asking for advice about uninterested wife

BeExcellent

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The thing is, when a woman loses total respect for a man, she doesn't find him attractive anymore. I would feel comfortable saying that she cringes being around him in general.
This I agree with 100%. To me it is unclear from the content of the thread by the OP to what degree the respect has eroded. He may not know himself honestly. Time will tell. Keep doing as he is doing and think about plan B. Agreed.
 
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RickTheToad

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Personally, actions speak louder than words. She's done. File for divorce. If, after you want to reconsider, you can always do so. However, there is no rewind. She will revert back to her current self after she pretends to be on good behavior and a new outlook on your marriage.
 

metalwater

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I dont want to seem like a Debbie Downer but you have some serious planning to do and waiting on this woman to come around and stop her BS with the flirting and avoidance of being the wife she used to be is not the best plan.

Hope it all works out
thank you. I get your point. And that your writing is designed to get my attention, and that it is the advice you think is best. It likely is.

I know everyone like me or that brings a thread that sounds like me thinks that there situation is unique.. In my situation there are about 5 different things that make it very unique. I don't tell them as a couple of them would make me/us very identifiable. Obviously connecting this public thread to the real ppl would be a circus..

Where I live in the world it is very possible that I can deal with any guy in an extremely direct way. For my own mental well being I need to be crystal clear I have the right player before I do that. I am just so not yet wise enough to be sure I have the right guy. Any good ideas on how to identify? BTW, this idea isn' really what I am about, but this situation is making changes in me. There is still a chance that I have it all wrong. It would not be the first time that symptoms can match to several different causes.

One of the things right out of the txt books is that we lived a very secluded lifestyle before. Just wasn't much opportunity to get into trouble. So in the new venue (location) she is getting/gotten stirred by others. Moved to a new venue to get the boredom out... and surprise for me is, yes the boredom is out... but how is not what I had in mind.

In the old venue I was the exact example of doing the wrong thing that is described in No More Mr Nice Guy, and all the other books, I think I was guilty of almost every bad habit and behavior that they describe. I probably would be much better off had I found and used that info and stayed in the old venue. but I had no motivation to do so. So angry when I understood.
 
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Glassguy

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Personally, actions speak louder than words. She's done. File for divorce. If, after you want to reconsider, you can always do so. However, there is no rewind. She will revert back to her current self after she pretends to be on good behavior and a new outlook on your marriage.
I agree. It leaves OP in total control. Shed be coming back to such a whoooooole lot of dic to call it off. Then make it real clear that if she ever disrespects you again, sucking dic wont cure the problem the next time as you'll file and follow through.

We only have one life. You're accountable for your own happiness. Anything that doesnt help that happen is only hurting that and I dont have time for such people. The exit door opens quickly and i dont care how long they've been around. I'll show them the door.
 

RickTheToad

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I agree. It leaves OP in total control. Shed be coming back to such a whoooooole lot of dic to call it off. Then make it real clear that if she ever disrespects you again, sucking dic wont cure the problem the next time as you'll file and follow through.

We only have one life. You're accountable for your own happiness. Anything that doesnt help that happen is only hurting that and I dont have time for such people. The exit door opens quickly and i dont care how long they've been around. I'll show them the door.
AMS... Is that you???
 
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metalwater

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Progress and endurance continues. I think it is about 3 months since I first posted on this site, and I had the issues long before that. The value of the ideas and feed back from sosuave are priceless. And yes I can filter and translate the ones that are bitter vs helpful. Some of the more harsh ideas are in truth intended as helpful. This might end up as a case that is actually saved and improved

At this point I am working only on some minor disrespect, and the much larger problem of reducing masculinity in the girl. However to be sure the feminine and submissive can and does pop out loud and clear. Occasionally the masculine pops up still and I have to deal with it. But it is becoming more of a humor at it and or go do something else. Will need to see/experience this for several months for it to be sound. At some point in the last weeks changes started happening faster. In some way a switch was triggered. Yes I know it can flip back the other way.

She is now regularly checking if her dress is ok to go out. ( I appreciate this, but take it as somewhat show). This topic isn't perfect yet, but 90% improved to the point it does not feel disrespectful.

The flirting in front of me is maybe almost gone. There is still a friendly approach to others that I need to accept but the style is changing to something that I can accept and support. The key is for me to be/do the same and or better. I expect this subject to come back and forth a couple of times still. But maybe I will be surprised and it is already done. I know it is not fixed completely yet because she will not accept or admit that all the guys are interested in something...

Phone and accounts are now openly left available to me in case I would want to watch them. And yes, I know at this point if something was going on it would be much better hidden.

Response on txt or phone to me is now ok and usually in reasonable time(a priority).

