As a mid 30s guy in STEM, having a lot of difficulty finding a lifetime partner

[handle]

I would back away from the main goal for now and focus on small things you can control: physical fitness, perhaps freshening up your appearance (I can't say for sure if this is a problem but it always helps), and broadening your social life through joining clubs etc (rec sports leagues in addition to clubs specific to your nerdy interests). I think the idea of somehow being connected to grad school and/or research organizations is a good one. But in general I would not take this forum too seriously if I were you, I don't think your goals and desired lifestyle are in alignment with many of the active posters here.

People with your profile, in my experience, usually find someone within their domain (engineer marrying engineer, music nerd marrying music nerd, etc). I think finding a way to be social while pursuing your hobbies would be fruitful. For example, I have a friend who is deeply into classical music. So they joined an opera group that met to discuss their favorite pieces and go to shows. Through this he eventually found his wife. That kind of thing.

 

[CornbreadFed]

You are Asian, which unfortunately is a disadvantage in the U.S, where Asian males are not seen as a "cool" minority (unlike, say, blacks).

 

[Gamisch]

There is no nice way to say it but you are basically at the bottom of the totem poll in terms of eligibility in the modern dating markert. Pretty much everything you said about yourself falls in the minus column. You are a 36 y.o. virgin who is much shorter than average and quite overweight. There is nothing interesting about your hobbies or lifestyle. On the contrary, it sounds like you are a massive geek. To a typical girl, your electronics hobby is about as alluring as knitting would be to you. You refer to yourself as a "CIS male". You are Asian, which unfortunately is a disadvantage in the U.S, where Asian males are not seen as a "cool" minority (unlike, say, blacks).

The only thing that goes in the plus column is the fact that you seem to be doing okay financially. Decades ago, you would have married an average girl who was looking for a provider type. You probably would have met her with the assistance of your parents, church members or other people in the community. Unfortunately, things don't really work like that anymore.

At this point in your life, you basically have two options. Option A is to experience a midlife crisis and radically change who you are as a person. Obviously, you can't change your race or height, but other things can be improved on. This would require enormous effort and willpower but it can be done. Option B is to move to Thailand or the Philippines.

This.

You gotta literally PAY for PLAY now. As @Manure Spherian perfectly worded, in 2020++ you're cooked if you want "traditional "love without having anything, no leverage no experience no nothing.

For all the slack I gave my incel friends, at least they understood that their only way to a woman would be a hardcore passport bro route . Imo their still incels tho....Op seems to have the funds, at his age he wont "just" change into a certified player..anyway,there are beautiful women in those countries that don't care if the ugliest man alive would take them away from those shyteholes. The downside is she will adept to western norms quickly, and eventually dissappear after a couple of years ,depending on her dependency.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Bokanovsky,
" You are Asian, which unfortunately is a disadvantage in the U.S, where Asian males are not seen as a "cool" minority (unlike, say, blacks)." Pretty much the same down here,particularly N.E Asians but our Girls are very Keen on Afro origin Blacks but not Tamils or Indigenes,who can be just as Dark.

 

[MatureDJ]

These comics explains how dutiful STEM men get women:

 

[Surd]

get a gym membership and hire a trainer for a few sessions to teach you how. then religiously lift on a schedule.

get to know some girls you don't want as a life partner. its easier to talk to them because you don't care what they think...

what type of girls do you like ?

hmmm nice take brother

 

[Manure Spherian]

You are a 36 y.o. virgin

Though I sympathize, I am astonished by the amount of men in their 30s and 40s still trying to crack the code. What in god’s name were they doing all this time?

.

You gotta literally PAY for PLAY now. As @Manure Spherian perfectly worded, in 2020++ you're cooked if you want "traditional "love without having anything, no leverage no experience no nothing.

Imagine being 25-plus years old dealing with women who’ve been getting busy since ages we don’t want mention here. And yes, we know the ages at which women who sexualize themselves early start.

 

[Gamisch]

Though I sympathize, I am astonished by the amount of men in their 30s and 40s still trying to crack the code. What in god’s name were they doing all this time?

