"You'll Never Feel READY to Walk Over"

Next Monday you'll feel more confident. After the gym you'll feel more confident. After one more drink you'll feel more confident. After you get a better haircut, a better jacket, a better job.

You've been "getting ready" for two years.

She's standing ten feet away right now. She'll be gone in four minutes. No amount of preparation will manufacture the courage that only comes from moving your feet.

Walk over. Stumble through the first sentence. Let it be clumsy. Let it be imperfect. You will feel more alive in those ten seconds than you have all month.

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Approaching girl with guy

Heretolearn

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I was out on the weekend at a nightclub. An interesting girl caught my attention because she was staring at me at first. I looked back a little then kept speaking to my friends.

Later on, I kept doing the same thing. I would look up and she would be on the dance floor staring at me*.

I have an injured ankle so could not dance which is what I would normally do. She was with a guy but they did not look like a couple. No touching whatsoever that I noticed but the only times I really saw her was when she was staring at me. *about 4 or 5 times.

My friends (2 guys and 2 girls) went out on the Dance floor and I could not resist even though I could not move much. I went out for some fun. Next minute the girl and the guy (TG) are dancing next to us. * I did not see them beforehand dancing.

A michael Jackson song came on so my friend grabbed TG's leather jacket and gave it to one of the girls dancing with us. The girl in our company did some funky moves, passed the jacket to the other girl in the group who played around then it went back to the guy

*) The girl who I was looking at, tapped TG on the shoulder and seemed to be encouraging him to speak to one of my female friends. Not in a way that suggested to get the jacket back, more 'go on, speak to her'

The song finished so I then thanked the TG for kindly lending his jacket to my friend (my back was to the girl) and then left.


Questions
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1) Was the girl and TG a couple or a date? Would it matter? I did not want to intrude by speaking to her. What is the protocol, way of behaving, in this situation. Generally. I know some girls have their male friends who they like to go out with. Does this matter?

1)I rarely go out to clubs and have never approached a girl there. They usually approach me yet I am trying to redefine my ways* :)

* when you get approached only, you lose the opportunity to meet nice girls who would not approach a guy

Normally, it just sort of happens for me in that I say something to someone and a small conversation follows, I ask for her number or email and follow up later but I have not done this in a club.
Does one approach a girl in a club and say hi. I find it hard enough to talk as it is :) What about asking for a number in a club.

I appreciate these questions are very basic but the club is such an unknown environment to me.
2) She is with a guy so do you interrupt and introduce yourself? What is the protocol, range of acceptable behaviour in this situation.


3) Social question * What was this (*) behaviour above about? Any ideas or theories? I have a friend who takes her ex-bf out and tries to get him to meet women as she is guilty she dumped him and he is lonely and unhappy.

Was that happening in (*) Why else?

*interesting to me

4) Any other comments on this story. Please share!
 

"I just moved here from Florida."

That sentence contains at least five follow-up questions she WANTS you to ask. Where in Florida? What brought you here? How long have you been in the area? What do you miss? How does it compare to here?

She handed them to you on a silver platter. And you said, "Oh cool. I come here every week. I love this band. Ummm... pretty crowded tonight."

She smiled politely. Nodded. And never texted you back.

I was that guy for years. Talking too much. Listening too little. Panicking about my next sentence while she was literally feeding me the answers.

Then I found 22 rules that fixed the whole thing. Rule number one: shut up and listen. She'll tell you exactly what to say.

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DJDamage

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In a situation like this you could have at least asked. Since you didn't ask you are left with no answers only questions.

The best method is to socialize with everyone in the group.

Don't treat anyone better or isolate someone. Make everyone feel welcome and good about themselves. Then once they get to know you better, ask the personal questions like:

"How do you guys know each another". If you don't get a clear answer follow it up with:

"Are you two seeing each other"?

and there you have it.
 

Le Parisien

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DJDamage said:
The best method is to socialize with everyone in the group.

Don't treat anyone better or isolate someone. Make everyone feel welcome and good about themselves. Then once they get to know you better, ask the personal questions like:

"How do you guys know each another".
Exactly! This is exactly how I naturally proceed at house parties or some get-togethers or at any social setting. The last time I did this was during the coffee break at a "collective" job interview for Accenture...:whistle:
Too bad the HB8 was already dating some one for some time. But the guy she "was with" at the job interview was simply some dude from her class.

So I'd say yeah, more often than you think, the girl and the guy might not be a couple.

But beware, I said "more often than you think", I didn't say "more often than not" or "most likely". And just like other people have pointed out. It's NOT because she's not with the guy that she isn't seeing anyone else.


DJDamage said:
If you don't get a clear answer follow it up with:

"Are you two seeing each other"?

and there you have it.
I would suggest against it. There's always a subtle way to know. Just ask other innocent questions that might give you an answer.
If it seems that she always answers the question in a way that won't clearly tell where she stands, then I'd say something's fishy, just forget about her.
 

"Stop Asking Your Friends What to Text Her"

Your buddy Dave has been single for three years and thinks "hey u up" is a valid strategy. Your other buddy Mike just got dumped and told you to "just be yourself."

You showed them her text. You asked them to decode the emoji. You drafted four responses and sent the screenshot to the group chat for a vote.

She's been waiting forty minutes.

Put the phone down. Stop crowdsourcing your love life. Type something that sounds like you. Hit send. Then go do literally anything else with your evening.

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Latinoman

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In this case you could have kept it "collective" (a group thing). A group thing...until you get more vibes and information. After that...you make your move based on the information gathered. (Note: Avoid the kissing, etc., because even if they are not in a relationship...she should show respect for her male companion, for all we know...he might be in "love")

* when you get approached only, you lose the opportunity to meet nice girls who would not approach a guy
Chances of you meeting a "nice" girl in a nightclub are VERY slim. Do not confuse "shyness" or being "quite" with "nice".
 

DoubleA

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I've been in clubs where alot of girls will go with their gay guy friends. Becareful they might be setting you up.

I'd leave her alone and go for more available targets, but if she alone I'd still crack on her.
 

Heretolearn

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Latinoman said:
In this case you could have kept it "collective" (a group thing). A group thing...until you get more vibes and information. After that...you make your move based on the information gathered. (Note: Avoid the kissing, etc., because even if they are not in a relationship...she should show respect for her male companion, for all we know...he might be in "love")



Chances of you meeting a "nice" girl in a nightclub are VERY slim. Do not confuse "shyness" or being "quite" with "nice".

well said!
 
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