Hello Friend,

If this is your first visit to SoSuave, I would advise you to START HERE.

It will be the most efficient use of your time.

And you will learn everything you need to know to become a huge success with women.

Thank you for visiting and have a great day!

Applying theory

deBrito

Don Juan
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
26
Reaction score
19
Age
19
Location
Presidente Prudente, São Paulo - Brazil
Recently i read some posts about No Contact theory and that stayed in my mind. Earlier this week, i started to chat with a nice girl in the gym, asked her number, she gave me and i asked her to go out with me, so we could walk in a nice place and chat. She read the message i sent about the invite, and gave a "im busy" excuse, if it were another time in my life, i would insist a lot or totally give up, but this time i offered the "then you should recommend a time in which you'll be cool", and she answered with another excuse. Okay, i saw what i had to, and i did my part, so i simply delete the chat and several days go by, and today she offered that we should hang out and gave the place and time, i went out with her and had a good time.

I'm still a rookie, so i cannot evaluate everything in this ocasion, but one thing i know worked was the no contact rule. I ask for the older and wiser DJs to enlight me about she giving the time, place, etc... Any input will be welcome.
 

jimwho

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 18, 2020
Messages
30
Reaction score
50
Age
61
Bravo rookie. Only thing I might have done different was not allow her to dictate time/day/place. It's not
Too late to take control. Politely say "you picked" the last place, this time were doing this. ESPECIALLY if
You're paying for everything..
 

darksprezzatura

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 22, 2017
Messages
594
Reaction score
714
Good job on approaching, getting the digits and asking her out.

This approach when asking a girl out has been useful to setting frame:

"I'm going to (this place) on (this day) at (this time). You should come with me because it's a (beautiful/exciting/fun) place. Let me know if you're free."
 

image

"If you love women, you must read the SoSuave Guide to Women. It's fantastic!"

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
2,512
Reaction score
2,276
OP, no contact typically relates to a woman you have been dating or an ex GF. I think you might be getting things a little mixed up.

Good job on not continuing to chase, a mistake many guys will do.

Wait a few days and then ask her out again and see what she says.

Was there any escalation or kissing involved in the date?
 

deBrito

Don Juan
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
26
Reaction score
19
Age
19
Location
Presidente Prudente, São Paulo - Brazil
Good job on approaching, getting the digits and asking her out.

This approach when asking a girl out has been useful to setting frame:

"I'm going to (this place) on (this day) at (this time). You should come with me because it's a (beautiful/exciting/fun) place. Let me know if you're free."
I guess that if she's not that into you, in any way possible she'll make a excuse to not go with you right? Even if you do approach her with this robust invite. But one thing is for sure, with a frame like this you set the tone early on.

OP, no contact typically relates to a woman you have been dating or an ex GF. I think you might be getting things a little mixed up.

Good job on not continuing to chase, a mistake many guys will do.

Wait a few days and then ask her out again and see what she says.

Was there any escalation or kissing involved in the date?
"relates to a woman you have been dating or an ex GF", really? Do you think it does not apply for some chick you met? You already iniciated and took the first step, if she flakes, you gotta go below radar, ain't that correct?

I'm thinking about waiting till the next weekend to make something up, during the week, no contact unless she goes first.

There was no true escalation in the date, minus few touches here and there to make her used to my touch. And i was not in the mindset to kiss her right there you know, maybe because of me being a p*ssy, or not, but i just wanted to connect first and share some ideas (this sounds gay i know).
 

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
2,512
Reaction score
2,276
I guess that if she's not that into you, in any way possible she'll make a excuse to not go with you right? Even if you do approach her with this robust invite. But one thing is for sure, with a frame like this you set the tone early on.



"relates to a woman you have been dating or an ex GF", really? Do you think it does not apply for some chick you met? You already iniciated and took the first step, if she flakes, you gotta go below radar, ain't that correct?

I'm thinking about waiting till the next weekend to make something up, during the week, no contact unless she goes first.

There was no true escalation in the date, minus few touches here and there to make her used to my touch. And i was not in the mindset to kiss her right there you know, maybe because of me being a p*ssy, or not, but i just wanted to connect first and share some ideas (this sounds gay i know).
I see what you are saying and yes you should, in these situations I haven't heard it called No Contact but it probably should be.

Well...that wouldn't be my play but do what you want. I typically stay in contact with women except maybe the day after a date unless they text me. That is what works for me. Other's mileage may vary.
 

r4zorsharp

Don Juan
Joined
Oct 3, 2020
Messages
112
Reaction score
105
Age
29
Don't make yourself an option for women who aren't clearly interested in hanging with you. If anything , they should meet you halfway in effort. If not, you'e just putting yourself as a side option they can kill time with while they go about thinking about Dude A and Dude B
 

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
5,592
Reaction score
3,636
Recently i read some posts about No Contact theory and that stayed in my mind. Earlier this week, i started to chat with a nice girl in the gym, asked her number, she gave me and i asked her to go out with me, so we could walk in a nice place and chat. She read the message i sent about the invite, and gave a "im busy" excuse, if it were another time in my life, i would insist a lot or totally give up, but this time i offered the "then you should recommend a time in which you'll be cool", and she answered with another excuse. Okay, i saw what i had to, and i did my part, so i simply delete the chat and several days go by, and today she offered that we should hang out and gave the place and time, i went out with her and had a good time.

