"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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Approaching girl with guy

Heretolearn

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I was out on the weekend at a nightclub. An interesting girl caught my attention because she was staring at me at first. I looked back a little then kept speaking to my friends.

Later on, I kept doing the same thing. I would look up and she would be on the dance floor staring at me*.

I have an injured ankle so could not dance which is what I would normally do. She was with a guy but they did not look like a couple. No touching whatsoever that I noticed but the only times I really saw her was when she was staring at me. *about 4 or 5 times.

My friends (2 guys and 2 girls) went out on the Dance floor and I could not resist even though I could not move much. I went out for some fun. Next minute the girl and the guy (TG) are dancing next to us. * I did not see them beforehand dancing.

A michael Jackson song came on so my friend grabbed TG's leather jacket and gave it to one of the girls dancing with us. The girl in our company did some funky moves, passed the jacket to the other girl in the group who played around then it went back to the guy

*) The girl who I was looking at, tapped TG on the shoulder and seemed to be encouraging him to speak to one of my female friends. Not in a way that suggested to get the jacket back, more 'go on, speak to her'

The song finished so I then thanked the TG for kindly lending his jacket to my friend (my back was to the girl) and then left.


Questions
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1) Was the girl and TG a couple or a date? Would it matter? I did not want to intrude by speaking to her. What is the protocol, way of behaving, in this situation. Generally. I know some girls have their male friends who they like to go out with. Does this matter?

1)I rarely go out to clubs and have never approached a girl there. They usually approach me yet I am trying to redefine my ways* :)

* when you get approached only, you lose the opportunity to meet nice girls who would not approach a guy

Normally, it just sort of happens for me in that I say something to someone and a small conversation follows, I ask for her number or email and follow up later but I have not done this in a club.
Does one approach a girl in a club and say hi. I find it hard enough to talk as it is :) What about asking for a number in a club.

I appreciate these questions are very basic but the club is such an unknown environment to me.
2) She is with a guy so do you interrupt and introduce yourself? What is the protocol, range of acceptable behaviour in this situation.


3) Social question * What was this (*) behaviour above about? Any ideas or theories? I have a friend who takes her ex-bf out and tries to get him to meet women as she is guilty she dumped him and he is lonely and unhappy.

Was that happening in (*) Why else?

*interesting to me

4) Any other comments on this story. Please share!
 

"She Made Her Decision Before You Finished Your Sentence"

Three seconds. That's how long it took. Your shoes. Your posture. The way you held your drink. Whether you looked at the floor or looked at her.

She already filed you away. Interesting. Boring. Safe. Bold. Before you even opened your mouth.

Everything you say after that is just her confirming what she already decided.

So stop rehearsing lines. Fix the first three seconds. Stand tall. Look up. Smile like you mean it. Walk like you belong wherever you're standing.

The words come later. The impression comes first.

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DJDamage

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In a situation like this you could have at least asked. Since you didn't ask you are left with no answers only questions.

The best method is to socialize with everyone in the group.

Don't treat anyone better or isolate someone. Make everyone feel welcome and good about themselves. Then once they get to know you better, ask the personal questions like:

"How do you guys know each another". If you don't get a clear answer follow it up with:

"Are you two seeing each other"?

and there you have it.
 

Le Parisien

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DJDamage said:
The best method is to socialize with everyone in the group.

Don't treat anyone better or isolate someone. Make everyone feel welcome and good about themselves. Then once they get to know you better, ask the personal questions like:

"How do you guys know each another".
Exactly! This is exactly how I naturally proceed at house parties or some get-togethers or at any social setting. The last time I did this was during the coffee break at a "collective" job interview for Accenture...:whistle:
Too bad the HB8 was already dating some one for some time. But the guy she "was with" at the job interview was simply some dude from her class.

So I'd say yeah, more often than you think, the girl and the guy might not be a couple.

But beware, I said "more often than you think", I didn't say "more often than not" or "most likely". And just like other people have pointed out. It's NOT because she's not with the guy that she isn't seeing anyone else.


DJDamage said:
If you don't get a clear answer follow it up with:

"Are you two seeing each other"?

and there you have it.
I would suggest against it. There's always a subtle way to know. Just ask other innocent questions that might give you an answer.
If it seems that she always answers the question in a way that won't clearly tell where she stands, then I'd say something's fishy, just forget about her.
 

"I'm Not Looking for Anything Serious Right Now"

When a woman says it, guys hear a confession. A heads-up. A scheduling conflict.

Here's the translation: I don't feel anything. Right now. With you.

Watch what happens when a man triggers actual attraction. The busy career, the recent breakup, the "not in a place to date" — all of it evaporates instantly. The same woman who was guarding her freedom is suddenly free every night.

The "22 Rules" explain why. When the right switches flip, her timeline rearranges itself around you.

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Latinoman

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In this case you could have kept it "collective" (a group thing). A group thing...until you get more vibes and information. After that...you make your move based on the information gathered. (Note: Avoid the kissing, etc., because even if they are not in a relationship...she should show respect for her male companion, for all we know...he might be in "love")

* when you get approached only, you lose the opportunity to meet nice girls who would not approach a guy
Chances of you meeting a "nice" girl in a nightclub are VERY slim. Do not confuse "shyness" or being "quite" with "nice".
 

DoubleA

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I've been in clubs where alot of girls will go with their gay guy friends. Becareful they might be setting you up.

I'd leave her alone and go for more available targets, but if she alone I'd still crack on her.
 

Heretolearn

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Latinoman said:
In this case you could have kept it "collective" (a group thing). A group thing...until you get more vibes and information. After that...you make your move based on the information gathered. (Note: Avoid the kissing, etc., because even if they are not in a relationship...she should show respect for her male companion, for all we know...he might be in "love")



Chances of you meeting a "nice" girl in a nightclub are VERY slim. Do not confuse "shyness" or being "quite" with "nice".

well said!
 
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