As a mid 30s guy in STEM, having a lot of difficulty finding a lifetime partner

[BPH]

What changes would that be?

I'm basically asking how important it is for you to solve this problem.

Is it something you'd LIKE to do?

Or is it something you HAVE to do?

 

[NiHaoMike]

What the heck is a cis male? Is that like a transgender thing or something?

Quite the opposite, cis means "normal", that is, not transgender.

This is your issue.

A lot of hot women who want to have children won’t accept their husbands being in electronic groups. You will really have to sit down and talk this with her about this, It’s probably a deal breaker.

I'm specifically looking for one who is OK with that. Can't give up continuing to learn as an engineer. My parents are both electrical engineers so I know it's possible.

I'm basically asking how important it is for you to solve this problem.

Is it something you'd LIKE to do?

Or is it something you HAVE to do?

I would really like to have children while I'm still able to care for them.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Pretty much never. And there's more than the usual chance that's also the case for the girl I'm looking for. I got to know a gamer girl online and even met in person, but she ended up wanting to be just friends. She pretty much never goes out either.

I only mention the changing diet part since I see vegetarians and vegans as a niche with less competition, but I'm obviously not restricting myself to that niche.

If you read on electronics groups, the "wife doesn't approve of the hobby" problem is very much real and not something I want to deal with. That said, if she's reasonable, she should understand that for engineers, to not be always learning is to fall behind.

I don't go around "probing" such details, but she might tell me. Or she might keep it a secret and I'll never know. Only reason I think of that is long term health, healthcare is expensive enough as it is.

Cis = just normal, not trans or intersex.

Not too picky other than what I listed, so any race is fine (very slight bias towards Asians and blacks as they're minorities just like I am, but that won't change my decision), the minimum age would be 18 as set by law but realistically I would not expect less than mid 20s to be interested.

You know..... even if you dont confront women directly with your questions/expectations, you have these things in your head.

You really have a lot of detailed expectations and no experience on how to actually get a (any) woman.

And when you got the woman its a whole other league to keep the woman.

Right now you plan out the next 20 years with a woman (f.e. thinking about healthcare of a smoker that quit a couple of years ago?) when you should just get a decent woman to have a simple relationship with and maybe live a couple of years together before you think about marriage and raising kids.

If you jump into this whole marriage thing without any experience, its like jumping head first into a meatgrinder.

You need to learn to walk bro....... dont think you can climb Mount Everest right now and come out of it alive.

 

[sevbucmash]

cis means "normal"

Does the above look normal? You're subscribing to tras/woke agenda without being a homo.
That has to change right on the spot, right now. You're not some CIS homo straight man. Obviously, you're asking about advice on how to become good with women.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Almost had me until suggested making a Chatbot companion.

 

[NiHaoMike]

Does the above look normal? You're subscribing to tras/woke agenda without being a homo.
That has to change right on the spot, right now. You're not some CIS homo straight man. Obviously, you're asking about advice on how to become good with women.

I don't actually mention that on my dating profile. There, it is assumed that everyone is cis unless otherwise specified.

 

[BadBoy89]

BadBoy89 said:
What the heck is a cis male? Is that like a transgender thing or something?

Quite the opposite, cis means "normal", that is, not transgender.

If “cis male” means “normal and not transgender”, does “male“ mean “abnormal and transgender”?

 

[oOh Nasty]

Bro sounds like his initial post was google translated.

Holy hell brother. Can't tell if you're a troll or not, but you might want to read these forums a bit. You're as nerdy, virgin, and bluepill as it gets. And you used the term CIS. What am I even reading right now?

Even if you are real, the chances of a woman sticking with you after you're lucky enough to snatch her are very slim. I know that you want a short and easy answer, but the truth is that if you want a successful love life with a decently attractive woman that has the traits you desire, you'll need to be able to pick apart your own personality and find out where you're going wrong.

You may have a lot of technical and engineering knowledge and experience, but when it comes to social intelligence, I'm under the impression you have about 0.

From one chinese brother to another - learn how to be charming, learn how to network, and get out of your head. Stop using the excuse of having specific details you want in a girlfriend or wife for not being able to hold a conversation with a woman in a way that makes her attracted to you. Take up something competitive. Talk some **** once in awhile.

 

[Gamisch]

Bro sounds like his initial post was google translated.

Holy hell brother. Can't tell if you're a troll or not, but you might want to read these forums a bit. You're as nerdy, virgin, and bluepill as it gets. And you used the term CIS. What am I even reading right now?

Even if you are real, the chances of a woman sticking with you after you're lucky enough to snatch her are very slim. I know that you want a short and easy answer, but the truth is that if you want a successful love life with a decently attractive woman that has the traits you desire, you'll need to be able to pick apart your own personality and find out where you're going wrong.

You may have a lot of technical and engineering knowledge and experience, but when it comes to social intelligence, I'm under the impression you have about 0.

From one chinese brother to another - learn how to be charming, learn how to network, and get out of your head. Stop using the excuse of having specific details you want in a girlfriend or wife for not being able to hold a conversation with a woman in a way that makes her attracted to you. Take up something competitive. Talk some **** once in awhile.

