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Approach to suspicion about plate screwing behind my back

WelcomeToEarth

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I’ve been seeing this girl for a couple of months; we go on at least a couple of dates a week and she normally sleeps over at my place (depends on her finding a babysitter). I rarely text her during the week and so far, she’s been doing 90% of the chasing. She's the one who often initiates contacts, brings up plans to see me, talks about doing couple’s things like spas, a cabin in the woods, spending her birthday together, etc.

While we have never brought up the “exclusivity” subject, we have taken the “out of sight, out of mind” approach. We’ve never mentioned seeing anyone else but each other. Basically, as far as we are concerned, neither of us is dating other people. Well, last night a couple of red flags went up that left me a bit confused.

She invited me over to chill for a bit and have a few drinks in the evening. I got to her place around 9:00 PM and she seemed normal - happy to see me, playful, affectionate, "can’t-get-her-hands-off-of-me" type of behavior as usual. Now, this chick has a really high sexy drive and she’s always ready to jump at the chance of screwing each other’s brains out no matter where we are or what time of day. That behavior was also sort of there last night except that unlike every single time we have sex, she rushed through it - pretty much a 5-minute quickie (we go for hours) and insisted on finishing me off with a BJ immediately (how could I say no. LOL.) However, after giving it some thought, it felt almost as if she was saving having full-on sex for later and specifically wanted to make sure I didn’t finish inside of her, which 9 out of 10 times is what we do (she’s on the pill). As a matter of fact, I asked why she didn’t want to take it all the way to her having an orgasm and she literally said - “I’m saving it for when I see you again”. I know I should’ve probably responded with something along the lines of “Why wait? I’m already here!” but I didn’t since I felt that it would come off as needy.

Around midnight, she says - I think it’s time to go to bed. Also strange since I have spent the night at her place last weekend but for some reason she didn't suggest it this time. Granted we both had to work the next day but regardless, she didn’t bring up the topic at all. She does live with her 5-year old daughter and elderly mom but that hasn’t stopped her before.

We cuddled and made out for few more minutes on the couch until I decided to get up and leave. We hugged goodbye and she gave me the “I’m going to miss you, I’m going to be so horny fantasizing about you” BS and asks me to text her when I get home.

As I was leaving her apartment, I run into some dude hanging around close to her building. He was just standing there and wasn’t exactly in front of her door but close enough to have a line of sight. At first it looked like he was just playing with his phone but once I was a few feet away, I looked back and he seemed to be on a call. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t pay attention to something like this but being already uneasy, I started to wonder if he was there waiting for me to leave (I know… paranoid!)

So I got in my car, made the 20 minute drive home and texted her to let her know that I made it OK. Well, she didn’t respond until 20 minutes later which seemed odd to. If you do the math, 20 minutes after I left, plus another 20 minutes, that's 40 minutes total which is plenty of time to have a decent sex session. LOL.

In conclusion, this is the conspiracy theory I put together:

Red Flag #1 - Rushed through sex despite being at her own place (first time ever - saving it for later?)
Red Flag #2 - Didn’t want to have orgasm (first time ever, it’s not very difficult for her to have one - saving for later?)
Red Flag #3 - Didn’t want me to finish inside of her (fresh vagina for later?)
Red Flag #4 - No invitation to spend the night (clear path?)
Red Flag #5 - A guy hanging around her building right as I was living, fiddling with his phone (waiting for me to leave?)
Red Flag #6 - Took her 20 minutes to respond to my text (approx. 40 minutes total since I left her apartment.)

Am I being super paranoid and overthinking things? Despite this being all me listening to my gut and refusing to ignore the “something is off” feeling, I can tell you from experience that the devil is in the details.

Should I soft-next or hard-next her? Right now, I’m considering a soft next, including cancelling our Saturday date until I can clear my thoughts a bit and give myself time to look at the bigger picture. Also as punishment… maybe? However, how good is the punishment if she has no clue of what she did wrong, or even worse, that it’s all in my head and there was zero wrongdoing (no idea if I’ll ever know.)

With her being sort of a plate, I know I shouldn’t care about who she sleeps with and to some extent I don’t, I’m just not a fan of her withholding sex with me for another guy. She can do that any other day of the week, but not cut me short to fvck someone else.