I'm still a rookie, so i cannot evaluate everything in this ocasion, but one thing i know worked was the no contact rule. I ask for the older and wiser DJs to enlight me about she giving the time, place, etc... Any input will be welcome.
No contact or "space" should always be in your relationships. This is wisdom.
Space should occur naturally because you are actually doing things in your life.

You will hear a multitude of posts on SS about creating an illusion of space or abundance or keeping this plate around so incase this one fslls through.

IMO wrong mindset. It shouldn't even be a thought. The no contact is not something you do....its a byproduct and is the attention she is after.

Its the coin of payment in girl world. As has been said.
Goodluck
 

flowtheory

Master Don Juan
Joined
Apr 18, 2018
Messages
1,663
Reaction score
1,326
Age
32
Location
So Cal
Okay, so you had the meet up on her terms. Fine. The point is you got out with her and had a decent time. Let's move forward.

I'm guessing it was okay for her. Has she followed up with you yet or let you know she had fun? We will assume no since you haven't updated yet.

I'd message her Wednesday, with a suggestion for a drink at a specific bar you've been wanting to try, with a time set for Friday. And on this date, escalate so your intention is clear for her and so you also know where her true interest stands.

If she gives anything but an okay or an alternate date/time for that drink, move on. She will just have you orbiting.

Only invest in women with high interest in the start. This one right now sounds 5.5/10 interest. Women who are interested make it so you don't have to start threads or sit around scratching your head.
 

deBrito

Don Juan
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
26
Reaction score
19
Age
19
Location
Presidente Prudente, São Paulo - Brazil
Okay, so you had the meet up on her terms. Fine. The point is you got out with her and had a decent time. Let's move forward.

I'm guessing it was okay for her. Has she followed up with you yet or let you know she had fun? We will assume no since you haven't updated yet.

I'd message her Wednesday, with a suggestion for a drink at a specific bar you've been wanting to try, with a time set for Friday. And on this date, escalate so your intention is clear for her and so you also know where her true interest stands.

If she gives anything but an okay or an alternate date/time for that drink, move on. She will just have you orbiting.

Only invest in women with high interest in the start. This one right now sounds 5.5/10 interest. Women who are interested make it so you don't have to start threads or sit around scratching your head.
Amazing input as always.

I wished her a good night in the after date on the same day, which was followed by her sending best regards with an emoji displaying kisses and such, saying she had a good time with me, to me i think this is very shallow and don't mean anything. I don't know about wednesday, don't you think it is too early? Friday should do the trick? Also, friday night i'm busy, i only have free time on saturday evening or sunday.
 

samspade

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jan 5, 2008
Messages
6,872
Reaction score
3,443
Age
44
Location
Colorado Panhandle
Recently i read some posts about No Contact theory and that stayed in my mind. Earlier this week, i started to chat with a nice girl in the gym, asked her number, she gave me and i asked her to go out with me, so we could walk in a nice place and chat. She read the message i sent about the invite, and gave a "im busy" excuse, if it were another time in my life, i would insist a lot or totally give up, but this time i offered the "then you should recommend a time in which you'll be cool", and she answered with another excuse. Okay, i saw what i had to, and i did my part, so i simply delete the chat and several days go by, and today she offered that we should hang out and gave the place and time, i went out with her and had a good time.

I'm still a rookie, so i cannot evaluate everything in this ocasion, but one thing i know worked was the no contact rule. I ask for the older and wiser DJs to enlight me about she giving the time, place, etc... Any input will be welcome.
As others said, this doesn't really fall under "no contact."

You handled your end well, OP. You tried twice, she gave you the ol' Heismann, so you deleted the chat and moved on.

She came back around and you went out and had fun. This is why I say that, barring real disrespect, there's no reason to slam the door shut on a girl. A lot of guys would have said "don't bother, next" after she initially brushed you off. But there are a lot of variables at play, and most guys have no idea how much stimuli and messaging a young girl gets just in one day, not to mention what's going on in another person's life at any moment. I'm not making excuses. Just pointing out reality.

