"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Are you a reacher or a settler?

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ken chang

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Saw an old episode of How I met Your Mother. Some of you have probably seen it.

They say that in every relationship, there's a reacher and a settler.(self-explanatory) Do you think there's any truth to this?

If so, I think in my current relationship, I'm the settler.(Which is why I'm here in this forum)

I've never felt what it was like to be the reacher in a relationship. Does it feel good? What's it like?

My current GF treats me GREAT! She makes me nice little personal gifts. She does whatever I tell her to do in bed. And she believes whatever I tell her. If I told her the moon was square, she would believe it. Being the settler feels great because your partner treats you like a god!

The downside is, your partner doesn't excite you. You don't look forward to seeing her.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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High Voltage

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Great question; wish I had more time to respond to it before I need to go to work.

Question is: what are you settling for?

If your girl treats you like a god to me that sounds like you reached for (and got) a great personality. If you're not excited to see her sounds like you settled for an average body. It's a trade-off. In my experience, hot girls with great personalities are rare.

I'd favor a cute girl that treats me like a god over a hot b1tch any day.
 
K

ken chang

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High Voltage said:
Great question; wish I had more time to respond to it before I need to go to work.

Question is: what are you settling for?

If your girl treats you like a god to me that sounds like you reached for (and got) a great personality. If you're not excited to see her sounds like you settled for an average body. It's a trade-off. In my experience, hot girls with great personalities are rare.

I'd favor a cute girl that treats me like a god over a hot b1tch any day.
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Thanks. I actually go to this forum during work. Hehe...

Yeah, she's kinda' average in the looks department but has the sweetest personality.

And yeah, in my experience also, the hotter the girl, the b!tchier.

I really appreciate what I have, I'm just so curious about what I don't have.
 
H

High Voltage

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ken chang said:
I really appreciate what I have, I'm just so curious about what I don't have.
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I have this problem all the time. No matter how good I have it, I wonder about what I don't have. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, right? Because I know this is a problem for me, I downplay (but don't ignore) thoughts coming from that direction.

Zarky said:
what if you date between 2-4 women who don't really excite you?
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If nothing about them excites you, then why are you dating them?
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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ken chang

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High Voltage said:
I have this problem all the time. No matter how good I have it, I wonder about what I don't have. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, right? Because I know this is a problem for me, I downplay (but don't ignore) thoughts coming from that direction.
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I think it's part of human nature. Or man's nature. There will always be a better woman, right?

I know I really wanted her before I got her, but when I did, she just wasn't that exciting for me anymore.

"The wanting is better than the having" I think Spock said that.

Yes, I know about Spock. I am that old and that nerdy.
 
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bigjohnson

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ken chang said:
I think it's part of human nature. Or man's nature. There will always be a better woman, right?
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Well, I think we stop seeing or more accurately, stop appreciating the strong points of the one we're with and the flaws are all we see. Then someone new comes along and all we see in the beginning is that they are great in the areas where our long time squeeze has flaws. We only compare their strong points to her weak ones. Given enough time, the new persons flaws will become manifest, but not at first.

my $0.02
 
K

ken chang

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bigjohnson said:
Well, I think we stop seeing or more accurately, stop appreciating the strong points of the one we're with and the flaws are all we see. Then someone new comes along and all we see in the beginning is that they are great in the areas where our long time squeeze has flaws. We only compare their strong points to her weak ones. Given enough time, the new persons flaws will become manifest, but not at first.

my $0.02
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This too is part of man's nature. I wonder if it's the same for the women?
 
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