Am I in the friendzone, FWB, or something else?

[dudeman525]

I met this girl about 3 months ago. We escalated physically after a couple of dates and we had a great time together. She texts me and says that she is bothered about how I only want to be physical with her and we should just be friends. I realized that I was being too pushy with her and it ended what we had at the time. I told her I wasn't interested in being friends with her and to contact me if she ever changes her mind. We went no contact ever since.

About 3 months later she texts me and asks how I was doing. We decided to meet up for drinks and catch up and see if we could be friends. She then invites me over to her house and watch a movie and drink. We started cuddling with each other and eventually started making out. She didn't pull away and said she liked what happened but isn't sure what it is. The next day we meet for lunch, that she pays for, but we didn't bring up what happened the previous night. We have met a couple times since then and every time it's one on one. Never with a group.

I'm not sure what to make of this. To me it sounds like she's scared to commit but is still interested in me in some way? Should I continue with how things are going and play it cool? I feel like this might be a unique situation because everything I have read online doesn't really correlate to a friendzone or a friends with benefits situation. I realize that I shouldn't have any expectations with her and I am currently dating other women. I believe that she is probably playing the field more, but I find it odd that she would just randomly text me again after I told her how I felt. Not only that but invite me over her house which I do not believe friends do.

My question is where do I stand with this girl? Am I in the friendzone, friends with benefits, or something more? Should I tell her how I feel or what she's looking for? How do I bring it up with her? I do like her and I'm not sure if I'm ready for a committed relationship yet, but I still see potential with her.

tl;dr: Dated a girl. We escalated physically, but eventually it ended. She contacts me again and I'm not sure where I stand with her now

 

[Dhoulmagus]

....

 

[marmel75]

I met this girl about 3 months ago. We escalated physically after a couple of dates and we had a great time together. She texts me and says that she is bothered about how I only want to be physical with her and we should just be friends. I realized that I was being too pushy with her and it ended what we had at the time. I told her I wasn't interested in being friends with her and to contact me if she ever changes her mind. We went no contact ever since.

About 3 months later she texts me and asks how I was doing. We decided to meet up for drinks and catch up and see if we could be friends. She then invites me over to her house and watch a movie and drink. We started cuddling with each other and eventually started making out. She didn't pull away and said she liked what happened but isn't sure what it is. The next day we meet for lunch, that she pays for, but we didn't bring up what happened the previous night. We have met a couple times since then and every time it's one on one. Never with a group.

I'm not sure what to make of this. To me it sounds like she's scared to commit but is still interested in me in some way? Should I continue with how things are going and play it cool? I feel like this might be a unique situation because everything I have read online doesn't really correlate to a friendzone or a friends with benefits situation. I realize that I shouldn't have any expectations with her and I am currently dating other women. I believe that she is probably playing the field more, but I find it odd that she would just randomly text me again after I told her how I felt. Not only that but invite me over her house which I do not believe friends do.

My question is where do I stand with this girl? Am I in the friendzone, friends with benefits, or something more? Should I tell her how I feel or what she's looking for? How do I bring it up with her? I do like her and I'm not sure if I'm ready for a committed relationship yet, but I still see potential with her.

tl;dr: Dated a girl. We escalated physically, but eventually it ended. She contacts me again and I'm not sure where I stand with her now

Need some more info:

How far did the escalation go? Did you have sex with her or perform some sort of sexual acts(handjob/bl0wjob, fingering, etc?)

If not, then perhaps she is hoping you will push a little further. Don't bring up relationship talk, ie, "What are we?" That's for women to do, not guys.

If you want to see what its about, then attempt to get her naked and have sex with her the next time you two hang out and that will give you your answer...

 

[dudeman525]

Need some more info:

How far did the escalation go? Did you have sex with her or perform some sort of sexual acts(handjob/bl0wjob, fingering, etc?)

If not, then perhaps she is hoping you will push a little further. Don't bring up relationship talk, ie, "What are we?" That's for women to do, not guys.

If you want to see what its about, then attempt to get her naked and have sex with her the next time you two hang out and that will give you your answer...

She did give me a ******* and I went down on her. But then she pulled back thinking I only wanted to get physical with her. She has initiated contact with me again. I won't talk about being in a relationship with her unless she brings it up. So I feel like I should I just play it cool and not push too much with her. Is this the best thing to do right now?

 

[RangerMIke]

Why are you worried about commitment from her? Just go out and have fun with her. She's probibly getting spooked because you are acting like a guy that is interested in a relationship. You are likely putting out a vibe when she is with you that you could turn into a stalker.

