I hear this concept all the time in the dating world, "the best way to get over the fear of approaching is just to approach". I am wondering how approaching, whether you get blown out or not, is supposed to help one get over the fear of approaching. Is it desensitazion of sorts? Or what's the theory behind it?
"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"
She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.
Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.
The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.
Approaching to get over the Approach??
- Thread starter Drewskie
- Start date
"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"
When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.
Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.
Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.
The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.
Yes, it's desensitisation. It pushes you out of your comfort zone. It also gives you practice. Just like anything, the more you do something, the better you get. Just make sure you learn from your mistakes.
CrazyandLazy
Don Juan
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- Aug 5, 2009
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Desensitizing is not healthy.
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Just don't go out ho chasing that just brings alot of rejection and negitivity
into your life. Sure you'll get props on here for having iron balls but in the end it's not really worth it. Go where the fish are bitting and do your approches.
I hope you understand what Im saying.
into your life. Sure you'll get props on here for having iron balls but in the end it's not really worth it. Go where the fish are bitting and do your approches.
I hope you understand what Im saying.
arutha
Senior Don Juan
I don't see it as desensitizing actually... The masters around here (in fact I just read a Pook post that said exactly this) can tell you from experience that rejection feels a LOT better than regret. You approach, get rejected, and you will realise this first hand. You will instantly enjoy the experience (unless she really burned you... but very few girls do) and you will now WANT to keep doing it. Once you make the first few approaches it gets fun instead of scary and really snowballs.Drewskie said:I hear this concept all the time in the dating world, "the best way to get over the fear of approaching is just to approach". I am wondering how approaching, whether you get blown out or not, is supposed to help one get over the fear of approaching. Is it desensitazion of sorts? Or what's the theory behind it?
I understand the desensitization thing but it seems like you have to keep at it otherwise you lose it. For example when I haven't done it for a while, it takes a little bit to be good at it again, like I have to start all over. Some people never have this problem because it's just who they are. Some people have to work at it.
I can't say looking back where I regret hitting on a girl. I regret not hitting on them.
I can't say looking back where I regret hitting on a girl. I regret not hitting on them.
ALPHAROMEO
Banned
have you heard of CBT?
In the left column you list all the reasons why you can t approach
for instance " i am ugly i can t attract the women " OR " i am a phoney ( society disapproves of guys approaching women on the street "
in the right comum you argue with yoursel
" i am ugly " " not everybody ll find me ugly !! women rate looks number 4 IN A LATEST SURVEY " "i ve seen real eyesores going out top models " ( your arguments must be based on truth on rationality
next
i am a phoney" right column " talking to women is a process a laguage of its own !! Small talk is a necessary element ( sorry guys but being yorself doesn t work )! everydody when courting a chick is on their best behavior ( evrybody )( it s a fact ) marketeer when trying his products is not his real self ;he s a marketeer etc
see how it works ?
YOU DO THIS EXERCISE EVERYDAY FOR 4 WEEKS AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS
based on aaron beck s cognitive psychology
In the left column you list all the reasons why you can t approach
for instance " i am ugly i can t attract the women " OR " i am a phoney ( society disapproves of guys approaching women on the street "
in the right comum you argue with yoursel
" i am ugly " " not everybody ll find me ugly !! women rate looks number 4 IN A LATEST SURVEY " "i ve seen real eyesores going out top models " ( your arguments must be based on truth on rationality
next
i am a phoney" right column " talking to women is a process a laguage of its own !! Small talk is a necessary element ( sorry guys but being yorself doesn t work )! everydody when courting a chick is on their best behavior ( evrybody )( it s a fact ) marketeer when trying his products is not his real self ;he s a marketeer etc
see how it works ?
YOU DO THIS EXERCISE EVERYDAY FOR 4 WEEKS AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS
based on aaron beck s cognitive psychology
"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"
You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.
Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.
Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.
Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.
ALPHAROMEO
Banned
the kamikaze technique
i am out on the street
the moment i see a chick , i approach her like a bat would attack its prey i don t hesitate *****foot i just dive in
in the course of 10 MINUTES i approach posibly 10 CHICKS then my job s done
now i feel good psychologically and i feel more confident about walking up to other women
To paraphrase a famous ZEN author I SHOoT THE FIRST WOMAN I SEE ( if you see the buddha shoot himby PHIL KAPLEAU )
if the chicks turns out to be a ugler i just bail out after 30 SECONDS BUT IN A COURTEOUS WAY
my opener
i got a townmap in my hands and ask for directions ( no sexual intent whatsoever hence no AA )
i am out on the street
the moment i see a chick , i approach her like a bat would attack its prey i don t hesitate *****foot i just dive in
in the course of 10 MINUTES i approach posibly 10 CHICKS then my job s done
now i feel good psychologically and i feel more confident about walking up to other women
To paraphrase a famous ZEN author I SHOoT THE FIRST WOMAN I SEE ( if you see the buddha shoot himby PHIL KAPLEAU )
if the chicks turns out to be a ugler i just bail out after 30 SECONDS BUT IN A COURTEOUS WAY
my opener
i got a townmap in my hands and ask for directions ( no sexual intent whatsoever hence no AA )