I hear this concept all the time in the dating world, "the best way to get over the fear of approaching is just to approach". I am wondering how approaching, whether you get blown out or not, is supposed to help one get over the fear of approaching. Is it desensitazion of sorts? Or what's the theory behind it?
"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."
Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.
Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?
You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.
Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.
Approaching to get over the Approach??
- Thread starter Drewskie
- Start date
"I just moved here from Florida."
That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?
She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."
She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.
I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.
Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.
Yes, it's desensitisation. It pushes you out of your comfort zone. It also gives you practice. Just like anything, the more you do something, the better you get. Just make sure you learn from your mistakes.
CrazyandLazy
Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2009
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Desensitizing is not healthy.
"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"
You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.
She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.
Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.
Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.
Just don't go out ho chasing that just brings alot of rejection and negitivity
into your life. Sure you'll get props on here for having iron balls but in the end it's not really worth it. Go where the fish are bitting and do your approches.
I hope you understand what Im saying.
into your life. Sure you'll get props on here for having iron balls but in the end it's not really worth it. Go where the fish are bitting and do your approches.
I hope you understand what Im saying.
arutha
Senior Don Juan
I don't see it as desensitizing actually... The masters around here (in fact I just read a Pook post that said exactly this) can tell you from experience that rejection feels a LOT better than regret. You approach, get rejected, and you will realise this first hand. You will instantly enjoy the experience (unless she really burned you... but very few girls do) and you will now WANT to keep doing it. Once you make the first few approaches it gets fun instead of scary and really snowballs.Drewskie said:I hear this concept all the time in the dating world, "the best way to get over the fear of approaching is just to approach". I am wondering how approaching, whether you get blown out or not, is supposed to help one get over the fear of approaching. Is it desensitazion of sorts? Or what's the theory behind it?
I understand the desensitization thing but it seems like you have to keep at it otherwise you lose it. For example when I haven't done it for a while, it takes a little bit to be good at it again, like I have to start all over. Some people never have this problem because it's just who they are. Some people have to work at it.
I can't say looking back where I regret hitting on a girl. I regret not hitting on them.
I can't say looking back where I regret hitting on a girl. I regret not hitting on them.
ALPHAROMEO
Banned
have you heard of CBT?
In the left column you list all the reasons why you can t approach
for instance " i am ugly i can t attract the women " OR " i am a phoney ( society disapproves of guys approaching women on the street "
in the right comum you argue with yoursel
" i am ugly " " not everybody ll find me ugly !! women rate looks number 4 IN A LATEST SURVEY " "i ve seen real eyesores going out top models " ( your arguments must be based on truth on rationality
next
i am a phoney" right column " talking to women is a process a laguage of its own !! Small talk is a necessary element ( sorry guys but being yorself doesn t work )! everydody when courting a chick is on their best behavior ( evrybody )( it s a fact ) marketeer when trying his products is not his real self ;he s a marketeer etc
see how it works ?
YOU DO THIS EXERCISE EVERYDAY FOR 4 WEEKS AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS
based on aaron beck s cognitive psychology
In the left column you list all the reasons why you can t approach
for instance " i am ugly i can t attract the women " OR " i am a phoney ( society disapproves of guys approaching women on the street "
in the right comum you argue with yoursel
" i am ugly " " not everybody ll find me ugly !! women rate looks number 4 IN A LATEST SURVEY " "i ve seen real eyesores going out top models " ( your arguments must be based on truth on rationality
next
i am a phoney" right column " talking to women is a process a laguage of its own !! Small talk is a necessary element ( sorry guys but being yorself doesn t work )! everydody when courting a chick is on their best behavior ( evrybody )( it s a fact ) marketeer when trying his products is not his real self ;he s a marketeer etc
see how it works ?
YOU DO THIS EXERCISE EVERYDAY FOR 4 WEEKS AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS
based on aaron beck s cognitive psychology
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
ALPHAROMEO
Banned
the kamikaze technique
i am out on the street
the moment i see a chick , i approach her like a bat would attack its prey i don t hesitate *****foot i just dive in
in the course of 10 MINUTES i approach posibly 10 CHICKS then my job s done
now i feel good psychologically and i feel more confident about walking up to other women
To paraphrase a famous ZEN author I SHOoT THE FIRST WOMAN I SEE ( if you see the buddha shoot himby PHIL KAPLEAU )
if the chicks turns out to be a ugler i just bail out after 30 SECONDS BUT IN A COURTEOUS WAY
my opener
i got a townmap in my hands and ask for directions ( no sexual intent whatsoever hence no AA )
i am out on the street
the moment i see a chick , i approach her like a bat would attack its prey i don t hesitate *****foot i just dive in
in the course of 10 MINUTES i approach posibly 10 CHICKS then my job s done
now i feel good psychologically and i feel more confident about walking up to other women
To paraphrase a famous ZEN author I SHOoT THE FIRST WOMAN I SEE ( if you see the buddha shoot himby PHIL KAPLEAU )
if the chicks turns out to be a ugler i just bail out after 30 SECONDS BUT IN A COURTEOUS WAY
my opener
i got a townmap in my hands and ask for directions ( no sexual intent whatsoever hence no AA )