I agree

Men like OP actually don't mind when they get taking to the cleaners. They'll THINK it's " real love". This will include a cranky wife who cheats on him and kids that might be from literally everyone and his brother..

I'll repeat, throw some fecking cash around. I know certified players that do it just to get some different taste now and then..

You either go balls to the wall all in and COMPLETELY change everything up( won't happen unfortunately) or you accept that this is it..

 

[sevbucmash]

@NiHaoMike you didn't follow up on this one by BHP https://www.sosuave.net/forum/threa...inding-a-lifetime-partner.284984/post-3174427

Changes have to be made. Both physical, lifting and stuff at the gym, and mental. Mental is a priority. Follow up, he and other guys will give you some material.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

Welcome. You think in an engineering way, and you are obviously highly intelligent and socially awkward. You are ready to get your personal life in order now that you are established in your career, but what you miss is that life is not algebra and cannot be reduced to a formula. If only it was that easy!

Why would any girl take your requirements of her seriously when you cannot be bothered to lead a healthy lifestyle?

What part of Austin are you in? You'd do well to find perhaps the Chinese American student or grad student groups out of UT. Take a grad school class on campus and matriculate with others. There are lots of nerdy girls there, but if you present like you don't care about yourself why would someone else care about you?

 

[CornbreadFed]

36, cis male, Chinese but grew up in US from early age, 5'5" 180 lbs. Currently in Austin, TX.

gonna take a blind guess you only go for white women?

 

[Manure Spherian]

36, cis male,

All young lurkers should take notice. As I’ve been repeating, if you don’t have this nailed down by 25, you’ll likely be up sh-t’s creek.

 

[NiHaoMike]

gonna take a blind guess you only go for white women?

No, open to all races as mentioned before.

 

[Doctor Europeo]

Almost had me until suggested making a Chatbot companion.

Im worried about op describing himself as cisgender. If he is not a troll, no wonder he´s still a virgin at 36. If I was a hot girl, my p00zy would dry instantly when I hear him speak in Woke-nese.

 

[Divorced w 3]

Im worried about op describing himself as cisgender. If he is not a troll, no wonder he´s still a virgin at 36. If I was a hot girl, my p00zy would dry instantly when I hear him speak in Woke-nese.

All I hear when I hear ‘cis’ is ‘sis’

 

[CornbreadFed]

No, open to all races as mentioned before.

with a high preference on white blondes

 

[BeExcellent]

Austin has become a pretty woke city. I'd suggest OP dial back the woke lingo too. He's a man looking for a relationship with a woman. The rest is nonsence.

 

[NiHaoMike]

with a high preference on white blondes

Just a slight preference for Asians and blacks, all else being equal.

 

[Bokanovsky]

About myself:
* 36, cis male, Chinese but grew up in US from early age, 5'5" 180 lbs. Currently in Austin, TX.
* I'm very scientifically and technologically oriented. Most of what I read and watch have to do with science and technology.
* I studied electrical engineering in college, but work in software engineering nowadays.
* Aside from the electronics hobby I mentioned earlier, I'm also into DIY projects in general. Also like to play video games but more on a casual level.
* Spent most of my 20s improving my technical knowledge, I became quite good with engineering. And then the pandemic came, extending that self learning time.
* Have a lot of interest in environmentalism, actually quite a few of my projects are related to that.
* I follow an "organic flexitarian" diet. Would be willing to convert to vegetarian/vegan if that's what my partner wants. I don't drink alcohol or sweetened sodas, my favorite drink (apart from cold water) is unsweetened soda such as La Croix.
* I don't really have a favorite sport to play, unless casual weightlifting is one. 50-60 lbs is about the limit of what I can easily lift and carry which suffices for most situations of working on machines. More than that and some form of lifting aid is highly recommended or even required by workplace rules. I also highly prefer taking the stairs instead of the elevator.
* I'm still a virgin, but have been in a relationship before. I was asked out by a girl in freshman physics class, that went on for 2 years and failed for a number of reasons, but the way she got drunk all the time was a big one. Still a virgin since she didn't believe in sex before marriage.

There is no nice way to say it but you are basically at the bottom of the totem poll in terms of eligibility in the modern dating markert. Pretty much everything you said about yourself falls in the minus column. You are a 36 y.o. virgin who is much shorter than average and quite overweight. There is nothing interesting about your hobbies or lifestyle. On the contrary, it sounds like you are a massive geek. To a typical girl, your electronics hobby is about as alluring as knitting would be to you. You refer to yourself as a "CIS male". You are Asian, which unfortunately is a disadvantage in the U.S, where Asian males are not seen as a "cool" minority (unlike, say, blacks).

The only thing that goes in the plus column is the fact that you seem to be doing okay financially. Decades ago, you would have married an average girl who was looking for a provider type. You probably would have met her with the assistance of your parents, church members or other people in the community. Unfortunately, things don't really work like that anymore.

At this point in your life, you basically have two options. Option A is to experience a midlife crisis and radically change who you are as a person. Obviously, you can't change your race or height, but other things can be improved on. This would require enormous effort and willpower but it can be done. Option B is to move to Thailand or the Philippines.