"The Coffee Shop Girl You Never Spoke To"

You've replayed it a hundred times. She stood three feet away, scrolling her phone. You had an opening. You composed the perfect line — after she was gone.

For all you know, she's married now. To some guy who said something. Anything.

Openers are cheap. Almost any sentence works when it's delivered within three seconds. The expensive part is the standing there, drafting and deleting, while the window quietly closes.

The "22 Rules" stripped out my hesitation. What to open with, how to keep it alive, and the one habit that costs guys more women than anything else: waiting for perfect.

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An unusual counteroffer

OnTheWayUp

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Hi people,

Just asked out my 4th girl in 5 days! Crazy! If you had told me I would be approaching so many girls this time last year, I would have laughed in your face.

Anyway, I asked this particular girl to a gig in 10 days time, seeing as we're into the same music. She seemed really happy to be asked out in the message she sent back, using lots of smileys, mentioning in jokes without me prompting her etc etc. However, she said that she wasn't free that night, having already been invited to a different gig by a female friend of hers. She asked me if I want to go with them.


My thoughts:

-Objectively, I love the music that the band at the gig she invited me to play more than at the gig I invited her to. She knows this.

- I am wary of being friend-zoned if I hang out with her and a female friend excessively.

-This feels like some sort of audition, so that she can show her friend what I'm like. I get the feeling she's not completely comfortable hanging out alone. I also get the feeling she's pretty inexperienced (she's 18) with guys.


What should I do?
 

"She's Out of Your League"

You've said it a hundred times. Maybe a thousand. And every time you say it, you train your brain to freeze the next time she walks into the room.

Leagues are a myth invented by guys who are scared of women.

She's a person. She has bad breath in the morning. She picks songs she can't sing in the shower. She overthinks her own texts.

Walk over. Say something. The league dissolves the second you open your mouth.

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Chickfight

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Yeah, whether conciously or unconciously, the friend will always ****block.
If you REALLY want to go. I suggest bringing a buddy or even two that you think would get along with her friend. That way you can actually isolate her. But her and a friend + you is a NONO.

but yeah I agree with the above, reschedule, the chick seems into you so she should be fine with it.
 

BBbardot

Senior Don Juan
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OnTheWayUp said:
Hi people,

Just asked out my 4th girl in 5 days! Crazy! If you had told me I would be approaching so many girls this time last year, I would have laughed in your face.

Anyway, I asked this particular girl to a gig in 10 days time, seeing as we're into the same music. She seemed really happy to be asked out in the message she sent back, using lots of smileys, mentioning in jokes without me prompting her etc etc. However, she said that she wasn't free that night, having already been invited to a different gig by a female friend of hers. She asked me if I want to go with them.


My thoughts:

-Objectively, I love the music that the band at the gig she invited me to play more than at the gig I invited her to. She knows this.

- I am wary of being friend-zoned if I hang out with her and a female friend excessively.

-This feels like some sort of audition, so that she can show her friend what I'm like. I get the feeling she's not completely comfortable hanging out alone. I also get the feeling she's pretty inexperienced (she's 18) with guys.


What should I do?

Whats wrong with friend zone, it's actually a very confortable zone. I mean if a girl friend zone you for real it's that she is not that attracted to you anyway. You don't lose anything.
And in a friend zone you're verrrrry close, close enough then to go for the kill:) and plus it will be pure sex, cause she would like you, but not be intimidated like a girl might be sometimes with a guy that she is actually interested in. So it would be pretty pretty cool.
And she will find it fun to do everything you want cause she would have never thought of you like it before, yet know you well...
Plus in the friend zone you get to date other girl with her knowing, hell you can even get her to hook you up with other girls.

Friend zone is finne:)

I think friend zone is the better way to get to a threesome too. Cause in a romantic relationship she would be jealous and it would caue drama.
3some in a friendzone is the best threesome you would get too, cause no drama, just fun.
 

OnTheWayUp

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Chickfight said:
If you REALLY want to go. I suggest bringing a buddy or even two that you think would get along with her friend. That way you can actually isolate her.
Thanks to everyone for their advice.

However, I think Chickfight has this one down. I do really want to go to this gig- had I known about it in advance, I would have arranged to take the girl to this, the better gig, instead of the more average one we planned. I have a friend who I spoke with today who is single, a bit of a player, and is into the same music that we are, so I'll ask him (and the girl ofc) if he wants to make it a double date.

Wish me luck!
 

"How I Made Sure No Woman Ever Friend-Zoned Me Again"

She calls you when her car breaks down. When she needs help moving. When some guy she's actually dating treats her badly.

You're the listener. The reliable one. The guy who would treat her so much better, if she'd just open her eyes.

She won't. You trained her to see you as the low-effort option — the friend who requires zero risk and zero investment. Every favor dug the hole deeper.

The "22 Rules" break the pattern. You'll stop auditioning for a role she already cast and become the man she chases instead. It starts with Rule 1.

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horaholic

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BBbardot said:
Whats wrong with friend zone, it's actually a very confortable zone. I mean if a girl friend zone you for real it's that she is not that attracted to you anyway. You don't lose anything.
And in a friend zone you're verrrrry close, close enough then to go for the kill:) and plus it will be pure sex, cause she would like you, but not be intimidated like a girl might be sometimes with a guy that she is actually interested in. So it would be pretty pretty cool.
And she will find it fun to do everything you want cause she would have never thought of you like it before, yet know you well...
Plus in the friend zone you get to date other girl with her knowing, hell you can even get her to hook you up with other girls.

Friend zone is finne:)

I think friend zone is the better way to get to a threesome too. Cause in a romantic relationship she would be jealous and it would caue drama.
3some in a friendzone is the best threesome you would get too, cause no drama, just fun.
Dude. STFU.
 

DonJuan11

Master Don Juan
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OnTheWayUp said:
Hi people,

Just asked out my 4th girl in 5 days! Crazy! If you had told me I would be approaching so many girls this time last year, I would have laughed in your face.

Anyway, I asked this particular girl to a gig in 10 days time,

10 days time? That's pretty far away. She could be pregnant with someone's baby by then. If you like a girl and want to go out with her, you have to lock it down fast.

seeing as we're into the same music. She seemed really happy to be asked out in the message she sent back, using lots of smileys, mentioning in jokes without me prompting her etc etc.

You asked her out in a text message? That doesn't help the situation.


However, she said that she wasn't free that night, having already been invited to a different gig by a female friend of hers. She asked me if I want to go with them.

Very close to the friend zone. She doesn't like or respect you enough to counter with one-on-one date you and she asks you to "tag along" with her friend for a first date. You are no different than her cousin.

Think about it: If you liked a girls "personality" and "taste in music" but didn't want to sleep with her, wouldn't you invite her to "tag along" with you and a buddy?



My thoughts:

-Objectively, I love the music that the band at the gig she invited me to play more than at the gig I invited her to. She knows this.

- I am wary of being friend-zoned if I hang out with her and a female friend excessively.

-This feels like some sort of audition, so that she can show her friend what I'm like. I get the feeling she's not completely comfortable hanging out alone. I also get the feeling she's pretty inexperienced (she's 18) with guys.

What should I do?
Respectfully decline, ask her out for a different day by TALKING to her.
 
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