Whether I soft or hard next her, I’m sure she would want to know the reason why. If I tell her my story and it happens to not be accurate since I really don’t have any hard evidence of the actual events, I’m going to make a real ass of myself; not to mention the big AFC sign hanging off my neck for the rest of my life. We have mutual close friends that like to throw regular get-togethers so chances of running into each other eventually is very, very likely.

Let’s hear what you guys think!
 
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marmel75

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It's not behind your back and at this point it's YOU who has made the relationship out to be more than what it is.

Trust me, if she wanted exclusivity SHE would be bringing it up to you.

Since you haven't had any discussion about it, you AREN'T exclusive, period. Pretending since you didn't bring it up that means you are exclusive is childish and silly.

You are free to bang other women at this point and she is free to bang other dudes. Don't get butt hurt about it, exercise your freedom as well.

Keep her as a plate/FWB that's all she is at this point. She is supposed to be the one catching feelings and being all emotional, not you.
 

skinnyguy

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Taking single moms seriously is when it all goes downhill. This girl is a sex addict, as she has proved to you many times.

Having oneitis for a single mom should literally be banned these days. It never ends well, for anyone.!
 

RedScorpion

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I wouldn't do anything rash here. I would take a mental note to control your feelings and emotions at play here. They'll lead you down a path of destruction that you might find wasn't necessary at all.

There's no 'contract' between yourselves at this point, and there's only suspicions to go off of. Personally I would just try to keep cool about it, and only go off of direct evidence if any comes up.
 

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WelcomeToEarth

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It's not behind your back and at this point it's YOU who has made the relationship out to be more than what it is.

Trust me, if she wanted exclusivity SHE would be bringing it up to you.

Since you haven't had any discussion about it, you AREN'T exclusive, period. Pretending since you didn't bring it up that means you are exclusive is childish and silly.

You are free to bang other women at this point and she is free to bang other dudes. Don't get butt hurt about it, exercise your freedom as well.

Keep her as a plate/FWB that's all she is at this point. She is supposed to be the one catching feelings and being all emotional, not you.
I guess "behind my back" was the wrong word choice words. I meant more like not being open about it, but then again, neither have I.

I honestly don't have feelings for her. None whatsoever. Yes, she is an amazing fvuck but that's about it. It doesn't bother me that bangs other dudes but last night rubbed me the wrong way because if it's truly what happened then it was a case of - listen I like you but I have someone better to do after you leave. You know what I mean? Childish but it's sort of a pride thing. Again, no feelings for her or seeing this as more than what it is - a FWB type of deal.

I do admit that I gave her a bit more attention than the rest of my plates during the weekends.

So with that being said, all those clues/red flags that I listed seem plausible or am I bat**** crazy? LOL.

Also, keep her as her and never mentioned my suspicion or softnext her?

Thanks.
 

WelcomeToEarth

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I wouldn't do anything rash here. I would take a mental note to control your feelings and emotions at play here. They'll lead you down a path of destruction that you might find wasn't necessary at all.

There's no 'contract' between yourselves at this point, and there's only suspicions to go off of. Personally I would just try to keep cool about it, and only go off of direct evidence if any comes up.
I agree. I need to take a step back and change my point of view. If there was anything there, then it'll eventually come to the surface or not.

I just feel like it was bad behavior and should be punished somehow.
 

marmel75

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I guess "behind my back" was the wrong word choice words. I meant more like not being open about it, but then again, neither have I.

I honestly don't have feelings for her. None whatsoever. Yes, she is an amazing fvuck but that's about it. It doesn't bother me that bangs other dudes but last night rubbed me the wrong way because if it's truly what happened then it was a case of - listen I like you but I have someone better to do after you leave. You know what I mean? Childish but it's sort of a pride thing. Again, no feelings for her or seeing this as more than what it is - a FWB type of deal.

I do admit that I gave her a bit more attention than the rest of my plates during the weekends.

So with that being said, all those clues/red flags that I listed seem plausible or am I bat**** crazy? LOL.

Also, keep her as her and never mentioned my suspicion or softnext her?

Thanks.
Maybe its telling you your skills in the bedroom could use some improving...just another way to look at it.
 

