I hear this concept all the time in the dating world, "the best way to get over the fear of approaching is just to approach". I am wondering how approaching, whether you get blown out or not, is supposed to help one get over the fear of approaching. Is it desensitazion of sorts? Or what's the theory behind it?
"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"
You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.
For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.
Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.
The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.
Approaching to get over the Approach??
- Thread starter Drewskie
- Start date
"She Liked You in March. It's October Now."
Attraction runs on a clock.
She flirted for weeks. Touched your arm. Found reasons to be alone with you. And you were careful. Respectful. Waiting for the right moment.
The moment had a shelf life. It expired around month two, and by the time you asked her out, she'd quietly filed you under "little brother."
One of the hardest lessons inside the 22 Rules: women rarely wait. Interest either grows or it decays, and nothing decays it faster than a man who never moves.
Make the move while she's still inventing reasons to be near you.
Yes, it's desensitisation. It pushes you out of your comfort zone. It also gives you practice. Just like anything, the more you do something, the better you get. Just make sure you learn from your mistakes.
CrazyandLazy
Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 5, 2009
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Desensitizing is not healthy.
"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"
She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.
You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.
She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.
The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.
Just don't go out ho chasing that just brings alot of rejection and negitivity
into your life. Sure you'll get props on here for having iron balls but in the end it's not really worth it. Go where the fish are bitting and do your approches.
I hope you understand what Im saying.
into your life. Sure you'll get props on here for having iron balls but in the end it's not really worth it. Go where the fish are bitting and do your approches.
I hope you understand what Im saying.
arutha
Senior Don Juan
I don't see it as desensitizing actually... The masters around here (in fact I just read a Pook post that said exactly this) can tell you from experience that rejection feels a LOT better than regret. You approach, get rejected, and you will realise this first hand. You will instantly enjoy the experience (unless she really burned you... but very few girls do) and you will now WANT to keep doing it. Once you make the first few approaches it gets fun instead of scary and really snowballs.Drewskie said:I hear this concept all the time in the dating world, "the best way to get over the fear of approaching is just to approach". I am wondering how approaching, whether you get blown out or not, is supposed to help one get over the fear of approaching. Is it desensitazion of sorts? Or what's the theory behind it?
I understand the desensitization thing but it seems like you have to keep at it otherwise you lose it. For example when I haven't done it for a while, it takes a little bit to be good at it again, like I have to start all over. Some people never have this problem because it's just who they are. Some people have to work at it.
I can't say looking back where I regret hitting on a girl. I regret not hitting on them.
I can't say looking back where I regret hitting on a girl. I regret not hitting on them.
ALPHAROMEO
Banned
have you heard of CBT?
In the left column you list all the reasons why you can t approach
for instance " i am ugly i can t attract the women " OR " i am a phoney ( society disapproves of guys approaching women on the street "
in the right comum you argue with yoursel
" i am ugly " " not everybody ll find me ugly !! women rate looks number 4 IN A LATEST SURVEY " "i ve seen real eyesores going out top models " ( your arguments must be based on truth on rationality
next
i am a phoney" right column " talking to women is a process a laguage of its own !! Small talk is a necessary element ( sorry guys but being yorself doesn t work )! everydody when courting a chick is on their best behavior ( evrybody )( it s a fact ) marketeer when trying his products is not his real self ;he s a marketeer etc
see how it works ?
YOU DO THIS EXERCISE EVERYDAY FOR 4 WEEKS AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS
based on aaron beck s cognitive psychology
In the left column you list all the reasons why you can t approach
for instance " i am ugly i can t attract the women " OR " i am a phoney ( society disapproves of guys approaching women on the street "
in the right comum you argue with yoursel
" i am ugly " " not everybody ll find me ugly !! women rate looks number 4 IN A LATEST SURVEY " "i ve seen real eyesores going out top models " ( your arguments must be based on truth on rationality
next
i am a phoney" right column " talking to women is a process a laguage of its own !! Small talk is a necessary element ( sorry guys but being yorself doesn t work )! everydody when courting a chick is on their best behavior ( evrybody )( it s a fact ) marketeer when trying his products is not his real self ;he s a marketeer etc
see how it works ?
YOU DO THIS EXERCISE EVERYDAY FOR 4 WEEKS AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS
based on aaron beck s cognitive psychology
"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"
Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."
You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.
She's been waiting forty minutes.
Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.
ALPHAROMEO
Banned
the kamikaze technique
i am out on the street
the moment i see a chick , i approach her like a bat would attack its prey i don t hesitate *****foot i just dive in
in the course of 10 MINUTES i approach posibly 10 CHICKS then my job s done
now i feel good psychologically and i feel more confident about walking up to other women
To paraphrase a famous ZEN author I SHOoT THE FIRST WOMAN I SEE ( if you see the buddha shoot himby PHIL KAPLEAU )
if the chicks turns out to be a ugler i just bail out after 30 SECONDS BUT IN A COURTEOUS WAY
my opener
i got a townmap in my hands and ask for directions ( no sexual intent whatsoever hence no AA )
i am out on the street
the moment i see a chick , i approach her like a bat would attack its prey i don t hesitate *****foot i just dive in
in the course of 10 MINUTES i approach posibly 10 CHICKS then my job s done
now i feel good psychologically and i feel more confident about walking up to other women
To paraphrase a famous ZEN author I SHOoT THE FIRST WOMAN I SEE ( if you see the buddha shoot himby PHIL KAPLEAU )
if the chicks turns out to be a ugler i just bail out after 30 SECONDS BUT IN A COURTEOUS WAY
my opener
i got a townmap in my hands and ask for directions ( no sexual intent whatsoever hence no AA )