. Some people are not - seeing what we have been offered by chance, God, whatever - is this all? Why some persons received less? Why some persons get sick from the start? Why some persons never get a chance because they die when they are infants, teenagers. I still remember my colleague from high school that hanged himself when he was 16 years old over bad financial decisions made early in life. Looking at stories of life of my family members or friends that are already dead it seems as if we all struggle in life to obtain the best possible outcome, but we often fail and die and still this struggle (however short or long) is our primary purpose. It almost feels as we are all monkeys in circus of higher being to its amusement and we don't comprehend why. Sure our lives have a purpose - but mostly only to us and our close ones. It is irrelevant how powerful or comfy you are in life - you may still end mumbling or drooling like an idiot and ****ting diaper in nursing home. Everything you are, everything you experience or obtain is incredibly subjective - isn't it that trying to positively change your surrounding or lives of others, obtaining positive longterm effects (to affect others, to obtain longterm change for other people) isn't it the only thing that truly matters? Most of us struggle with our own needs and purposes. Even if you have ability to make choices, most of our choices are very limited. Do you remember how happy you were whe you received your first Christmas gift? I was happy like that one year ago when my daughter was born. I like to watch her grow, but I kind of lost my own ability to be happy about myself or material things I acquire - I dreamt about sports car when I was young, I still like to look at them but now IDC if I will have one, I can drive anything. I liked to buy fancy clothes, italian and german coats and jackets. Now they are just clothes, I don't care about buying new ones, my wife recently noticed I stopped caring about that and forces me to buy stuff or buys me it herself. Now I care about attire and look just to not get fired from my job and deal with other people properly on my job level.



I agree with and understand what you wrote. I think that being able to live until being old is quite an achievement considering all the obstacles, duties and needs to be secured in the process. What do you think about purpose of life taking under consideration your own
experience? What are the things you value the most at your age? What are the things you consider most valuable overall? Do you have any particular expectations about your life or other people at this stage of life?



On molecular level, sure, you are right. We are very different beings on molecular level after several years if I remember correctly as our cells get replaced by others. But I am wondering more about having different values or perception of life that surrounds us and our own purpose in it, not necessarily about changes in our bodies.



I'm not sure about the spirituality part (if there's anything resembling idea of christian God, it is a cruel being when matched against ideas like compassion or justice) but yes, it seems that helping others, being less egoistical and more caring about others - this may help. I was almost all about self-develooment and my own needs before - now when I finally have a chance to give or support others (whether close family members or just acquaintances), it feels like only thing that brings some significant value into my life.

I have a clear diagnosis. You have an excellent understanding of your emotional self but you lack a stable intellectual understanding of reality. Gaining such an understanding takes practice, and it can only be done by developing a rational mind. Unfortunately the solution requires you to step outside of your comfort zone and isn't exciting at first. Here's two videos that are both over an hour long and are boring to anyone who doesn't appreciate the foundation of how man relates to reality.

What I would also recommend is to do a lot or writing and at some point, read that back to yourself. In your case, you understand your emotional processes well but it will allow you to see patterns in thought over time and that will allow you to see your intellectual evolution.

 

[BaronOfHair]

On molecular level, sure, you are right. We are very different beings on molecular level after several years if I remember correctly as our cells get replaced by others. But I am wondering more about having different values or perception of life that surrounds us and our own purpose in it, not necessarily about changes in our bodies.

Yeah, the THOUGHTS we're experiencing five minutes or less from the present moment are likely very different from the ones we were having prior

 

[justaroundthecorner]

For me the thing to adjust was my own chemical health. Specifically testosterone and estrogen. This stuff is wild, it controls much of who we are as men. Its not just about what we think, it literally changes how we think in ways that are subtle.

Anyway, its easy to check and if you find that it can be improved and you do it, 100% you will wish you did it before and had not waited. Its not just the things we have heard about, it controls men from head to toe. If its out of balance, fixing that will put the fire back in.

My T is slightly below medium level - I think its still quite high considering I'm fcktired from managing job, trying to kickstart side-business that was crawling with low profit since long time, managing my baby to the extent I manage her (my wife still does 80% of work around child), managing my house pet, studying for my personal project, paying mortgage, helping parents - so perhaps I'm simply burned out to significant extent and prolly this affects the T level (iirc 6 years ago when I had much less to take care of my T level was well above average but it was much easier to keep balance back then).

I'm kind of hoping that once our child will enter daycare system I will have more time for myself.

 

[plumber]

My T is slightly below medium level - I think its still quite high considering I'm fcktired from managing job, trying to kickstart side-business that was crawling with low profit since long time, managing my baby to the extent I manage her (my wife still does 80% of work around child), managing my house pet, studying for my personal project, paying mortgage, helping parents - so perhaps I'm simply burned out to significant extent and prolly this affects the T level (iirc 6 years ago when I had much less to take care of my T level was well above average but it was much easier to keep balance back then).

I'm kind of hoping that once our child will enter daycare system I will have more time for myself.

i hear you, i get it.

its worth your time if it needs adjusting. will cause all your other task to be easier. its not just muscle and libido. its internal drive and focus. when it slips, it does so very slowly. we don't notice... like boiling a frog.

its a two part thing. T level vs E level. Can have average T, but if E is above average will have many low T symptoms. First line of defense is physical body. if any luv handles, get rid of them. if possible make time to either do running or heavy lifting in the gym, 3+ days a week.

good luck.

 

[Plinco]