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Are you a reacher or a settler?

K

ken chang

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Saw an old episode of How I met Your Mother. Some of you have probably seen it.

They say that in every relationship, there's a reacher and a settler.(self-explanatory) Do you think there's any truth to this?

If so, I think in my current relationship, I'm the settler.(Which is why I'm here in this forum)

I've never felt what it was like to be the reacher in a relationship. Does it feel good? What's it like?

My current GF treats me GREAT! She makes me nice little personal gifts. She does whatever I tell her to do in bed. And she believes whatever I tell her. If I told her the moon was square, she would believe it. Being the settler feels great because your partner treats you like a god!

The downside is, your partner doesn't excite you. You don't look forward to seeing her.
 

What happens, IN HER MIND, is that she comes to see you as WORTHLESS simply because she hasn't had to INVEST anything in you in order to get you or to keep you.

You were an interesting diversion while she had nothing else to do. But now that someone a little more valuable has come along, someone who expects her to treat him very well, she'll have no problem at all dropping you or demoting you to lowly "friendship" status.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

H

High Voltage

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Great question; wish I had more time to respond to it before I need to go to work.

Question is: what are you settling for?

If your girl treats you like a god to me that sounds like you reached for (and got) a great personality. If you're not excited to see her sounds like you settled for an average body. It's a trade-off. In my experience, hot girls with great personalities are rare.

I'd favor a cute girl that treats me like a god over a hot b1tch any day.
 
K

ken chang

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High Voltage said:
Great question; wish I had more time to respond to it before I need to go to work.

Question is: what are you settling for?

If your girl treats you like a god to me that sounds like you reached for (and got) a great personality. If you're not excited to see her sounds like you settled for an average body. It's a trade-off. In my experience, hot girls with great personalities are rare.

I'd favor a cute girl that treats me like a god over a hot b1tch any day.
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Thanks. I actually go to this forum during work. Hehe...

Yeah, she's kinda' average in the looks department but has the sweetest personality.

And yeah, in my experience also, the hotter the girl, the b!tchier.

I really appreciate what I have, I'm just so curious about what I don't have.
 
H

High Voltage

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ken chang said:
I really appreciate what I have, I'm just so curious about what I don't have.
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I have this problem all the time. No matter how good I have it, I wonder about what I don't have. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, right? Because I know this is a problem for me, I downplay (but don't ignore) thoughts coming from that direction.

Zarky said:
what if you date between 2-4 women who don't really excite you?
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If nothing about them excites you, then why are you dating them?
 
K

ken chang

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High Voltage said:
I have this problem all the time. No matter how good I have it, I wonder about what I don't have. The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence, right? Because I know this is a problem for me, I downplay (but don't ignore) thoughts coming from that direction.
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I think it's part of human nature. Or man's nature. There will always be a better woman, right?

I know I really wanted her before I got her, but when I did, she just wasn't that exciting for me anymore.

"The wanting is better than the having" I think Spock said that.

Yes, I know about Spock. I am that old and that nerdy.
 
B

bigjohnson

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ken chang said:
I think it's part of human nature. Or man's nature. There will always be a better woman, right?
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Well, I think we stop seeing or more accurately, stop appreciating the strong points of the one we're with and the flaws are all we see. Then someone new comes along and all we see in the beginning is that they are great in the areas where our long time squeeze has flaws. We only compare their strong points to her weak ones. Given enough time, the new persons flaws will become manifest, but not at first.

my $0.02
 
K

ken chang

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bigjohnson said:
Well, I think we stop seeing or more accurately, stop appreciating the strong points of the one we're with and the flaws are all we see. Then someone new comes along and all we see in the beginning is that they are great in the areas where our long time squeeze has flaws. We only compare their strong points to her weak ones. Given enough time, the new persons flaws will become manifest, but not at first.

my $0.02
Click to expand...
This too is part of man's nature. I wonder if it's the same for the women?
 
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