"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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Anybody overcome depression? Went through CBT?

Maxtro

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I've come to the conclusion that nothing has a more negative effect on attracting women and having a fulfilling social life than being depressed. In fact I believe that having serious trouble with women is actually a symptom of depression.

The most important thing when attracting women is your confidence and self-esteem. When one is depressed those traits are usually very low thus making it hard to attract anybody. An often said expression is, "How can somebody love you if you don't love yourself?" Obviously if you are depressed, hate your life and possibly contemplate suicide, you don't love yourself. Also with depression, motivation is almost non-existent.

I would not be surprised if there are several people on this board who have been diagnosed as depressed and possibly many more who are depressed but they don't know it as such.

I know I have been depressed for most of my adult life. I believe I may have had dysthymia since I was 13, possibly younger. I've seen a few counselors and was on Zoloft for a few months several years back. Nothing really helped.

For most of the last school semester I was seeing a university psychologist (intern) which made me feel slightly better being able to really talk to somebody about exactly how I feel without fear of judgment. Unfortunately she was a woman who was actually younger than I am and an intern; I believe those factors contributed to her not being able to really help me.

On our second to last session she gave me a sheet listing cognitive disorders and I think I had 8 out of 10. She recommended that I make an appointment with a case manager that would possibly refer me to an organization that does cognitive behavior therapy. The school counseling was free and if I do get outside therapy it would cost money, how much I don't know. I'm a full-time student and I don't work and the only money I have is a living allowance that I received from my mom who got a lot of money when her father died. I am very lucky to have this money. If need be I can probably ask her for more money to cover the therapy.

One thing I'm worried about is if cognitive behavioral therapy is even worth the time and money. I wholeheartedly believe that my depression is caused by a lack of women in my life and that it will be fixed if I got a girl. Though that just might be a cognitive distortion. I also don't know if it's even possible to get a girl with my current mental state.

Is there anybody out there that has overcome a depression? How was it done? What did it cost? Any general advice?

The psychologist recommend that I read Feeling Good: The new mood therapy by David Burns. The book has definitely helped see that I am depressed and which areas I really suffer in but it has done a terrible in actually job fixing them. What really pisses me off is that 3/4ths of the examples are women. It's got to be a bad sign when I'm getting mad at a book that is supposed to help me. Although several of the tests have been eye opening to the least.
 

"She Wants a Man, Not a Boy"

You asked her if she wanted to grab coffee. Then you asked if the time worked. Then you asked if the place was okay. Then you asked if she'd prefer tea.

Four questions. Four chances for her to say no. Four signals that you're terrified of making a decision.

Plan it. Pick the place. Pick the time. Tell her where to meet you. She'll either show up or she won't.

Either way, you look like a man instead of a scared little boy.

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wonderbread

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I haven't officially been diagnosed with depression but stuff happened in the past two months that has made me feel real depression for the first time in a long time and I haven't told anyone how I feel. It feels like I'm going to explode soon.
 

Maxtro

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Wonderbread that doesn't sound like something you should keep to yourself.

Kerpal,

Wow you came that close. That's really scary.

I'm glad to see that you got your life on track. So you overcame it by simply doing more things and interacting with people? Would you care to go into more detail?
 

tsmith2334

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Been diagnosed with anxiety disorder, depression, bipolar disorder, and overcame a month long stint in a psych ward (really heavy experience I rarely speak about).

Been on multiple anti-depressants, mood stabilizers, anti-psychotics... the whole nine.

Now I'm 100% healthy and on zero meds. Also college educated, working full time and adored by woman.

It took me SEVERAL years to fully recover from my hardships; however, now I feel confident and proud of myself every day for having beaten my own little worst nightmare.

Arguably, I'm better off because of it.
 

n00bPimp

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I overcame depression, you can read how i over came it here:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=170436

I've been in and out of depression since I finished highschool I'm now 25, so it took about 7 years of my life. I tried antidepressants and they worked but they also made me sleep more. I stopped taking them after a few months because i couldnt afford them and the depression came back not long after that.
 

"Why Women Dump the Guys Who Try the Hardest"

You paid for dinner. You drove. You said "whatever you want is fine" every single time. All the effort, no expectations.

And she left anyway — probably for a guy who makes her pick up the pizza.

Painful. Also predictable. Her mind quietly concludes that anything requiring zero effort from her is worth exactly zero. You became a free sample, and free samples get taken for granted.

The 22 Rules flip the dynamic. Small shifts that get her investing effort, money, and time in you — until SHE'S the one afraid of losing YOU.

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