Sounds like she likes you, but there is something about your mannerisms that indicate you could get possessive. Hard to say without seeing you two together, but judging by the way you are writting here, I suspect that you're acting too needy.

 

[dudeman525]

It's not that I'm worried about commitment with her. In fact I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. What I'm not sure of is what her intentions are and I don't like to be strung along like this. I guess until I hear her say we are only friends then I can chalk it up as a loss and move on. For now I'll just keep playing it cool and give her time to decide what she wants.

 

[pyros]

did you bang her or not? I didn't hear anything about that.

 

[RangerMIke]

It's not that I'm worried about commitment with her. In fact I don't know if I'm ready for that yet. What I'm not sure of is what her intentions are and I don't like to be strung along like this. I guess until I hear her say we are only friends then I can chalk it up as a loss and move on. For now I'll just keep playing it cool and give her time to decide what she wants.

If you are worried about her intentions then she WILL pick up on this, women are uncanny they can practically ready your mind. Just stop worrying about what she might or might not do, and just go with the flow.

Dating is supposed to be fun, you're making it work, and believe me she can and will pick up on this.

 

[dudeman525]

did you bang her or not? I didn't hear anything about that.

No I didn't have sex with her yet but she did give me a bl0wjob which was a couple months ago. Nothing since then but making out while we were drinking. Should I try to kiss her and see how she reacts or just let her initiate it for now?

 

[marmel75]

No I didn't have sex with her yet but she did give me a bl0wjob which was a couple months ago. Nothing since then but making out while we were drinking. Should I try to kiss her and see how she reacts or just let her initiate it for now?

Fvck kissing her. You need to try and fvck her the next time you see her. If she gives BS excuses or won't do it, stop, move away and 're-initiate the attempt. After a few re-initiations if it's still a no or a more forceful no, just say OK, no problem. They calmly get up and walk out or if you are at your place say "Well, I think it's time you left." Then simply write her off and don't contact her anymore. If she contacts you afterwards say that you are interested in woman that are interested in you sexually and if that's not her then you aren't going to waste any more time with her.

It's your job to push the envelope.

 

[pyros]

so she gave you a bj...but you're not sure about going for a kiss? what da fvck?
lol.

YOU MUST ALWAYS ESCALATE SEXUALLY man. YOU DO NOT MEET WITH HER JUST TO 'TALK', unless you want to get in the friendzone, duh.
You go for a kiss, a make-out, a bj, grab her tits, svck them, grab her ass, touch her pvssy...
I dont understand how you got a bj... its a mystery. I guess she was horny as fvck that day.

Go meet her, ESCALATE, if she rejects you more than one time in the same night, forget about her, and dont ask her out again. It is not that difficult really.

Proceed this way with every woman from now on.
Dont act like their girl friend unless you want just friendship. If you want to get sexual with her you must escalate EVERY DAMN TIME you see her. And you MUST ESCALATE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN/SHE ALLOWS YOU every damn time too:
if you kiss her, go for the makeout, if it goes well, touch he boobs, if ok too, svck them...if everything is fine, take off her pants...you get the idea. But dont stop escalating unless she really stops you.
Women expect men to desire them, so if you do not act like you want to have sex with her...she will either friendzone you or stop talking to you.

 

[dudeman525]

Yes I understand to escalate but this is also why she wanted to back off because she thought I only wanted to be physical with her. I am playing it cool because she has initiated everything so far even after I went no contact with her. Now I'm trying to ease back into escalating with her. I will kiss her the next time I see her when the moment is right and see how she reacts.

I wanted to make her feel comfortable with me again before I tried doing anything else. I'm not trying to be pushy with her as she clearly doesn't want that. So if she doesn't back off when I kiss her then I guess I know where I stand and I will escalate further with her.

 

[marmel75]

Yes I understand to escalate but this is also why she wanted to back off because she thought I only wanted to be physical with her. I am playing it cool because she has initiated everything so far even after I went no contact with her. Now I'm trying to ease back into escalating with her. I will kiss her the next time I see her when the moment is right and see how she reacts.

I wanted to make her feel comfortable with me again before I tried doing anything else. I'm not trying to be pushy with her as she clearly doesn't want that. So if she doesn't back off when I kiss her then I guess I know where I stand and I will escalate further with her.

That's when you tell her some crap like "I think you are awesome", "I could really see myself being with someone like you long-term", etc, etc, etc...

