Am I one of the few guys who wants a relationship only and doesn't care about getting strictly laid?

[Roober]

This is the point of spinning plates... to find a quality woman that works for you. Personally, I prefer the LTR. It is much more rewarding to me than a different hot body every 1-2 weeks. However, it took spinning plates to find my current LTR. I was still talking to other women for the first couple months when it was obvious we were headed down the LTR path. It allowed me to not spend too much time with this woman right up front (where lots of men make the mistake) and it allowed me to continue the search, for someone that clicked well with me. It also gave me the opportunity to "feel her out". You can't hide stuff for long...

Naturally, I just stopped talking to other women as I started spending more time with my LTR at about the 4-6 month mark. Never sure when we became exclusive, that conversation never came up... I still get the occasional numbers just to keep my game fresh, but I thoroughly enjoy the time I do spend with the lady. I don't have to re-establish boundaries, I know what I can get away with in the bedroom, and there is much less games in a healthy LTR.

Does she challenge me sometimes? Ofcourse! She is a woman, woman work off emotions. $hit, even I get emotions sometimes and I fvcking hate it...

 

[marmel75]

The problem is because of your lack of success when you find this "woman" she will be put on so high of a pedestal by you, you'll have no chance to actually make it work because of the way you act around her.

 

[Glassguy]

You basically want to skip steps 1-5 and get to step 6. It doesnt work like that.

We keep telling you the same thing over and over and you keep posting the same whack ass sh!t over and over.

Either take the advice or don't but stop posting the same questions 50 different ways.

Amen.

This forum seems to be filled with hard heads nowadays.

 

[BeExcellent]

how many girls around 21-27 are going to be able to afford a matchmaking service?

I can easily afford it but most women my age are lucky if they're making 50K. Those services are probably for people in their late 30s - 60s. Most younger girls have no interest in paying for that

My best friend met her husband through Its Just Lunch. She is a gorgeous redhead who has an MBA. She was 27 when they met. Guess who paid her fees for IJL?

Her father.

She has been very happily married nearly 20 years now.

You make enough $ that you can afford your fees. Women from good families that are seriously looking for a relationship or marriage will either personally spend the money or they have families who will spend the money so they don't get into the possibility of pump & dumps, STRs, plates, etc.

My girlfriend hated bars and clubs. She was exactly the sort of girl you'd seek. Because it's a fee for service that costs several thousand dollars to join it really avoids the riff- raff and you are dealing with upwardly mobile people and people who have a bit of money or come from families that have a bit of money. All good things if you are serious relationship minded.

 

[Dash Riprock]

The better question to ask is why an otherwise decently attractive woman of that age even feels the need to use such a service.

Both you and "Big Dave" JUST DON'T GET IT.

I'm out.

 

[BeExcellent]

The better question to ask is why an otherwise decently attractive woman of that age even feels the need to use such a service.

Very simple answer. Vetting and efficiency. After university/grad school the ability to meet quality people IRL falls off. Some women don't drink (or don't drink much) and don't have the desire to sort through random men either in a bar/club setting or via online dating. So a service like IJL does the vetting, saves a ton of time & makes dates between people who have made an investment in finding a relationship.

My friend was/is a HB9, easy. She didn't want to be out at bars after she & her BF of 5 years broke up. There are plenty of women like her out there and they are hard to find in real life. IJL streamlined dating for her. Her husband was the second or third man the service paired her with & she ADORES him.

 

[Von]

Very simple answer. Vetting and efficiency. After university/grad school the ability to meet quality people IRL falls off. Some women don't drink (or don't drink much) and don't have the desire to sort through random men either in a bar/club setting or via online dating. So a service like IJL does the vetting, saves a ton of time & makes dates between people who have made an investment in finding a relationship.

My friend was/is a HB9, easy. She didn't want to be out at bars after she & her BF of 5 years broke up. There are plenty of women like her out there and they are hard to find in real life. IJL streamlined dating for her. Her husband was the second or third man the service paired her with & she ADORES him.

Why people do OLD? To find love
Why people "plate - spin"? To find love
Why people "tinder"? To find love or get laid (teasing)
Why people talk to the opposite sex? To find love/bound

Tools to find love remains Tools.

If you using a online dating, your friends, an ad in a journal, dating agency (its just lunch)... you use Tools to be in contact with the opposite gender (to find love).... it's Tools.

They Tools to find what you want/seek what you want.

You want to get laid... these are tools.
You want to have a LTR.. these are tools.

Whatever you do with the tools is based on the master/user of these tools. Tools are tools, they used to get résultats based on the one who use it.

Think of the artist or master. Why if he usés the same tool as you "à newbie" he would make à pièce of art or à master work. His results with the same tools as you would be better than your work.

Why? Because he practice his craft, he training his skills to express his heart desire.

This example is universal: why some people would listen to another person than you yet you say the same thing, why when you cook.. same recipe.. but one is better than the other... why à salesman might fail but the other one will get the deal for the same Product etc...