As someone here once told me, you have to be honest with yourself about whether what you're doing is coming from a place of enjoyment or not. If you're just going through "game" motions to have some kind of upper hand, it can be counterproductive. To me it sounds like you took two swings, moved on, then decided "what the heck" when she offered. It cost you very little. As soon as something stops being fun, I jettison it. If it's a net positive I enjoy it, and if it's neutral I just let it be.
 

deBrito

Don Juan
Joined
Jun 22, 2020
Messages
26
Reaction score
19
Age
19
Location
Presidente Prudente, São Paulo - Brazil
As others said, this doesn't really fall under "no contact."

You handled your end well, OP. You tried twice, she gave you the ol' Heismann, so you deleted the chat and moved on.

She came back around and you went out and had fun. This is why I say that, barring real disrespect, there's no reason to slam the door shut on a girl. A lot of guys would have said "don't bother, next" after she initially brushed you off. But there are a lot of variables at play, and most guys have no idea how much stimuli and messaging a young girl gets just in one day, not to mention what's going on in another person's life at any moment. I'm not making excuses. Just pointing out reality.

As someone here once told me, you have to be honest with yourself about whether what you're doing is coming from a place of enjoyment or not. If you're just going through "game" motions to have some kind of upper hand, it can be counterproductive. To me it sounds like you took two swings, moved on, then decided "what the heck" when she offered. It cost you very little. As soon as something stops being fun, I jettison it. If it's a net positive I enjoy it, and if it's neutral I just let it be.
There is a lot of truth in what you've said.

I believe in balance, if you weight the correct amount of game in one side, and the correct amount of instinct on the other, there may be wins, there may be losses, but in the end, you were the one who decided above all else, not a book, nor a rule.

I like this phrase very much: "rules are made to be broken, principles are made to be followed".
 

image

Put away your credit card.

You can now read our detailed guide to women and dating for free - Right Here!

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
2,512
Reaction score
2,276
Amazing input as always.

I wished her a good night in the after date on the same day, which was followed by her sending best regards with an emoji displaying kisses and such, saying she had a good time with me, to me i think this is very shallow and don't mean anything. I don't know about wednesday, don't you think it is too early? Friday should do the trick? Also, friday night i'm busy, i only have free time on saturday evening or sunday.
The longer you wait past 3 days the more an auto-reject is likely...meaning the woman may have been interested but thinks you aren't so she feels you rejected her. You can wait til Friday but doing so only will serve to decrease the chances she will meet up again.

In other words, contacting her Wednesday will not lower the likelihood of her saying yes, but waiting until Friday might. However, in most cases a woman who is really interested will be contacting you before then anyway, but NOT always. This is a key point. While most women fall into the 80% behavior pattern, 20% don't and if you simply assume that ALL women behave that way you will not succeed with the 1 out 5 women who don't. Always assume she is interested until she refuses to meet in person regardless of anything else.

Also, anytime a woman tells you she had a good time after a date it is a positive.
 

stringpuller

Master Don Juan
Joined
Jun 21, 2017
Messages
5,592
Reaction score
3,636
OP your best bet is too get real flaky after the first date. When i say flaky i mean spin their own game on them. It means be so dam busy and focused on having an amazing day you forget you even had a date until she hits you up or forget to text.

Hotep Jesus has great quote in his book about how lucky the man who forgets to text her.
Enjoy your life and let these bitches reach backout to you. If they don't no problem.
Asking and checking her schedule is self defeating. She should be wondering if she will see you again.
Thats how I approached after first dates.

On top of this you will learn which ones hit you up just to bait you into their attention seeking bs when they do hit you up.
 

StacksHitEmUp

Don Juan
Joined
Dec 30, 2015
Messages
142
Reaction score
131
Age
27
Thanks for the commentary both of you. There is a clear distance between the approach of one to the other, but it is very good to see 2 differents POV.
That just shows you that this game here doesn't have set guidelines or a manual, it does have a few rules not to be broken ever. You need to create your own style and run with it.

As Samspade said, never slam the door shut unless she's done some outrageous ****. Keep that door open just a little bit always, because slamming a door shut or burning a bridge gives them closure. If you keep it slightly open, they don't get that closure and woman NEED closure. They cannot handle not knowing where they stand or if something is over because they get up in their own heads way too much and will start overthinking about you and boom, they can't keep you off their minds. This is why you always have to remain a mystery.
 

BackInTheGame78

Moderator
Joined
Sep 10, 2014
Messages
2,512
Reaction score
2,276
That just shows you that this game here doesn't have set guidelines or a manual, it does have a few rules not to be broken ever. You need to create your own style and run with it.

As Samspade said, never slam the door shut unless she's done some outrageous ****. Keep that door open just a little bit always, because slamming a door shut or burning a bridge gives them closure. If you keep it slightly open, they don't get that closure and woman NEED closure. They cannot handle not knowing where they stand or if something is over because they get up in their own heads way too much and will start overthinking about you and boom, they can't keep you off their minds. This is why you always have to remain a mystery.
Agreed and more than that what works for one person may not work for another. You need to experiment with things until you find what works for you.
 
Top