.
Imagine being 25-plus years old dealing with women who’ve been getting busy since ages we don’t want mention here. And yes, we know the ages at which women who sexualize themselves early start.

Yup. To elaborate to your post, if she is also 35 the lived at least four lives already ,she easily might've done ONS,s or " tinder benders", including group sex, cohabiting at least twice, been a dyke and ofcourse a shyte load of " regular" 3 / 6 months boyfriends. Add some Onlyfans, sugar daddies and perhaps prostitution to the mix.... and ofcourse some kids from different men who they don't ever see again.


Versus a man who is literally a virgin...and then we have to give hik advice on how to catch one of these??? And why this happens and men end up in this situations??? Imo because men are weak and want the path of least resistance. And boom, you wake up and you are 35 with zero experience.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Though I sympathize, I am astonished by the amount of men in their 30s and 40s still trying to crack the code. What in god’s name were they doing all this time?

MGTOW and main stream red pill channels promote waiting until you are in your 40s and a high value man before talking to the kitty.

 

[Manure Spherian]

MGTOW and main stream red pill channels promote waiting until you are in your 40s and a high value man before talking to the kitty.

Great idea considering 15 year males beat them to the chase.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Great idea considering 15 year males beat them to the chase.

But he will be a HIGH VALUE MALE

 

[Manure Spherian]

But he will be a HIGH VALUE MALE

Who will be?

 

[Gamisch]

But he will be a HIGH VALUE MALE

he arguably is tho...

He has money, he can literally buy high value man- traits of necessary.

It's more difficult for an attractive but broke man to get money ,than it's for a ugly man to get attractive traits.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Who will be?

OP, sarcasm

 

[CornbreadFed]

he arguably is tho...

He has money, he can literally buy high value man- traits of necessary.

It's more difficult for an attractive but broke man to get money ,than it's for a ugly man to get attractive traits.

He is not attractive rich though. OP could be a multi-millionaire right now, but how would women outside his social circle know this? Unless women know you are rich, they are just seeing a short older asian guy trying to hit on them lol.

 

[sevbucmash]

@NiHaoMike you're a low 5 or a high 4, see HB scale bellow.



Forget about height, you're not a midget and that's good enough. But otherwise, the build of your body, high body fat content, makes you feminine looking. That's not good. That's the main reason you are high 4's and low 5's on the hot babe scale.

There is simply no physical attraction to you when women look at you.

You need to go to health and fitness section of this forum, post a picture of your body, without head. Ask them to come up with a routine for you. Exercise and diet.

Idea is to get you up to 6 in half a year or so. Then, your new body and confidence, combined with ward rope and style, you'll have a chance.

 

[CornbreadFed]

@NiHaoMike you're a low 5 or a high 4, see HB scale bellow.

View attachment 14798

Forget about height, you're not a midget and that's good enough. But otherwise, the build of your body, high body fat content, makes you feminine looking. That's not good. That's the main reason you are high 4's and low 5's on the hot babe scale.

There is simply no physical attraction to you when women look at you.

You need to go to health and fitness section of this forum, post a picture of your body, without head. Ask them to come up with a routine for you. Exercise and diet.

Idea is to get you up to 6 in half a year or so. Then, your new body and confidence, combined with ward rope and style, you'll have a chance.

anywhere to find this chart with a better image?

 

[sevbucmash]

anywhere to find this chart with a better image?

There used to be the original HB scale, and it was here on sosuave. I can't find it since 2009-ish. If you or anyone else seen it let me know.

 

[sevbucmash]

@NiHaoMike here is the IL scale. https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/interest-level-scale.16420/

Out of shape AFC's start in mid to upper 50's and low 60's. AFC is an average frowning champ, this term describes someone without a game.

 

[sevbucmash]

Speaking of game. Here is the Don Juan Bible -- http://www.djbible.classicalgasemissions.com/
Read it.

Get to the point you are ready to do your DJ Boot Camp -- alas https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threads/don-juan-boot-camp-journal.209899/#post-2092662 -- and get this show on the road.

You can't be AFC forever, you need to get some social skills.