I used to be like OP. I am like OP, but I learned and mastered that if you want to be in a LTR... you néed to be out there, you need to expérience, you need to escale, you also need to learn to approach without "à check-list or expectations", learn to screen.

I am like you OP, I find the more challenging the person the more i want her (its à ADHD trait also.. check my thread about it).

I have commitment issues: the good girls i laid, my heart became twisted in their presence...while the hookers i had peace of mind. Etc.

However... OP you can't have a LTR if you dont go through all the process.

I will give you à Tip, something i do.. especially when I started: "when I feel like bad about it or not doing it, not approaching her.. it's the more reason to make à move towards her... Act in opposite way from your initial feeling"... you might feel "bad/negative" towards her... because you know she's GOOD for you (some people run away from the good when they see it... they can't handle it).

This Tip helped me alot. Approach, Approach, even when you dont feel like it... because its likely that your "lack of emotional stability" is actually making you move towards girls you know will reject you.

I read something similar in Law of Attraction (PUA 2008 pook) and Double your Dating... if your subconscious tells you bad stuff... you will approach only people who confirm your subconscious... In short: you feel attracted to the girls who will reject you.

So go out... speak, learn, escalate, get laid, or date and get in a LTR. Have fun, it's a game.

Stop writing, and start acting

 

[QuadDeuces]

I have one main girl, one side girl, and a ton of FWB who come and go in rotation.

Lately I have been thinking about monogamy because there are increasingly more problems and time management is an issue.

 

[hockeyfreak79]

how many girls around 21-27 are going to be able to afford a matchmaking service?

I can easily afford it but most women my age are lucky if they're making 50K. Those services are probably for people in their late 30s - 60s. Most younger girls have no interest in paying for that

I had a fwb that was 25 and was pulling 75k, 6mo later was promoted and was hitting close to six figures. If you are close to a big city there are plenty of younger professional woman making $$. Try Match, you can probably do the free trial month.

What do you really have to lose?

Marmel pretty much nailed it on the head.

 

[bigdave17]

for a man, a relationship is just steady sex. so whats the difference?

who am i to go against my biological programming of craving multiple women? im supposed to want a relationship because society says thats what i should want (while making me feel ashamed of wanting a variety of women) or because im looking for my mothers love in a woman?

dont make me laugh

I don't crave multiple women

I am very happy if I was to have 1 very awesome woman. this isn't some kind of societal conditioning. This is how I feel through and through

 

[marmel75]

So if a different hottie showed up to your place ready to go, each night, you'd turn them away?

Or does lots of sex with different women only lose its appeal when it's not easy to get?

This is the type of stuff I mean when I talk about most guys being lazy. They want to do no work but get the results the same as the guy who puts in the work.

 

[marmel75]

listen man, I love sex as much as the next guy but I don't want a relationship that's built around only that. I want a GF who will be super cool/fun to hang out with outside of sex

And the only way you'll ever get to that point is by having sex with them first..otherwise you end up in the friend zone.

Sorry to burst your bubble but women dont want guys who arent interested in sex with them.

 

[zekko]

I'm actually relationship oriented (don't laugh)

AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHHAHAAA!

 

[MatureDJ]

listen man, I love sex as much as the next guy but I don't want a relationship that's built around only that. I want a GF who will be super cool/fun to hang out with outside of sex

OK, so I'll be Morpheus here and ask which do you prefer:

[ A ] A "cool" girlfriend to hang out with, but no sex

[ B ] A girlfriend who is not quite so "cool", but spreads her legs for you

 

[marmel75]

OK, so I'll be Morpheus here and ask which do you prefer:

[ A ] A "cool" girlfriend to hang out with, but no sex

[ B ] A girlfriend who is not quite so "cool", but spreads her legs for you

Its not a girlfriend if you arent having sex. There is no relationship without sex. You are simply just a gay friend at that point.

 

[bigdave17]

OK, so I'll be Morpheus here and ask which do you prefer:

[ A ] A "cool" girlfriend to hang out with, but no sex

[ B ] A girlfriend who is not quite so "cool", but spreads her legs for you

it's not a relationship with no sex - you are just platonic friends
it's not a relationship without good companionship - you are just f*ck buddies

 

[marmel75]

it's not a relationship with no sex - you are just platonic friends
it's not a relationship without good companionship - you are just f*ck buddies

The problem with your premise is you want good companionship before sex except for men it doesnt work in that order...sex has to happen first or the woman looks at you as being "unmanly" and you'll never progress to that stage.

 

[bigdave17]

The problem with your premise is you want good companionship before sex except for men it doesnt work in that order...sex has to happen first or the woman looks at you as being "unmanly" and you'll never progress to that stage.

I think it happens simultaneously

You meet a girl, you get along great with her like best friends, have sex by 2nd or 3rd date and then focus on having both great sex and great companionship

You guys are misunderstanding me. I'm saying I'm not interested in a woman strictly for sex (if I don't like her personality or she is trashy or whatever). I am not saying I don't want to have sex