Basically all she wanted was reassurance from you that you aren't going to pump and dump her. She didn't want you to castrate yourself. Cmon bro, grab your nutsack and make a move.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Hey there -

So, I had a whole thing I was typing up about your situation, and was using quotes from one of your previous postings... but it's a lot to have to quote and reference to, so I'll just give you some of the main pointers to ponder:

1. She wasn't bothered by you wanting to be "physical." And, even if she was, a girl that likes you would have been open to having a convo about that and reaching some kind of middle ground. The words she gave you were an excuse to give you the "friends" speech.

2. I'm assuming by "pushy" you mean you were either trying to push for a relationship too soon, or were trying to push for sex too soon. In either case, you lost because you were moving too fast. Until a woman becomes comfortable with you and TRUSTS you, neither of these things can happen. Some girls you'll be able to hook up with on a first date; others, you may wait until date five or 2 months before it happens - regardless, it's on her timing (otherwise it's called rape). And the "relationship" convo should DEFINITELY be coming from her, and much later in the process. After 1 month? Try 3 months, pal!

3. You trying to catch up with her to be "friends?" No bueno. For one, it says to her that you and her being friends is actually a possibility. But it's not - you want to bang her and/or be in a relationship with her, which throws the "friends" thing out the window. And two, you're at the age where you go out on DATES with women, not hang outs. If she proposed drinks, your response should have been, "oh, so is this a date you're asking me on?" If she said no, your response would have then been, "okay - well, call me up when you want to go on a date again." That's an example of YOU setting the agenda for what the relationship is going to be - instead, you caved to HER agenda.

4. If you started making out with her at her house, you should have tried to escalate to sex. If she started to resist, you should have left. If she asked why or said, "see, it WAS just about sex for you," you could have simply pointed out that SHE invited you over to HER place and started doing stuff, and that if she was going to be a tease you'd just rather be elsewhere. Again, that's YOU setting the agenda.

5. She's not scared to commit. Girls aren't afraid of getting into relationships with guys they actually LIKE. No, she just doesn't want you as a boyfriend, that's all. She DOES, however, want you as a friend/orbiter. Girls need those kind of guys around to help them move heavy things, give them rides, and for glorified ego strokes when they're feeling down about themselves. :crackup:

6. To answer your direct questions: You stand no where with this girl at the moment; you're in the friendship zone (with a "make-out" amendment in case no one else has asked her out in a few days/weeks); no, you shouldn't tell her how you feel because she doesn't care and doing so would just be selfish; you don't bring it up to her; and there's no need to bring up the idea of a relationship to her because she's not interested in one. I can't stress this enough - women who WANT to be with you HELP you get with them. They don't do things like say "let's be friends" or stop make-outs from turning into sex.

7. Oh, and she's not stringing you along, dude. "Yeses" are yeses, "no's" are no's, and "Maybe's" are no's. A woman who likes you would be too worried about losing you to another chick to "string you along." That's just something a guy's ego wants to believe is happening so they don't have to deal with the truth: that a girl just doesn't like him enough to date him.

8. You can try to make her "feel comfortable" all you like, but it's an exercise in futility. Also, if she wasn't comfortable with you, she wouldn't be hanging out with you. The only thing she's "uncomfortable" about is going all the way with you because her low interest results in her having a sick feeling at the thought of you being inside her.

Hopefully this stuff doesn't sound too harsh. I just want you to GET that this girl wouldn't be so hard to get if she actually LIKED you or had HIGH interest in you. Right now it's not looking like that's the case, and you don't need to spend months hanging out with this girl secretly hoping she changes her mind while she's scoping out other guys. Hope this helps!

 

[Trump]

What I'm not sure of is what her intentions are and I don't like to be strung along like this.

Who cares bro? Just keep having sex with her until you are bored. Anything regarding a relationship or friends with benefits is her problem. As long as you are having SEX with her, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

You guys get so focused on the emotional stuff. Treat them like a slut and they will love you more than any white knight crap.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Who cares bro? Just keep having sex with her until you are bored. Anything regarding a relationship or friends with benefits is her problem. As long as you are having SEX with her, NOTHING ELSE MATTERS.

You guys get so focused on the emotional stuff. Treat them like a slut and they will love you more than any white knight crap.

He isn't having sex with her, that's the whole problem and point of this thread.

 

[Reservoir Dog]

My question is where do I stand with this girl? Am I in the friendzone, friends with benefits, or something more?

That you do not know where you stand with this girl is where you stand with this girl. Where do you want to stand? Take that position and stand there. If she doesn't comply then ditch her. You are currently in the position that you put yourself in. Take control. Take your position and stand by it.