"So, What Do You Do for Fun?"

She asks it casually, mid-sip. And you feel the floor open up, because the honest answer is work, gym, and a couple shows you're half-watching.

Women rarely say this out loud, but a man with a life is attractive before he says a word. The guy who spent Saturday deep-sea fishing and came back with photos and a story — he walks in already interesting.

The "22 Rules" pushed me to build a life worth talking about. Turns out the fastest way to be interesting to women is to be interested in your own life first.

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Anybody overcome depression? Went through CBT?

Maxtro

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I've come to the conclusion that nothing has a more negative effect on attracting women and having a fulfilling social life than being depressed. In fact I believe that having serious trouble with women is actually a symptom of depression.

The most important thing when attracting women is your confidence and self-esteem. When one is depressed those traits are usually very low thus making it hard to attract anybody. An often said expression is, "How can somebody love you if you don't love yourself?" Obviously if you are depressed, hate your life and possibly contemplate suicide, you don't love yourself. Also with depression, motivation is almost non-existent.

I would not be surprised if there are several people on this board who have been diagnosed as depressed and possibly many more who are depressed but they don't know it as such.

I know I have been depressed for most of my adult life. I believe I may have had dysthymia since I was 13, possibly younger. I've seen a few counselors and was on Zoloft for a few months several years back. Nothing really helped.

For most of the last school semester I was seeing a university psychologist (intern) which made me feel slightly better being able to really talk to somebody about exactly how I feel without fear of judgment. Unfortunately she was a woman who was actually younger than I am and an intern; I believe those factors contributed to her not being able to really help me.

On our second to last session she gave me a sheet listing cognitive disorders and I think I had 8 out of 10. She recommended that I make an appointment with a case manager that would possibly refer me to an organization that does cognitive behavior therapy. The school counseling was free and if I do get outside therapy it would cost money, how much I don't know. I'm a full-time student and I don't work and the only money I have is a living allowance that I received from my mom who got a lot of money when her father died. I am very lucky to have this money. If need be I can probably ask her for more money to cover the therapy.

One thing I'm worried about is if cognitive behavioral therapy is even worth the time and money. I wholeheartedly believe that my depression is caused by a lack of women in my life and that it will be fixed if I got a girl. Though that just might be a cognitive distortion. I also don't know if it's even possible to get a girl with my current mental state.

Is there anybody out there that has overcome a depression? How was it done? What did it cost? Any general advice?

The psychologist recommend that I read Feeling Good: The new mood therapy by David Burns. The book has definitely helped see that I am depressed and which areas I really suffer in but it has done a terrible in actually job fixing them. What really pisses me off is that 3/4ths of the examples are women. It's got to be a bad sign when I'm getting mad at a book that is supposed to help me. Although several of the tests have been eye opening to the least.
 

"She Laughed All Night. Then She Ghosted You. Here's Why."

Dinner ran three hours. She laughed at everything. You walked her to her car thinking this one's locked in.

Then: nothing. Two texts. No reply. What happened?

You did what most men do on a great date. You filled every silence, answered every question, and left her with nothing to wonder about. No mystery. Nothing to sit with when she got home.

Rule 3 of the "22 Rules" changes the ending: tell her a little, hold back the rest, and let her imagination do the chasing. The ghosting stops too.

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wonderbread

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I haven't officially been diagnosed with depression but stuff happened in the past two months that has made me feel real depression for the first time in a long time and I haven't told anyone how I feel. It feels like I'm going to explode soon.
 

Maxtro

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Wonderbread that doesn't sound like something you should keep to yourself.

Kerpal,

Wow you came that close. That's really scary.

I'm glad to see that you got your life on track. So you overcame it by simply doing more things and interacting with people? Would you care to go into more detail?
 

tsmith2334

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Been diagnosed with anxiety disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, and overcame a month long stint in a psych ward (really heavy experience I rarely speak about).

Been on multiple anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics... the whole nine.

Now I'm 100% healthy and on zero meds. Also college educated, working full time and adored by woman.

It took me SEVERAL years to fully recover from my hardships; however, now I feel confident and proud of myself every day for having beaten my own little worst nightmare.

Arguably, I'm better off because of it.
 

n00bPimp

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I overcame depression, you can read how i over came it here:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=170436

I've been in and out of depression since I finished highschool I'm now 25, so it took about 7 years of my life. I tried antidepressants and they worked but they also made me sleep more. I stopped taking them after a few months because i couldnt afford them and the depression came back not long after that.
 

"You Can't Argue a Woman Into Liking You"

You made your case like a lawyer. Stable job. Good guy. Ready for something real. All true. All irrelevant.

She weighed your points, nodded along, felt nothing — then fell hard for some tattooed bartender with a motorcycle and a gambling problem.

Logic is where attraction goes to die. The "22 Rules" work a level deeper, on the subconscious switches that decide within minutes whether you register as a MAN or as part of the furniture.

Stop presenting evidence. Start flipping switches.

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