--
I continue with the ME plan. the cheating or walk away will only happen in case there is a serious regression again. Or if I fail to accomplish to get her to show clear public interest in all venue including the one that my OP was referencing. This is something beyond what our original baseline was, so I expect it to take some time to get a root and grow. This will be the clear (no more problems) signal to me.
--

The things that I credit for the improvements.
1. lifting and running (her friends have taken note...). when she is running with me, I can easily run faster so it give a small chance to show some dominance.
2. a few interest checks from other girls.
3. some improvement on frame (my emotional control and presence). no way to describe the furnace of hell that does this. I guess many of you already know about it from personal experience.
4. letting her know that I now have a basic understanding of game and hypergamy. I think this is also key, as I have BRIEFLY taught her about some of her girl friends relationships and what is likely occurring. I guess she already knows, but now knows I know.
5. girl can have a better character than I perceived, with the problem more me than her (however there was for sure a problem 3 months ago).

couple of things I did recently to enforce (really soft...).
1. after good sex, she wants to play phone game, i want to have her cuddle... I will leave the room in case the phone game comes on. that quickly resulted in compliance and without any drama. only issue to me on this, is why it was needed for me to insist for this one.
2. at dinner she decided to take head of table position, I picked up the plate and glass and moved it to the side and took the proper position. she said.. oh.. and that was it, no more issue or noise about it.

small issues, but to me indicative of a mind set... and improvement yes/no ??
 

Mauser96

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Progress and endurance continues. I think it is about 3 months since I first posted on this site, and I had the issues long before that. The value of the ideas and feed back from sosuave are priceless. And yes I can filter and translate the ones that are bitter vs helpful. Some of the more harsh ideas are in truth intended as helpful. This might end up as a case that is actually saved and improved

At this point I am working only on some minor disrespect, and the much larger problem of reducing masculinity in the girl. However to be sure the feminine and submissive can and does pop out loud and clear. Occasionally the masculine pops up still and I have to deal with it. But it is becoming more of a humor at it and or go do something else. Will need to see/experience this for several months for it to be sound. At some point in the last weeks changes started happening faster. In some way a switch was triggered. Yes I know it can flip back the other way.

She is now regularly checking if her dress is ok to go out. ( I appreciate this, but take it as somewhat show). This topic isn't perfect yet, but 90% improved to the point it does not feel disrespectful.

The flirting in front of me is maybe almost gone. There is still a friendly approach to others that I need to accept but the style is changing to something that I can accept and support. The key is for me to be/do the same and or better. I expect this subject to come back and forth a couple of times still. But maybe I will be surprised and it is already done. I know it is not fixed completely yet because she will not accept or admit that all the guys are interested in something...

Phone and accounts are now openly left available to me in case I would want to watch them. And yes, I know at this point if something was going on it would be much better hidden.

Response on txt or phone to me is now ok and usually in reasonable time(a priority).

--
I continue with the ME plan. the cheating or walk away will only happen in case there is a serious regression again. Or if I fail to accomplish to get her to show clear public interest in all venue including the one that my OP was referencing. This is something beyond what our original baseline was, so I expect it to take some time to get a root and grow. This will be the clear (no more problems) signal to me.
--

The things that I credit for the improvements.
1. lifting and running (her friends have taken note...). when she is running with me, I can easily run faster so it give a small chance to show some dominance.
2. a few interest checks from other girls.
3. some improvement on frame (my emotional control and presence). no way to describe the furnace of hell that does this. I guess many of you already know about it from personal experience.
4. letting her know that I now have a basic understanding of game and hypergamy. I think this is also key, as I have BRIEFLY taught her about some of her girl friends relationships and what is likely occurring. I guess she already knows, but now knows I know.
5. girl can have a better character than I perceived, with the problem more me than her (however there was for sure a problem 3 months ago).

couple of things I did recently to enforce (really soft...).
1. after good sex, she wants to play phone game, i want to have her cuddle... I will leave the room in case the phone game comes on. that quickly resulted in compliance and without any drama. only issue to me on this, is why it was needed for me to insist for this one.
2. at dinner she decided to take head of table position, I picked up the plate and glass and moved it to the side and took the proper position. she said.. oh.. and that was it, no more issue or noise about it.

small issues, but to me indicative of a mind set... and improvement yes/no ??
Good progress
 

evan12

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I am glad to see how your woman have changed. And glad to know we are here really helping real people with real problems. Good luck my buddy and hope you recover your marriage , remember that even if you move to another woman the same issues with arise because it is your issues
 

Ricky

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This is a good thread for some issues ive been having.

Havent been on here for several years but returner to read some advice for a friend getting a divorce
 
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