"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
Are you a leader?
- Thread starter The Gamer
- Start date
"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"
Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.
You've been "getting ready" for two years.
She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.
Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.
mikeraw
Don Juan
The way I consider myself a leader is by having options to choose from and by having enough confidence in myself that people emulate me.
For instance... If a group of my friends want to go to a club and I dont want to go, I tell them that I dont like that particular club and am instead going out with others... I'm social enough that they recognize that they will meet girls with meand/or have a good time, so they either change their plans to do what I suggest or I give them the impression that I had such an awesome time with the other group of friends that they learn their lesson and the following time they do what I suggest.
Also, whenever I walk into whatever place, I am so confident that I'm the best at certain things so I guess people follow my lead in the drinks that I order, conversations to engage in, even body language. Dressing nice and staying in shape help out a lot in that.
Unfortunately, no, I do not consider myself a leader.
Various reasons I guess which include (in no particular order):
- never have been comfortable being the center of attention
- slight social anxiety
- lean towards the introverted side of the fence
- am pretty indecisive about many things, leaders need to take a stand (this is a big one)
- not comfortable with confrontation
- have a hard time expressing emotion
- have always preferred working out situations/issues/problems on my own instead of by committee or a support group
- a few other things...
I would say the major reason though is not being comfortable leading unless I am 100% confident and knowledgeable in the topic on which I am attempting to lead.
For example, If I were on a road trip with a bunch of people I wouldn't want to take charge because I have a terrible sense of direction.
I notice a lot of so called leaders just pretend to know, even when they are not 100% sure of something, and sound confident in what they are saying, so people look at them as leaders.
I have a very hard time doing that.
- Step forward when others are hesitating.
- Make a decision when others are indecisive.
- Take charge when others are panicking.
- Boldly go where noone dared.
- Be protective of your crew and instill confidence in them.
- And even when you lead it wrong, you lead it strong!
I started early. At primary school, I used to play army and I was the general leading my class mates into battle against kids from other classes.
I think introversion/extroversion is too simplified when it comes to defining a leader. A leader has a commanding presence in group situations and is a people's person, but also can be a fearless lone wolf if he finds himself in such circumstances.st_99 said:
I don't think that necessarily means it's not a leadership quality. A leader should be able to work out solutions on his own. It's precisely situations where other people fail that they need a leader to direct them out of troubles.st_99 said:
They get some, they lose some. Leaders get women, for sure, but getting a particular woman? Maybe not. Many famous leaders in history failed to get their women, or "got" women that we don't think much of. However, I have no doubt that women were far from the top of their priorities.The Gamer said:
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.