Here we go, ladies and gents.
Basically, me and this one popular girl always hang out in our writing class because everyone else in the class is weird, so we really have no one else to talk to. She's been with this one guy for a while - imagine every stereotype of a jock and that's the dude she's dating. She's kind of the stereotypical ditz - she's hot, has big tits, dumb, and flirty (or was, dunno about this year) - the kind that every guy is drooling after and she's been with this guy for 8 months or so and their relationship is straining. The best way to compare me and her boyfriend is that he's aggressive and I'm assertive. I'm more attractive than him, but he's damn good at feigning alpha (I just came out of my shell this year and started hanging out with the popular kids, he's had a three year head start on me), so he does pull a respectable amount of ass (and hers) in the little social heirarchy of our highschool. I'm confident, calm, easy-going, yet I've got a crazily witty sarcastic humor that girls seem to fall for while he's easy to piss off, insecure, and knows just the right amount of "*******" mentality to employ to get what he wants.
Most recently in his escapades of bull**** macho bravado, he punched out some kid because his ex-girlfriend kissed him on the cheek at a party at school. Honestly, the kid tries too damn hard to pretend he's alpha - he starts fights only when surrounded by friends and if his opponent is too much of a ***** to fight back. Anyway, he's known that I've been talking to his girl for a while now, and he hasn't so much as said a word to me because if push came to shove, it's most likely that I'm better friends with his friends than he is and that I don't need to be surrounded by my buddies to knock him the **** out.
So, although I'm not crushing on his girl or anything, but I wouldn't mind having a relationship with her - even if its nothing more than physical. Anyway, in class she always asks me to sit by her and she helps me design my articles because due to my lack of estrogen I have a hideous taste in what looks appealing. Lately, she's been having trouble with one of her friends so she ditzly brings it up. We were sitting in class one day and all of a sudden she says "do you think I'm stupid for staying with him?", I paused for a minute, friend zone bells ringing in my head, but I mentally sighed and humored her. I told her that I don't talk **** about someone behind their back and to drop it... although I did mention that he had to be insecure to react in such a violent way towards the kid mentioned in the above paragraph. That was yesterday, and today while I was working she just randomly said loud enough for me to hear "God, <name> is just so sensitive...". At this point, I was a little confused, it wasn't the stereotypical spiel about "So and so is such a jerk/*******/whatever!" that happens to the stereotypical LJBF guy, it was more like genuinely faulting him.
To put it better context - this girl is "weird", kind of like an always happy and upbeat weird that makes you inexplicably attracted to her. She doesn't think things through, she just says them off the top of her head, which can make for some pretty awkward pauses in the conversation sometimes. Whatever subtly she's applying is going over my head and I could use some help.
Now, I'll be honest, this is where I get confused. People make such a big deal out of "Oh, don't be an emotional pillow"... but its a little unreasonable to think that as soon as she mentions her boyfriend and complains about her problems to you its immediately because you're in the friend-zone. That seems a little extreme. Maybe she's hyper-sensitive. Maybe she's emotionally distressed. Maybe she does need someone to talk to. Wouldn't an alpha hear her out? But where is the line drawn between assertive alpha who understands her problems and is man enough to help her.... and the dreaded friend zone? This same issue caused me SUCH a headache back when I first found this site, I was too worried about falling into the friendzone that I would break off a conversation whenever a girl started talking too much about a problem she might have and come across as a **** when I just thought I was trying to save face. Even now, there is some discrepancy... so this is why I need you guys' help. Again, I'm not really attached to this girl, so please do me a favor and be completely honest with your assessment, because I definately need to have a better understanding of this in the future. Ultimately it comes down to, how do you "accurately" gauge whether or not you're in the friendzone? I'm not talking about the plain answers regurgitated out on the forums of "When she complains to you about her problems" or "When she talks about her boyfriend".
Again, thanks for your help.
Basically, me and this one popular girl always hang out in our writing class because everyone else in the class is weird, so we really have no one else to talk to. She's been with this one guy for a while - imagine every stereotype of a jock and that's the dude she's dating. She's kind of the stereotypical ditz - she's hot, has big tits, dumb, and flirty (or was, dunno about this year) - the kind that every guy is drooling after and she's been with this guy for 8 months or so and their relationship is straining. The best way to compare me and her boyfriend is that he's aggressive and I'm assertive. I'm more attractive than him, but he's damn good at feigning alpha (I just came out of my shell this year and started hanging out with the popular kids, he's had a three year head start on me), so he does pull a respectable amount of ass (and hers) in the little social heirarchy of our highschool. I'm confident, calm, easy-going, yet I've got a crazily witty sarcastic humor that girls seem to fall for while he's easy to piss off, insecure, and knows just the right amount of "*******" mentality to employ to get what he wants.
Most recently in his escapades of bull**** macho bravado, he punched out some kid because his ex-girlfriend kissed him on the cheek at a party at school. Honestly, the kid tries too damn hard to pretend he's alpha - he starts fights only when surrounded by friends and if his opponent is too much of a ***** to fight back. Anyway, he's known that I've been talking to his girl for a while now, and he hasn't so much as said a word to me because if push came to shove, it's most likely that I'm better friends with his friends than he is and that I don't need to be surrounded by my buddies to knock him the **** out.
So, although I'm not crushing on his girl or anything, but I wouldn't mind having a relationship with her - even if its nothing more than physical. Anyway, in class she always asks me to sit by her and she helps me design my articles because due to my lack of estrogen I have a hideous taste in what looks appealing. Lately, she's been having trouble with one of her friends so she ditzly brings it up. We were sitting in class one day and all of a sudden she says "do you think I'm stupid for staying with him?", I paused for a minute, friend zone bells ringing in my head, but I mentally sighed and humored her. I told her that I don't talk **** about someone behind their back and to drop it... although I did mention that he had to be insecure to react in such a violent way towards the kid mentioned in the above paragraph. That was yesterday, and today while I was working she just randomly said loud enough for me to hear "God, <name> is just so sensitive...". At this point, I was a little confused, it wasn't the stereotypical spiel about "So and so is such a jerk/*******/whatever!" that happens to the stereotypical LJBF guy, it was more like genuinely faulting him.
To put it better context - this girl is "weird", kind of like an always happy and upbeat weird that makes you inexplicably attracted to her. She doesn't think things through, she just says them off the top of her head, which can make for some pretty awkward pauses in the conversation sometimes. Whatever subtly she's applying is going over my head and I could use some help.
Now, I'll be honest, this is where I get confused. People make such a big deal out of "Oh, don't be an emotional pillow"... but its a little unreasonable to think that as soon as she mentions her boyfriend and complains about her problems to you its immediately because you're in the friend-zone. That seems a little extreme. Maybe she's hyper-sensitive. Maybe she's emotionally distressed. Maybe she does need someone to talk to. Wouldn't an alpha hear her out? But where is the line drawn between assertive alpha who understands her problems and is man enough to help her.... and the dreaded friend zone? This same issue caused me SUCH a headache back when I first found this site, I was too worried about falling into the friendzone that I would break off a conversation whenever a girl started talking too much about a problem she might have and come across as a **** when I just thought I was trying to save face. Even now, there is some discrepancy... so this is why I need you guys' help. Again, I'm not really attached to this girl, so please do me a favor and be completely honest with your assessment, because I definately need to have a better understanding of this in the future. Ultimately it comes down to, how do you "accurately" gauge whether or not you're in the friendzone? I'm not talking about the plain answers regurgitated out on the forums of "When she complains to you about her problems" or "When she talks about her boyfriend".
Again, thanks for your help.