WelcomeToEarth

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Ans BTW guys, I do spin other plates between my dates with her but again, none of them happen to hold a candle to her sexually.

I think that's my mistake here. Neglecting
Maybe its telling you your skills in the bedroom could use some improving...just another way to look at it.
There's always room for improvement but I would say that my bedroom skills is the reason why she's with me in the first place. The only times she's been able to get a babysitter is to spend the whole night and day with me. Even when she doesn't have a babysitter, she still goes out of her way to see me. That's why I'm asking I'm just being paranoid about the whole chain of events last night.
 

Thorninmyside

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She's doing what he should be doing.
She is, and it's her right. Despite that, rushing OP out the door with a BJ and a smile so she can ride the dude out front is like she's doing a shift at the brothel and wanted to get to the next customer. Super skanky and disrespectful. OP, find a better quality girl. Baby and old mom FFS?
 

Trump

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We cuddled and made out for few more minutes on the couch until I decided to get up and leave. We hugged goodbye and she gave me the “I’m going to miss you, I’m going to be so horny fantasizing about you” BS and asks me to text her when I get home.

As I was leaving her apartment, I run into some dude hanging around close to her building. He was just standing there and wasn’t exactly in front of her door but close enough to have a line of sight. At first it looked like he was just playing with his phone but once I was a few feet away, I looked back and he seemed to be on a call. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t pay attention to something like this but being already uneasy, I started to wonder if he was there waiting for me to leave (I know… paranoid!)

So I got in my car, made the 20 minute drive home and texted her to let her know that I made it OK. Well, she didn’t respond until 20 minutes later which seemed odd to. If you do the math, 20 minutes after I left, plus another 20 minutes, that's 40 minutes total which is plenty of time to have a decent sex session. LOL.

In conclusion, this is the conspiracy theory I put together:

Red Flag #1 - Rushed through sex despite being at her own place (first time ever - saving it for later?)
Red Flag #2 - Didn’t want to have orgasm (first time ever, it’s not very difficult for her to have one - saving for later?)
Red Flag #3 - Didn’t want me to finish inside of her (fresh vagina for later?)
Red Flag #4 - No invitation to spend the night (clear path?)
Red Flag #5 - A guy hanging around her building right as I was living, fiddling with his phone (waiting for me to leave?)
Red Flag #6 - Took her 20 minutes to respond to my text (approx. 40 minutes total since I left her apartment.)

Am I being super paranoid and overthinking things? Despite this being all me listening to my gut and refusing to ignore the “something is off” feeling, I can tell you from experience that the devil is in the details.

Should I soft-next or hard-next her? Right now, I’m considering a soft next, including cancelling our Saturday date until I can clear my thoughts a bit and give myself time to look at the bigger picture. Also as punishment… maybe?
Bro I got to tell this story was a little scary, kind of like a "unsolved mysterious" thing.

As was said, she is a PLATE, FWB, girl. She should be the one worrying about whether you are having sex with other girls, not you. I wouldn't cancel anything or do anything rash at this point. Keep the date and keep on doing what you were doing with her.
 

Fruitbat

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Single Mothers are usually bad but bear in mind some were widowed and some genuinely were good wives but they had a husband leave them for his own reasons....perhaps a hotter girl. 90% of the time they are trash.

I spoke to a woman at a party recently who discussed OLD with me and was amazed how I was doing good and she wasn't. Turns out she has 2 kids, single mum, and was not disclosing prior to meeting men and telling them 2nd date. Suddenly they got less serious, really quickly. "Do you think I should tell them before?" Yes, you d1ckhead. She will get less dates, but the ones she sees are the ones who don't care. Typical female logic to think they can "change his mind" and coerce a man into not caring about a serious thing.
 

soulforge

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My take on this..

Ok so you guys are not exclusive, so it is very likely she WILL screw around with other guys.. It's to be expected, so no point in letting it bother you, if she is taking other c0cks!

However, the way she rushed the whole process, pretty much tried to get rid of you POSSIBLY for the next dude.

I would find that kind of disrespectful
 

Von

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You should take revenge, do it to her...

When she gets furious, tell her gender equality babe
 

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